My World Is About Over...

Good thing you are here, as long as you get divorced in Fl, everything is 50/50, no matter where you got married, its where you get divorced.

I understand what you are going thru. I have been married for 10years and for the last 4 years it has really been over but I can not support myself and my son with out my husbands income and vice versa his without mine. I was married in NY but I understand that where you reside is where you divorce.

M.

You have to be strong and think positive. I'm on my 2nd relationship. With my first common law husband, i felt the same like you did. I was so afraid that he was going to run off and leave me with nothing. He worked i didn't. I had 3 kids under 10. I began to think what if?? So i enrolled back in school. I went to a community school got my associates, got my driving license, opened up a bank account. I got a job at a law firm paid my own bills and when it ended i felt so good about myself. I was alone 5 years until i met my husband now. This time i married. And i'm thinking of going back to school. Just in case. Don't depend on a man, that is what i tell my daughters who are now teenagers.

Dear S.,
I am sorry to hear how you are feeling. I have been married for 11 years now. One thing that I have learned through the years is Love is a verb. You and your husband are either contributing to the relationship or taking away from it. In one instance everything can seem so black and white, and in yet another people change and grow. If you can overcome personal obstacles, work at it, and remember what brought you both together - look into all these things and don't become over concerned with what might happen. Look into repairing the garbage and making a garden out of it. Sometimes we point fingers and blame the other when sometimes it is ourselves who need repairing as well. Are you depressed? Depression can make our partners seem unbearable to live with. You might be depressed and be looking at your partner as the reason, or your partner may be doing this. Perhaps seeking professional help would do wonders. From your email there was nothing mentioned about the reasons. I have seen relationships repaired through therapy and some who have received treatment (Anti-depressants). I hope that you will seek a good therapist and find that your marriage is worth repairing. I am so sorry for you and your situation. It is good that you wrote and opened up to everyone. Keep your head up! You are not alone.
Sincerely,
C.

I really don't know much about divorce law, but I read how upset you were and felt compelled to reply simply for support. You can feel free to email me any time at ____@____.com if you need to talk or vent.

What I wanted to say was, if you even have a hint of thinking that you might want this to work out, I would suggest to your husband that the two of you visit a marriage councilor. They can give you the tools you need to argue effectively and work out your problems. Then, if that doesn't work, at least you know you both tried everything.

Hi S.,

I'm so sorry to read about your troubles. As long as you have lived here, you can get divorced here, I would think. Is counseling an option? You should try it first, even if just you go in the beginning. Does he know how you feel? You haven't really given any specifics of why "it's gone south". Have you just grown apart, or does he have a major vice (too much drinking), goes out with his buddies and not you...? Anyway, I found a link that gives the Florida state divorce laws. http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/florida.shtml
Another link has resources such as finding a lawyer and many other good resources to help you. http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Florida-Divorce-248...

You can make it on your own, as other moms have proven time and time again. You are not alone! You also need help for your depression, so please find a counselor for this need.
--M.

S.,
DONT GIVE UP YOUR SON IS TO IMPORTANT HAVE YOU TRIED COUNSELING? THERE ARE MANY PROGRAMS TO HELP WOMAN AND THEIR CHILDREN....THE LAWS IN FLORIDA ARE DIFFERENT YOU CANT GET A SEPERATION JUST A DIVORCE AND WITH YOU WORKING AND CARING FOR YOUR SON YOUR HUSBAND WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU STAY POSITIVE AND KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ME AS A FRIEND IN NEED..
P.

When my husband and i were having a hard time, i went for myself. He did join once or twice, but really it was for me. Over several years, my counselor told me that i came in as alittle immature girl (relationship immaturity) and i am leaving as a woman. We moved to Florida, i hated to say goodbye to her. Do it for yourself, you will grow more confident that you dont even know.
I got a divore in Florida, as long as one of the people live in FL for 6 months, you can get a divorce here. I was married in MD. I knew mine was over after 3 months of marriage, i should have gotten it annulled. 3 more years of ups and downs, we can all write a book. Im sorry you are going thru this. If he didnt leave me, i wouldnt have left either. But my ex would have a bad week with us and i was constantly wondering, is it over, what is he thinking. You have to convince yourself and if there is a slow progression such as this, you might know better what to do.

S.-

I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through. I just wanted to let you know that as long as you have lived in FL for 6 months or longer the divorce laws apply to you no matter where you were married. My best advice to you is to speak with an attorney now so you can see what your options are and what you can expect to receive in terms of child support and/or settlement. The Orange County Bar has a referral system, but unfortunately, I do not have a phone number for them. You can find the information online. I hope this information helps you feel at ease about your situation.

Take care-
L.

Hi S.,

I'm so sorry to hear that... do you 2 worked already everything possible to try to save this marriage? Why don't you try to go to some church? Grace Fellowship Baptist Church, in Okeechobee, is a very nice one! They have a very nice single mom group and I believe a divorced group. Not that you already apply to any of these groups but you might have some support when you talk with someone who has already been what you're being thru now. As for the $, please talk over with your husband that alone, without his help, you wouldn't be able to take care of your son alone... he should give you a pension... isn't he obliged to do it? I also do not know much about Florida laws... try to get an advice of a lawyer or, again, in the church you might find a lawyer for guidance.

God Bless,

A.

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle...have you guys tried counseling? Do you guys want to make it work? Don't give up...even though divorce is more common these days, it doesn't mean marriage isn't worth fighting for! Would love to talk if you need someone to talk to...

Will be praying for you...Remember, what seems impossible for us is POSSIBLE with God!

:) Becky

Sweetheart you will be fine! I know sometimes it doesn't seem that way, but hang in there ok - all the mamas are here for you!

If Florida is your state of residence, I think their laws will apply. Call the Legal Aid Society of Palm Beach - ###-###-#### or look on legalaidpbc.org. Maybe they can help you with your questions.

As far as having your own furniture, you can buy nice things at Goodwill or Faith Farm for very reasonable prices. I'm not sure how old your son is but I can help you with clothes and things for him maybe!

Good luck honey - you are not alone!

S.,
If you want to save your marriage then I agree with two of the suggestions made- counseling and prayer. Counseling can open up a root source of anger or resentment that neither of you may be aware of. If you love your husband with your heart, and he loves you, then it can work. It helps to have a middle person who does not have a personal "opinion", rather an observation. Pastors are great at this because they can be more human than some psychologists. Don't throw in the towel yet unless you have exhausted mediation. Have you prayed for guidance in your own situation? Sounds silly, but it is a whole lot easier to know someone else is praying for you, than to take yourself out of your situation and pray yourself. I would know.
My husband and I had a really rough year last year, and I was ready to throw in the towel because I figured it was never going to work, it was up and down. Counseling opened up that a lot of our problems were from resentment of things that happened at the beginning of our marriage, and me not feeling appreciated or validated. We are better now, we have our spats, but nothing like we used to. When we feel tension, it is a lot easier now to ask, "why? Where is this coming from?" We found that at least once a month we need a date night, and that every few months that date night can involve the kids at grandma's house. Regardless of what you chose, I wish you happiness and strength, and peace.
God Bless,
M.

Florida laws applies to you because you have a residence here in Florida and also a job here in Florida. I know you may be going through alot right now. But there are a few things you need to think about.
First, your main interest should be the boy. He is the center of your life and you need to make a life for him. Do not let your husbands or your relationship with him, interfere with that boys life. By being depressed and alone your child will feel this in you and he too will be depressed. For your childs sake, pick yourself up by your boot straps, shake it off, remember your a vibrant healthy woman that deserves much more than being treated this way, and that YOU are the master of your destiny and right now until that boy is of age, of his destiny too.
S., what are you thinking? 1,600 a month? MANY MANY MANY people would KILL for that much money per month. MANY people live with way less per month right here in Florida and have more responsibilities than a son. There are many programs out there, public services that will help you make your way should you find yourself without a man. Please do yourself a favor and remember you don't NEED a man, you CHOOSE to be with a man.
Now as for help for your relationship with your husband. FIND the money and buy the book from Dr. Phil called Relationship Rescue and the accompanying workbook. It's for you to do by yourself, not to share with your husband or for you to do together. Here's the link to them on Amazon.com:

http://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Rescue-Phillip-C-McGra...

http://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Rescue-Workbook-Philli...

If you click on the Used/New link, you won't be spending anymore than $20.00 for both and that's including shipping. If you think that doing this is stupid and will never work, then you don't really want to do anything for your relationship except watch it slowly fall apart.
So get real with yourself and your life. Stop being co-dependent on a man and realize you have a life WITHOUT a man, you call it your SON. :-)
Blessings,
Lady Athena

How long have you lived here in FL? Most states do allow for the state you are currently residing in for more than 6 months and are not migratory, then the state you live in laws matter. So if you have been here for more than 6 months and this is your "permanant residence" then FL divorce law is what the courts will go by. The state you were married in is not a factor any longer. The state you divorse in is what will fallow you for a while.
First I would recomend counceling, some pastors or centers will do it free or reduced. 1600. is not bad and I know you could get started. There are lots of recources available. But again, I would recomend counceling first before you consider divorce unless there is a abusive situation.

I'm so very sorry to hear about you and your husband. First things first if you are sure it is going to end in divorce go have a consultation with a few lawyers. Some will do them for free but chose one you feel most comfortable with. I went through a divorce about 2 years ago but we didn't use a lawyer because we agreed on everything. Secondly someone has to leave but it may not have to be you. If you can't afford the house it might be wise to find some you can afford but keep in mind you will get child support. And make sure you do the child support before the divorce. As soon as one of you move out and you are separated you can seek an order for child support. If you want to email me please do so. ____@____.com K.

First and foremost you need to sit down and have a talk with your husband. Not about making amends but discussing future plans in case of a break up. Talk to him about getting child support and not by him promising to pay but by you putting him in the child support system to make sure he helps out. Also, if you make 1600 a month you can definitely work something out with your own place. There are alot of programs that help like 4C, WIC, etc. that you would qualify for. With the Divorce Laws you can't get alimony unless you've been married or together for 10 years and his income was a vital part of your finances but you can look into it further just in case there are special circumstances. But you can definitely get child support. I hope this helps

Hi S.,

Sorry to hear of your situation right now. Have you tried biblical counseling?

If you want to contact me directly, my email is ____@____.com

God bless,
B.

S.,
I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Are you going to church? If not you may want to start.
The main problem with marriages is communication. Open up the lines. Ask him if he's unhappy. And what you can do to change that. He will follow suit.
God Bless.

I'm sorry that I can't help with the emotional side - have you suggested a counselor? Get professional help if you think your marriage is worth saving - don't try to do it alone.

As for the legal side, you can get a divorce in Florida as long as you've lived here 6 months or more. You can do a search on the internet and find tons of information about divorce in Florida - it's almost overwhelming. (My divorce was final April 13th)

If it does come to that, you need to plan. Start saving money, get your own bank accounts and credit cards, etc, so you won't be totally dependent upon him. But, let's hope with counseling it won't come to that.

Good luck.

A.

Hi, S.! I am sorry to hear about your situation. The law that will apply would be the one where you get a divorce. As far as I know, that is how it works out. It is difficult to go thru a divorce. Have you tried counseling? Is there still love between you guys? You have to take it easy and think what is the best for everyone and most important your emotional health. Good Luck, L.

S.,
Hi I see myself in you. I have been married 19 years and have 4 boys 16/13,11,2 and no income of my own. i know that it will be immpossible to survive without his income. The marriage is unbearable and like you do not kow what to do. Hang in there. I believe that things will get better. With faith and prayers, things should change and if not, there is a reason why things happen.
If you need a friend to talk to, i see that a ton of moms have said they will there for you. I am in your situation, and if you want to talk and vent you can email me at, ____@____.com
Hang in there and take care
S.

Trust in God; and your own instincts. You will be okay. Riverside Pyscholigical is a great place for counseling. Dr. Cimino. I go there weekly. Try all resources to save your marriage, and if it is inevitable, get help. First call for help & churches often will guide you thru all the processes. Take care of yourself & child foremost! If you need some one to talk to-email me: kathy at ____@____.com

Hi S.

I am sorry to hear that things are not working well with your marriage. Before thinking of divorce I would really encourage you to think about where you two have come from. It was love that brought you together and I know it's hard to see that when you are arguing over little things and big things. Children also add to the stress though they are a joy. Please put your marriage into perspective and keep in your heart- DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION unless it's a matter of unfaithfulness. I hope things get better for you- I really do..if you need to talk, please email me at ____@____.com.

T.

S.,

Your life is not over!! You have a son you need to look after.
If you are not talking about a divorce yet there may be a solution marriages have their ups and downs, but hopefully you guys can work out.
I am going through something similar only that I have just found out that my husband has had an ongoing relationship with a co-worker for a month. He denies that anything has happened, but I don't believe him and I am stuck right now because we just bought a house and actually had my parents move in to help with the kids so my decisions affects the lives of many people. He is asking for forgiveness and all I can do is pray that I can, because right now I do not know.
Hang in there..

First off, don't let it just go downhill from here. Try counseling, and just open up ALL lines on communication. Let your husband know you love him and you want this to be your only marriage. Now, let's say it does end up in divorce, yes it's hard to get through but, it's not the end of the world. I have my two best friends that have gone through divorce and though it was a tough time for them they got through it and now have healthier, happier relationships they are in now. Also, $1600 a month is A LOT better than some single parents out there, you just have to budget. Seek your friends out to console with and find your inner strength, we ALL have it. Oh the 3 years were not for "nothing". Every experience we have makes us a stronger, better person and you have to be there for your child(ren). I'll pray for you.

S.

Honey first let me tell you that we as women must begin to think of our own happiness. If things are not in good shape and you think you two may end of divorcing try and prepare for it. You world is far from over! Honey, it may just be beginning..

Florida's Statutes discuss residencing in Florida for the past 6 months, so although married in another state if you are planning to divorce, as long as you both have resided in Florida within the last 6 months, you can divorce in Florida and all Florida laws would apply.

If you would like to email me personally that is not a problem (____@____.com) We have some commonalities.