My Husband Asked for a DIVORCE Today!

Love, you need to find you a real man!!! Im sorry to hear he wants a divorce, but that just mean you havent found mr. right. Im 22 with 4 kids, and my husband has threatened divorce before. I have come to realize that if it happens, i am much stronger than he is, and i would make it with or without him. Be strong and just know everything happens for a reason.

I am so happy to hear that you're staying together!
That said, maybe while he's away you should think about taking some night school classes (which are really cheap for young mom's- I should know, I'm only 21 and I have a 2 yr old and a 2 month old) or getting a part time job or something. As much as you don't want to think about it, he might come home and pull this again, and you want to be prepared, to have some options. You don't want to have the rug pulled out from under you.
I wish you all the best of luck!

I feel your pain. All I can say is lean on "his" everylasting arm. "his" meaning God. You stood before God and vowled that the two of you would become one. That means you take the good with the bad. You said he just got out of the service, he might be going through something based on the things that he saw and/or heard. Go slow with him and try and bring in other resources to help you (pastor, counselor, therepist, ect.) May-be he trust/value the oppinons of your parents (eith your or his) and both of you could talk to them.

Bottomline: don't give up your family so easily, he is feeling some kind of way for some reason. Your mission is to find out what it is and walk WITH him through it. It won't be easy, I'll voch for that; but it's worth it if your family means that much to you.

Worse case: If it just doesn't work, I understand your not employed and that's okay, between WIC, Social Services, and Child Support you should be okay until you can stand on your own without his support.

In the End: at least you'll know in your heart that you gave it your best and you trying to work through his problem and didn't just run away. You will then be able to walk away without that "what if" cloud over your head.

Hope this helps and remember in your worse of time there where only one set of footprints in the sand because he picked you up and carried you through.

P..

Hi, T.. I was wondering how old is your husband? Because to me there seems to be a lack of maturity. I went through this same thing after just three years of marriage and my husband seemed to just want to play house but not the responsibility that came along with it. We began to do alot of talking and getting to know each other again because things change when you have children. There is usually one partner that feels neglected are one that feels that everything rest on their shoulders alone. And if there is another woman, then hopefully he will realize that love will outlast any feelings of lust. I believe in you and I know that you can get through this. I was alone with my son the first year of his life before my husband and I got married. I had a nice job, an allotment for child support set up(so when he got paid I did also),and help from a childcare assistance agency. I am not going to lie, it was a struggle, but no matter how bad it got I never let my son see anything other than a smile. So good luck!

T.,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I too have a one year old and I left my husband when he was 7 months old, with no job. Luckily I have my parents close by who have been a tremendous help.

The first thing you need to do is go to the Dept of Social Services website and fill out the form to have child support deducted from his paycheck. Do not count on him to pay it...I made that mistake. Second you can contact family services through your county (look online or call the local court house) and they can help you financially and with housing, etc. There are resources out there, don't worry. You should also tell him that since he is leaving you you need x amount of money now. Keep asking for money. The more you ask in the beginning the better your chances b/c he will feel guilty and may not in a few months.

If you don't have the resources to pay for an attorney contact the courthouse and ask if they can offer free council. They will be able to provide it. You need a lawyer now. Whatever you can get agreed to now is going to help you in the long run. Unfortunately, as time passes emotions get out of control and things don't always work in your favor. You need to look after your daughter and yourself, that is your number one priority. You can try to resolve your differences once your daughter is provided for.

There are also programs with the county that will give you groceries, family services should be able to help you find out more. Also, if you belong to a church they are a good resource as well, don't be shy, these programs are set up for people in your situation.

Contact me at any time if you need to vent, have questions, anything. I have been through hell and back and know the ropes!

S.

Hey T., I'm so sorry to hear about your relationship. Personally, I think that you and your husband should consider getting some marriage counceling before you just give up. It's so important that a child have their parents and that you make an effort to make things work. Your husband could just be having a hard time himself and doesn't know what to do. I would definately try to be cooperative with him (within reason, of course) and give him the time he needs to figure things out. However, if things don't work. There are many programs setup to help single mothers such as WIC, Childcare Network, ect. I would look into these programs just in case things don't work out. Good luck and I hope you and your husband can get things back on track again.

Smiles,
E. B

Sounds like he is a piece of work. And isn't sure what he wants... you should sit him down and ask him honestly what he wants and when he decides dont let him come in and out of your life. You need to be strong for that little girl.. and if you are unhappy she will pick up on that. Maybe he is just young and isn't ready for this type of commitment, (of course he should of thought about that before hand) but you can't let him walk all over you. There is help that you can get for you and your girl.. so dont let that be the reason that you are staying with him.

T., my heart goes out to you. I will definitely pray for your strength and wisdom as you go through this turbulent time. For starters, take a deep breath. It is sad when these things happen and it is frustrating when you can't make your husband do what you think is best. Unfortunately, his freedom to choose to leave affects you and your daughter and you can't force him to change his mind. I would do a resume and start looking for employment immediately. You will definitely need income. If it is possible, you may want to look into doing day care or working in a day care center where you could still be with your daughter while you are working. My husband left shortly after my second son was six months old and I, too, was alone with two babies and no job. I survived and you will too. You will face hardships, but you will grow stronger as an individual and realize you can do things you never thought possible. I hope that you have family and good friends to support you through this difficult time.

Wow! First, you should sit down and talk with him and see why he wants a divorce. Can you both go to marriage counseling? Sometimes men and even women just decide that they aren't happy and make anyone else they love miserable. Maybe your husband is going through something like that. Don't give in to the divorce right away until everything is talked through. Divorce is a very serious decision. I hope that helps. But really talking it over should be the first thing before any other decision.

Hugs T.!!!!!!!! Sounds like he is a mixed up guy!! Not sure just what he wants!!! And especially his timing! Sometimes when they get out, they have no idea how to function in the real world, they are so used to being told when and how to do everything from when to get up, to when to eat. Now he is having to make his own decisions and he is a bit overwhelmed. Will he talk to you at all? Will he talk to anyone? You both need some support, friends? Family?

Why does he want a divorce? Is there someone else? Depending on those to answers if I recommend trying to work things out for your daughter's best interest or take him to the cleaners. Take a deep breath, everything will work out even if it does take some time. Not very good timing on his part, you think he could have waited till his daughters birthday passed. Some men just have no feelings. Here to listen, vent if you need too. Ang

You said it all in your "A little about me" comment. "I have a one year old daughter who is my life". You will find a way for her. As for him you need to do what you feel in your heart. It sounds to me like he isn't sure what he wants and he needs to get it straight. Don't wait around for him, life dosen't have a on hold or pause button. Teach your daughter now how to be an independent woman in this crazy world. You are her role model even at age 1.

Would your husband consider marriage counseling? I guess you should ask yourself if you love him still. If you do, I would try to save the marriage if that is possible. If you do not love him anymore or if you feel that the marriage will just not work, then look into hiring a lawyer. If you go through the Baltmore County Office of Child Support Enforcemnet, maybe they can provide you with an attorney. When you consult with your lawyer, tell him your entire situation. If you have any family in the area, you may want to get as much support from them as possible. Good luck with everything!!

I am so sorry to hear about this. What timing! Have you had a chance to talk to him about his desire for a divorce? You really should sit down and try as sanely as possible to talk about it. If it gets to hard, take a break! Set the "break" rule as an option before you really start talking so you both know that it is ok to walk away for a little while.

You don't need to worry so much about taking care of your daughter and yourself. He will need to support you (I hope he is a stand up guy). Do you have family in the area that can be a support system for you and your daughter? If so, don't put the option to move in with one of them out of your mind. You will need as much help as possible and if this can help you save up some money, to provide for your daughter, than so be it. If this really does turn out to be a truthful want of his, you should consider WIC and ACCESS. This option should not make you feel ashamed, but a way to provide for you and your daughter, until you can get on your feet. I helped my sister-in-law with this process and took her to all of her appointments. If you have questions or need some support feel free to email me.

You are young and have a lot to look forward to in life, so please don't beat yourself up for doing something wrong. This is his decision and if he isn't willing to work on things then you need to move on with your life. You might consider getting some marriage counseling if you two are willing. Good luck and stay strong, everyday it will get easier!

I've been married for almost three years now. The first couple of years are the hardest. Just like you I went away with my husband (we was in Japan). In Japan there wasn't a day that we wasn't arguing and getting a divorce. I would suggest couples therapy. That really worked for us. Or maybe sometime apart. If you can see yourself going through the bad with no one else but him than I think its worth a try to do therapy and sticking threw it.

I was not married when I had my son, but his father and I were engaged, and my son was 4 months old. It's been three years and we are okay. I just want you to know that there is hope. I think that you should recommend that you try to go to counseling to find out what the problems are. In the mean time, begin to work on finding a job and saving some money. Once you start to get your independence you decision will be based on a want to be with him and not a need, because of your situation. Being a working mom is going to be difficult, but hopefully you will find happiness in yourself and if he cannot provide you with certainty that he is in it for the long haul you will at least be able to support youself and your little girl. I pray that things work out. Good luck!

T.,
I am sitting her wanting to cry for you. How horrible it must be to feel the way you do right now. I agree that you should find out the driving factors for the divorce. You may not be good enough for him and he may not need you anymore, but you ARE good enough for your daughter and your daughter DOES need you and always will. I can not even imagine what you must be feeling. But the fact that you were willing to sacrifice so much for him shows what kind of person you are. Are giving and loving person. If he does not want that love, so be it... move on and find someone that will! Marriage counseling is awesome!!! If the two of you are willing to make it work. I have been married for 10 years and I can tell you that the first 5 years are sooooo hard. The toughest job I have ever had with so many ups and downs. Marriage counseling did wonders for my husband and I!! As far as what you are going to do... there are so many options for you and there is so much assistance you can get from the state and other groups to help you both. I am a licensed day car provider with Social Services. I KNOW both them and WIC give a major discount for day care. The going rate at centers is $185/week here. They will pay me $125 per week, but the mothers only have to pay $75 per week and they make up the difference. I also think that rate depends on how much the mothers make, cuz some pay more than others. Get a support system in place. Do rely on your family and friends to help you get through this tough time in your life. Communication is the most important thing right now and if you both can sit down and have good communication, that would help! When my husband and I talk about "bad issues". We do it when the kids are in bed and with the lights off so we can not see facial expressions. Sometimes, that sets us both off, so weird, I know, but works for us. BREAKS!!! Set up the rules before hand for your talk and then no one gets upset because the rules are in place. From the sound of it... him still wanting to kiss you.... he is not sure about his decision. Is there another woman? Is there some stress with his job? So many questions to be asked. But, if he truly was strong on this, why would he being trying to kiss you 15 minutes later? There is still love there if he is trying that. Perhaps this is a break down of some sort and he is just not able to communicate it with you. Ask for marriage counseling, ask for conversations. In the end, know that he is REQUIRED BY LAW to take care of you and pay you support. Each state does it based on the income. They will include Day care in the support if needed. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I wish I could be there for you and just give you a big hug and a shoulder to ball on, a pillow to punch on and some laughs to make you feel better. Life is not measured by days, it is measured by moments!
HTH
Jenn
Mama to Bryce~9, Austin~6 Taylor~18 mnths
Step Mama to Nich~15 Christian~14

Hi T.- first off, I'm really sorry. My question is, is he military? If so, my suggestion would be that neither one of you does anything until you get counseling- him alone and both of you together. My friends husband was military- he was hit in Iraq and had to have immediate surgery followed by surgery in Germany (where she flew to be with him). The point is- he told her wanted a divorce also even though they had never had any serious problems before this- it was completely out of the blue. Anyway, he was (and is) having alot of problems from his experiences over in Iraq and needs help. I was just wondering if this may be your husband too? Good luck.

Hi T.,

I am sorry to hear about everything that you are going through right now. Divorce is tough, especially when there are children involveed. A lot of times it helps to have someone to talk to (counselor, family, friends).

It is difficult but you will prevail - I promise. I have been there and as scary as it was it made me a much stronger person. Things always seem to have a way of working out.

I am not sure what is going on with your living arrangements but have you thought about taking in children and becoming a daycare provider? This would allow you to have an income while caring for your children. You would be amazed at the sorts of tax breaks - not to mention the personal benefits of being with your children. I am not sure if it is an option but it is an idea.

Best of luck to you. Emrace your daughter right nowm It is amazing the power of their love during situations like this.

Hey T. I'm sorry to here what you are going thougt but God will take care of you and your family. The lord has the say so I'll keep you and your family in my prayer's.If you ever need someone to talk to my name T. I'm married with two boys, step daughter.

____@____.com

first, take a deep breath. second, regardless of what happens, please believe, its all for a purpose. either a learning lesson, or an opening for something new. either way, it will all be fine. you will be fine and so will your daughter.

i briefly looked at some responses that you received and i saw one person suggest counseling. when you said he got out, does that mean the service? either way, i think counseling is a great start. he does sound confussed, and considering your ages, that might be possible.

if i were you, go agianst your intial response, and step back. if you get into his face, he might pull away. just focus on your daily duties. then once both of you have had a minute, ask for information. does he still love you, what is going on in his head? honestly. then work from there.

sometimes you want what you have, but then you look around at your friends etc, and you want that to.

in the meantime, look at your expenses that you would take with you if you seperated. if this proceeds, you will need to get a job, but a job will also be good for your self esteem. day care options will present themselves once your start asking around.

realize you cant change how ppl feel, and you cant control them. but you can control how ppl treat you. dont let him go back and forth, it isnt fair to you or your daughter. if you let him go back and forth, you have unknowingly said, it's ok to treat me like that. and its not!

ppl do go thru things like this. sometimes not realizing why until much later. but even though his timing is very poor, if he doesnt want to be there, you cant and dont want to make him. would you be happy if he was only there out of guilt? probably not.

be what your daughter needs you to be, strong! you can do this. if your current dreams and goals seem to be fading, create new ones.

be compassionate to what he might be going thru right now, but dont be a doormat.

and whatever you do, make this between the two of you, dont put your daughter in the middle. that gets ugly. she needs both of you, and even if he did something to you, she still needs her daddy. so many ppl forget that and keep a parent away, and unless she is in danger, thats not fair.

i am not trying to tell you how to handle your life, but i have just seen it so many times, and the kid is in the middle feeling alot of negative emotions and it has nothing to do with them.

i hope i didnt come on to strong, if so, i am sorry.

I went through a similar type situation with my first husband. Unfortunately the "kiss" my ex wanted led nowhere! I spent too many years wanted thinking that he was going to come back. In the process it ruined my relationship with my oldest child (the child that we had together) as well as put strains on my friendships & relationships with family. I don't know you or your husband, but my advice is DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU & YOUR DAUGHTER. Things will be difficult but in the end what you need is your daughter & child support.

Good luck!!

I don't really know what's going on with you and your husband, but first I think you need to look to God in prayer. Second, start looking for a job (always have something put aside for you and your daughter). I don't know if you have any family in the area or not, but if so, see if you can lean on them or even move in if it comes to that.

I just pray things work out for you and your husband for your daughter sake.

God Bless you and your family.