My Husband Has a Crush on His Co-worker

For the two of you: get counseling. Married people have crushes on someone else every now and then - no big deal. He did somewhat act on it: still not the end of the world but definitely needs to be addressed.

I would also suggest that he contacts a lawyer ASAP, BEFORE giving or sending his letter of apology. By seeking physical contact with her, even if it was just holding her hand, he clearly crossed a professional line and it could be construed as sexual harassment! Before putting any of it on paper and handing it to her (even if it is an apology) he must seek legal counsel.

As much as I feel bad for you, I also have empathy for this woman. Imagine how you would feel if you boss made made advances toward you... very uncomfortable and just wrong!
Good luck!

Yes, he said he is being honest with you by telling you. How do you know that this woman didn't threaten to tell you if he didn't....trying to keep the two of you from having a conversation together to get the whole scoop. And a letter sounds out of the question. Why would he want to give her written proof of what had happened incase she decided to file a lawsuit? Next thing you know she will be blackmailing him. I just don't get a good vibe from all of this...do you? Something is amiss.

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My wife wouldn't have been so generous. Holding another woman's hand on an airplane, okay, she might have been scared. Being attracted to her? She would tell me to stop thinking with my little head and start using my big one.

This is his business and she works for him. If he can't keep himself in check - he needs to find another employee and let her go. Not her fault. Is she worth risking his life and business over? I think not.

As to you - stop thinking about what if. Your husband trusted you enough to tell you about what happened. Now you need to put it behind you. And support him. Your thinking negative thoughts and worrying about what if will drive a wedge between you two.

My wife and I talk about everything. There have been women who have hit on me and I tell my wife about it. Would I do anything about it? NO WAY. Why? Because I love my wife. I respect my wife. I don't want rumor and innuendo to get back to her. Best she hear it from me.

Tell your husband to stop thinking with his little head. Don't give him an ultimatum - unless you are willing to carry it out.

Wow, first of all I am so sorry. How awful to go through this in your condition/position :(
I only skimmed the previous responses but I can't believe some moms are saying he should fire this woman. HE hit on HER, and he admitted it (yes, if a married man, or if any man tried to hold my hand I would assume he's hitting on me, wouldn't most women?) If he fires her? Oh boy, hello lawsuit!!!
I'm also not sure why he would write her a letter promising to tell you what happened. That just sounds odd, I suspect she threatened to tell you herself.
Again, I am sorry, and I would suggest couples counseling asap. I had a good friend who was cheated on several years ago and the circumstances were very similar. They ended up divorced, in part because my friend was in denial that anything was wrong and she thought her husband was always being "honest" with her. Be strong, and love him, but also HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE. Actions speak WAY louder than words!

The more contact he wants with her (the letter) the more you should be worried. But, you also should be VERY glad he told you, because that means that he doesn't know how to handle what he is feeling, and he came to YOU for help. What he is going through is NORMAL for people in long term relationships. He held her hand and she pulled away, that's good. Now he feels guilty, that's good too. Show a little compassion for the guy, he didn't actually "do" anything wrong, unless you want to punish him for a Thought Crime. Your reaction to this will define how much he tell you and how much he keeps from you in future years. What you want him to agree with is:
1. never be alone with her
2. keep talking to you about it and being honest about how he is feeling
3. don't send the letter or address this issue in any way with her
4. he can't fire her or he's opening himself up to a lawsuit

YOU need to help him work his way through this, or you will find him looking for someone else to talk to. And be forewarned, crushes happen when we least expect them, and someday you may be dealing with this very thing yourself. Think about how you would want him to respond to you.

I'm sorry but your husband's side of the story does not sound truthful. No women is going to let a man hold her hand for a minute or two then flat out reject him. She was would have stopped it within seconds. His side just doesn't make sense. There are too many variables to say what actually happened but I would proceed cautiously. By the sound of your story she isn't attracted to him but she may be if she let him touch her. Maybe he made a bigger pass at her and she rejected him but he is testing your response by giving a softer story. His side just doesn't add up.

It's OK to be mad. It is OK to cry. Don't let him tell you that you are being too sensative because you are not. Is councilling an option?

Um....I'm sorry...not adding up.

Not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but this story makes little sense.

Sounds (to me) like he has had an affair and was told by someone who knows you and him, to either tell you himself or they would tell you themselves.

I just don't see a man reaching for a "crush's" hand on a plane & then writing a letter of apology, telling his wife, etc.

OR she had no idea he was married, was in a relationship with him, found out he was married, then freaked out & ended it, demanding that he tell you or she would.

I hope for the sake of your 2 kids, and the O. on the way, that you & your husband can work this out, have ALL the truths revealed & move on to save your marriage. All the best!

First, remember to be careful who you tell in real life. People won't be as forgiving as you may be. This is outrageous, hateful behavior on his part.

You are NOT too sensitive. You do not have to decide to stay or divorce today. You have time to feel and grieve this. Of course you want to hate him. I don't even know you and I want to hate him for this.

Your husband also needs to tell his brother. He is not only putting your marriage and family at risk. He is putting the company at risk of a sexual harrassment lawsuit they can't afford. Your husband could wind up without employment, you, the kids, respect, etc... Unemployment is a stress you don't want or need.

NO woman is worth that. Obviously she doesn't feel the same.

I don't think YOU are the problem. To be honest, your husband sounds incredibly selfish and narcisstic. Instead of focusing on how to keep him or keep him in line, focus on yourself and your children. Take care of you. Start socking away money and making plans for the worst case scenario.

If you choose to forgive him, that is ok too. It is your life and you have to do what is best for you. For now, be mad and set boundaries.

And just to make sure, I would probally talk to the lady with your husband there.

Ask your husband to to a marriage counselor with you. He owes you his cooperation and it could really help you get past this and help him understand why he has these feelings.
I cant believe everyone is recommending firing this woman, your husband could be sued, and lose everything.

A., thank goodness I haven't had this issue to deal with, but you should tell him that this woman could sue him for sexual harrassment and cost the company a ton of money.

You might seriously think about telling his brother this so that his brother can keep him in check. It's his brother's dime too, that could be on the line. Talking about it with him will also help him understand the tension that will possibly be in the air over this gaffe of your husband's. Perhaps they all 3 can talk about this together to get over it. That might keep an affair from happening in the long run.

Good luck,
Dawn

What does Christie Brinkley's situation have to do with this? You can't compare anything you are going through to someone else, famous or not.

First of all, he did communicate with YOU, he did not hide this. He knows you are all hormonal right now as well which probably makes it a lot worse than it really is. The woman rejected him.... probably out of respect for you and your husband knowing that he is a good dad, husband and taking care of you while you are preparing for the birth of your little girl.

If you worry about all the what if's in life... then you'll have no life.

Praise him for communicating with you and getting this in the open. KEEP this line of ocmmunication wide open from now on. He sounds like a good man who had a brief moment of thinking with the wrong brain but he was set straight pretty matter of factly by her and you.

Don't hate for this, it didn't go further so stop the what if's. Keep in mind that you are quite hormonal as well (NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT) but you might tend to take things more seriously than you should right now.

Go hug him for being honest. Let it go. Best wishes.

I can't belive one of the Mom's suggested in a round about way that this is your fault because you let yourself go!!! UMMMMM NOOOOOO this is his issue which effects you. Letting her go from the job could be a lawsuit waiting to happen. He shouldn't put anything in writting for her to use later. I don't really know what I would do if it happened to me I know I would be mad and hurt and very upset. I do think he might want to consult an attorney. I am so sorry this has happened to you. You should both go to a therapist to help you and your husband both move on.

Hugs

Your husband is behaving like an absolute idiot and jeopardizing his business. He has the equivalent of a schoolyard crush and this woman whom he's only know for TWO MONTHS could absolutely rake them over the coals for sexual harassment, etc. etc. As the wife of a lawyer, my brain exploded when I read that: "he has written her an apology letter promising to tell me, his wife, and to move on." So, basically he is on the record for having harassed her. I'm not saying that he should deny it if it happened if she claims harassment, but things in writing can be misconstrued for high $$ value, if you know what I mean.

Our marriages are cyclical, the fact that he is attracted to another woman isn't shocking and I wouldn't care so much that he has a crush. A lifetime is a long time to stay together that's why we essentially enter into a contract "forsaking all others"...not because it changes your normal instincts, but because you agree on a mutual intention to do so. It's not that you're being overly sensitive. You deserve to be upset and I don't blame you for crying but, you know, he's acting out during a time of stress, it's NOT about you.

And I realize that's not particularly helpful since that's precisely the problem--you don't seem to factor in...but he's behaving in a very self-centered way and I'd treat him like a child who is being self-destructive. He, unfortunately, needs to be parented right now...not wifed.

Now, here's my suggestion. Go to counseling. I don't think your marriage is in some horrible crisis, but this is too touchy a topic to deal with between the two of you. You are emotional, he is acting out, you need a third neutral party..mostly for him to talk about whatever he's going through since he can't manage it himself and he's being a dumb jerk.

Good luck, mama. I hope things work out ok. If your husband's business has an attorney I'd have your husband call him up and tell him what happened in order to get ahead of this. Anything can happen, you need to be prepared and HE needs to understand how incredibly dangerous his behavior is to his own livelihood.

Edit: read the response saying to fire the woman. DON'T FIRE THE WOMAN, especially until you get advice from an attorney. Oh my GOD don't do that. Quick story just to give you an idea of how sticky this can be: we know someone who hired a woman who turned out to be a serial victim. She would get hired as as assistant for these high powered executives, seduce them (usually on "business trips") and then essentially the next day claim all kinds of mental and emotional distress, sexual harassment...and demand a settlement or would sue. Generally speaking, something like this would require a small monetary "severance" payment and a "non disclosure agreement".

If he cheats, it's because he's not good enough, not because you aren't. I haven't read any answers, but the lady needs to be fired asap. Period. Not fair to her. Too bad. She can sue if he wrongfully let her go for his hitting on her? Whatever. He needs to solve this and they cannot work together. If he refuses, you need to make preparations to move on from him, even if it takes years with baby on the way, etc. For him to have feelings like a school boy and act on them by holding hands (if that's all that happened) is a GIGANTIC character issue. Gigantic. And you're right to feel you are on very shaky ground if he is like this. Hello, the ONLY woman on earth who he could possibly SPEND this much time with away from you also just HAPPENS to be a woman he has FEELINGS for??! No. He basically has feelings for "other people" just waiting for a chance to bust out. Don't feel bad for any of your feelings and don't feel like you don't have the right to ask for things like for him to go to counseling with you, having her fired, and anything else you need. Do NOT internalize this, it is not about you. There are way more cases than just Chrisitie Brinkly to go on. Some women have trustworthy men. Far more don't. If you are going to save this, he has to try equally hard and you have to be tough. The reality is, if she had given some secret signal that she was receptive rather than reacting as she did, he would probably not have ended things right there. His character and behavior are serious threats to your relationship, be sure he makes total restitution. Stash some money, and keep alert.

Tell him to start thinking of how much money he can possibly pay her in severance in hopes she won't sue. I'm very sorry for this, but millions of women have been there, and you will be much better off in the future when this pans out with or without him. Be strong for your kids. And if he CAN'T fire her, it's a damn shame, because I'd probably leave my husband if he HAD to keep working with this woman full time from now on, just because he made a bad move.

He is telling you he needs help. He is telling you he wants you to help him do the right thing. You're a team, occassionally a member of the team needs help staying in the game.

Sure the timing is bad.

Tell him how this makes you feel. Tell him it's the two of YOU against the world. Ask him what he would like you to do to help him out of the mess.

Least, that's the IDEAL situation, right? Sigh.

I'm sorry your going through this.

I guess at this point, I would help my husband fight for my marriage.

I'm sorry. This is very hard. To rise above.

Sending you strength!

:)

Wow. I'm so sorry. You are NOT too sensitive. He betrayed your oath, how could you be anything but devastated? He DID tell you, which is good. I'm just not sure he was all that honest. His story does not sound...complete. I would really suggest counseling for the two of you. I think he needs to tell the WHOLE truth. You can't move forward without that. The truth, and complete transparency. I think he told you just enough to relieve his conscience, to be honest. (I could be wrong, and that would come out in counseling. I certainly hope I'm wrong!)

I think it would be very hard to move on and heal without professional help. Especially, with a new little one on the way. The process must be started before that baby gets here. Why did he hire her? (or, did someone else?) Was his interest in her, a factor in her hiring? How long has this been happening? What is he going to do NOW? He needs distance from this woman. He needs to find tasks that don't involve her. His brother needs to know, in my opinion. There needs to be accountability. You need to get the ENTIRE story, here. Did he get caught, and he had to come up with a story? Did she threaten to sue? I think you can't just trust his word only right now. I'm sorry to say that, as I don't want to add to your pain. I think a counselor could get to the bottom of his intentions, the true situation, why, and how to heal.

This is very hurtful. I can also see how you could feel very out of control knowing that your husband could choose to cheat, has an interest, and opportunities because he works with her. In the best case scenario, I would hope the woman could be relocated, let go, given a severance package. On the lighter side, crushes do happen during marriage, and those feelings are generally easy come easy go. Your husband had been honest with you. I think its really too bad it had to come to this (him having to tell you about it). I think these crushes are best dealt with privately so as not to cause your spouse to needlessly worry. The problem here is that you husband has to much contact with his crush and that makes it very dangerous. He also took it past thoughts and acted on those thoughts, and that I validate, is frightening. What if she had not rebuffed You are right to be concerned. But if you can't trust him for his word that he wants to preserve his marriage and family, you will likely drive him away. So while you have much real danger in your marriage, i urge you to get a hold of your feelings and don't let them drive you insane. Its time to be calm, collected, in control, and loving so that you can draw him back to you.

I don't know whether your husband is telling you the truth or not. I find it odd that she let him hold her hand for a minute or two, but I don't know the facts. It sounds like the two of you need to have some very serious conversations. But if it's just a crush and he can get past it, I think you should do your best to let it go. I completely understand the hurt. I would feel the same way, pregnant or not. It feeds into all of our insecurities. But, we all get crushes sometimes, whether it's on Brad Pitt or our co-worker.

What he cannot do, under any circumstances, is to fire her. He is opening himself up to a giant wrongful termination and sexual harassment lawsuit. And that goes beyond him, but includes your family and his brother.

Don't let other people who don't know exactly what happened (or didn't)discourage you. Don't let other people's stories (making themselves looking perfect and uncorruptible), make you feel even more devastated or make your husband look the most horrible sinner around. Only your husband knows what happened and only you know your husband and can decide wether or not to believe him BUT he really is good and honest since he told you. He's WITH YOU, he told you so you two could make a team against his temporary weakness, fighting together. I had my boss confessing he had a crush on me, once. He was really embarassed and shy and looked like a schoolboy (53 yo man). I told him I was not interested in him that way and that I admire him professionally and wanted to keep our relationship the way it was because it was perfect. He apologized to me and never mentioned his crush on me anymore. To my eyes, that never made him a bad man. He really respects me on so many levels and thinks i am a beautiful woman too, so he got confused and thought he was in "love".He is a happily married man. People make mistakes but there are many "levels" of mistake.Since there was nothing behind your back, no relationship between the two etc.. I vote for "forgiving" your husband and move on.

Well, I certainly understand that "thoughts" can feel like betrayals and you have a right to feel hurt. However, your husband did talk to you about this and even though it hurt you, he spilled his guts.

I don't think it will do any good to think of all the what if's because that will just make you miserable every day for the rest of your life. I know some women that are so jealous that if their husbands say they think someone on TV is pretty, they freak out and get mad and hurt over someone their husband will never even meet in person let alone have a shot in hell with.
Your situation is different because it's someone your husband works with. His feeling an "attraction" to her may have been just that.
I have good friends who were going through major marriage problems and I had been friends with the husband long before his wife. During one of their breakups, he said that he thought he felt attracted to me. I said, "Of course you feel attracted to me. We've known each other a long time. We don't share a mortgage, argue over the kids or finances. Your marriage is in trouble and you're confusing the love we have for each other as friends with other feelings because you don't even know what you feel right now. I love you too much to even go there with you. I love your wife, YOU love your wife, and you both need to find a way to save your marriage because I don't want to lose either one of you."
He told his wife, she asked me about it. I confirmed what he told her was true. He was honest with her. She didn't see me as a threat because she knew I wanted them back together.

My point is that "attraction" can be very fleeting or not even true "attraction" at all.
My friends got back together and haven't had a breakup since. They've been married over 20 years now. Very happily married.

Your husband confided something to you and you are taking it upon yourself to feel rejected and not good enough for him. Try not to do that to yourself. Would you rather he never said anything? Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but if you want him to be honest with you about things you can't make him afraid to tell you.
You're pregnant and vulnerable and this was the worst possible time for you to hear something like this, but don't do a mental number on yourself over it.

I really wish you the best.

Slightly different perspective -- it's not his fault he has feelings for this other person, it's not something he did to you. He didn't choose it. Any more than you have warm appreciation for a friend or dislike some loudmouth, our emotional reactions operate on a different level than choice. What he did choose was to be truthful and make steps to change the situation. He told you and apologized and is aiming to get over it.

I developed a little crush on a friend a few years back and it was awful for me. I didn't act on it and nothing happened and eventually I told my husband and it became part of our dialogue about improving our relationship. I had no intention to cheat, and didn't like feeling how I felt. The more we worked on our relationship, the easier it was to let go of those crush feelings, just let them pass as simple feelings. Because loving your spouse doesn't mean that reactions and attractions for other people automatically shuts off. We see handsome movie stars and cute models and funny actors, sometimes those feelings just come in. It's what we choose to do with them that reveals our character, and your husband is aiming to let those feelings go. Help him, help yourself let them go, and spend your time concentrating on what you have; there's no reason you can't get past this and in fact be closer than ever.

We spend so much time with people at work, sometimes more than with our spouses. Crushes are also not reality - there are no money hassles or poopy diapers or dishes, etc. There is no baggage and there is only a wide open horizon of possiblities. I would thank your husband for realizing that it is a crush and for being open and honest with you. It seems he truly is the good man you describe. Cherish him, laugh it off, maybe make a joke about how the UPS guys looks pretty good to you too but you would never risk your love and family for him.
Also somehow remind him that if he were to make the crush a reality, there will no longer be the impossible dream of everything wonderful, but the down-to-earth reality of a broken home, yours and your kids' broken hearts, and a real relationship (not a crush) with this woman would also include things he dislikes about her (right now he only sees the fun). But it sounds like her already realizes that by writing the letter to her and confessing to you.
I would hug this man, stop crying, and thank him for his honesty and remind him what made you fall in love with him.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It was good that your husband was honest. I think my husband would have been also. He really does need to get far away from this women. The strong feelings could get worse. My only advice is to take the temptation away... her. ((hugs))

Oh, and if you can, go on the trips with him. I went on all of my husbands trips. Especially because there was a co worker that liked him. One trip i took all four kids. I wanted to make darn sure that there was no temptation. Boy, did my presence make the woman angry....hehehehe *sneaky laugh**

A., I don't think you are exaggerating.
I think even without being pregnant I would be as confused, angry, worry, etc.
For what ever the reason that you husband told you about this, is out there now, and you can start working on it.
I think is normal to be attracted to other people or recognize somebody is attractive or smart, BUT, as a adults and as a couple you don't go forward, you understand that is just that, looks or admiration but there is a reason why you married and is always easier to keep a good image when you don't have to live with the person 24/7.
I would want for her to look for another job, but if it is true that she didn't give him any entrance and also stopped him and ask him to tell you, how unfair is to punish a women for do the right thing.
However, how difficult to keep working on those circumstances, can she work with you brother in law alone?
I think your husband is going to have to be careful to no do good things that look like bad, and you are going to have to decide if you can trust him enough to give some time and work in things and gain that lost trust.
No more trips alone, or late working nights alone.
EDIT:
I just wanted to add just in case, if she is saying the true and he fires her just because he is attracted to her, can she lawsuit? Just to keep in mind, this is already though situation so be careful to don't add another problem to the problem.

I would pull myself together and pay a visit to the woman to ask nicely for a little chat. Remember she is not the enemy. Your husband told you HE had the crush, HE reached out to grab her hand. Tell her your husband admitted what had happened, but you want to hear about what happened from her, woman to woman. You are not angry with her. You just need to process what happened. If she tells you the same story your husband told you, and you feel like she is being sincere, I'd be glad my husband was honest with me, and try going to counseling together to get past it. There is a chance she may fill in more to the story, if there is anything to tell. I would also go seek out your BIL and ask HIM to please tell you what he knows and what he saw happen. You deserve to have peace of mind that you have the whole truth before you can start to heal and move on.

I am probably of the minority but to me, an affair of the heart is FAR worse than an affair of the body (meaning, being emotionally connected to someone rather than just sex one night).

To me, that IS worse than "doing anything else" and he is disrespecting you. But what are you going to do about it? Bottom line he is giving no regard to your relationship or your 2 little boys or your new wee one. And what has he said to YOU about what happened? Did he apologize to YOU for being a twit? Did he beg YOU for forgiveness for disrespecting your marriage vows?

This is a bad time all the way around for you due to kids and hormones raging with the pregnancy so i'd not make any rash decisions right now, but can you trust him?

And no one here can make any decisions for you. Only you know what your limits are. Only YOU know what you are willing to tolerate for the sake of family.

I would suggest couples counseling. Or at the very least for you to go.

And I am sending all the good juju I can. Good luck.

Wow - no you are not too sensitive. If the other woman wasn't such a good woman, it could have gone farther than only hand holding - and I think you know that.

Lots of happy, healing and good wishing thoughts your way - I can imagine how heartbroken, betrayed and angry you are over something of this magnitude.

Tamela hit the nail on the head. Him even thinking about another woman this way and then acting on it by holding her hand is FAR worse than him having a one night stand. He thinks about it, and he made it okay in his head to do it.

My husband used to be like this. Before we got married, and then for about a year into it. It should have been the best times for us, but it was the worst. It stopped when I went to a divorce lawyer. He saw I was serious about leaving him and taking our two young children with me. I don't think he thought I'd ever leave.

I am stronger now and he respects me more than I ever though possible. He showers me with love and attention in his own ways, and does what he can to be the best husband and father he can be. I couldn't ask for more.

You need to stand up to him, tell him this is completey unacceptable, and I'd even ask for a seperation. But that's the stronger me. Back then I kicked him out of our room, didn't talk to him for a long time unless it was concerning our kids, and we went to counseling. Counseling was the hardest and best thing we've ever done for our marriage.

God bless.

Oh my gosh A. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It is heartbreaking. I would demand immediately that this woman be let go. I don't know what kind of legal issues this could bring, but I'd do it anyway. I'd go speak with the woman to, face to face. I'd ask her if anything but hand holding went on, and tell her what your husband told you. This is your husband's business, and I would take matters into my own hands I'm afraid. You have to fight for your family. Does his brother know if anything has been going on? Why does your husband have to have a woman working for him anyway? I don't really have any advice for you, I'm just saying what I would do if I was in your shoes. I hope things work out for you. I'll be praying for you for peace and strength.

I just want to HUG you, I'm so sorry. I do have two questions when he reached out to hold her hand you said it was for a min. or two? Why didn't she pull away right away? Do you ever want to talk with her and clear things up?

I wish you all the best

BIG HUGS
Toni

I would tell him he has to fire the woman or your marriage will be in jeopordy. Even if nothing else happened, who knows if it will down the road. Maybe she will become more attracted to him, or he to her. I would make sure he fired her, or i'd be packing his bags for him. Dont let him tell you nothing will happen, etc. Fire her ASAP.

My husband had an emotional affiar with his good friend's sister 3 years ago. It went on for 3 months and was both ways. All i can say is i am so sorry. Even though it has been 3 years i still remember like it was yesterday......how bad it hurt. By God's grace we made it......and you can too!!!!!!!Marriage is a hard work, but it's so worth it.
PS and Christie Brinkley.....yeah maybe she has it all as far as money and looks go.........but she is not very nice to people. I worked as a nanny for a family who's kids were friends with her kids and we went to her house often. She was so ugly to her "workers" and would not even "grace" you with a look unless you are on the same level with her. Nannies had Jack and Sailor most of the time,so they do not get in her way......unless (of course) they were in public.So things are not always as they seem......

I have never been in your position, but I am sure I would feel just as crushed as you are feeling right now. Having said that though, these are the resources I would turn to if ever I found myself in this position...we all are tempted to sin, it is just in our makeup as humans, but he did own up to the situation and sounds like he is making an effort to "right" the situation, so to me, that is something to show he values the family and relationship he has with you. That is worth fighting for, but it will take time. I suggest reading the following books...The Power of a Praying Wife is beyond amazing. It can give you a completely new perspective on how to deal with such an obstacle. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud can also offer some insight as to how to manage these feelings of betrayal. Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. A really great resouce that may offer some tips to strengthen your marriage. Go to www.loveandrespect.com for more information about the book and workshops they offer to couples as well. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a great book that can also help a marriage that has hit a rough patch. He also offers workshops too.
I am not at all trying to say you should become a doormat in your effort to forgive and forget, but marriage is worth fighting for (unless you find yourself in a situation that is harmful to you and your children, then you would have to decide on the appropriate action to take to keep your family safe, but that doesn't sound like the case here.) When all else fails just pray. Talk to God about your hurts and frustrations. Give it up to Him. He will show you which path to take. Many hugs to you during this trying time.
HTH,
A.

Crushes are normal. They will and do happen to us all. He told you about it. What else would you like him to do? Now is the time to pull your marriage closer, keep the communication open and honest. If I told my partner about an attraction I had and they cried for two days, I might not tell them anything next time.

And, he had better not fire her, or he will be fighting a lawsuit!

Dear A.,

Your husband did cheat on you, but it seems like he immediately admitted his conduct. First, don't compare yourself or your feelings to anyone else, especially a celebrity or someone you see as "perfect or having everything".

You are hurt, sad, disappointed and on top of that pregnant, you are allowed to feel how you feel at the moment. Apology or not, the woman or your husband should be looking for a new job. Do not hate your husband or the woman, it sounds like he was the aggressor. If you still love your husband and he still loves you and his family, please forgive him, talk it out as long as it takes and if you can't talk it out together, get some professional or clergy assistance to get you through this.

The honest truth is that many couples have experienced this kind of hurt and many have strengthened their marriage if they remember their vows and were strong enough to weather the storm. (Remember that "for better or for worse" thing)?

May God bless and comfort you through this trial and keep your family together and happy.

Blessings....

Hmmm...

First of all do NOT blame yourself and do not think that because this happened to Christie Brinkley that it is destined to happen to you as well.

In my experience, we teach people how to treat us by our actions.

Sounds like your husband needs to spend a few days in a hotel, away from you and your kids, figuring out what he has, what's on the line (i.e. his business and your kids' grocery money), and how to exercise a little self-control.

If he has feeling for her he has already cheated on you in his heart. Such a sad situation. I would dump his sorry butt.

Bless you. This is nothing at ALL about you, and 100% about him. These are his issues. I feel sure that your husband loves and adores you and your children.

As a working mom with two small children, I know how hard it is, and how hard it is on a marriage. So much of both parents energy goes into the children that its hard to have much positive to give to each other.

I've been in a similar position as your husband - working (surprise! re org at work!) with my ex-boyfriend. Sometimes I feel like I have feelings for him, even though my husband and children are all I ever wanted or dreamed of. I do NOT want a relationship with my ex, but I still have feelings.

I'm working on ignoring those feelings, and scheduling in time for just my husband and I to be together. We go out now once a month for date night (friends watch our kids, and then we watch their kids once a month) and I have an overnight trip planned for March.

I think, when people say, "Marriage is hard" or "Marriage is work" this is what they are talking about. There is NOTHING easy about having small children and trying to pay bills and still feel great about yourself and your spouse. Its especially not easy when you are pregnant and hormonal.

My advice: Continue to love him. Do not hate him. Dont feel bad about yourself. Continue to be a good wife and mom. Start scheduling some time for just the two of you.

I'm sorry.

Hi A.,
I don't have the best advice for you but I really really sympathize. If I were in your shoes, I would feel the same way. I don't think you need anyone else telling you that YOU ARE SO HORMONAL... I would feel the same way hormones or no. Everything you feel is completely appropriate, the hate, the betrayal, rejection. There you are stuck at home pouring your heart and soul into raising your children then you find out that he's looking elsewhere. It is crushing and makes us question everything. Not to fan the fire but it sounds like a little more than a crush to me. On the other hand, the fact that he opened up to you is certainly something to work with and shows his love for you. I also think it shows that this is something that was really bothering him. Either that or he wasn't being very considerate. I kind of wish he hadn't told you - I think it was kind of selfish... not now anyway. I mean as long as nothing sexual happened, I wish he'd dealt with his own feelings and spared you the devastation you feel during a pregnancy which is to be expected ...over what is really nothing, in the long run. The main problem now is that if I were you, I'd dread every time he went to work. All I can tell you is that there has been an emotional betrayal, and your feelings are not out of line. You need time to deal with it. I don't often suggest therapy but this is one situation where I really do think it wold help. It would help you come to terms with how this happened in the first place. Let's face it - working all the time and raising kids can be really libido-killing. It doesn't make him a bad guy that he developed this crush, it means he's a man. But the fact that your are responding this way means you really love him and means you are a woman. I feel very confident that you two will get through this all the better in the end. I hope you begin with being really honest with yourself about your feelings. Telling him you need time to work through these feelings is not the same as punishing him.
Good luck and hugs to you XO!
EDITED: ps. the women on here saying he has to fire her clearly do not know the first thing about the law. That would be a major violation of her rights. He needs to be very careful in this situation.