" My Preschooler Will Not Sleep in Her bed..HELP!"

Updated on February 01, 2007
J.S. asks from Hollywood, FL
9 answers

My daughter will not sleep in her bed. Every night she comes into my room and sleeps in my bed!
I have decorated her room to the design & decor she chose. I even got her a new bed and that still did not work! I have tried asking her what is wrong why she won't sleep in her bed and her answer is always "because I just can't". I have recently tried to use the bedtime routine chart with stickers and all and she just keeps waking up at 3am and comes into my bed and sleeps!!!! HELP!!!!
What am I doing wrong? What else can I try?

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So What Happened?

So as you all know my Preschooler would not sleep in her bed. Well I am here to report GREAT news!!! It has been one week and she is now sleeping in her bed!!! She wakes up at 3am and calls out to my husband and myself and one of us goes and explains that we are right here. She smiles and then goes okay goodnight, and then she sleeps in her BED!!!! Thank you all for the great advise, I used bits & pieces from all of you! ;-)

Very greatful, Jen

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J.W.

answers from Melbourne on

I am in the same boat! My daughter is 3 1/2 and every night at 3 am she comes into my bed. The only time she doesn't is when Daddy puts her to bed instead of me. I always have a fight with her to GO to bed, he simply says go and she does. Maybe try having Daddy help?

Good Luck and I would love to know what works!!!

J.

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A.T.

answers from Miami on

I also have a 3 year old son. Your daughter may be feeling lonely and perhaps scare of the dark. Music has helped and we have different tools: a cd player with lullabies, a sound machine (he likes the birds), and on his bed we have (i'm telling you it works)we have : The First Years Winnie the Pooh Nursery Projector and a Fisher-Price Rainforest Waterfall Soother (see link below). We picks what he likes and after the routine we have in place: bath, read a book, a glass of milk, brush his teeth, and the we put him to bed. I am not exagerating, it has work for years. And my son LOVES music by the way, and I am sure all this help.

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/catalog.gsp?cat=447677&amp...

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S.D.

answers from Miami on

Hi J., Walk her back to her bed, firmly but lovingly tell her that she has to go to sleep in her room/bed, then leave the room. She will come out again and you do the same thing again as many times as it takes. Do not give in and let her in your bed. You have to give this about a week of walking her back to her bed. I promise this will work. I have three very strong willed girls. I did this with them and it worked. She will realize that mommy is not letting me in her bed and I have to sleep in my own big girl bed. S.

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A.S.

answers from Gainesville on

J.,

I have the same problem with my 5 year old son. I've recently consulted a child psychologist and she suggested that I try a reward system for him not getting up in the middle of the night. She said to slowly wean it down. For example, if he usually get up 3 times a night, reward him if he only gets up twice for a week, etc. I haven't tried it yet because we had to work on some other issues first. I'll let you know when I do.

Also, you may need to adjust the reward for different situations. When the sticker board stopped working for my son I went to the dollar store and bought a hand full of small dollar toys, balloons, lollipops, etc. Also, I have a dvd player in my car that he enjoys. I use that as a reward too, or take it away as a penalty. I would only use penalties when she is going out of her way to not obey you when you know she can or already has in the past.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

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C.C.

answers from Gainesville on

J.,
I understand your distress with this situation. I also understand why some of your responses will say that this is a phase she will outgrow. But let me tell you a little about my situation. I am a 29 year old mom of 3 daughters and 1 step daughter. I always loved the feeling of having a baby in the bed with me, when all of my children were young I would pray that they would come into bed with me just to cuddle with them. Now my oldest 2 children are almost 7 and 8 and I have to fight for them to stay in bed thier own beds. I have recently moved and they each have their own bedrooms and I decorated them how they wanted them. I spent alot of time and money to get things exactly how they asked. Yet every night I have at least 1 of them in the bed with me. Sometimes this is just a phase that they will outgrow, but others you are conditioning them to do this all of the time. Recently I have been tucking them in and saying prayers and when we finish I make the rounds and check all of the spots that kids seem to think "monsters" hide.(the closet, under the bed, and all of the drawers and corners) Then I tell them how proud I will be of them when they stay in their own beds. If they stay in their own beds 5 out of 7 nights we do something special at the end of the week. You can use your chart to accomplish this. Well I hope this helps, if there is anything I can do to help please feel free to write me.
C.

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V.

answers from Boca Raton on

Hi, J.!
May be you can put yours daughter and yours son bed in one room. Then you can say, that her brother needs her at night, that she is a big sister.
I had some of that with mine kids, it worked.
Best wishes,
V..

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M.H.

answers from Daytona Beach on

J.,
My parents had this trouble with my youngest brother who would more or less sleep walk into their bed in the middle of the night. They tried locking their bedroom door, and he would end up asleep on the floor outside their door crying. They ended up puttig a latch on his door on the outside, kind of like an eye and hook. It kept him from wandering out of his room at night. A few times he would cry, but it was only a short time until he got used to sleeping in his bed. I coslept with my oldest daughter (now 5) until she was 8 months old and she would be a frequent visitor to our bed in the middle of the night until she was almost 3. I used my parents idea and locked the door. She was very unhappy for about 5 days, but she's fine in her own bed now. It is hard on the mom conscience to let them yell, so if you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't put yourself through it. It did work for us. Good luck.

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R.C.

answers from Miami on

You know J., I think this is just a phase that she will outgrow, or maybe she is scared of heavens knows what. I went through the same things only I had two daughters, only a year apart and sometimes we could hardly fit in the bed. Mind you at the time it was very annoying, and eventually they outgrew it, but how good it felt to cuddle with them even if my neck was a mess the next day, what I would give to have them young and invading my space again!!! It will pass, the phase will pass sooner than you think, it is all part of growing up.

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A.M.

answers from Fort Myers on

My daughter is almost 3 & she will not sleep in her room either. She insists on sleeping in our den & then eventaully ends up in our bed or in the living room. I ask her why she will not sleep in her room & she is afraid of bad guys coming to get her or that there is a monster under the bed. We have tried to shut her in & leave her, but it breaks my heart to hear her carry on. We try to reassure her that she is safe & she always promises to sleep in her bedroom the next night but never dooes. Maybe I am a pushover, but I do not want to force her to do something, I feel that will only make her more afraid. Any advice would be appreciated.

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