My Sister Announcing She's Pregnant

Hello S..
You're worrying too much... Everyone will be so excited about they won't even have time to think why they weren't told.
I got pregnant in August & told my family on Christmas eve about the pregnancy, but then again at the time you couldn't even tell i was pregnant.
Everything will be ok, she's just waited for a good occasion to "make her pregnancy official"
Have fun & Happy thanksgiving.
D

You should absolutely not tell your parents - this is your sisters moment and you have to let her have it the way she wants. She's the one making the announcement, and I bet your parents wont even think twice about how long she's known - they will be too excited about being grandparents. Alot of people wait until after the first trimester to announce a pregnancy anyway. As far as you knowing before them - they dont need to know that. You dont have to tell them and by keeping that to yourself you will be saving them any hurt they might feel about it, and you will get to feel good about doing the right thing. Let your sis have her special day and be happy for her - hopefully you are making more out of it than you need to.

Just let her follow through with her plans. If you were going to give your mom a head's up that should have happened back when you first found out three weeks ago, but not days or moments before your sister makes the announcement. This is her decision and you have to support her in it. That is what I would tell mom and dad if they question you as well. This was my sister's decision to wait and it was not my right to take that from her.
Good Luck and have a good Thanksgiving!! Perhaps remind people that they can be thankful that she is healthy and that a new baby is coming!!

Geez!

I waited to tell my Mom and Dad until I was far enough along, because I had already miscarried once and didn't want to them to go through the mourning process again, but that seems kind of ridiculous! (In my opinion)

Not that it matters, but are you older or younger? My younger sister is always doing things for shock value, so that she 'gets' the reaction she wants from people. For example, she got engaged and gave me (preggers 7 mos.) and my Mom, six months to plan because she wanted a Fall Wedding...it was painful and terrible, but she got her way by announcing to everyone what their wedding date was before telling us and none of us were happy, but her.

I am four years older, and am for some reason, always thinking of how my actions will effect other people. It's just in my nature to think about others before myself and in fact go overboard sometimes.

My advice is to just go with the flow. You could warn your Mom, but will she be more upset about the surprise on the day of or hearing it from your because you don't think this is the best way to handle it? Personally, I would be afraid it would blow up too. But, it's not your secret to tell and my gut tells me that it could go badly but, that's just me. If it does blow up in your sister's face and things get painful, do your best to be the bigger person and be there for whoever ends up needing you. Yet, if your sister is prone to this kind of behavior (like mine) your parents might not be upset at all.

Good Luck, and I hope things go smoothly.

I would stay out of it. It really is not your business. It is up to your sister to share the news of her pregnancy... in her own way and on her own time schedule. Hopefully, the news will be met with joy and love and it will be a great for everyone.

It's your sister's busines, not yours. It's totally understandable to not want to deal with drama on your Thanksgiving, but welcome to the holidays. Worry about yourself and be lovely to your family, it's all you can do.

Please stay out of it and don't worry so much. With my third pregnancy I did not tell anyone in my family(except my mom) until after 3 months bc of a previous miscarriage. My husband told his family- but they live far away. When I did decide to tell I chose to wait to see my family in person. This happened when i was about 4 1/2 months. I knew my Dad would not be excited because of finacial reasons, so my Aunt and I planned a luncheon to surprise him. He was surprised and handled himself well with hugs and smiles. As others in my family arrived I realized that they were in the know- my Aunt slipped the news- but they all acted surprised and my Dad never knew the wiser. We had a great luncheon, and my Dad was not even upset when he realized I was pregnant at Christmas (8weeks)when he stayed with us. It will work out. Let your sister enjoy her shining moment, and even if your parents are a little hurt I am sure they will not express it at dinner. As for you, just acted surprised and excited, and ask the normal questions- when due? do you know what it is? names?
Happy Thanksgiving!

Wow........
First of all, I don't believe it is your news to give. I understand you have known for 3 weeks, but it is still not your place to spill the beans. Whatever reason your sister had for not telling them, are hers. Have you ever asked her why she hasn't said anything???? I'm curious to know!
That sucks that your mother would place any blame on you. If she doesn't understand, then thats her problem. Just try to avoid getting into any arguements with anyone. The less you say, the less they will have to hold over your head.......
That's just my point of view...
good luck to you!

Hi S.,

You have quite a mish mash of stuff going on! My first advice is try to step out of this tangled web and let your sister do her thing. This is NOT for you to fix!!! Don't let your mom play that card if she acts mad at you. Simply say she ask me not to tell you I promised not to tell that would be betrayal mom! (simple boudaries) Second of all start mentally preparing yourself for a great response...instead of picturing this hug family uproar. (I can hear you saying "lady you don't know my family" just try it!) Picture your family being excited and happy and warm. Visualize it being a good happy moment and its amazing how sometimes what we think about we bring about! After all its a baby:) Either way this is NOT your problem! All the best!:)
Smiles,
S.

In my opinion, I do not feel it's your right to say anything to anyone just yet. If your sister has chosen this venue to share her very exciting, personal news, let her. I think it would be really cool if as everyone is going around the table saying what they are thankful for (if you share that tradition) she say's something like "I'm thankful for the new life that I'm creating" or "I'm thankful for the grandchild that I will finally be able to give my parents in April", etc. But if your mother gets really upset, then maybe then you can speak with her privately and let her know how important it was to your sister to share the news this way. It's not like your sister is waiting until the baby is born to share the news. She's only 4 months pregnant. There is still plenty of time to shower her with love. Most people wait until the end of the first trimester to share anyway, so it's not that much of a stretch. Good luck!

I'd stay out of it. Whatever transpires needs to be resolved with your mom and sister. If you're in the middle it will most likely be worse-don't get sucked in more than you already are.

I understand how you feel and your reasons...BUT You need to just let it go and happen.
Don't intervene...it is not your "show."
Otherwise, YOU will be at the end of everyone's "blame" if it goes badly. Not to mention you will then become alienated by your sister for betraying her confidence.

You cannot clean up other people's messy convoluted situations all of the time, or "drama's."

It is not for you to take control of.

Just hope it all goes well and for the best.
Take care,
Susan

My advice.....RUN!!!!! Oh, wait, I guess that won't work. Definitely do not tell your sister's secret! (as crazy as it is) Especially with her being all hormonal, if she found out about that....uh-oh!! Coming from a person with a lot of crazy family dynamics....I have finally gotten to a place where I can sit back and watch it all unfold without getting involved and it is a nice place to be. OH, and if it all blows up as you predict, try not to say I told you so! Happy Thanksgiving to ya, bring some wine for yourself, or maybe something a little stronger!;-)

Do not spoil your sister's surprise. Especially if it has been several months in the making.
You and she obviously view your family very differently, if she foresees excitement and joy at her revealing a very pregnant belly on the holiday, and you foresee only disaster and explosive fights. I have no idea which one of your predictions is correct (though there does seem to be some very interesting family dynamics going on if I may read between the lines here!)
I say, stay out of it. If anyone (your mom) tries to turn on you for knowing and not telling, you just firmly and cheerfully repeat "it was not MY place to tell" and keep out of the discussion. Do not engage yourself in any of THEIR drama. You had nothing to do with this.
I hope it all turns out okay! Please update on what happens.

Nope I would not tell your parents. It could back fire on you. Your sister could very well get upset with you for announcing what she feels will be the most exciting news. And she has waited a while to let your parents know. So it is important to her. Let your parents deal with it as they choose. Remember if things get out of control just get up & go home. That is the sweetest part of it all!
I've been there & am still there.
Just sit back & watch it unfold.

Do not share your sister's secret. Let her do with it as she pleases, then she'll have the consequences, whether good or bad. The issue here is trust ... if she asked you not to tell, and you break that trust, the blame is on you. It's her body, and her desire on how to share what God has blessed her with. Don't worry so much about how it might come out, pray that it will come out as a wonderful blessing. There's still months ahead for your mom to enjoy the pregnancy.

Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful - for all things. I can't think of a more wonderful thing to share than the life of a child!

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

WOW! I truly wish you the best! I know it won't be easy with the 'drama' but you will make it through. The previous posters are right. It's not your story to tell.

If you want some insight into people, you may want to pick up 'The Birth Order Book' by Dr. Kevin Leman. It really helped me understand my husband, my children, my parents and siblings, and my husband's family (and that is a LOT of people!).

Good luck! Smile and enjoy the "joy" and give thanks for it all.

N.,
SAHM of 4 and wife of a loving husband

DO NOT tell your parents first. Even if your sister is being silly or selfish, it's HER decision. We tend to feel that it's our job to prevent our loved ones from ever doing anything stupid or hurtful, but it's NOT. Doing things "wrong" is how everyone learns. Let this be between your sister and your parents.

Also, realize the picture your sis has in her head - a very Norman Rockwell moment of a supremely happy family, all giving hugs and congratulations in a festive holiday house with the smell of traditional foods in the air. It's normal to want to create that picture.

Don't worry about who's the favorite or not, or what might happen, or what might have happened if things had been done differently. That kind of thinking will make you miserable.

Just be excited that you'll soon have a niece or nephew to love!

I don't know that it is your place to spill... but something like that happened when I got engaged and it was aweful! (I only told 1 cousin who I wanted to be a bridesmaid) I was out of town and so was my fiance so I ony wanted to wait 1 week when we could tell them together, but My cousin told her dad who told my grandpa who knew before my Mom by a day... drama. I don't recommend that at all!! 5 months is a little [too]long to wait.

S.,
It seems like there are already hurt feelings on your part. You are not responsible for anyone else's feelings only your own. You shouldn't have to deal with any of this. If your parents seem hurt when told you can simply say, "I'm sure that .....only wanted everyone to be together to hear her exciting news. Now we have something else to be thankful for." Really you don't even have to say that, only if you feel the need to say something.
Instead of seeing your sister as your mom's favorite daughter, think of them as more compatible. Our personalities just mesh better with certain personalities. Not to say there aren't other family dynamics, trust me I know.
Enjoy your holidays and don't let how other respond to your sister's news affect you.
Best,
S.

Don't worry. It's not about you or your choices. I know that some pregnant women choose to wait a few months until their pregnancy is moving along well to tell others. People that have had miscarriages or have had a hard time getting pregnant often wait. Don't worry. I hope it works out fine for all of you.

I recommend NOT telling your parents. It isn't your secret to share. Maybe if you talk to your sister you can gently prepare her that your parents (especially your mom) may be hurt that they haven't been "in the know" and that if she doesn't seem ecstatic that it is just because she might be shocked and possibly hurt. Obviously once everyone has time to digest I assume they will all be very happy.

Good luck

i would let her tell them dispite the hurt feelings that they may feel. she made the choice to wait soo long (and more then 3 months is a long time to wait to tell) soo she now has to deal with the reprocussions of her decision all you can do is sit back and let it happen and try to enjoy your day with the family. as for you getting blamed for not telling her just straight up say hey its not my news to tell its hers so sorry also act just as surprised as everyone else act like you didnt even know. my sisters both knew i was pregnant with my daughter before my mom did (i used them any my hubby for support when i told my mom) but as for my husbands parents i didnt want to tell them till i was like 4 months along but his mom poked and prodded out of my husband. i wanted to wait to tell his parents because my hubby and i were only dating then and i didnt want the redicule from them and i wanted to be past the miscarriage mark.

DO NOT give your parents a heads up!!!

I think what your sister is doing is fine. I didn't tell my Mom until around 5mos, with both pregnancies! Mind you, we aren't super close but still. It's not anyone elses business!

If this backfires on your sister, then lesson learned. If you can call it that. I CAN'T imagine being mad at someone because they waited a certain amount of time to spill the beans. Your sisters motives are all good.

Also, what makes you think your parents feelings will be hurt? If everyone at the table reacts like "OMG! I can't believe you didn't tell me/us?" then they may follow that lead (hopefully not - they are mature adults, right?) On the flip side - if everyone, including YOU is happy and excited when she breaks the news, then if getting upset was the route they were going to go maybe they won't.

If you were sworn to secrecy by your sis than Mom won't be mad. She just won't! However if she is, not your problem. What your sister wishes to do (breaking the news at Thankgsgiving) is her thing. I say don't ruin it for her.

Best wishes,
M.

Gotta love family drama over the holidays LOL! I think it is your sisters place to decide when and how to tell. I also think maybe you could nudge her to tell your mom privately so that your mom feels special and hears the news before the big announcement. She could also just explain that she wanted to share the news in person. IT is a wonderful addition to the family..even if your mom is mad at however your sister decides to announce, she won't be mad for long. She will have a beautiful grandbaby soon :)

Really, it's none of your business how she announces it to the rest of your family. You absolutely have to keep her confidence and let her deal with any fall out. It's not your secret or your problem...let her have the spotlight, whether it's for the excitement or the sadness that they didn't know...
-M

DON'T tell your mom! That isn't your place, and if there is a fallout than you won't be to blame. I think that anything involving decision making when a woman is pregnant should be for them to decide. I'm sure your family will be happy no matter what. I wouldn't worry so much about the holiday being ruined, because it will probably only make it more special.

Hi S.,
my 2¢ - don't tell them. This was your sister's choice to wait to tell them and any reprecussions (positive or negative) are her responsibility, not yours. Try not to stress about this; chances are everyone will be happy and will tease her for waiting so long to tell them.

I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!
M.

this is probably so terrible of me to say, but i'm dying to know how this one turns out. you have to post an update! and i agree with i think everyone that has said that you should stay out of this. so not your secret to tell; and, it may be just a thanksgiving blessing for all. children on the way and here have a way of making everyone happy. good luck to you!!!

As hard as this is to do, it is none of your business. This is your sister's choice. You are not responsible for her actions or your mother's reactions. You are only responsible for you. Don't take sides, be supportive of both and refuse to get in the middle. She has her reasons for waiting. It sounds like there is more going on here than just this issue. If your mother asks if you knew before hand, all you have to do is tell her that out of respect for your sisters wishes, you kept it to yourself and that you would do the same for her. Refuse to make it an issue. You are all grownups and it is time to act like grown ups. Remember, you are all modeling behavior for your own children.

S. - My advice is don't say a word. Because it's not your pregnancy, so obviously, not your place to tell anyone. If your mom is upset that's between your sister and your mom. I'd stay out of it and if your mom says anything to you, just tell her you were abiding by your sister's wishes. That's what a good sister will do. Cogratulation on becoming an Auntie! Have a great holiday!

Stay out! No matter how hard you try, you will never become your Mom's "favorite." Parents and grandparents that have "favorites" have issues not preferences. Don't take their behavior as a statement of who you are!

I would like to say that your sisters relationship with her mother is her own and not yours - not something to get involved in. But, this is dysfunction at its best. No way would I tell your mom ahead of time.. but I would say over and over - "how exciting, a new member of the family" - focus on the new baby as much as possible. Tension should be easier to difuse with this approach.

My advice is to stay out of it. It's not your problem if others are upset because you knew and didn't say anything. If it get's too stressful, take your son for a stroll around the neighborhood until things calm down.

I wouldn't walk into that hornet's nest. It was your sisters decision to wait, the consequences are also hers. If you say something it only puts you in the way of what ever is going to fly.

My suggestion is to be a bystander.

Lorie

You should be happy for your sister. She has the right to tell others the news anyway that she would like to do so, even if it is not the "right" way to do it, in your opinion. NO, you should not tell your mom and other family members in private before your sister has the chance to do so. It is NOT your news to tell. The most you can do is congratulate your sister and encourage her to tell your mom separately from the other family members. If anyone "blames" you for not telling them, you can remove yourself from the situation by saying to them what I said to you before. Example: "Mom, we are going to be having a new addition to the family. Isn't it exciting? I did know about it previously but promised Emily that I would not say anything, because she wanted to share the wonderful news with you herself."
You should focus on being grateful that your family can spend another holiday together, not all the sibling rivalry or family drama type stuff. This is not your news to tell, and if you do attempt to tell them without your sister's knowledge or approval, that is really being petty and unloving to your sister in order to gain some type of favor in your parents eyes. Again, it is NOT your news to share. Have a wonderful and blessed holiday. I wish you and your family nothing but the best. A baby is a wonderful thing to celebrate.

Wow, that's tricky. I would pretend you didn't know- if you don't think you can, step out for a minute while she makes the announcement (go to the bathroom or something). Anything that happens will fall on your sister, not you. I would definitely NOT say anything in advance. It is not your job to act as a buffer for your sister's plans. I am not the favorite in my family either (a blessing in my case). If your sister finds out you told in advance, your mom will still be mad at your sister and your sister will also be mad at you. Better for your mom to be mad at your sister and leave you out of the loop. Good luck!

Yep, it's definitely up to your sister to decide who and when to tell. And if you really think there's a chance of an explosion, then come up with an excuse that will allow you to leave early if needed (after dinner of course). Something like you might have to be on call for work, or your child (I don't know how old s/he is, so maybe this won't work) has a report due at school. Casually drop it in into the conversation when you arrive. "Oh mom, did I mention I might have to leave kind of soon after dinner?" Then if things get ugly you have a ready made escape plan. Yo are a grown up. If your mom tries to blame you, don't accept it. Simply tell her: "My sister made her own decision. If it was a matter of life or death I would have told you, but this was up to her. I had nothing to do with her choice." Don't allow yourself to be a victim. It's up to you.

I'd say bring a videocamera and film this joyous event! (However it turns out)
Being the favorite or not(Soooo wrong!!!), she is the one who choose to not tell, and either way you twist it - it is NOT your problem!

Hi S.,

i would leave this between your sister & your parents. I would, however ask your sister to deal with this before Thanksgiving, as your parents will most likely and rightfully be deeply hurt that everyone but them have been told.

I find it odd that she told others but not her/your parents??? Personally, I find that to be unkind (although, I don't know all the details).

I'm sure you want a peaceful Thaksgiving, so I strongly suggest your sister communicate this with them before hand.

Just my opinion! Good luck!

Well S.,

You don't know how they are going to react because you are not them. You can imagine a million different scenarios as to how they are going to react but until they do, you don't know. Let your sister do it her way, and if it turns out badly then let her handle it. Don't get in the middle. She needs to handle them. I know you are trying to help but the best thing you can do is act really happy, assuming you are happy for her, and let her get the reaction she wanted from you. Try not to bring in your expections of negativity.

Well, its not really your businees or responsibility to tell. If your mom gets made at you tell her that. Ask her what she would want you to do if she told you something in confidence. Just be matter of fact about it and if they get emotional or start yelling, just walk away. Don't give them the satisfaction of getting you upset or fighting. its not worth it. Also be super excited so they may even feel that is not appropriate to be sour grapes. Just have fun and celebrate the special occasion!

Not your story to tell! If this is how she wanted it, then I hope your parents can understand! It isn't about HURTING them, it's about the joy SHE will get by telling everyone at once. If your parents do get upset...be the caring family member to remind them it wasn't done maliciously and it is an exciting announcement no matter when it comes. I hope your family can see past their own feelings..........

In my opinion, you are inserting yourself into an issue that has nothing to do with you, and you are anticipating trouble that may never come. Your sister has made her choice regarding how she is going to tell her family. It is her decision. If it goes badly, it goes badly, but why would it? Your parents should be plenty mature enough to handle this with grace and understanding. If your mom is oversensitive by nature and is hurt by this, that is her issue. Do not get involved in this. Let it unfold for better or for worse. This is the bottom line. A new baby is coming into the family! That should be the one and only focus. Anyone who takes the focus off that is the one in the wrong, not your sister. Be gracious.

Any way you can spend Thanksgiving on the other side of the planet? <wink> Just kidding...

Really, I would start finding a set phrase to use when your mom tries to blame you for this in some way. It's really not your issue--it's your sister's and your mom's--but it seems you're convenient to your mom for blame purposes. Find your line and stick to it. Refuse to take the blame and don't engage. It's tough (I go through this with my mom and sister) but, after a while, mom should get the picture.

Good luck.

Dear S.,
You cannot break your sister's confidence. If your mom is upset that your sister didn't tell her sooner, her hurt or anger needs to be directed at your sister, not you. You are trying to be the caregiver and prevent people from having their feelings and reactions but you need to step out of that role and let them handle it in the way your sister seems to want to. You are trying to control the outcome (maybe to avoid "getting onto trouble"?) We may not understand your sister's reasons but they make sense to her and it's HER news to share, not yours. Maybe because she is the favorite (how sad to have done that to you guys!!) you may be wanting to earn your mom's good graces or "get points" by doing what you think is the right thing and by sparing your mom hurt feelings, but it's not your job and would only backfire. IF your mom tries to blame you , you could always say, "I felt in the middle by knowing and it was an unfair place to be, but I did feel I needed to keep her confidence. And now, Mom, it's between you and her. I am stepping out of it."
It would not only break your sisters trust in you should you tell, it would be like you were "tatteling". You certainly have the right to tell your sister how uncomfortable you feel being in this position. Try to understand her when she shares with you why she wants to do it this way (even if it doesn't make sense to you. See if you can make sense of it from her point of view (tho you don't have to agree with it). Some people are nervous about sharing their news until after the 3rd month for ex., and maybe once she got past that mark and then thought of sharing it at Thanksgiving with everyone around, she decided to do it that way. Bottom line is: please don't let this be your problem; it's theirs - and please don't let them try to make it yours! Good luck. C. DeMonte, M.F.C.T

S., it sounds like you know your family well, however it seems your sister has her reasons for waiting to tell. She is excited about it and wants it to be a surprise. If your sister has misjudged the reaction of your parents, she will have to be responsible for that. If you tell, you risk your mother wanting to hear it from her as well as your sisters surprise. This is all already done, two days is not going to make or break the holiday at this point.

dear S.
you sound very protective of your parents who are old and experienced and will deal with this in their own way. ultimately, they will be happy for your sister and the family and betraying your sister by "prepping" them undermines her. your parents have been through a lot worse than not having been the first to be told of some momentous event. just leave and let the chips fall where they may and give your parents more credit than you are giving them.

Rofl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear S.-
I would not mention a word about your sister's pregnancy to your mother. This is such a personal time. Maybe she is awaiting an amnio or some sort of test to come back before she
says anything. SHe may her own issues with her mother. It really is not your place.

My husband and I went going through a 2nd IVF and he asked me not to tell my sister, and he is not going to tell his mom nor brother. Why? Because everyone would have an opinion and ask if (I) is she pregnant and the pressure is too much. And also, my sister would have TOLD everyone. Everyone. She once told a lot of her friends about my husband and I and when we could not agree about whether to go through IVF or not. When I confronted her on it, she said, well, you told me and it's my life too. So I have learned. Does your mom gossip? Will she call 70 of her lifelong friends to talk about her daughter's pregnancy? Maybe that is something your sister doesn't want to deal with right now. You wanting to avoid an argument I understand, but really, I would shake my hands free of being any kind of messenger. It is not your place. Your mom can choose to be hurt, or she can choose to be understanding why you sis waited.