Lock the Door

I never locked my bedroom door. I would rather have my daughter walk in on sex than have her need me and not be able to get to me.

I ended up having to put a baby gate in front of my childs door. They knew how to open it but it was enough to stop them.

I have a friend who told her 7-year old that he got $1 for every night he stayed in his own bed without coming to mom and dad's. That worked like a charm. She eventually went to $5 a week (he was cleaning her out!) and then to an outing as a reward. Only took a few weeks! Maybe that's an idea.

lock the door.
of course, there is a down side. everytime i hear that lock i know my husband is comin looking for some!

It's perfectly reasonable to tell your daughter that evenings are time for mom and dad to spend time together and that she needs to get all her snuggles, hugs and kisses before bedtime. And then, yes, lock the door. Not just on those romantic nights, but every night until she stops barging in.

My son is four and wants to be up: sometimes he asks if he can go upstairs with me (that's where our master bedroom is) and I tell him that this is "my time to spend time with Daddy and I'll see you in the morning". I keep it friendly and firm.

And when you do walk her back to bed, if need be, no chatting, no attention, no "I love yous". If she can't sleep,she may look at books in her bed. She is not to disturb others. But stay emotionally neutral and give as little attention as possible.

Another thing you can do is tell her *when she can* come into your room. Like, say, after the clock says 6 a.m. or put a light with a colored bulb on a timer in her room if she can't tell time. "You can come in our room when the (color) light goes on." This works well at our house; my son is allowed to come wake us up ONLY if there's an emergency (blood, throwing up, accident) or if the blue light is on. Otherwise, no tv time for the day. (Hate to be punitive, but it worked for us and I need my sleep.) Just another idea....

Lock the door, when she comes to the door make her give her excuse through the door. If she needs tending get up, put your clothes back on :p, and go tend to her. I have found when you lock the door you only have to do it for about a week and they give up.

They just know if they can get to your bed they have a chance of creeping in, you have to cut them off at the pass.

I don't know about locking the door; doesn't seem like it would hurt, but also doesn't seem like it will help. She'll just knock or bang on the door (at least that's what my granddaughter would do). You say she "sneaks" into your bed citing all kinds of excuses. If she's verbalizing excuses, she's not "sneaking." Don't you notice that she's gotten into your bed? It's the "sneak"part that I don't understand.

What I have done with my grandson is just never to allow him to get into the bed. I get out of bed, walk him back to bed, and that's that. It didn't take many nights, and he stayed in his room and it hasn't been a problem since.

It sounds like to me you're looking for a way to resolve this that won't require you putting out any effort. Won't happen. Door locked or not, you're going to have to get up and put her back to bed. I can't imagine that she'll find the door locked and then just walk back to bed. You're going to have to get up!

If I was "in the mood" I would certainly lock the door during that intimacy. But I would never lock my kids or grand kids out. If they want to come join us in bed the can. They are only kids for a while and that snuggling is something they will remember for the rest of their lives.

I would lock the door for the romantic time of the evening, but unlock it for sleeping. I think it is too dangerous for your daughter not to be able to reach you if needed. I guess my attitude with my children is that they are always welcome with us, to come to us, etc., day or night. I don't have off the clock hours with mothering. But, I totally understand how tiring this is for you. Perhaps you can have her bring a blanket and pillow to sleep on your floor if she gets up at night. Have her bring it in, and let her sleep on the floor. Not as comfy as her bed, so perhaps this will break her of it. Is she an only? If so, remember that she is the only one sleeping alone in the house. Our boys share a room, and our girls share a room. Nobody sleeps alone in our house. And they love it. They don't feel lonely if they wake up at night, and they have that really tight bond that sharing a room with each other gives you. If she has a sister, perhaps you can encourage that bond instead.

yes, lock your bedroom door! We will lock our door at times... I would rather her wonder what is going on then see what is going on! lol!

you made no mention of punishment or discipline when she does this, what are her reasons to not do it? You can either lock your door and deal with whatever she comes up with next or you can punish her for not listening. most important thing of course is to stay consistent.

My friend used a reward chart instead of punishing her son for getting up during the night. He had a special calendar on his wall that ever morning he would get a sticker if he stayed in his bed all night. At the end of the week he would get a special outing with either mom or dad to get ice cream or the whole family could go to dinner and he got to choose where to go. After awhile he would stay in his room without the use of the chart.

Once he had mastered that issue they would use the chart for something else that needed work.

Good Luck!

And personally I always lock my bedroom door when my hubby and I are getting busy. LOL!

Well the door is always locked when hubby and I are busy - unless the kids are at school or daycare...

You need to just put her back. Don't talk to her or answer any questions or reassure her. She's old enough to know better. But it's her routine at the same time. My kids know only 2 people are allowed in my bed. Sometimes my 4 year old will tell my husband to sleep in his room because he wants to sleep with me :). I just like my space and don't mind if we're watching a movie, but I really like to sleep without anyone all over me.

Lock your door.

Also, teach her your room is private all day, not just at night. If she needs something during the day, she has to knock on the door and be invited in. If she bangs on your door at night, then she can go and sit in time out or scrub the walls with a damp, soapy rag. You have to give her some discipline and let her know you are serious about her not coming into your room, like another mom said, she is old enough to obey.

My DD's door has a door knob cover on the inside. She can't get out. Now, she's also 3, but I think that a lock one way or the other or teaching her to knock is better. FWIW, we also lock the door when we do not want to be disturbed and unlock it when we would be OK (rel. speaking) with an interruption. I would lock it when you need alone time and unlock it when she could come in, but if she does come in, steer her straight back to bed. It may take a while, but once she realizes that she won't get to sleep with you, she'll stay there.

I'd also teach her about alone time - there was a Little Bill epsiode about it that if you can find it she might understand it. Not just sex, but any time (using the restroom, getting dressed).

do you get on to her? i mean i assume you do - but my son knows, after bed time, it's bed time. there are times i get frustrated with the excuses and the popping out of his bed (he doesn't come into our room, after we go to bed he knows the battle is lost) but dang, when i get frustrated with him and he peeks that eyeball around the corner i just point back to his room and say in a firm voice, "GO." he knows. no more excuses, no more whining, if he starts i just cut him off with another, "GO!". if she is good about listening with everything else, then it's probably just that this has been allowed to go on, right? i mean for two years you say...

i say get firm with her. no attention, no loving, no listening to her excuses. cut her off when she starts it and tell her GO BACK TO BED NOW AND DO NOT GET OUT AGAIN UNLESS YOU HAVE TO GO POTTY. period. and it might call for a swat on the bum if she keeps it up. i would not be willing to stay up and wait for a timeout to progress.

i don't deserve to have my sleep interrupted. my child does not get to treat me that way (i take my sleep pretty seriously). IF there is a legitimate need, then yes. i always get up for nightmares, wet beds, etc. but if it's the yelling for mom and dad for an hour after he's been put to bed, popping out to "tell me something"...UGH. no way. i put my foot down. sometimes ya gotta be a little bit mean mommy.

-fwiw i don't lock doors...never have. i think there's hope for you though - if she minds for other things, she just needs to know you're serious and i bet you'll get your privacy back :) good luck!

we have a baby gate that we place in front of our 5y's door so that she can't leave her room. its one that has mesh so that she can't climb over it or crawl under it.

we do have a lock on our bedroom door. its only locked during times when we don't want to be interupted.

A 6 year old is way past knowing how to obey and go to bed. Yes, I said 'obey'. You should lock your door if she continues and tell her it's your personal space for her dad and you and that you need time alone sometimes. I had a 2 year old who kept getting up and getting into things in the early mornings and the pediatrician told us to put a lock on his door for his own safety. We did but not for long as he learned quickly. Not sure I'd recommend that for a 6 year old but I'm wondering if she listens to others things you tell her do or not to do. You need privacy.

sometimes its easier to let them climb in bed with us then to get up. but once I started getting up every time and walking him back to bed, as many times as it took, over and over, it cured the problem! He occasionally gets up to use the bathroom and wants me to walk him back to bed (or if he has a nightmare) but he never expects to get in our bed

I'm with Gamma G. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't lock your door during intimate times. But personally, I'd be fine with opening the door when we're done so that my son can come in if he wants at that point. I don't like the idea of a locked door between me and my kids for the whole night. But that's me. During intimacy, though, definitely lock it!

yes, but be prepared for her to bang on the door.

We lock our door at night. Our kids never did that though. If they need us, they knock but they all sleep in their bed at night. Keep talking to her and reinforcing bedtime and staying in bed.

I have to say I could never lock our door. It'd make me too nervous and seems mean. Plus, I work so am away from my kids all day already. Our oldest was a pain in the neck like this too. So we put a mattress on the floor in our room. She slept there for quite awhile. We said no way to our bed. She eventually just got over it. Now she sleeps just fine in her room though she does like someone to stay usually while she falls asleep. She's always been a demanding sleeper. But I've felt like it's a need she has and as her mom who's gone all day at work, I'll do my best to kind of make it up to her. Our youngest has always been fine about sleeping on her own. Sometimes she'll even tell us "good night!" as in "leave!" So your daughter may just be this way and I'd give her what she needs. She's only 6. My husband and I would just go to another bedroom btw if we wanted to.

Our door is unlocked unless we are having "mommy/daddy time" - then it's locked. Keep reinforcing that she needs to be in her bed. One thing I do with my son is sit in the room as he falls asleep - I'll work on my laptop or something. I think he likes the security of me being with him and I enjoy the time I spend with him. Maybe that might help her not to come into your room so much. Good luck!

I guess I would first try explaining when she can come in and for what, and setting expectations that if she does come in you will calmly walking her back.... over and over if you have to. I also would lock the door when you need to (to avoid any awkward moments)...

We had a baby gate on our boys' rooms for the longest time, not to keep the boys in, but to keep the dogs out of the boys' rooms. Even then (and now), we still lock our door whenever we're "in the mood." Then whenever we're finished, we open our door so that we'll be able to hear the boys if they need us.

We don't use the gates anymore because we don't have a dog that bothers the boys in their rooms, but we do still lock the door whenever we feel romantic. :)

I would buy a cheap interior door and have Lowe's or Home Depot cut it a foot higher than the doorknob and sand it well so there are no splinters. Install her doorknob backwards so that it locks on the outside. Put that door in the place of her current one. Tell her NO more coming out of her room at night, and that's it.

That way you two can have sex, and she will have to stay in her room. You shouldn't be putting up with this from a 6 year old.

Dawn