My 8 Year Olds Sudden Anxiety! Please Help It Kills Me to See Him This Way!

Mom, this is going to be a little harsh but here it goes,
"Get yourself together!"

Ever see the movie "Moonstruck" Cher and Nicholas Cage. He is all worried and morose all of the time and Cher's character listens for a while and then she all of a sudden slaps him and yells "SNAP OUT OF IT".

This is the virtual. "Snap out of it! "

You are the parent. Even when we are worried, freaked out and concerned about our children, we suck it up and act like we are positive, everything is going to be ok.

When that boy said that to your son and then your son shared it with you, you should have ended it right there by saying. "Oh give me a break! No ones eyes fall out. If he says that again, you tell him to keep it himself"
There done end of the drama.

Parents should not enable morose thoughts and behaviors in our children, instead we take charge and say, I am not going to let that happen, you are totally fine son. Go play.. I love you.

Stomach aches in our home calls for a few sips of bubbly water or a sprite or tums. We do NOT make this a big deal. If he continues to say he does not feel well, it means a rest in bed. Maybe listening to some soft music or reading.

A headache is a cool towel over their eyes and some rest.

Your son is way stronger than you are giving him credit. He needs to be given some responsibilities and held to them. He needs to take out the trash, feed the pest, walk the pets, Help sort laundry, help fold clothing. He needs to start learning how to cook. You can call out items to him to make up the weekly grocery list. Then when you gop to the store, he will be your assistant. He can read the list and tell you what is the best prices.

And each time these things are done and completed successfully, you need to praise him.

No more hand wringing, you set the emotional tone in your home. If you need some professional help, go and get it. You are the mom, no one messes with the Mama's!

Mom

One technique you can try to an extent is to "mirror" his emotions. This is a proven technique.

In essence, when you tell someone that what they are feeling isn't true, and completely deny their experience, it has the reverse effect of making the feelings stronger.

Therefore, instead of saying "there's nothing wrong with your tooth," or "there's nothing wrong with your eyes," etc., instead say something to mirror his perception, before reassuring him.

Try saying VERY CALMLY AND MATTER OF FACTLY, "Yes, teeth sometimes look like they're loose," (look at his tooth) "but your tooth looks all tight in there!"

Or, "Yes, eyes look puffy sometimes/eyes burn sometimes/tummys sure can hurt sometimes, can't they, I know mine do. It will probably feel better soon, I know mine does."

You might be afraid that by validating his experience you will make it worse, but it rarely works that way.

Worth a try.

Change can be tough for kids. There are a lot of great books about anxiety you can get/read with him. It might not be a bad idea for him to see a counselor. My 8 year old is in counseling and the counselor recommended seeing tge psychiatrist. I'm not willing to give her medication right now, so I declined. She likes the way the counselor talks to her and explains things-so I'd rather give her time.
I also took her to the pediatrician who reassured her that she is a bright, healthy child.

oh, my. it sounds as if your anxiety is magnifying his to typhoon force.
i would stop playing into it. don't try and stop him from self-examination, but don't engage in it with him. model strong, sane, calm behavior for him.
'your tummy hurts? go lie down quietly for a few minutes.' 'your eyes are fine.' 'i checked your tooth already, i'm not going to do it again.'
if you keep dancing this dance with him you're going to have a full-blown hypochondriac on your hands.
it's imperative that you arm your children with sufficient confidence and judgment that they can navigate their days with other kids without allowing themselves to be terrified and intimidated so easily. if you are unable to help him yourself, please get him to a good, competent counselor right away. his reaction (and yours) to an offhand comment from another 8 year old is way out of whack.
khairete
S.

Some kids don't adjust well to change. We moved (military) last summer and my 5 year old had open heart surgery out of state. My 3 & 5 year old were great! No problems! My 8 year old struggled so much until Christmas. The move was hard on him. He also went to FL with his grandparents (who he sees 5-6x a year) and 3 year old brother while we took my 5 year old to Boston for surgery. We were apart 3 weeks. It was too much change for him all at once. He was worried and anxious about everything (new school, new house, brother's surgery, etc).

Just keep everything as consistent as you can. Don't keep any secrets/surprises from him. Give him plenty of notice when things are going to change or be different.

For our son, it took almost 7 months, but he finally adjusted. His 'obsessions' were constant handwashing (his hands actually started to bleed b/c he was washing them so much) and morning/bedtime routine. He was so strict with his routine (read, bathroom, wash hands, brush teeth, get water, lotion on hands, kisses, bed). He HAD to do things in that order. He still has the routine thing (although, he doesn't get totally bent out of shape if he goes out of order), but the handwashing obsession has stopped.

His Eyes burning, and being puffy. With the wild fires, that is perfectly possible! Smoke can irritate that big time. When My sinus are irritated with allergens, my eyes are puffy, I get a headahe and they burn. Also, when I get post nasal drip, my stomach gets upset as well.

Do you have an air purifier? We have an Austin, they are wonderful. They remove all the allergens in the room with in an hour of being on. (we leave it on 24-7).

I am not saying it is not anxiety, but it could be both?