My dh for 5 years shows absolutely zero affection towards me. No kisses, no hugs, no holding hands, nothing. He only wants to receive love but does not want to give it back. He is so lazy. Every weekend of us looks like this: he watching tv or playing video games all day long while "playing" with our 3 yo son. I cook, clean,wash dishes, go outside to play with my son, shop...and during the week I work full time as well as he. He just orders me around: "make me a cup of tea, bring me this or that, our son needs water, food, he needs to go have his clothes changed..". I am just tired and hurt. I don't feel loved or appreciated for what I do. He tells me it is my duty, I am wondering what's his...if I get tired and don't want to get intimate to him more than 2 days in a row he picks up fights and tells me I do nothing, that I am a bad wife and a mother.
More and more, I am coming to the conclusion that many (or most) men don't change until their feet are held to the fire. Do what you will with that advice.
Sounds like my ex.
Please review what a healthy marriage relationship looks like. www.youarenotcrazy.com
And start learning to say "no."
Make an escape plan then do it and file for divorce.
Talking to a women's shelter can help you figure out how to proceed.
welcome to mamapedia!!
I have more questions than answers for you....
so - tell me - why did you date him?
why did you marry him?
why did you have a child with him?
Do you go to church? Is God prominent in your life? Sorry - but it doesn't sound like God is anyway near your life or marriage.
How do you communicate with each other?
Do you tell him you'd like to do something different?
Do you make plans to do something different?
Marriage is a partnership. BOTH parties contribute to it. Belittling and demeaning each other is NOT what PARTNERS do. Find a marriage counselor. Get going. Learn to communicate!
The last thing you want is for your son to turn out the same way. I would guess that you don't want your son to continue to have this type of relationship modeled for him. Your husband sounds like a complete d-bag user.
Like everyone else, I would recommend making an exit plan. Stop putting up with it and be prepared to leave if he doesn't shape up.
Why did you marry him?
So you know that you are sad and lonely in this marriage. You know that he hurts you with his words and lack of affection. You know that he holds sex over your head. You already work full time outside the home and inside the home. What exactly is your question? What do you want to do? What have you done? Have you talked to him about your feelings? If yes, how does he respond? Was he always like this?
*go to counseling with or without him
*read self help books
*is there a neutral friend that can sit down w both of you?
*make a financial plan to leave him
*sit down w him and tell him how you feel and come up with a plan
*get a christian book 7 minutes to a better marriage, read it together. Get workbooks to do together
*go to church, being spiritual can help you come up w a plan & bring peace with making decision to either staying or leaving him
I hope you are on birth control
Best wishes
OMG, your husband is verbally abusive to you! I am so sorry! Have you tried telling him how his mean words make you feel? Have you tried marriage counseling? Based on how you described him, I am guessing you suggested marriage counseling and he refused (he seems like the type who would refuse). I hate to say this, but usually, people don't change, and he doesn't see like someone who will. I am sorry to be so negative, and I hope I am wrong, but I really feel he is a lost cause. If you have tried discussing this with him, and tried marriage counseling, and his attitude has not improved for the better, I believe divorce is the best choice for you. You are very lucky that you work full time, so money shouldn't be too much of an issue - compared to if a stay at home mom was to get divorced. Best of luck, and if you find yourself getting divorced, you will know to make sure that husband #2 is NOTHING like your current husband.
This man is verbally and emotionally abusive --- take your son and leave him.
I suggest counseling for you. Since you work full time, you probably get counseling benefits through work. Please ask your HR department, if you have one, or call your insurance plan.
I think that before you decide what to do about your marriage, you need to figure out what kind of life you really want, how you see gender roles in marriage, and why you have such low self-esteem that you allow someone to be so disrespectful to you. Once you have worked on that a bit, your therapist should help you figure out how to talk to your husband and what to do based on this response.
If at any point you are fearful or believe your husband could become violent, then my advice is quite different, and I would instead urge you to please call 1-800-799-SAFE.
First I would go to counseling yourself to get some expert advice.
Then I would see if your husb would join you in couples marriage
counseling (a lot if not most men won't go).
A lot of men change after they have a baby.
It takes two to make things work but sometimes you can start the change
Not sure why your husband says it's "your duty".
We women have rights.
I would see a counselor right away. Start with one for yourself.
Do you realize that a complete stranger would have more affection towards you than your own husband? I am not suggesting that you have an affair-just saying. You sound young-I would end the "marriage". Is he right-handed? I'd introduce him to his new wife. I don't mean to be vulgar-I just don't know how else to put it-you are a mother-you are amazing-what you do, ten men couldn't do if they hired 10 more men! Start believing in your strength as a mother and your talents and beauty and tell him to get lost. My heart is broken for you-you should be with someone who celebrates everything you do and puts you on a pedestal where you belong. Good luck-it is very difficult dealing with a malignant narcissist. You will call him out on his behavior and he will act stunned-and blame you...and on, and on...and on. End the cycle.
IMHO, before thinking about your exit strategy, perhaps you can sit down with hubby at a time when he's in a good mood and your DS is sleeping or otherwise occupied and tell him how you feel. You don't mention that you've ever talked with him about this. It's not fair to just plan to leave when you haven't even talked about the issue first. Hubby may not realize that this is how you are feeling. He may be emulating what he saw when he grew up. We only know what we see and learn. Give him a chance to learn how to be YOUR husband.
You guys ought to go on a couples retreat to re-motivate why you got married in the first place. Sounds like you've both sort of gotten lost in the shuffle.
It happens to most of us during a marriage and is most likely temporary. When we stop being SELFish and start caring about our spouse more than we care about what WE are getting out of the marriage, it works out. You just both have to be on that same page which requires sitting down and actually discussing it calmly and reasonably.
Good luck.
M., I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I don't know what religion or culture that you are, so I don't want to be disrespectful in any way....I agree that you should consider counseling so that you can have an objective person to talk to.
Sorry for your situation. In every couple, one is always more affectionate than the other; one is always more forward with intimacy; and one is always better with the kids. But it sounds like he has abandoned the marriage. Time to plan your exit strategy. Sorry.
