My Home Is Turning into a Zoo

I hope you have a big house!

Chore charts might help.

And, personally, I'd put condoms in the candy dishes. ;)

Nine teenagers including two pregnant 18 year olds??? Certainly you must expect the older five to have jobs out of the home (all five, yes the pregnant girls as well!!) while they all contribute to household chores. They seem to have way too much time on their hands. You must stop the rest of them from being cut off at the pregnant teen pass.

You sound like my mom. She's wonderful. She does everything for everybody.

My sister has lived more of her adult life at my mom's, than she has on her own. My sister has 4 kids. They all live at mom's too. Mom does their laundry, cooks, cleans, vacuums and is the de facto "parent".

My sister also has moved in two different husbands over the years. Those poor guys, couldn't keep a job. Not their fault - nobody told them being consistently late was a fireable offense.

My sister is currently dating someone with three kids of his own. Guess who provides before and after school care? My mom.

My mom is an enabler. She also questions how to balance her job (yes, she still works outside the home).

My mom is "loving" my sister out of any responsibility. My mom picks up the slack - and so my sister never contributes.

Chore charts; get-a-job deadlines; get-an-apartment deadlines; make-the-kids-clean-up-their-room threats....all ignored after a few days.

My mom has decided the struggle to get housemembers to contribute is too much - so she still does everything - just without asking (demanding) help.

So I see your situation not from the present, but from a few years in the future. It's time to set and enforce boundaries. It's time to teach the little birds how to fly on their own.

It may also be time to have "the talk". But I don't want to be snarky and you didn't ask about that.

But I am perplexed - 8 kids - 3 sets of twins equals 5 pregnancies you've had. I would think you have a much better handle on what to tell the girls than we would. I'm sorry, but that last question really makes me wonder if this is a "real" question.

Young people that are becoming parents need to know it is not about them anymore! It is quickly going to be about the children they decided to bring into the world.

Everyone must be responsible for some household chores, completing school and working a job to contribute to the grocery bills. I raised two boys and a daughter so I can imagine how much 6 teenage boys and 2 teenage girls can eat! You are out numbered 8 to 1 no wonder you are feeling stressed!

I disagree with some of the others about rehoming the pets because they are the least of your problems and they did not cause it. Put this on the backs of the new adults not the pets.

The 8 semi adults should have no problem be careing for the pets, cleaning up after themselves in your home's common areas like the kitchen, living room. They should also be keeping their rooms and bathrooms clean, and doing their laundry. If not they should make other arrangements.

They need to know doing adult things comes with adult responsibility. You have accepted them as they are, loved them, worried about them and provided them with a safe place to live. As long as you do for them there is no reason for them to step up and do anything but hang out. You have done enough!

What on earth! The critters would have to go and the kids would have to keep their pants up! If they can't take care of critters they shouldn't be having babies.

I would absolutely love have live in maids and butlers....I would sit on my hiney and eat bon bon's...lol.

Truthfully, there should never be a dirty dish, a piece of trash, a dirty washcloth or towel, no laundry needing to be put up, etc...that many people should be taking care of you.

I would say that if any of them are over 18 they need to get on the waiting list for low income housing, it can take a year or more, especially the pregnant ones, they would get on easily. They need to be on medical cards, the pregnant girls on WIC through the health department so they can have some of their own food, plus some of them could be working at least part time after school. Even pregnant girls can work. After school they could work in child care, not only is it good training for when they are parents it is a little extra income.

I would say have some serious lists and charts. I listed every single thing that needs to be done and cut them into strips then put them in jars labeled every day, every week, every other week, monthly, every 3 months, 6 months, yearly, etc...how ever it fits. I did this just one time. Then hubby and I sat down and took turns picking one out of each jar. He didn't like the jobs he kept drawing out. He finally realized that doing the dishes and taking out the trash were pretty easy jobs and he does them most of the time without complaint now. I do the rest but it is my system and I like most of it.

I would perhaps use this as a teaching tool too. Each person would have a visual "shock" of all that an adult has to do. It would also give them the opportunity to have to show some responsibility.

The chore charts:

Have each person's name then across the chart have plenty of space to write lists of stuff.

For example:

Daily

Gamma
Breakfast
Laundry, 3 loads,

papa
check toilet paper in all RR's, gather all hampers and empty them, lunch,

Kid 1
Clean up after meals in dining room
feed animals wipe toilets off

kid 2
do dishes after each meal
scoop litter

Kid 3
put clean dishes away when dishwasher is finished/dry, before the start of the next meal

Kid 4
Sweep and mop floors after meals

Kid 5
Pick up stuff outside

Daily, fix meals, do dishes, put clothes in their own hampers, flush toilets, wipe up sprinkles on seat and rim, etc.....

weekly, yard care whether mowing or shoveling, cleaning out all vehicles and detailing the soda spills, goo on carpet, dirt on seats, etc...they should sparkle, wash car if desired by mom, repair broken household items, dust furniture, wipe down cabinet doors, get all goo off, clean spots off carpet, use a spray foam and scrub brush, vacuum all floors, clean out fridge the night before trash comes, wash it out with light bleach water,

bi-weekly, plan menu for the following 2 weeks, make shopping list with ingredients for menu, go shopping with mom and don't ask for anything, drop off bills at businesses,

monthly, move all furniture and appliances and clean under/behind, run dishwasher with vinegar in it, run washer with vinegar in it, clean out kitchen cabinets,

3 mo, go through clothes and donate unwanted or hand down too small clothes to next in line, clean out closets and floors under beds, inventory pantry/all food for dates and quantity,

6 mo, clean ceiling fans, take down curtains and either wash or dry clean, fertilize flower beds and turn over any garden areas, trim trees, check for broken limbs from storms/age/winds, check outside wiring on house for loose "looking" (No touching) connections, change out air filters on outside AC unit,

yearly Clean gutters, outside windows, scrap painted areas and paint trim,

The point is to make them see and understand how overworked you are. They should be helping every minute. You should not have to lift one finger to cook, clean the kitchen, do a load of laundry unless it is your own, etc....

You can use this to so many advantages. The lists of course would be your own design. My friend that I was a nanny for had a list in each and every room of her home.

The dining room had one inside the china cabinet, it stated "The dining room is clean when: the table has been cleared and washed. The chairs are free from food, the floor has been swept and any messes mopped up, the plants have had a little drink, the book shelves have been dusted, etc...I can't remember everything.

The bathroom had one: The bathroom is clean when: the tub has been cleaned, the toilet has been scrubbed and the seat is free of pee and pooh both underneath and on top, the cabinets are neat and wiped off, the laundry has been put down the chute, the floor has been swept and mopped....

This taught the kids to know when something was finished or not. She had 7 kids from 6th grade down to a toddler when I went to work for her. They had an immaculate house all the time, the kids rooms were of course messes but the dad came home from work every day around 3:30 and while I was starting dinner he would be upstairs with all of them working on their rooms.

Customize this plan to fit your needs. They are kids and need to learn, they are soon to be adults who haven't a clue and it falls on you to prepare them. They will learn a lot after they move out and come to realize you were right. The chores you have them doing will become habit after they have their own places and they figure out they don't want to live in filth. You may not see any results and have battles on hand but it is teaching them a lot.

wow- I really hope you are not cooking and cleaning up after all the adults in your house! Your house should be clean- laundry done and animals taken care of while you are at work or everybody gets out! All that dont have jobs (please tell me some do) should contribute to the house all that have jobs should contribute to the bills. NO Exceptions! Chore Charts- carpool charts- bill charts All in plain view and Everybody is contributing those that dont are going to have to go somewhere else there is NO WAy you can do this yourself.

You need to learn to say no. There is no reason why you had to take in your son's girlfriend so they could play house without any responsibility. Basically you are enabling irresponsible behavior and I can tell you from what happened to my coworkers you now have a new family to support.

What are the ages of the kids? Do they do any chores in the house?

I like another poster mentioned have the pregnant ones (son/girlfriend and daughter) file for low income housing. So you know that they are leaving the nest. Parenting classes would be mandatory and so would some kind of job.

Make a work/chore chart for everyone and get them on board. You shouldn't have to come home and do all the work. They need to learn what it is like to care for themselves.

Do you really need all the pets? How much money does it take to care for them and that includes the annual vet trilp?

Take back your home and put a time frame on it that at this age you are out or go to school, work or the military. No backing down on it. Stand firm no more enabling. Have you got a retirement plan in effect? If not then they have to go.

Where is dad?

The other S.

PS As they used to say in the old days, "I raised my kids now you raise yours." An occasional babysit but not everyday. Have the kids when you want them and not have them "dumped" on you with no advance warning that stuff does not fly in my book.

Teenagers need to be responsible for themselves in terms of their rooms, their laundry, cleaning up after eating. Any of them who are legally adults (over 18) should be bringing some money into the household too. It's nice for you to want to help them out, but they should be working (yes even pregnant ladies). Everyone can take turns cooking and cleaning up the kitchen. If the pets belong to the kids, they should be in charge of their care. Teens can rotate cleaning their bathroom. I hate to say it, but if you have taken on too much, you may need to rehome some of the pets.
Good luck

JOBS! Jobs for everyone, you don't mention if all the 'residents' have jobs. But that would be a must. No excuses, well except for the pregos maybe.
I wish you luck

If you're OK with all of those people living with you, that's great. I would break up all of the house chores -- every single thing you do -- and assign it to someone. Everyone over the age of 16 should be able to help out. And everyone 18 and older should be in school full time or working. You really shouldn't be doing any more around the house than any of your kids (or the girlfriend). Even the pregnant girls can help out.

For example: everyone takes a turn to cook dinner.
Monday = Boy #1
Tuesday = Girl #1
Wednesday = Mom
Thursday = Boy #2
Friday = Boy #3
Saturday = everyone does their own thing
Sunday = Girl #2

And everyone gets a type of pet to care for (girl #1 does the dogs, boy #4 does the cats, etc.), or a house chore (boy #5 cleans bathrooms, girl #3 keeps the kitchen picked up).

Is anybody helping out with anything? At those ages, they need to be expected to help out around the house, and if they are old enough to get pregnant, they are old enough to at least have part-time jobs and contribute toward household income. Obviously they will have to stop working at some point, but there is no reason for the boys and non-pregnant girls that are 16 and up to have some kind of part-time job, even if it's just working at Burger King. With that many teenagers in the house, there is no reason why you can't assign daily chores to everyone, like washing dishes or cleaning the bathroom or pet care. They should be responsible for their own laundry as well. Where is your husband in all this? Is he around to help out in any way? Is there any expectation that the kids that are 18 and up and done with school to eventually move out on their own? Nobody should be expecting you to do it all, especially at the ages they are at. Make sure you are not enabling them and any irresponsible behavior. Make sure you don't have a problem sometimes saying NO. It will only get out of hand if you let it.

in all fairness, we need more info. It is too easy to assume that the kids are not working at jobs & you need to learn to say "no". :)

Instead, can you share with us what exactly each family member is responsible for & how they provide for their own incomes....especially the parents-to-be? What is the breakdown on chores for everyone? How many of the teens work? How many drive? & why isn't the pregnant girlfriend living with her parents?

Knowing this info is really the only fair way we can help you with solutions to your zoo!

nobody gets a free ride!! Even when you are pregnant. You are paying the rent and all of your tenants need to be doing the work around the house. Sit everyone down and let them know the expectations up front! They should all be paying a nominal amount of rent to live there. You can hire a housekeeper with the money or save it for them and give it back when they leave. You are asking for a nightmare if you don't put boundaries on this gig. Get some rules in place now. Your house will take a hit with all these animals. (ruined carpets, stains, etc) Not to mention the smell.
Umm I don't remember getting to sit around and wait for my babies to come. I worked and cleaned my house. Didn't you!!!!!!!

Hey -
It definitely sounds crazy at your house and you have gotten a lot of advice. But, you need to have a sit down meeting with everyone and talk about the expections and responsibilities. I just want to let you know that I have an 8 year old son and he 100% takes care of the trash and our pet and a stray pet outside. He 100% does his own laundry. Together, we clean the house - he does his own bathroom and we both vacuum and clean the kitchen. So, your teenagers are more than capable of helping.

And, as others have said, definitely investigate what options are available with the state for the pregnant girls. WIC alone would be invaluable. And, you should not have to do this research yourself - task them to look into it and find out what they are eligible for.

Good luck,
L.

Your son and his pregnant girlfriend should be supporting themselves. They are going to get very accomodated to playing house with all the responsibility falling on your shoulders and once the baby comes, and you are footing the bills and an immediate babysitter - they will be there for good. Same with your other daughter who is pregnant.

My advise would be to sit down with your son and his girlfriend, look through all their finances - how much they are bringing in, what they can afford as far as rent, do they need to sell expensive cars and get more reasonable ones? Figure out with them how they can make it work and guide them out of the house.

I suspect this will not happen though. Good luck - it will get much worse when the two babies arrive and you are also a main caretaker and bread winner for that little family.

The problem is not the animals. I really don't have any advice - don't know what I would do in your situation, but just wanted to throw in my two cents about the animals. They don't have a choice in what happens to them, but your children do. Don't make the animals suffer because the kids.
God Bless you and good luck!

Love the advice about shifting focus from self to others. That is a hard lesson to learn at any age, but especially as a teen and even more especially after you have had people awing over you being pregnant and that shifts to the baby. I'd help prepare them for the hard work ahead - enroll in parenting classes at local hosptial - be sure the guys are there too.
Maybe a good discussion or presentation about birth control and ability to get pregnant even in the months following having a baby. . .
I am on the fence about all this "getting a job" stuff others have put out there.
I do believe any of the kids who are having kids need a monetary job out of the house, but any others may have school, extracurricular sports, etc. and it doesn't sound like finances are a concern from your post, but how to get it all done.
That said, love all the great input about a chore chart, who needs to do what and minding their own space in terms of laundry, etc. maybe even develop a laundry chart for who has the machine at what times and if they miss their turn, well dirty clothes it is.

Maybe this is hokey but what about family meetings? It would give everyone a chance to share their upcoming work schedules, school schedules and chore schedules. Also have the pregnant ladies expressed any interest in a parenting class or two? I think that would be a good idea. I think you should make very clear boundaries (who is cleaning what and when, who's babysitting or not when that arises, what the expected financially contributions to groceries and so on will be, grocery shopping day and who goes, etc.). I don't have any outstanding advice but I do wish you and your bunch all the best.