My Daughter's Friend Is Always Lying to Her

Oooh. toughie. Yuck.

I would probably bust out with the logic and let your daughter figure it out on her own. Ask your daughter some leading questions like 'really, when does she report back to the government about her top secret activities? Does she have to go to Washington or does she just call in?" and let your daughter process it in her mind. Or even, 'really... do you think the government uses 8 year old girls as spies?'

If your daughter already knows that this friend has lied to the teacher then she has her friend somewhat figured out.

I feel bad for the poor girl - but she can't lie. She'll lose friends that way.

at.

Tell your daughter that this girl likes to exaggerate and tell stories. Ask your daughter to examine why they may or may not be true... it will be good for her to learn discernment.

This child is not your daughter's BFF or any sort of friend at all. "Being a spy for the government" can be laughed off as "Oh, she's so creative in her storytelling!" but getting your child in trouble is another story. Ask you child why she thinks this girl is her friend. Explain about telling stories to attract attention, about making someone else small in order to look more important, and about evaluating stories for believability. Does your daughter REALLY think the government employs 8 year olds? Does that even make sense? Get your daughter to begin to develop some common sense in listening to stories.

I wouldn't put as much emphasis on the child's family history. There are families that come in many shapes and sizes, and we don't really refer to children of divorce as being from "broken homes" anymore. Kids who live with 2 parents sometimes live in more of a broken home than kids with single parents. It's not up to us to decide whether this child's birth order is relevant. It's her behavior that is a problem, regardless of its cause, and your child needs to have a little more spine when choosing a best friend. It would be more important to ask her what attracts her to this child, what makes your daughter feel special in the relationship that makes her put up with the lies, and so on. I would do it gently rather than completely criticizing her friend, as she make stick up for her just to prove you wrong. But choosing friends and learning lessons the hard way can be facilitated by some good questioning by parents.

My daughter has a friend who has told everyone that she is dating Justin Bieber!! My daughter just rolls her eyes. She knows the girl is lying and your daughter and others probably do as well. It sounds like this little girl is in desperate need of some attention.

I think the little one's issue is a sad need for attention. I don't think she's being.."bad" with the stories. She's just so smart and so lonely. Perhaps you can help this girl record her stories? Help give her a proper place for them?

Talk to your daughter when she relays these stories to you. Ask her what she thinks of them, if she thinks they are real or just stories. It might turn out that your daughter doesn't believe them but thinks of them as a game. They can even play out the stories, play spy and super hero together. That might also be a good outlet for the girl too.

I was a story teller when I was younger. Ooo the things I would make up, just to make myself seem better then I was or cooler then I thought I was. Unfortunately, I never really grew out of it, it became second nature, I got good at it, scary good. I had my heart broken because of the mountain of little lies I told and lost someone very dear. I've work so hard to never lie to my husband, but sometimes it still happens. Thank God it's been so minor or it's happened when I've be distracted and I have a wonderful husband.

Talk to your daughter, find out for sure what she thinks, then go from there.

Growing up my best friend was a compulsive liar. One time she told my family and I that she was going to Disneyworld over the weekend. That weekend we were on a walk and saw her and her mom having a garage sale. It was an everyday thing. I was probably your daughter's age and for the most part I knew she was lying. Sad thing is, to this day she still makes up stories. She actually lied about her real name on facebook a few weeks ago and another one of her friends called her out on it. I wouldn't make too much of it unless it is involving your daughter and getting her in trouble.

If someone were lying about my daughter, to the Teacher and getting her into trouble, based on that lie... I WOULD tell the Teacher and have a talk with the Teacher.
THEN, that child, needs to be talked to too, by the Teacher.
And/or the parents.

I would NOT let my daughter, get into trouble, via a lying trouble maker.
Sure, your daughter's BFF's life is not ideal... still, there has to be boundaries and correction.

Then, teach your daughter how to speak up, and the difference between lies and fibs. And what to do, if someone is lying about her. This is not acceptable.
She is young and needs to be taught.

I agree with some of the other moms. It sounds like this is for attention. Instead of giving her negative attention, I really like Dana T's answer. Help her find a healthy outlet for her creativity. Talk to her parents and see if they would be interested in enrolling her (along with your daughter) in some class to help give her an outlet for this.

If there'a way maybe the parents can help her understand there's a time and place for the stories, but making things up to get others in trouble is unacceptable. Maybe the parents need a little nudge in the right direction to help. Careful about the way you approach them. I would be offended if someone told me there was something wrong with my child and I needed to fix it or else...maybe you can comments something like..."Jane is so creative with her stories. Where does she come up with this stuff? Do think she would be interested in performing? Writing?" At some point in the conversation you could ask if her stories have gotten her into any trouble. Let them tell you all about it...comment on how you wouldn't have any idea how to handle that and ask what they did. That's an opportunity to say something about "if my daughter had done something like that....." and give a pearl of wisdom in the guise of how you would do it.

This is a tough situation. I have always had a hard time keeping friends. I hope you continue to allow your daughter to be friends with this girl and decide for herself when it's time to walk away if ever. I think I've always felt you can never have too many friends. As long as you help your daughter learn about boundries with people she can have a very healthy relationship with this girl.

Good Luck!!

Kids lie all the time, I couldn't believe some of the whoppers my kids' friends came up with when they were young. I would just ignore it or ask your daughter, "Do you really think that could be true?" However, if the girl is getting your daughter in trouble with her lies, be sure to talk to the teacher about it. Real friends don't try to get you in trouble, maybe talk with your daughter about what makes a good friend and what being a good friend is so that she can choose well.

Telling your daughter made up stories is one thing and lying to the teacher about your daughter is a whole different thing. This I would stop immediately. Call your teacher to set up a meeting where you guys can discuss what is going on here. Also to ask her teacher to keep an eye on this girl and make sure she is not doing anything else devious to your daughter. Finally I would see to it that they are not in the same class next year and I would not encourage this friendshop anymore.