3 Year Old Keeps Getting Out of Bed at Night

When my twins were that age we took two baby gates & put them in their doorway, one above the other to make a high gate they couldn't climb over. This worked well for them & us. They could see out but couldn't get out :)

Have you tried a baby gate on her door? No one is "locked in" but she will have to stay in her room. That plus a monitor should let you know when she needs you. Good luck!

I would try a reward system. Make a sticker chart and for every night she stays in her own room, she gets a sticker. Once she gets a certain number of stickers, you can give her some kind of bigger reward. I haven't had this problem, but if I did, I would probably try this method. Good luck!

Yikes! I can't believe how many people told you to lock your door! So we are parents, but not at night? Do those same people parent that way during the day too, locking their door and telling their kid to go away because they don't feel like dealing with their children's needs? It's obviously very very normal for a 3 year old to wake up and come and snuggle up to you and it will end very soon. I have the exact same issue but I know it would scar her emotionally to ban her from my bed so I let her come in. She needs to know I'm there so I figure why would I want to teach her that I'm unavailable when she needs me most? My oldest quit doing it when she was 3 or 4, can't remember, but it's totally a phase. Blessings!

don't let her get in bed with you. You or your husband, walk her back to her own bed each and every time. Letting her in for a few minutes before taking her back is confusing.

My two youngest children both went through phases of doing this. I ended up telling them that if they came into my room during the night, they were to bring their pillow and blanket and put it next to the bed, and that they didn't need to wake me up to tell me they were there. It worked. They came in every single night for a good while, but then it slowly wore off. Both of my boys had said they were scared, and I really think it just helped them to be near my husband and I. I remember being scared when I was little and going into my parents room and them taking my back to bed terrified. I used to sneak and sleep under the ledge of their waterbed at the bottom just so I could be near them and I felt less scared.

I personally would not let her sleep with you at all unless it is morning time and you are not ready to get up. Break this habit while she is young becase it will get harder the older she gets! The first week will be hard but without talking, when she comes to your room, walk her to her room and put her back in bed. Be consistant and the habit should break soon! Make it boring when she gets up during the night so she doesn't get up and have "fun" with you. It is just a ¤atter of putting back in bed.

Our 3 year old will do the same thing, but it's getting less and less often. When she does come into our room at night we give her two options. We tell her that she can either sleep on mommy's and daddy's floor (with a pillow and blanket) or her own bed. She's learning that her bed is much more comfortable than the floor. You may have to calmly give these choices several times and even start to take her to her bed when she doesn't answer or she says, "Your bed" until she realizes that you are serious and those are her only options. That way she feels safe in your room, but she's not kicking you and keeping you up. I would also try what PPs have recommended: Positive reinforcement each time she stays in her room all night. Good luck!

I can relate so well! Our almost 3 year old son is doing the same thing...and it's really hard because we also have a 3.5 month old that wakes for a bottle at 4:30 or 5:00!! I too would welcome any suggestions...

my son is now grown and has a family of his own, but I remember when he was young he would go through those times where he would come and crawl in bed with us. My husband was the one who would always let him stay and once he did then it was every night and I would have to be the bad guy and start sending him back to his room. If I had it to do over I think I would have a bed in the corner or a sleeping bag that he could just crawl into. I don't think it is such a bad thing for a child to come into mom and dad's room as long as mom and dad can still get a good nights sleep. They are little for such a short time and I really don't think it damages them like I once did. Best wishes to you and your young family. Enjoy them.

Hi S.,
I have the SAME issue right now with our youngest daughter who just turned four. Certainly you have received some wonderful responses to your question...several different approaches but all great, depending on what you feel will work for your family.

My husband and I are both medical professionals who tend to side more with the Dr. Sears "attachment parenting" approach. Locking our door and hearing our child cry (need) us was just not right for our family. (We are wussies..LOL). We have always put our children to bed in their own room..with a comforting routine, etc. If they have a bad dream or need snuggle time, we will find them in our bed the next morning. Fine. Our three older children now sleep IN THEIR OWN BEDS ALL NIGHT. They feel safe and secure and know that we are there if they need us. Yes, it is getting a bit tiresome to deal with our youngest but we know that this is just a phase and she will outgrow it. We felt that it was just more important for them to understand that we as their parents are always there for them..monsters or not. When I look at my oldest ,now 10, I see such a confident, secure child. Makes me a little sad that he has outgrown wanting to sneek into bed and snuggle with us.
Again, all the approaches are good ones and will ultimately work. Good luck...

You need to lock your door and it will become very aware to her that it is an off limits area. You will have to be consistent for about 2 weeks. With all due respect, becoming parents does not void the fact that you are a couple. You maintain your bed /bedroom as your couple domain for a healthy marriage. T. (married 24 yrs)

My son also climbs into our bed at night. I just let him. Some nights he will sleep most of the night in his room, other nights he comes in after a few hours. I now in time he will outgrow this.

When he gets a little older I am going to put a clock in his room so he will know how to read one and he will also know what time mom and dad get up.

She will keep doing it because she is getting reinforcement. We had the same thing with our oldest and I read A book that is now out of date but I will lay out the general plan.
1. Both of you sit down with her before she goes to bed and say, " Mommy and daddy need our rest and you coming in our room all night is disturbing our sleep and yours. We need for you to stay in your bed at night and sleep. Tonight if you get up our door will be locked and we will not answer until the morning so you need to stay in your bed."
2. Then you have to do it and stick to it and not talk to her at all when she comes to the door. If you interact at all then that reinforces the behavior. Especially talking or arguing back and forth. You can not do it.

We had one huge scene and then it never happened again. Our daughter stayed in her bed from then on. Then in the morning hug and praise how well she is doing staying in her bed.
You have to be brave tho because that one big scene was a doosy. She screamed and beat on the door and said she needed water, to go to the bathroom (which she had to walk by to get to our room) and on and on with the reasons she needed us. If she had stuck with one thing I may have caved but it was one thing after another just trying to manipulate us. Then she turned around in a rage and went and peed all over her bed and came back to the door and said "I cannot sleep on my bed because it is wet." I knew at this point that I could not give in to this so I calmly stated. "Get your pillow and sleep on the floor." It was a big tantrum fit, but our daughter was five by the time we did it and very demanding.
I think if you do it at Three it will be easier to deal with. It will go on forever if you do not stop it.
Gird your loins and go for it.

My son started sleeping in our bed when he was 3 years old. Before that, he had always slept in his own bed. What changed? I went back to college (at night). My husband would put him in bed with him, then when I got home, I would be so tired that I just climbed in beside them. Plus, with working full time and going to school full time, I felt guilty that I was missing out on being with him. Letting him cuddle up beside me was a way to relieve my guilt about not being there.

Well, fast forward 4 years and he is still coming into our room regularly. He is a cuddle bug and likes the closeness. Plus, you have to understand we lost everything in our home to Ike, so he has had to deal with that loss as well. It is a bit uncomfortable sometimes with 3 of us in a queen bed, especially because he gets hot and kicks the covers off pulling them off of us. We put him to bed in his bed every night. Some nights we take him back to his room if he gets too restless with us. Last night he fell out of bed. I tried laying with him on the couch in the living room, but I couldn't get back to sleep after hearing him hit the floor. I finally took him to his bed, the 5 minutes later here he comes in our room. This whole process of me going back to sleep took 1 1/2 hours, uggh. Sometimes, I am just too tired to take him back to his room. Sometimes, my hubby and I wake up and there he is. We never knew when he came in our room. Night before last I woke up and he was laid out on top of me!

It is a hard habit to kick, but in talking to our friends, most of their kids sleep with them too. My view on it is in a few years I'll be lucky to get a hug from him, I better take these late night cuddles when I can get them.

I couldn't imagine locking my door or my child's door at night. We don't even close our doors. We'll pull his to a bit if we are watching TV once he has gone to bed, but we open it up when we head to bed.

My 3 year old started doing the same thing a few months back and we broke it by not letting her in the bed but picking her up and taking her back to her own room. At first it took several times to get it to stick but then we got to a point where we would remind her before going to sleep at night that she needed to stay in her bed until the sun came out (she understood the timeframe that way). She now hasn't gotten into our bed in the middle of the night in over a month or so.

Good luck

I couldn't tell you this if I hadn't been through it so many years ago. My husband's job took him out of town during the week. Normally, our three year old daughter slept in her own bed in her own room but some nights she wanted to sleep in my bed. I let sleep on Daddy's side of the bed occasionally with the understanding that when her daddy was home she had to sleep in her own bed without complaining. She was very compliant so I know three year olds can commit to rules. Explain to your daughter that it is a matter of space and that her own space is in her bed. Tell her that if she wakens to just close her eyes and tell herself a story or say a poem she likes, or say a prayer until she goes back to sleep. She can do it, tell her so. Give her hugs and "I'll see you in the morning" as you tuck her in at night. Best wishes.

Hi S..

In agreement with Allison O and Jennifer H. Do not let her in your bed. If she gets up, walk her back to her room without speaking, turning on a light, or caving in to her "needs". My daughter is 3 and we went through the same thing and this approach worked. We confused her in the beginning because we wanted to "just lay there a little longer". Ultimately, it cost us more sleep because the inital disturbance was then followed by another when we'd get up 15 minutes later to take her to bed. The last time she got up, I told her to go back to bed and she began to cry and said "mommy, you take me". I refused and she cried and it caused some hurt feelings, BUT, it only took once. She's not been back. My thought process on this: she made it to our room in the dark... she can also make it back to her own. Currently, I am applying this approach with my 2yr old twins! I may be soliciting help next! LOL We still enjoy "snuggle bug" time with them on the weekend when we let them all come in after the sun comes up and we "snuggle" for a few minutes before we get up...literally, only a few minutes. It is a special time for all of us but we still have our boundaries. I wish you the best with your little princess. I know what you mean about them growing up too fast and not needing us anymore, but as we receive the gift of these children, we also have to mold them and help them to become independent...painful as it is. God speed!

Try giving her a snack before putting her to bed, she may be getting hungry which makes her wake up at night. I have found this to work beautifully to keep kids asleep all night.
Otherwise, during the day time, talk to her about how to know when it is time to get up in the mornings, like.. when you hear mom and dad in the kitchen, then it is ok to get out of bed, or when you hear mom walking down the hall it is ok to get out of bed, or when you see the sunlight coming in the window it is ok to get out of bed. Let her know that if she does not see or hear these things when she wakes up then it is not ok to get out of bed. Talk to her about the except... when she is sick she can come to you. If she continues to get up and come get in your bed during the night, reinforce with her right then what things she needs to listen for(mama and dad already up), or see (sunlight in her window)to know its ok to get up. Let her know that it is Not ok to just come get in your bed during the night.
If you let this continue it will get worse and worse.
Good luck to you

My son still does this. He'll be 3 in November. I have found myself getting really frustrated about it, but I think I'm just going to change how I see the situation. I feel like I've tried everything... except for realizing that he is a little human being with issues of his own, and maybe this is something that he just needs right now... I'm not a lazy mother. We really have tried other approaches. We were putting him back in his bed every time he got up, giving him positive reinforcement every time he stayed in his bed a long time, and I even tried closing his door. Talking to him about what to expect, making charts, keeping him up through his nap, giving him several snacks, keeping water by his bed... You name it.

I can handle controlled crying. I can handle any temper tantrum you throw at me. I'm no wimp. If it's what is best for his development, cry away. But his crying never got better. They were never whimpers; they were terrified screams. I would get irrational questions from him about whether we would lock the door and go to the store or never some back. We did everything we could to console him, correct those questions, but his screams just sounded like we were hurting his feelings so badly! I give up at that point. Nothing is worth driving our otherwise very well mannered, sweet, somewhat rational little boy to madness.

This is what is important to me: He's only going to be this age for a very short time. When he's 4 or 5, we'll talk about it. Maybe I'll move his bed in our room and we can wean him off of us, I don't know.

All I know is that he is far too important to us to force him to do something that could possibly be causing serious emotional issues.

So what if he sleeps with us. Someday he'll be in college, married, and moved away. This is precious time that we will never get back. And even in his sleep, we are shaping his future self.

I'm not saying this is the best decision for everyone. It's definitely a sacrifice for us. I miss cuddling my husband every night. It's just that our boy is so sensitive and I don't know near enough about child psychology to make a decision that could just be torturing him. I would love for him to be independent, but I honestly believe that this, just like with everything we've been through with him, will work itself out naturally.

I nursed him for 2 years and when he was done, it was the easiest transition I'd ever imagined it could be.

When your child is ready, she will let you know. In the meantime, ENJOY THEM.

Bless you and your family.

She's either lonely or uncomfortable in her own bed. Try making her bed as comfortable as yours. Also, maybe she needs soft music playing and a Teddy Bear or something to cuddle. Also, tell her that you love her company, but that you can't sleep with her in your bed and tell her that it makes you grouchy and you don't want to be mean to her. Get grouchy and tell her that you need more sleep.

Our son used to come in bed with us when he was about 2-1/2. He hated sleep. We read Dr. Dobson's book, The Strong-Willed Child, and used some of his techniques. He used to cry and vomit on demand almost every night so that we would have to get him up, bathe him and allow him in our bed because his was soiled. The book says to let him sleep in it and he will stop. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I did it and it worked. One thing the book taught me was that we had to stand our ground and never give in with a strong-willed child. It was so hard, but worth it in the end.

Also, she may not be tired enough. Try making sure she gets plenty of fresh air and excercise during the day so she is tired at night. Does she take a nap during the day? Maybe it's time to do away with the nap.

Lock your door and teach your children that when the door is closed they need to knock. Let her know that she has woke you and that it is a rude thing and that she is a big girl and should sleep in her own bed.

how about locking your door. tell her to go back to bed threw the door. also explain to her that if she wakes up in the night she needs to stay in her own bed. i would not lock her door because i would be irratiionaly scared of a fire and her not being able to get out!!! if she must go to your rooom give her a palet on the floor and not allow her in the bed...this way she wont get use to sleeping with another person and its not confortable and she will get in her own bed.

My very sweet 3 year old does the same thing. We struggled for a while, too. I finally realized that I should just shut MY door. We put a doorknob cover on our door (although I suppose locking it would have been a cheaper option - LOL)
That way, she can get up and get water or go potty, but she will not end up in our bed. Some nights, we leave the door open - if there is a storm or if she has a cold. Some of those nights when we leave the door open, she does not come in our room and other nights, she will come in the room and we get kicked in the face all night. We do talk to her about staying in her room, but in the middle of the night, it is difficult to remember those discussions. Also, my daughter loves rewards and I do not want to throw too many rewards at her, so I just congratulate her and get excited when she stays in her own bed at night. I know this will pass - oh and I still use the baby monitor - it is set up in my room and her room - so I can still hear her if she does get up, but usually, if she needs us, she makes noise by our door, so I don't really need the monitor. Good luck!