My Child WILL NOT Entertain Himself EVER!!

ugggh i'm so glad i'm not the only one!! My almost 3year old is like this too. I hate to say it, but I end up plugging him in front of the TV sometimes just so i can get stuff done without him up my butt. I also have a 1 year old who thinks she's going to die if she isn't attached to my hip. I always said we would be a TV-free family (we don't have cable, he just watches DVD's) but i think it can be a sanity-saver for moms with very clingy children. My son couldn't care less about arts and crafts either. If I try to set him up with coloring, he demands that I draw something. he doesn't draw at all, he just wants to watch dad and I do it (i never liked it either). My son has come a long way in the past few weeks--he will watch TV then slowly start playing with his toys by himself or with his sister. I think it's a good way to distract them from the fact that they aren't being entertained by mom. My heart goes out to you, i know how frustrating it is.

That's not all that unusual at 4 1/2, I think.
Get him going on something and walk away for 2-3 mins ("Mommy has to check the dryer") then come back and praise him for the progress he's made. Keep doing this and gradually increase the times in between.

Also (I might get flack for this) but I really don't think TV is Satan Personified if the kid is watching a 30 minute show so you can pay bills or something!

He follows you and demands attention because you allow it lol. You need to take control of your day back. Explain to him that this will be the new routine. he will come home from preschool, have lunch, play for a bit watch a movie and take a nap. and stick to it. if he chooses (or you choose) to not do naps them he must play quietly in his room for an hour. my other suggestion is to put him into an afternoon preschool as opposed to a morning one. this always seemed to give me more time to myself. as the kids would sleep a little later in the morning. have breakfast, a small snack and then off to preschool. good luck

It's typical for kids to want to see what you're doing and stick with you. But yes, you do need him to learn to be alone a bit. Entertaining oneself is a learned skill, I think -- not something kids are born knowing how to do. If you're telling him "Go in your room and play," that may not mean anything to him -- he may see "play" as a verb that always involves another person.

Give him something specific set up in the space where you want him to be. Get out a puzzle and start the first few pieces; challenge him to see if he can finish it by the time a timer goes off. Put out a coloring book or other activity he hasn't seen before, or in a while, and challenge him to finish one whole picture or sticker picture or whatever before he comes to show it to you. Making it a challenge and a game might get him to focus on it enough to stick to it alone for a while.

Don't expect to much from him at first; he needs to work up to this. If he can do things alone for, say, 10 minutes at first, that's great. Don't be impatient with him if he emerges after those 10 minutes, done with playing alone. Praise him for letting you get things done and be interested in whatever activity he did and wants to show you. If you have to start this process with a touch of, ahem, bribery, by getting some new and different books or coloring books etc., do it.

Another way that might keep him in his room could be if you put a CD player in there and get plenty of kids' story CDs from the library -- they're free! Some have the read-along book as well. This not only might keep him in his room happily, it encourages reading skills and listening skills.

I would not go the route of TV and hand-held games etc. TV is not the great Satan but it's such an easy out for you and for him. I see kids of all ages whose noses are constantly glued to their parents' smart phones while the parents are out shopping, or who are watching TVs in their cars instead of looking out the windows, or who can't move five feet without some form of electronic entertainment. It has its place but electronic entertainment really just feeds it to kids - they don't have to make an effort as they do to read or to imagine. If you plunk your son in front of the TV or a computer game to occupy him regularly, he will not develop the skills to entertain himself without the aid of a screen.

Audio CDs mean kids have to pay attention more fully and create their own images in their heads, and if they're read-along CDs the kids get that reinforcement for reading. And I'd make an exception for the read-along electronic books for kids -- the ones that let a kid follow a story in a book while the book "reads" to them. (I don't know the brands etc. any more). That also focuses the child on the written word and on listening and is good.

HI... First of all, you sound like an excellent momma and care so much. He is lucky to have you.

I agree that it is good to find more balance...

I started just making it a fact with my 3 YO that mommy needs to work, read, make a call, do laundry...for 1/2 hour and you can play next to me...Sometimes he helps me with the laundry or dials the phone for me or plays on a computer next to me (abc's only...)....but by making it a fact, and doing it gently, it seems to have worked. I also at the park encourage him to go off on his own with the other children and I watch from the bench. at the store, i encourage independence by letting him help me pick out food...so that independence is seen as a part of life, and not something negative...

i also receive good advice from the blog of janet lansbury and www.ahaparenting.com

GL, J.

I have no solutions but my daughter is the same age and if I stop quickly she will run up my butt. Literally! I live her to death but as a sahm too, I need 10 minutes to myself too. I've gotta ready your responses because we are in the same boat! Good luck mama!

I'm sorry he's driving you crazy! Solo time is a necessity for me or I get really impossible to deal with...like yesterday! Do you have an iPad or can you invest in one? There are a bazillion applications aka fun and educational entertainment to keep him occupied. It has been a lifesaver for me! I'm with Denise about TV...turn that baby on!
I got a visual of the picking hairs out of the rug with this cute little boy laying on the floor watching, LOL!

I am not sure this will help, but my sons were both like this. They are now 26 and 21 respectively. They don't return calls, don't remember who I am and forget that they couldn't spend a moment without me. I am sorry, but I say this, enjoy it. One day they really do know how to entertain themselves.

Yes. Go back in time to when he was a newborn, then an infant and toddler and teach him the skills needed to entertain himself. :-) From the very start I made sure that during quiet times when my girls weren't crying I put them down in their crib or bassinet and let them watch shadows and their hands and feet. I always have encouraged alone time play and while I do activities with them and give them things to do, I've never allowed them to make me be responsible for their entertainment. I'm not here to entertain them. I parent them, I love them, I play with them, but I've always encouraged creative thought and creative play.

When the girls claim they're bored I make them sit down and create a list of activities that they could do based on the toys and crafts we have available. Then I ask them if they want to play together or alone and I make them work it out and choose what they most want to do from that list. If they still say "nothing" then we always have library books that THEY chose and presumably want to read.

Thank you so much for positng this question. I am at the other end of this spectrum with a much younger boy. Our son will be 11 months soon, and he seems perfectly content to play with himself. He only turns to us for attention when he's hungry, needs a diaper change, or is cranky and needs a nap. More recently, he's been looking to see if we've seen when he does something, which he regards as special. i.e. put a doll on his rocking horse or something.

I was actually concerned that we weren't interacting with him enough, an have been making a point of getting down with him and doing, an "eensty weentsy spider" or a "where is thumbkin" or pointing out the colors on the blocks on his shapesorter every so often. He enjoys the interaction, but doesn't seem to seek it out.

I asked my mom, and other grandmothers out there on what to do, the consensus seems to be that I've got a good thing going, and so long as he's happy to play by himself, I should right well let him.

Your question only goes to further their advice.

Thanks

heh. I've got a son the same age that does the same exact thing. Unless if he wants to play next door with friends or his favorite show is on, then I'm chopped liver(but kinda thrilled, too) Yet, he started pre-k this year and is like the model student. Prior to this I swear, and I know this is just awful to say, I was totally freaked out, thinking he'd end up being some crazy outcast. So far, he's been just fine. I think today, kids are expected to be more independent when they just may not necessarily be built like that as individuals. My son is my first, too, and I think that had something to do with it. Suggestions? Not really, as it's still like this on his days off, but I'm finding that he's growing out of it, just be patient, and don't worry so much, I think our little clingers will be just fine.

In my opinion some children aren't very good at entertaining themselves. My stepdaughter who is 8 and whom I've been around four years has never learned to play by herself. We tried all the tricks (getting her started, putting her in an activity by herself with a timer set, etc. etc.) and I have come to the conclusion she needs input to be entertained. I would hesitate to suggest the TV only because in my experience it doesn't help in the long run. However, when your back is against the wall, turn on the TV for a short period of time to get the relief you need. The adults have to stay sane to keep the chaos level at a dull roar. Good luck and know you are not alone.

Extroverted children are exhausting. They get their energy from being around other people. That's where they're relaxed, calm, happy, energized.

I am NOT an extrovert (although I'm not shy, either), but my son is. Older kids, younger kids, adults... it doesn't matter. It's taken YEARS to get 15 minutes "to myself".

The idea that you can teach an extroverted child to play by themselves by just "doing it" is as "simple" and idea of taking an introverted child and just dumping them in a crowded room of running children and expecting them to be happy.

More people have introverted children/ slow to warm up/ shy children than extroverts. It's just a numbers thing. Most parents have to coax their children to interact with others, have to worry about them getting overwhelmed, and go very slowly with the whole process or they just freak out. It takes YEARS. And even then, as teens and adults introverts still make sure they have sufficient time to themselves.

SAME process with extroverts. It's just that you won't have many parents who have the same struggles you do. And it's not 24/7 the way it is with extroverts. Because you have to take BOTH to social situations, but an introverted child will do "quiet time" and "play by themselves" naturally at home. So the "work" is only when you take them somewhere.

Extroverts, the work is constant.

I homeschool my VERY extroverted child. (Oy, vey! But honestly, he gets more social interaction homeschooling than he would awayschooling in our area. Awayschool kids 'round here have VERY short periods of time to talk/play. 30 minutes a day for lunch/recess. The rest of the time they're supposed to be quiet/focused. That doesn't work well. He needs to be INTERACTING with people. His teachers LOVE him -he does tons of classes- but it's becuase we very purposefully sign him up for very interactive and group oriented classes.)

Anyhow...I can literally have him surrounded by people 24/7, or take him to a 4 hour class, or have all the cousins over... and while he's with other people... he's great. 10 minutes after they leave, he's back to hanging out with me. Don't get me wrong, he gets bored with me, but I'm better than nothing! lol It's been a REAL learning experience with him. Because I'm the opposite. I love people, but they exhaust me. I need lots of alone time to relax.

HINT: Extroverts need to be around others, being by themselves is exhausting. If you need time to yourself over the next few years, you'll probably need to either import it (bring kids OR other people over) or export it (classes, playdates, school). You can also "fake" it. This is plugging them into the TV/Computer/Games. Something that is either around pseudopeople (actors), or interactive electronics.

My son is VERY independent. He's not shy, clingy, etc. He's just an extrovert. Which is rare.

I now get about 1 hour a day where my son can be doing his own thing. BUT he still pops in ever 5-20 to "show me something!" (funny, cool, interesting, etc.). This is a huge improvement (he had some big cognitive leaps this year)... because last year I'd FINALLY managed 15 minutes (with him talking almost constantly to me from another room, or popping in every couple minutes to 'show me something cool/ get my opinion/ just "touch base"). HE'S NINE.

The only advice I ever heard was to get them started on something. For example, you can get him started building something with legos, then ask him to build you something really cool. Other than that, no ideas. I know how hard it is, my daughter follows me around a lot. It's getting better though.

i agree get him started. Set him up with arts and crafts, or paint and then he'll be occupied during the project, I set out on a plate paints then strings and glue and dif types fo sponges and brushes and she ussually is occupied for 45 min with that, on a good day. Also you'reallowed to tell him you need time to yourself and say do this and then i will play