My Friend Takes My Son's Clothes!

I would keep a tub of clothes that normally you would donate to goodwill and put them aside - when she asks for clothes for her son - get some out of there!

The next time she calls to get together, just ask her, hey, can you please remember to bring 'x,y,z' when you come? The person that gave them to me were asking about why he didn't wear them.

M.

The other moms are right too about asking directly and confronting, but If confronting or standing up to her isn't something you feel comfortable with, I would just do as you suggested and only loan her clothes that you wouldn't care about losing. You could also pick up a few pieces at garage sales to keep on hand for when she visits.

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Next time she visits, ask her to pack all the things she has borrowed (and list them for her) and remind her that it will be easier for her if she brings extra clothing for her son, which will save her the cost of mailing your son's clothes back to you. Also label everything of your son's - take a sharpie marker and put his initials in the label of EVERYTHING. You can make a point of it, or you can say the school requires it, or whatever.

Then, when she visits, take the approach that you need to sort out everyone's things before she leaves. Say you would just feel awful if your son had her son's things, and you just know she would feel terribly if she had your son's things.

Otherwise, ask her what day she will be driving back to your house to return your son's things. Either that, or the night before she leaves, tell her you are running a load of wash and you'd be happy to put her son's things in there so she will have HIS OWN clean clothes to take him home in.

You need to find a little bit of a background - you said you wanted to say something but didn't know how. The way to do it is to say, "Cheryl, I need you to put your son back in his own clothes before you leave - you must leave my son's clothes here."

It's not the clothing that's making you angry - it's the complete lack of boundaries that "Cheryl" has. It's time for you to draw them.

How about the direct approach? Do you know what exactly she has of your son's? Maybe the next time you have a play date you could say, 'Hey, could you bring along those jeans and pjs 'Jimmy' borrowed last night? I am fighting a losing battle against laundry and that would really help me out!!" Just say specifically what you would like back, then a bit before she should be heading your way, shoot her a text saying 'oh hey don't forget the jeans, pjs etc :) thanks girl, can't wait to see you!' You know positive but secure about what is expected. I think any friend worth their salt would not mind returning the items. It she is always taking them and then doesn't seem to want to return them, that could signify a problem. Good luck!

Well, you could buy cheap sweat pants and only loan those. Same with white undershirts.

Your friend seems to feel entitled. Sadly some people live their whole life living off other people without giving it a second thought. A woman I work with asked if she could borrow $3. I gave it to her and expected to be paid back when we got paid. When she didn't pay me I asked her about it. She could not believe I had asked for $3 back.

The point is be careful what you say but definately stand up for yourself.

I think the simplest and least painful solution is to just say the night before they are leaving, that you will run a load of laundry to wash any of his soiled clothes, so he can return home with his own, clean clothes. If she is, for instance, borrowing a jacket because she forgot one, and she tries to leave with it, I'd simply play innocent, and say, "oh wait, that's my son's coat and he needs it." I can't imagine her making an issue of it if you outright ask for the stuff back. I'd think she'd be embarrassed, or at least act like it was an oversight. If not, then you definitely have a clothes thief on your hands! LOL

Tell her you can't let her take clothes with her anymore. I'd even go so far as to label them (Mabel's Labels makes washable ones). You may enjoy her company, but she sounds like she's taking advantage of you. You may also want to pre-empt this by saying, "Cheryl, next time you come over, you need to bring spares."

You need to learn to stand up for not only yourself but your son and not be ashamed or feel guilty about it. I would have said, "Hey, I need those jeans". Little kids can travel w/o pants. Just this weekend my friend's son went home in just a onesie because he got all wet playing in a fountain. Her lack of preparedness does not constitute an emergency on your part - or your son's.

I think you need to specifically speak up or she will conveniently "misunderstand" forever. She is stealing clothing from your child. Treat it like the behavior it is.

I disagree with it being the point of being friends. I don't take my friends' kids' clothes. I might borrow an item now and then (like when DD wore her milk in a restaurant) but I return it as soon as I can. She's not respecting you.

When I buy clothes for the kids I always take them out of the package of off the hanger and use a sharpie to write their initials in them on the tag or other space. I have a friend who has a lot more money than we do and I often end up with half of her kids wardrobes here. I want to make sure she gets her things back so I make sure my stuff has initials in it. when I do laundry I look at the tag if something doesn't look familiar. That sure saves a lot of hard feelings.

Friends don't steal from friends. If she is really a friend there shouldn't be a problem communicating about the clothes. She is probably counting on you not to be able to confront her regarding the clothes. Perhaps it is a matter of her just not having enough money for clothes for her kid.

If you are just too kind hearted to have that clothing talk with her, I would get some clothes from the salvation army in your son's size or even buy clothes in bulk in your son's size from Craigs List or even Ebay. You could get a bunch of clothes from $20. This way when she comes by, her son gets those clothes and not your son's things.

Another option would be to have her visit less often.

The only way to end your frustration would be to get it off your chest since it is bothering you. Good friends can have hard conversations and still be friends. Don't let her cross your boundaries.

Yes, actually, I would stop her on the way out and say "hey, those are our jeans and I need to have them before you leave". And then stand there while she changes him into his own clothes. Next time you guys are making plans for her to visit, just be honest and say "I've noticed the last several times you've visted that you didn't bring enough clothes for your kid so please make sure you bring enough this time." I don't think that is unreasonable. and if she doesn't, instead of offering your own sons clothes, offer to throw her kids clothes in the wash so he can wear his own clothes while there. I can see how this may seem petty, once is understandable, but doing this every visit then she is simply taking advantage of you and that's not cool. Good luck!

I would just make a point to wash the kids clothes and give them to him before they head out and ask him to change into his clean stuff first. Also, next time they are planning a trip mention for her to bring back the clothes. There is definitely a way of getting around it without having to turn it into an uncomfortable situation for you.

As Megan C. said, make sure you ask her for all your stuff back the next time you plan to get together.
I may also conveniently have all my kids' clothes in the wash when she comes again. If she needs something offer to go to Target with her so she can buy it herself.
Some people are just oblivious :(

I received alot of hand-me-downs from my sister so my boys had more clothes than they could wear. I kept the oldest items in a separate cupbd and would use them for camping, or playing in the mud. When my boys friends came over and got their own clothes wet and muddy, I'd give them something from the cupboard. Usually, their moms would wash and return them but if they didn't, that was Ok, too.

I'd get some clothes for your friends boy at Salvation Army or on Craig's List and have them on hand when ever she comes to visit.
You've already accepted she does this, so just have some cheap well worn hand me downs ready for the purpose and never give her anything your son wears.
If it's got patches, is a bit thread bare or is an odd color, who cares?

Can you wash her child's clothes while she's visiting, so he can wear his own stuff home? Is she not returning the things she leaves with? Or maybe next time, just remind her to a-bring your son's clothes back and b-bring an extra set just in case, and then ANOTHER set for NEXT time. You can make it into a little joke while being blunt: 'my son is seriously going through clothes like a maniac, and I don't want your kiddo running around naked because there's nothing extra for him'. Good luck, that's a tough one!

On packing day you simply say ... "Cheryl, I am doing laundry where are those jeans and socks we lent (insert her son's name here)?" Grab them at that moment, not later.

I would definitely speak up--it's O. thing to borrow a forgotten item while she's there, but to walk out the door with her kid in your son's jeans? Nope. Just pipe in and say "Oh...wait...we're gonna need those jeans back for the week. Please change him."

It's not about the clothes, it's about the fact that your friend is using you to get something for free, even if that's just some children's clothes. I find it very pathetic. If she only "takes" (steals) some children's clothes from you--what does she take from other peoples' houses when she visits them?

I would be frank with her in a calm and friendly way and tell her that you need to have her leave your son's clothes at your house when she leaves. That's a reasonable request. Make it unemotional. Emphasize that you enjoy her visits and want them to continue.

If possible make her son's clothes wearable again before they leave. Another alternative is to have an extra pair specifically for her son and ask her to bring them back with her.

Perhaps she's just a scatter brained sort of mom who doesn't think ahead before leaving home. Have you calmly and unemotionally (diplomatically) suggested that she bring an extra set with her?

I suggest you focus on your friendship and enjoyment in her visits instead of on the one aggravating point. Yes, talk with her about the clothes. Start casual but if it continues after you talk with her and you are unable to just accept it as what is, tell her in a kind way how it makes you feel and ask her to stop. Again emphasize that you enjoy her visits.

Later: I agree with Megan C. Just ask her to bring them but don't make up an excuse. The excuse makes it sound like you don't have the right to just ask and you do. You're just asking to remind her, knowing that she will forget. Make it an everyday sort of request and no big deal. Please remember to bring x,y,z. Honesty makes life a whole lot easier.

Yes, for heaven's sake, speak up....Please leave my kids clothes here...or, I'll be needing my kid's clothes back...it's the only pair of jeans that fits.....

Next time your driving by a thrift store, stop in and pick up a few basic items for said friend, wash them and place them in the closet just for her.

I'm very absent minded (ADD) and have done this to my own kids....but we usually step out and have to purchase the forgotten items. It is a common stop on all trips...the shopping for what I forgot stop.

Wow, that's tough. And especially since you've let it happen more than once, she might be really suprised at your supposed change of heart. I guess if it were me, next time she's planning a visit tell her it might be chilly, so don't forget to pack long pants and a sweatshirt for DS, or, it might rain, so don't forget your jackets. And remind her to bring back the items she has borrowed in the past, you don't need to give a made up reason for asking, just that you need them back. If she needs to borrow something for her son again, just lightheartedly tell her "You know, I can't keep doing this everytime you guys visit or my son won't have any clothes left!" and laugh about it. She's your friend, you don't want to start a fight about it or cause hurt feelings, and you want her to keep coming over, so try to go easy on her. Hopefully she will get the picture, and all will be well. Otherwise, I like the idea of only loaning out cheap sweats, or plain t-shirts, that you won't miss. Good luck!

I would offer to throw whatever item had to come off the boy into the wash and make sure it was washed and dried before they left, having him change back into his own clothes before leaving. You can always politely pass it off as, oh I have a load to throw in, I can easily add it in.

I totally understand where you are coming from. Forgetting things once or twice-- not a big deal. Some people are clueless and need to told enough is enough. Next time she comes over remind her to bring adequate clothes for her son -- then tell her how much you love when she comes over.

Every time that happens, and she 'borrows' your son's clothing.... WRITE it down. And keep a list. And let her SEE you make that list.
THEN, tell her that you have not gotten these back yet.

Just tell her.
It is money and your son's clothing.
And tell her, your son is running out of clothes. And to make sure she packs clothing for her son.

You said you don't know how to tell her. Well, just tell her.
And, remind her to return ALL of the other things she 'took' too.

AND, on the label of your son's clothing, in permanent marker... put your Son's initials on it. That way, she will KNOW, which clothing is your son's and which is not.

It is not your responsibility to clothe her son... but it is your responsibility to get back the clothing she took.

And yes, next time she visits, TELL her to please bring back all the clothing of your son's, that she 'borrowed.' Because, your son needs it, back.

Just tell her.
That is how you tell her.
Just tell her.

Why is she borrowing things? Because something that she brought is dirty? If that is the case make sure to wash whatever the item is, so before she leaves you can say "hey, here I cleaned his jeans so that he could leave my sons here" and have her change the child.

Your son clothers are not a library. They are his clothes. Simply tell her NO. End of story. Or go visit her and get all the clothes back...she will get the picture.

Why doesn't she mail them back to you? I don't get it. That is really weird that she actually keeps the clothes. When you talk to her next say "Don't forget to mail back my son's clothes you borrowed. Thanks. We've been missing/needing some of them". If she mailed them back to you each time then you would not feel so angry at her. AND she would start remembering to bring extra clothes bc mailing stuff back is a big of a pain. I would not believe it for a second that she can't remember what clothes belong to her child. Maybe she is a kleptomaniac and just cannot help herself. Call her now and remind her to mail your stuff back. Give her a list of what she has so she cannot "forget".

Why not label your son's clothing with his name. This way, after she gets home and washes them, she will see his name and mail them back. Either that or why not just call and ask her to please send them back because your son is running out of clothing and could really use them back.

Good luck!

Buy some thrift store clothes and save them for the kid. Be sure to get bright pink, with purple stripes, and a yellow daisy tshirt. See how that goes over. ... Naw Im not a vengeful person, but maybe she cant afford many clothes. maybe shes a kleptomaniac. If you got the stuff back now would they even still fit you son? I think its ok to have a set of extras for her if you really think she has this pattern and wont get over it, but then Id let it go. If shes that big a friend, you need to just let it go and laugh about it later.

When she asks for a clothing item, write your son's name or initials on the tag (or somewhere appropriate) with permanent marker. And show that to her, saying "I wrote (my son)'s name here so you do not get confused and can bring them back next time you visit us".

You can also tell her she can bring all the clothes she has the next time, and tell her which clothing items you remember she already has like (I know you have a pair of jeans, a red shirt with xx on it and bla bla; and I won't mind even if you are confused and bring back a wrong item (as long as I have the same number and kind of items back)"

Also, another option would be to get some really old second-hand clothes (thrift shop or Craig's list) and give her only those. That should give her a message. If not, or if needed tell her directly these are the only items you can "loan" her before getting the others back.

I think you need to be more direct with her!

Ask to keep the dirty ones she is changing him out of... then wash them up and keep them for next time she comes and wants to borrow.. just give her back the ones belonging to her son and keep the ones she took off him, telling her you like having an extra set here for him.

how about throwing them in the washer or if that is not an option then hand wash them & hang to dry

also while she's packing up tell her 'i am going to pull out little johnny's clothes that you borrowed' & just take them back

I agree with the mamas who suggest you keep a cupboard of thrift store or hand-me-down clothes available, and don't consider them a "loan", but a gift. Tell your friend she can keep the clothes. And if there are items she has now that you'd like back, just ask for them. Not a big deal. If you don't get them back, consider it a lesson learned and in the future, refrain from loaning people anything that you wouldn't mind giving them. (Especially friends and family!) :)

I would buy some really cheap clothes to keep that are ok to "give" to them in an emergency, BUT like others said, I would label the tag with YOU son's initials, so you know all the stuff that is yours will be identifiable and able to be brought back. Also, I would remind her when she calls or e-mails before coming over - "Don't forget, we are going to be here for X # of days/nights, and the kids might get dirty, bring some extra clothes and PJs for your kid!" And I like the Idea of another mom, offer to drive her to Goodwill or Salvation Army or Walmart or Dollar General for her to pick up whatever she forgot for him. Or even offer to wash the clothes he wore already, so he can re-wear them, or take her to the laundromat if you don't have washer and dryer in your house.

She's probably using you for the free clothes. Why else would she come to visit and always take something? You should probably just not see her anymore. Those clothes are important!

I've been on both sides...my daughter is 9 weeks apart from her cousin (my brothers kid) and when we send them to eachother's houses or visit, we rarely bring extra clothes, my daughter comes home in her cousins outfit and hers gets left there, or somehow she'll get an extra one...same when her cousin visits...its so nice to J. pick up and go and know that you don['t have to worry b/c that person has a kid the same age and size...my friends and I do it too....thats the point of being friends...J. pick an outfit you don't care about...also if shes doing all of the driving shes spending tons on gas to visits and clearly thinks your an impt person so I wouldn't ruin a friendship over a pair of pants
Do you ever drive down to visit her:? if so get them back then or do the same thing...if not then I think you're opening up a can of worms....I mean shes the one driving the hour and spending the night....also i think everyones answering like this is every day..i assume she only visits every once in a while and sleeps over...if this is the case its not like shes taking your entire wardrobe...i've made mountains out of molehills before and if she is a great friend taking the drive up do you really care that much about an outfit or two?

Put your son's name in his clothes. That way she doesn't get "confused" whose clothes is whose. She can also use the laundry to reuse her clothes while they are there. Also remind her to pack appropriately for the types of activities you guys will be doing during her visit. Maybe next time you can visit her & get your clothes back.

Tell her "sorry, i didn't have time to do laundry, so i have no spare " " (whatever she needs to borrow) and leave it at that or just tell her that since she doesn't return things that you don't feel comfortable with borrowing her clothes anymore. I wouldn't clothe a child all the time that's not mine either. SHE can go to walmart or second hand store to pick up extra's of what she needs next time it happens.