I think that there are a few things to consider. If he is physically abusive, then you need to protect yourself and your son. The bottom line though is you can't change him, you can only change yourself. If you got married looking for someone to validate who you are then you will be disappointed because people are human, and they will fail us.
Choose to reasonably love your husband. Love yourself. Take a shower and do your hair for you and for your son. Find who you are inside and live with a sense of respect that you are you and worthy! We (women) wait a long time to get validation from the ones we love and it needs to come from within. Do the cleaning and cooking etc because it is the right thing to do, not just because you need to do it for him. Do it for yourself.
Take time to think about who you are, who you want to be, who you want your son to be and how you want to teach him to live his life. What is it you want from marriage and what would it look like to you to have a healthy marriage. Write it down and journal your feelings.
You are married and while people have said to get out - i don't agree. You will still have this pleasing nature that wants validation and you will pick someone similar. We always try to pick a mate to heal our parental relationships. You also will always have a relationship with this man because you have a child together. You won't ever be rid of him so you might as well figure out how to be healthy with him.
That being said, do your best to love him but work on yourself. Do the things he has said he needs but in a way that says i will love you for who you are. Find out why you are who you are in the relationship. As you change, realize that it will bring your relationship to a head. Your changing will cause your husband inadvertently to look at himself and see who he is. It takes time, consistency and lots of prayer.
Two good books are : Women who try to hard by Kevin Leman and The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.
You married him for his good qualities and now you are seeing the bad but could he say the same of you? If we only love because of what we get from someone we aren't really loving them are we?
It starts with you, it is a hard journey and a rewarding one if you chose to take it. I hope you feel encouraged and not discouraged by my words. I just know that through my own marriage and struggles it is worth it. But i had to decide to change first and my mistake was waiting so long for him to change. Once i decided to change, it made me feel better about myself and then he was left with himself. He couldn't blame me for his unhappiness.
We like to blame others and it is a pattern that doesn't help.
Find people you can model in terms of their relationships and people who will support you on this journey and do talk to someone. I am sure the base has support for just this very reason.
I will be praying for you. I know it is a long and lonely place to be in. Blessings.