My Husband Is the Worst Vegetarian Ever

I have a friend that was the worst Vegetarian ever. She ate grilled cheese and French fries.

LOL

I agree with the other responses - let him manage this on his own.

Thought I'd chime in on some of the other things you wrote - 3 years ago, I gave up all meat and poultry and haven't had a bite since. I am a HUGE live to eat person and loved meat but am very happy with the choice I made. I wish I "lost too much weight" as I found I didn't lose any even though I eat extremely healthy at least 90% of the time. I've been on Weight Watchers to lose and it seems just as hard as when I ate meat.

i guess i see two separate issues here. being a vegetarian really isn't hard. veganism is even pretty do-able these days. it's just not that strict, especially if he'll eat cheese, and eggs, and dairy. mmmmmmm. i'm a foodie too and a lazy gal, so i totally feel ya! but it's not hard for me to fix ALL vegetarian meals, with meat on the side for those who want it. if you're cooking anyway, it's a relatively small mental shift to cook primarily veggie and still have meat yourself.
but the problem seems to be that he WANTS it to be your problem. if he's not the family cook, and i'm assuming he works too, then he needs to step up and take care of the toddler, and do more of the grocery shopping, so that it's NOT a big mental leap for you to plan and cook meals he's happy with. or, as you say, learn to cook himself.
i think there's plenty of ground for you two to meet in the middle.
khairete
S.

I agree with Laurie A. Your husband is an adult. He has chosen to eat differently than you. Sounds like you're willing to cook for him at least some of the time but he's not participating in his own plan. You've become his mother by taking on responsibility of seeing that he eats. Eating is his responsibility; not yours.

I urge you to stop enabling him to not take responsibility for his own. Treat him as the adult he is. You cook and he decides whether or not to eat. If it's convenient cook vegetarian some of the time. Because eating vegetarian is his choice it's his responsibility to learn how to plan meals. Tell him you will cook when he tells you what a vegetarian diet looks like. Then leave it up to him. Continue cooking the way you know to cook. He's an adult. Let him choose what to eat or not to eat at all.

You try to get his cooperation. You speak calmly trying to win him over with logic. You plead with him. You get frustrated and sometimes angry. Getting him to eat may have become a power struggle between the to of you. What you've been doing isn't working. Try giving the responsibility for his health back to him. Stand back and let him work this out.

I also suggest that he may be depressed. Suggest that he consider that possibility and that he talk with his doctor. I have a couple of friends with adult ADD. There are several different medications. Suggest that he also talk with his doctor about changing to a different one. Once you talk eith him let it go and let him be in charge of his life.

If he continues to be passive and stays uninvolved make an appointment for you to see a counselor. A counselor can help you figure out the next step.

Read about codependancy. It's a situation in which two people depend on each other to the exclusion of taking care of themselves.

At this point in YOUR life, I would just make him figure it out.
He is a grown up and if he figures out he needs to eat, he will eat.

You prepare what you want and you need and he can either , speak up, join you, or fend for himself.

I go to the store, I try to think of the week and what we will be eating, I will take suggestions, I always ask, "any special requests for this week?" I do change my mind. If you are here in the house you are always welcome to make what you want and we may join you we may not. But unless someone steps up, I am going to just do it based on my needs and wants.

Food is a necessity, the way we eat is a choice. His choice is his way his responsibility. You are not his mother or his nurse.

My Husband, has been VEGAN... for over a year.
Sure, I cook Vegan meals for him. BUT HE COOKS HIS OWN VEGAN MEALS HIMSELF. Too. And goes and grocery shops for his way of eating.
It is a choice. My Husband just wanted to get healthier and try out the Vegan thing. And he likes it. It is a choice. So he keeps eating that way. HE likes it.
And he does not expect ME only, to cook. His. Vegan. Meals.
And he researches it, himself.
And he cooks, himself too.

But for your Husband... have you ever thought that maybe he is depressed?
He should go to his Doctor. Not his Psychiatrist. But his Primary Care Physician.
And can't he TELL his Psychiatrist that his current ADHD meds, kills his appetite and that he wants to try a DIFFERENT med?
He is a grown up.

Once you have the baby or get farther along in your pregnancy, your husband will be nearly forced to make his own meals. Why not start now?

I would just make extra veggies while cooking your meal and he should be able to figure out the rest. There are plenty of precooked and canned meals for him to get any type of bean, lentil, or legume he needs.

I wish I would have figured this out a long time ago, if you let them do things for themselves, they eventually will.

Seems to be two different issues.
Cooking meat free meals is easy enough. Bean and cheese burritos instead of tacos, pasta with veges instead of meat, minestrone soup instead of chicken noodle, grilled cheese, frittata/quiche, all kinds of meatless options that are quick, easy, nutritious and cheap.
So I don't think it's so much that it's hard for you, it's more that you are annoyed to be planning meals around an adult who doesn't seem to help or care what you're doing for him.
Just do your best to have some vegetarian options and let him figure the rest out. I'm sure it's hard to see him not taking care of himself but I'm not sure what you can do about that. His health is ultimately up to him.

I'm a pretty bad vegetarian, and I'm super healthy! What exactly is your hubby eating or not eating? I ask because I've been a vegetarian for 30 years, and it's only been in the last 10 that i started eating lentils, tofu, étc. Prior to that I was a grill cheese kind of girl -still am!

What I do eat is a lot of guacamole and beans. We do Mexican two nights a week. Everyone else has meat tacos, I have bean. It's easy, healthy and good.

I also start the day with eggs or Special K's protein plus cereal.

Sounds like he either doesn't know enough about vegetarianism, or the meds are affecting his thought processes - both very common. Vegetarianism is not just eating salads! He still needs a balance of proteins, healthy fats, complex carbs, etc.

There is a good vegetarian supplement that meets all nutrient needs. Most people (vegetarian or meat-eaters) don't get all their nutrients either - it's almost impossible from today's diet, even if you "eat right" and "eat healthy". Panels of doctors and nutritionists have calculated that we need to eat upwards of 5000 calories to get the essentials, with today's depleted soils and nutrient-deficient foods. So while I agree your husband is starving, probably you and your child are too.

He could probably benefit from some patented nutrition that is helpful with brain function and ADD/ADHD. We've seen great results in adults and kids in 2-4 weeks. It's safe for babies, pregnant women, elderly, people on medication of all kinds, etc.

I have a husband that has gone pretty hardcore Paleo. So I just make our meals, meat, veggies, and a salad...then add an extra side carb for the kids like mac and cheese, a roll, or noodles.

So couldn't you do the same make a meal for everyone that includes three out of four things your husband can eat that are protein rich (legumes, quenoia, broccoli, eggs) and add your meat as something only you and the kids eat?

Because if I had to make two different meals every night I would go crazy.

And it is very easy to gain too much weight as a vegetarian if you over do on the carbs and slack off on the protein rich foods.

After providing him with a vegetarian dinner that works for you all then let him be responsible for breakfast and lunch.

Good luck!!

Suggest he talk to a nutritionist. Not only does he need to eat, he needs to eat well. It can be easy for vegetarians to skimp on things like protein if they don't eat beans, for example. Perhaps that professional can 1. get through and 2. come up with a healthy plan FOR HIM that he can actually follow.

What you might also consider is making veggie options...and he's on his own for the entree. That way you and the rest of the family can eat the chicken and he can make tofu, and you're not specifically making a meal for him. Just giving him the option to add to it. Kind of like when we know my DD won't eat the meat, but she can have lunchmeat instead. It would not be hard to keep some Morning Star products in the freezer for him to prepare for himself. That was our way of handling it when the kids' friends needed a veggie option.

You guys need to meet in the middle.

HOW is he not getting enough nutrients? Since human beings derive MOST of their most valuable nutrients from fruits, vegetables and grains, not meat, he shouldn't be lacking anything UNLESS he's eating ..what? What's he eating? Just empty carbs without meat?

For example, if you lay out tacos with beans, cheese and tons of chopped veggies and guacamole, you don't even NEED meat since there's already protein in the beans and cheese and guacamole and possibly the shells depending what kind you get. Same goes for most meals unless your diet is SUPER strictly for meat-eaters. Which it probably isn't. You put balanced meals on the table right? Then he doesn't need meat. When you're having spaghetti and meatballs, he can throw walnuts in his side salad and eat plain sauce with his pasta and he's having just as much protein as you. When you're having meat pizza, he can pull the meat off-there's cheese there still for protein-and you don't need a protein in EVERY MEAL, just throughout your day enough. If he just has carbs and veggies in a meal, he can eat some almond butter or hummus for a snack and still be fine. Is he still eating eggs and cheese? Ifs so you REALLY do not need to sweat this.

Im a vegetarian and have to work very hard to keep my weight down. I spend virtually no time planning or cooking, my meals are always mostly vegetables or fruit with some carbs and protein like anyone else's, only my protein on the plate isn't from meat, it's from one of all the other proteins available. I don't cook lavish recipes or anything. And I know for a fact my diet is packed with nutrients. I wouldn't know how to add meat into my plentiful daily food intake, so try not to look at this like a "strict and difficult diet".

Even meat-eaters should be eating a mainly vegetarian diet with a little meat in it to be healthiest. If you're that dependent on meat that he starves without it, you're probably not having balanced enough meals. And by "you" I mean your family. He should DEFINITELY BE HELPING!!!! Research about what??! Make food. Use lots of vegetables. Google protein sources. They're pretty countless. Don't add meat. That's all.

You're probably right, he's probably creating a problem where there isn't one in order to be difficult, but you sort of both are. Vegetarianism isn't the problem. He needs to eat, period. And he needs to help, period. These are the issues.

Every person out there who is taking meds that effect their appetite are not in control of this. If I don't get so hungry I nearly pass out sometimes I forget to eat. When I'm totally focused on a project or in the middle of something. I can get up and start doing something right off and my tummy doesn't tell me I'm hungry so I forget.

There have been times when I've started a new job and that first couple of weeks I might lose 20-30 lbs. It's not that I can't afford to eat out or that I don't want to take a lunch, nothing like that. I just am so completely focused on learning the ins and outs of a new job that my mind is totally full and I just forget.

Sometimes I think I need a keeper.

I think you have to make a decision. You say you have a toddler, don't you cook for them? You're pregnant, don't you cook for you too? Why is it hard to toss something in that's vegetarian like a salad, canned veggie, fresh cucumbers or radishes or carrots or something. If he wants to teat vegetarian he could eat a good solid meal every day.

My grandson that is ADHD gets his meds in the morning and at noon. If he's going to be doing something where he needs to be calm or pay close attention then he can have another half by 4pm but not after.

He is starving by 8:30 pm but we can't make him eat before then. We can have his favorite foods but if he isn't hungry he's not going to eat. He doesn't have that urge.

Force feeding a kid that is not hungry has taught me to be more compassionate. His meds can make him lose a lot of weight. He needs them so we have to stop being dictators and understand that everyone has different dietary needs that we do.

Cook dinner like you want. Add something to the meal that he will like and eat.If he doesn't eat after you've told him it's time to eat then he's not interested. Since you're his wife you should bring this to the docs attention. Call the office right before his next appointment. Tell them the side effects he's having. They may lower his dose a bit.

Is he seeing a psychiatrist for his meds? If not that may be a great way to go. They are up to date on psychiatric medications. Where a family doc may not be.

To me it's like going to an OB/GYN for a heart attack. The OB/GYN is a great doc and totally your fav but they know very little about treating a heart issue today.

Go to the kind of doc that is specifically for he need you have and you'll have better results.

You're going to have to meet in the middle on this. Compromise.

Meal planning makes your life so much easier.

Buy some baskets. If you have veg friendly meals cooked 4 times a week, 4 baskets. Write the day on them. In each basket goes the foods for that day's meals and the recipe cards that go with the cooked items. Baskets live in the fridge. All hubs has to do is go and pull out Friday's basket and follow the directions. Easy. Cook enough to have leftovers on the other days so he gets enough to eat. You two can sit down prior to a grocery trip to plan out the next week's meals together, which takes about 10 minutes and then you have your shopping list.

You saved the big issue for last. Another baby on the way plus toddler plus job? HE should be cooking meals for YOU, not vice versa. But it sounds like he's not really into cooking so don't depend on it.

Take him on one shopping trip with you (try to get someone else to watch the toddler for this one!). Have a list you and he draw up in advance. Then fill the fridge with things that are components of meals and it's up to him what and how he eats. You keep doing what you're doing -- putting healthy food on the table for yourself and your toddler and him, and if he doesn't eat what you make, he knows where the fridge is.

One exception: If he really is dropping a lot of weight quickly, that is a sign of many different illnesses and conditions. That would worry me if it's significant and shows clearly. Undiagnosed conditions of many kinds, and some medications like the one you mention, can cause this. He may need to get a different medication if the one he's on is causing too much weight loss, or he may need an in-depth checkup. The weight loss may not be about his diet.

The title of your post is confusing. Instead of "My husband is the worst vegetarian ever," I think it should be, "My husband doesn't take care of himself." It doesn't seem like you care if he is a vegetarian. As you said, you want him to remember to eat, as well as eat nutritious food. My husband also takes medication for ADD, but he eats all the time and always has an appetite (darn - it would be nice if he lost some weight)! Your husband should take vitamins, and eat a big, nutritious breakfast before (or very soon after) he takes his medication so at least he will have one good, nutritious meal a day. My husband does not take his medicine on the weekends. Does yours? If he doesn't, then he must have a better appetite on the weekends, right? I agree that he needs to step up to the plate and do his job of taking care of himself, so he can help you more! Good luck!

Cook what you want to eat. If he wants a specialized menu, he's a big boy and he knows how the stove works.

Buy Amy's frozen meals. Trader joes, whole foods have fresh ready to eat vegetarian meals. Whole foods has almond milk, vegi burger crumbles. Vegi burger crumbles can replace the meat in chili, noodle dishes, you can even use them to make meatballs. Daiya cheese is vegan.

Sorry I'm late responding- so behind on my e-mail!! My family is vegetarian, but when it was just me and hubs, I was vegetarian first and he still ate meat. I will say when I first gave up meat, I actually gained weight. Because I was a bad vegetarian, I just ate grilled cheese, cheese pizza, cheese enchiladas, you get the idea- lazy food. It took a bit to figure out how to do it right.

Once I had normal meals, I would make something like pasta and veggies in a pot for both of us, and then cook some chicken on the side for him to add to his. Didn't turn out to be too complicated, and it was easy enough to keep some meat just cooked and ready to dump in whatever that was vegetarian.

But realize this was when we just young married people with no kids!! Now if one of us had a different need, we would need to work together. If you can find some basic vegetarian dishes that you like, make those, and add in chicken or whatever to yours and lentils or something else to his. Hopefully it gets easier and you all get healthier!!

Good luck!