My Fiance Thinks He Doesn't Have to Call Me When He Gets off Work.

I've only read a few responses, but I do agree with Gamma G. You two are not ready for marriage, even though you have kids together, that isn't always the best reason to get married. I had a pastor once say, if you don't bring it into the marriage, don't expect it to show up because you are married. You don't trust him, by marrying him, the trust isn't going to just show up. Let me tell you, it's not worth marrying someone you don't trust or doesn't trust you. All you will ever do is fight and be very unhappy.

Normally, there would be no reason that he should need to call you. In fact, I'd be ticked if my husband was calling me around midnight. If you wanted him to call "just because" with no reason, then yes, you would be weirdly controlling.

It sounds like the real issue is that you think he's lying to you and/or cheating. That may or may not be true, but being dropped off at the corner, shutting off his phone, etc are not normal actions of a person in a happy relationship.

If there is something going on, the more you cling the more he will lie and evade.

Will he go into couples counseling with you? If not, I'd take that as a sign that the relationship is probably on the way to the end.

he sounds a little defensive. If he wasn't doing anything wrong then why is he lashing out. I get mad at my husband too when he doesn't call. My rule is if you are not going to be home by 5pm then I NEED a phone call so I don't worry. He works in NYC and drives in some bad neighborhoods so I get to be on edge if I don't hear from him. I would tell him that you worry about him which is why you would like a phone call when he is on his way home. The person dropping him off....hummmm why around the corner and why is it suck a secret about who it is. I think if you can't trust him then that is a HUGE red flag. Has he ever done anything in the past for you not to trust him? I don't thing wanting him to call is being controlling I think it shows you are concerned which should show him that you love him. I had to explain that to my husband too. Also tell him to put the shoe on the other foot. How would he like it if you didn't call him if you were coming home that late.

Hi N., all I see here (even with your SWH) is your inability to trust, and his inability to behave in a trustworthy manner. I am unsure how either came to be. But I AM sure this will never change without honest, open, non-combative communication.

Which is to say, you BOTH need to have more consideration for the other.

And why not just TALK about it. You're both on the same side after all.

Sounds like it's worth it. Just TELL him how this makes you feel when he blows you off. And just LISTEN to how it makes him feel when you are clingy. Be there for each other.

:)

If I had to guess, I'd say that in your past you've dealt with people who sneak around on you. But if this man is to be your husband, you need to learn to back off and trust him.

It sounds like he mostly gets home at the same time each night. There is no reason for him to call. But, you should say "if you are going to be getting home more than 30 minutes later than usual, please send me a text or call so I don't stay up worrying."

Ask him why his coworker drops him off at the corner instead of in front of the house. It does seem a bit odd....but then YOU have already shown that you are controlling and possibly jealous, so perhaps he simply doesn't want to get you riled up. If you ask him and it ends up being something you don't want to hear, like, "it's Sheila, one of the waitresses, who drives me home, but I didn't want to tell you because I knew it would upset you." Don't set him up for failure. He's trying not to hurt you, but with YOU, either way he goes he's screwed.

It might be that it IS a female coworker who is dropping him off because she happens to be going that direction. So what? I work mostly with men (military)....it doesn't mean I'm sleeping with them or even want to. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

Yes, you are being too controlling. If my husband acted like you do, I'd tell him just where to shove it. As a matter of fact, my EX husband acted very similarly to you. I was never doing anything, but I NEVER told him when I even TALKED to a male, because he'd fly off the handle and want to know if I was screwing them. I was always walking on eggshells with him...because he was a narcissistic SOB.

You husband is a GROWN MAN who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. What did he do before you came along? He took care of himself. Quit trying to parent him. He shouldn't have to feel like he has to sneak around because he's afraid of your reactions (and they are YOUR reactions...he doesn't MAKE you feel hurt, you do that on your own).

ETA: You know, I was just thinking: The way you worded your post makes me think that you truly believe that your reactions are normal. "My fiancee thinks he doesn't have to call me when he gets off work." That implies that you believe HE is wrong for thinking that way and therefore deserving of dealing with your insecurities and controlling behavior. It seems like you are looking for us to say "Heck yeah, guuuurl! Put a tight leash on that one, and yell at him when he gets home, because he's WRONG!"

The thing is, in a healthy relationship, nobody does that. Controlling behavior only occurs in UNHEALTHY relationships (and on sitcoms, where wives are controlling b*tches, and husbands are bumbling idiots who can't put their shoes on without their wives' direction).

I strongly recommend that you find a therapist for YOURSELF and work out some of the unrealistic expectations you have regarding relationships.

Best of luck!
♥
C. Lee

Your getting married in less than three months. My question is why if you don't trust him. That's a problem in and of itself. I would suggest you both go to counseling before you get married..

I used to work a grocery shift that ended at midnight. Actually all my shifts did since that was the only way to work around my husband's schedule so no daycare. If he had asked me to call every time I got off work I would not have been nearly as polite as your fiancee is being.

You are insecure, that isn't his fault, you need to figure your way through that without driving him away.
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He is ignoring your requests because they are over the top. Sorry but do you know what it is like to be the guy with the paranoid wife? All your coworkers laughing at you, oh do you have to check in with your wife? Did she let you keep your balls tonight? I could go on, I worked with a lot of men in my life. I pitied these guys. That look on their face was so familiar, it was the face of a bullied child. So please consider this from his point of view.

My husband and I are also in the restaurant business. With that said, a few thoughts....

Unless he's running his own restaurant he is not working from 9am until 1am six days a week. Also, why is he being dropped off at the corner?

I agree he shouldn't have to call you when he leaves work. I think you two need to have a real heart to heart and sort out your wants and expectations as a couple. There is an obvious disconnect between the two of you and its time to figure out why.

He's right, he's shouldn't have to answer to you. He's not a child that needs to be checked up on. He gets home from work when he gets home from work, and you just have to cope with that. If his ride is dropping him off at the corner, there could be any number of reasons for that. You criticize him for not calling or texting, but honestly some people just are not into doing all of that.

I hate having a phone blowing up my ear and fingers. I hate having to account for every single second of my day when I'm not working, not with my children, not with my husband, whatever. Why should I? I'm an adult. Not a child. I know how to get myself home. I don't need supervision. I haven't done anything untrustworthy. Presumably, your fiance hasn't either.

You seem to have an issue with the fact that when he takes public transportation he'll call you, but not when he gets a ride from a coworker/friend. Have you thought about the fact that when a friend drives him home he's probably talking and chatting with the driver? That that's what's keeping him awake on the ride home? And when he's on public transportation calling you is what's keeping him awake?

You need to loosen the leash and give him some space here, and not be so suspicious or hurt or else you're going to cause a problem where there isn't one.

I am with him on this one, I would feel offended if my husband demanded I call to check in with him every time I get off work. I am an adult, how I get home is my decision and if I need any help getting home I will call.

I would suggest that you two seek premarital counseling. You seem to insecure about him, maybe you are worried he is cheating?
You will not keep a man from cheating on you by keeping tabs on his whereabouts every second of the day....
It doesn't sound like you trust him, and maybe you have good reason for that, but having him call you when he gets off work will not solve that problem. You need to have some serious conversations about your relationship.

Sounds like you don't trust him.

You do not "own" him and have rights to know his every move. How would you feel if he demanded to know your every move?

If he calls you to say he is on his way home, that is thoughtful. My husband is on the road and in the air a lot. He will text me when his plane lands which is thoughtfull but I don't expect him to give me every update.

You say you "confront" him. For starters, when you do that, you are setting yourself up for him to go into defensive mode.

How about just communicating with him in a nonconfrontational tone and body language and see where you get. if you communicate without accusing him of something, he might understand you are worried about him vs trying to keep up with his every move.

I would not be getting married to someone I did not trust.

Please get some type of counseling so that you can both address your issues and see if you need to get married.

It sounds like the issue is more than when he gets off work. The issue is trust. If he can call when he takes the bus, but not when a coworker drops him off (at the corner? what, his friend couldn't drive the last bit to the house at 1AM?) and he says he doesn't have to answer to you, then I would think he's having second thoughts about the wedding and/or there's more to the coworker dropping him off, like you suspect. You need to have some hard talks with him about your future. This isn't just about a ride home. This is about respecting the woman you live with, who is mother to your children, who you plan to marry in a few months. He's not single anymore and if that bothers him, he's a few kids too late. Frankly, his work day sounds sketchy to me. He leaves at 9 and doesn't come home til 12 or 1? Is he seriously working all those hours or out doing something else? Doesn't sound like you have a lot of time to have a relationship.

Now, I'm assuming just the "hey, I'm heading home, see you soon" type message vs the Spanish Inquisition. My DH will let me know when he's heading home so I can start the potatoes or ask him to get milk or just know that he had a long day. He doesn't "answer to me" in a negative sense, but it's called communication. At 1AM, I'd be worried about my partner, too. If he didn't roll in til 4AM, and later told me he turned his phone off to ignore me, I'd be mad. Sure, he's a grown man, but come on, have some respect. It is not hard to send a text to say, "I'm going to be out after work."

Maybe what you and he also need is premarital counseling to get through trust issues.

It sounds to me like you don't trust him, for whatever reason. Some responders suggested marriage counseling and I agree. If you haven't done counseling, you really should, and I think it's a great idea especially since ya'll are getting married soon. Marriage counseling has saved my marriage more than once.

I also think that it is a little over the top for you to expect him to call you and check in every time he gets off of work. Are you waiting by the phone in the middle of the night for him to call? I sure don't call my husband every time I get off, only if I leave late or something, so he doesn't worry. That behavior is why I think there's some trust issue that needs to be worked out.

Hope you get it worked out before it really drives a wedge in your marriage. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

He is a grown man and shouldn't have to check in with you. That would be a courtesy, not an obligation. As others have said, either he is trust worthy or he is not. You shouldn't marry a man you can't trust. Work on your trust issues with a trained professional and then determine if your paranoia has its foundation in the truth or fantasy.

On a side note being confrontational rarely gets you heard or what you want in any relationship. The target of the confrontation almost always gets defensive.

I would be curious to see how your fiance would respond if you and the kids weren't home when he got there from work and didn't recieve a call from you? Can you see how the courtesy knife can cut both ways? After the emotions have settled down then would be time for talking seriously about what reasonable things to come to a consensus on and agree to that both of you could live with.

Summary - Get yourself some counseling, determine if your lack of trust in him is real or not, procede forward accordingly but don't marry a man you can't or won't trust because a successful marriage is based on trust and so much more.

I guess I am on the fence with this one. My husband works 2 hours away and I call him when I drive to work, he is still on the road, and he calls me when he leaves work. We do have trust issues from early on in our relationship and it's something we do for each other than just makes it simple. He drives home in traffic too, so I want to make sure he is okay...there are lots of accidents in the DC region, especially where he gets on and off of the beltway. If he doesn't call, I don't freak out on him and ask why he isn't calling me etc. though. I used to, but we went to counseling and worked on the trust issues when they were that bad.

Now if my hubby was doing what your fiance was doing, I wouldn't deal with it. No way is he working 18 hours every day, and there is NO reason for him to come home at 445am. You guys are already married minus the paper and ring and you are both being disrespectful to each other.

Neither of you is a child that answers to the other, but if you've told him why you want him to call you and his response is what it is...run as fast and far as you can. My husband used to talk like that when he was doing me wrong...maybe your guy isn't, but it doesn't sound good to me.

I'm a little confused - sounds like you live together so why does he have to call when he gets off work? I TOTALLY understand you wanting him to call if he's going to be really late - being four hours late, I would have wanted a call - but if he's just coming home or going to be a little late (maybe an hour) then I don't understand the need for a phone call.

Do you have reason not to trust him? If not, then I would let it go. If you have doubts about him being honest or think he's seeing someone else, then I would sure as heck find out before you marry this guy.

The dropping off at the corner could be one of two things - he doesn't want you to see who is dropping him off - RED FLAG; OR, it's totally innocent because it really does save the person some time to drop him off and there's nothing else to it.

My husband - who has never given me any reason to distrust him - is really bad at phone calls so I gave up on that a long time ago - I figure "NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS!"

Good luck!!

He is not your child, & he does not have to report into you. It doesn't matter who drops him off....as long as he's coming home & he's not cheating on you.

Time to be asking yourself...."why"....are you soooo concerned about this situation. For goodness sake's, it's the middle of the night! I applaud him for NOT calling & waking the kids!

& as a head's up: how do you think relationships survived before cell phones? Trust.....

Time for you to nip your behavior....it's creating a relationship full of dis/mistrust.

EDIT (after your SWH): here's the deal. In your SWH, you've given us a lot more info & that helps us understand your situation better. Yes, perhaps you have reason to worry.....BUT your entire post here also proves another important point - - you failed to fully communicate your needs to us the first time around.

It seems you are doing the same with your fiancee. Time for the two of you to connect on a higher level, & then trust will not be an issue. As has been recommended, time for some counseling to get your relationship back together....before the marriage.

Well, you both have your points.
You're both right and you're both wrong.

Either you trust him or you don't - either you live with it or you can't.
Having 2 kids with him - is certainly history but it does not necessarily mean/guarantee there is a future.

It's common curtsey to let loved ones know where you are and when you'll be home.
In some instances it's a safety measure too.
Anyone who walks into my house unannounced runs a risk of getting shot.
You are A mother but you are not HIS mother - and that he's answering you LIKE you are HIS mother shows he's confusing your role a bit - it's not good or mature of him.

But what's wrong with showing your mother (or the mother of your kids) a bit of respect anyway?

Some couples / premarital counseling BEFORE February is really needed.
Please get some.

Please do not get married.

Do not get married unless you and he have been through some extensive counseling. If money is an issue, you can find low-cost, no-cost or sliding-scale fees if you contact your local health department or your local women's center.

You are being controlling and he is being thoughtless. You are showing an intense lack of trust and he is showing a selfish lack of respect. And -- to be really frank with you -- both of you sound very immature, too immature to be in a serious relationship that requires trust. But because you already have children together, you need to get into counseling BEFORE you get married. Put off the wedding date now. He likely will say that his horrid work hours don't allow him the time for counseling. Bull. If he values your relationship and your children he will do it.

He might be up to who knows what. Or he might be just with folks from work. He might have suspicious reasons for a dropoff a block away. Or it might be more convenient for the driver to do that. You might be driving him away with your insistence on nightly calls. Or you might be right to want to know that he's not going to walk in at 12, he's going to walk in at 4.

But none of that matters if you and he can't talk about it like adults.

Get counseling or your marriage will be over very quickly. You need an outsider and a professional to help you because I think you both lack the maturity and communication skills to make this work without a referee.

I completely understand. I would appreciate a call that late. It's not just respect, its about safety, both his and yours. If you hear someone come in the house at 130a, and he was supposed to be in the house at 1230 am, you might think it's a burgler and greet him with a baseball bat! Same is true in that if you were to put your guard down, and hear the door at 130 am, and you suppose it is just him getting home late, what if that time it DOES happen to be a burgler?

Marriage is about trust, respect, and communication. Right now, you're relationship is missing all three. If I were you, I would not get married.

It feels like you and he aren't ready to get married. He shut his phone off so he could enjoy some time off work with his co-workers just to get a break from your calls.

You want him to report to you the minute he is off work and free. He might want to wind down and not want to talk after so many hours of dealing with people. He may just need to go home and go to bed.

I suggest that you find some things to do that will fulfill you that is outside him. You may already have a job but it sounds like you don't have anything but him outside of that. If you don't work outside the home then you are going to have to find something that is just for you.

If he is the center of your existence that puts a lot of pressure on him. He has a whole day every day where he has to focus on his job and pleasing all the customers, manage the staff, manage the business end of it, he's ready to sit peacefully when he is off work and have time that is not stressful.

That's why you need to find something that is for you, something that is a job, club, volunteer placement, something that keeps you mentally challenged and busy outside of this relationship.

If there isn't honesty and trust, which IMO is a main ingredient in the foundation of a marriage, then I would seriously rethink this. How can you consider being with someone, spending a lifetime w/them., being a part of someone's life through every up and down in your life if he can't give you a simple answer now. I don't think that we need to give our mate a play by play of our entire life, but I do think that if there is specific issue that either on of you is caught up on that is should be addressed and kept from being a further problem. It seems as though he is antagonising you by not being honest with you. I'm sure that these words may be hard to hear, but I think that by you asking this question you realize that both you and your two beautiful children deserve a little more then what he's giving you;. I wish you the best of luck and am hopeful that he realizes what he has.

An adult shouldn't have to call to tell you he is on his way home. What I the point to that? Unless you were waiting to put dinner on the table for him or something. Of course he should call and let you know if he is going to be unusually late so you won't worry. If he relies on rides from co-workers he probably wants to inconvenience them as little as possible. I wouldn't read too much into that. If my husband( or anyone) regularly called me and texted me like that I would probably start to ignore the calls and texts as well. (I don't have a cell phone, but if I did it would be for emergencies, and I would never answer it if I were having a conversation.) If you don't trust him and feel you have reason not to trust him you need to work that out now before you get married.

Why does he have to call you? My husband and I both work FT and I have a part-time business where I am out some evenings and weekends. I don't call him nor do I expect him to call me. We're grown ups who are capable of managing our schedules and our transportation.

It's the middle of the night, so it's not like you have to check in on whose picking up Suzy from daycare or driving Bobby to soccer practice, right? So why do you need him to call you?

My thought? Needing your significant other to call you when he leaves work is not a normal expectation. Sounds like you don't trust him - I would focus less on the call or text that you're not getting and more on why you don't trust him. Stop badgering him - if my husband made a big deal about me calling him when I was coming home from work, it would probably annoy me too and I would not call just to spite him because I would feel like he's acting like a parent. Let it go for now and if you find that you still are getting worked up over this (anxiety or whatever) you can bring it up again later and explain, nicely, why it's important to you that he calls or texts and ask him to do it for you even though you know it's irrational and unnecessary. If you present it as a favor he can do for you and not a demand that you know where he is every second of his life then maybe he'll get into the habit to make you happy.

Yes, you are being too controlling. Shouldn't you be asleep at midnight?

If you don't trust him, you have nothing to base this relationship on. If you are going to get married to him in Feb., you'd better start trusting him now, not monitoring his every move. You are not his mother. Having to check in with you all the time would bug the heck out of me, too.

Go to sleep, and leave your fiance alone. Stop being insecure, or you will create the thing you fear.

Yes, you are being too controlling, and it's not attractive. I agree with Gamma -- you need to find a life outside of him.

A call is not necessary, unless you want him to call. Then, it is a reasonable request. My husband calls every day on the way home to see if he needs to pick anything up. Would some wives say this is crazy? Yep. But, it's what I want and he's happy to do it. Marriage is all about give and take. He should be able to honor this request. If not, then why?

I don't see why he HAS to call when he's leaving work unless he's going to be later than normal (just as a courtesy so you don't worry). Being dropped off at the corner, is this something he does regardless of who brings him home or if he caught a cab or only sometimes? Why is that? Is it because he doesn't want them to know know where he lives? Is it so they don't have to detour from their normal route too much and he figures it gives him a few minutes alone? I know a young man who did that often because he was into some questionable activities and didn't want anyone to know where his family lived.

That said, my husband will often call me when he is leaving work in case I need him to pick something up. But he doesn't keep crazy hours so he doesn't possibly wake me when he does call.

Instead of giving him a hard time about it, have a calm conversation. Ask him if he would please give you a call or text if he's going to be later than XXXX so you don't worry. That way, he doesn't feel like you are tracking him but you know he's ok if/when he is late. If you don't already know why the corner is his drop off spot, I would probably ask why that is but don't stress over that. Not saying to turn a blind eye to other warning signs but these things alone do not mean he's up to something.

He doesn't need to call you at that hour. With two children to take care of why would you want to stay up that late.

If you don't trust the man, don't marry him. If you think he's cheating on you, don't marry him. I might be a good idea for him to get his own place and spend time with you and the girls on a regular basis, during hours that are more suitable to raising a family or until he can gain your trust.

February is just around the corner, perhaps you should consider a different date or fiance.

My boyfriend works the late shift - he gets off anywhere from 11pm-midnight. He texts me when he leaves work. I'm a worrier. It's never been an issue......he has no problem texting me. If it was a problem, I guess we'd come to a compromise and I'd just ask if he's working late to let me know. (So I don't wake up at 1am wondering if he got into an accident... He drives a motorcycle to make things worse,lol)

You are both wrong and you both need to change your behaviors.

You are being too controlling and he is being too shady. I think a heart-to-heart is in order.

~For what it's worth, my husband sends me a 'leaving now' txt every day when he is leaving work and on his way home. He does this b/c I am a worrier and b/c he loves me. If I need him to get something, I can ask him or I know when to start pulling dinner together. Him letting me know when he will be home has never been an issue or something that he had to be 'confronted' about...it just happened organically b/c we love and trust each other and we have respect for one another.

Sadly, your relationship sounds like it lacks all these things! If you are 'confronting' him (interesting choice of words on your part) about his whereabouts and who he is with...and he in-turn is telling you he doesn't have to answer to you and turning his phone off and ignoring you....it is my opinion that you guys are NO WHERE NEAR where you should be to be getting married. Sorry sister. This should be a wake up call for you. Listen to all the advice you have been given and search your heart...things need to change.

I agree with the others...sounds like you two have trust issues that need to be worked out. My husband works 8p to 4a and I certainly don't expect him to call on his way home. If he is not home by the time I get up (which happens at least once a week) I give him a quick call just to make sure everything's ok.

I have been married over 30 years.

If you truly trust him, you have nothing to worry about.

We do not expect each other to call each other every time we are leaving work. We do not question what we tell each other.

Last night my husband did not get home until 4 hours after he normally gets home. He came in the door, said "sorry, a Chief came in and wanted to talk over some contracts"...this is just part of his job.

Sometimes he will grab a beer with some friends on the way home...fine with me...he works hard and deserves some time on his own..

He ALWAYS has come home to me. He has a faithful heart and devotion to me and our daughter.

Most of the time he tries to text...that he is on his way home.. But he is severely ADHD... So he does not always remember.. He also gets a lot of last minute conversations or emergencies,.. I know in my heart he is faithful...and that he is dealing with what is in front of him.

When you "confront" anyone.. They will shut down. Instead, compromise and say.. Please text me if you are going to be super late.and let me know you are fine and approx, what time to expect you home. I worry that something may have happened to you, when you are more than an hour late.

Or discuss in a calm matter, the best way for him to be able to let you know he is safe, just late... I worked retail for over 30 years.. No cell phones. There were so many times.. I worked super late because we were swamped with customers.. No lunch, no breaks... So no time for potty breaks or phone calls....there were no answering machines.. But there was always trust....

If you don't have any more trust in him than you're exhibiting here, call off the wedding!

No, he does not have to call you to tell you who is driving him home. Yes, you are too controlling. If you don't back off, HE may be calling off the wedding!

He probably doesn't call from someone's car because it's embarrassing for him to feel like he has to "check in" and advise you who's driving him home. Maybe he gets dropped off at the corner because that's most convenient for the person driving him. Or maybe he is getting a ride from a woman and he knows you'll act like an idiot. Hate to say it, but you sound very jealous, suspicious and controlling.

This is more about you not trusting him and thinking something is going on rather than about him not calling you. I agree, it seems weird that he is being dropped off at the corner not at your house. Stay awake - hide in the bushes and watch him get dropped off.

I'm confused. Why would he call you every night?

If you were expecting him at a certain time and he was going to be late, then yeah, I can see where you would want a phone call. But not for the reason you are stating.

Sorry kiddo, sounds like you don't trust him very much. You might want to ask yourself why that is before you get married.

I wouldn't marry him. Children & marriage are both commitments to be accountable to your partner. I would be afraid of getting an STD.

DON'T GET MARRIED. Neither of you are prepared for this committment.

I can not understand why you would want him to contact you when he gets off work. What difference does it make? From his point of view, what are you hiding from him?

Also, he has not respect for you if he doesn't contact you to let you know that he won't be home at his usual time.

why in the world would he have to call you and tell you he is on his way home? That sounds VERY controlling to me. Do you call and tell him every time you are on your way home from work/ grocery store/ or where ever else you are? That sounds a bit crazy to me. I'm on your fiancee's side, sorry

For what it's worth, I dint think it should be a big deal to text you and say he's coming home. It's respectful. My husband always calls or texts to let me know he's on the way as his hours and crazy LA traffic vary. What's the deal with the corner drop off? Shady IMHO. I would never ever turn off my phone to avoid my husbands call. Maybe the other moms here have never been cheated on but this all seems really weird for a guy who is getting married in two months. There is more to the story then you have told us but just the same please go as a couple to your priest, minister, rabbi, or whatever faith you practice to get intervention before you get married. I would not trust him with these behaviors either. Best wishes to you.

You seem (just by what you say) to be very controlling. My husband certainly doesn't need to call me on the way home to tell me he's coming home!

I second the motion for marriage counseling. You two need to clear up your control and communication issues before you get married. Marriage counseling can be extremely beneficial.

Also, why is he getting rides home from work or taking a cab or bus? Why not just get a car? Do YOU not have a car either? I'm not sure what the situation is there, so I'm not trying to be presumptive.

Also...if he's getting dropped off at the corner, it's because he doesn't want you to see who's dropping him off. That's fairly plain...sorry. :(

I think the issue is not so much who is calling when and getting dropped off where and by whom, but the fact that your relationship seems to be lacking in trust and respect and that you each seem to lack the communication skills necessary to address those larger issues.

A good couples counselor could help you two address some of the places where your relationship could be stronger and help you to learn some skills to communicate more effectively with each other. These are things that I would do before you get married, not after.

I would never expect a phone call every time he got off work - only if something was wrong.

He should only call if he is going to be late. Are you having any trust issues?

my hubby drives a semi taking heavy equipment from one job to another and there are times he is way out of the area and has to stay in a hotel, he will send a text if it is after 10 just to let me know he made it. i get the text in the morning. good luck to you

If you can't trust him then you shouldn't be getting married. Love is trusting the person knowing he is doing what is right. If you think he is going out on you then he either is in which case dump him or you are paranoid. Figure out what it is and then act appropriately. Marriage is not something to take lightly - figure out if it is love you feel for him (trust) or if you are paranoid. If paranoia then get help.

N.