Need Help to Get 3 Year Old to Sleep

I would recommend a child psychologist. Even a 3 year old can have PTSD symptoms. I dont think the traditional methods of getting him to go to sleep will help if he does indeed have PTSD from the fires.

Have you talked to his dr about it? It sounds to me like he's got some trauma and may need to see a child psychologist or psychiatrist. Someone mentioned duplicating the living room environment, that's a great idea. Also getting a fan or something that creates ambient (white) noise can help. I would seriously talk to his dr first and see what they have to offer. The poor kid is probably scared to death that he'll have to get up and leave in the middle of the night.

Try talking to him about why he doesn't want to sleep in their. Help him to explain it. Was that one of the rooms that caught on fire? So he thinks that if it happened once it can happen again. Or is he simply afraid of being away from you because something might serarate you permanently?
Try to explain to him that it's ok to be afraid, that when the fires where their you were scared of lossing all your favorite things, But that God watched over all of you so that you were together and safe from the fire. And maybe start Prayers now.
Thank God for your house and for keeping you all together and away from the fires, then ask him to watch over you while you all sleep, so that you can all be together tomorrow, and to please help your son sleep comfortable through the night in his own bed, that he won't be scared in the night.

Then tell him that if he gets up in the night God won't know where to keep him safe, that in the prayer you told God he would be in his bed to keep him safe their, and also that he wouldn't get scared their.

I think if you talk about his fears they will become familiar to him and not so scary. Example: How many of us where scared that Freddy Cruger would come out of our closet in our dreams, and slash us with his knife hands. But the more kids at school talked about it the dumber that fear seemed to get. Kids then made it a joke and now it's just funny. Tell him your fears because if he thinks that it's ok for mom to have fears then it's ok for him to have them too. Laugh about them together, make silly jokes about yours and dads fears. My kids are afraid of spiders, me too for that mater. Dad is the brave one, but the funny thing is that dad has screaming night mares about spiders falling from the sealing on to him. The kids think this is funny and think that dad is also afraid of the spiders but just doesn't want to look like an idiot. The more you talk about things the less scary they become.

You might have to sleep in his room for a week or 2 but not in the same bed. sleep on an air mattress next to the bed, this way if he wakes up he can tell you about his scary dream or fear and you can remind him God is watching over him, and the next time he dreams about that to laugh at the (whatever you can come up with). like( laugh at the Monsters funny teeth, then tell the monster to leave you aloan unless he likes you to laugh at him. Because everytime your scarried just start laughing at whatever your scared at, because you know it's guna be funny. keep his mind on laugher so that he starts dreaming good things.
Good luck to you. J.

Dear J.,

It does seem like he was frightened by the fires and relocation and needs the security of your visible presence. But it may help to talk with him about it some more, or ask what frightens him in the night that makes him want to be with mommy and daddy. I heard a wonderful speaker who talked about the power of "telling the child's story" - you actually debrief them by telling them exactly what happened, from the beginning from his point of view, ("there were fires that came close to the house, it was scary, mommy and daddy took you somewhere safe to stay for a while, then we came back and our home was okay, you feel scared because of what happened, you don't want to lose mommy and daddy or your home, but we will be here to keep you safe" something like that but of course with your own details and in your voice.) Anyway, oftentimes parents avoid talking about scary stuff because they don't want to remind their children of a frightening time, but the children actually need help processing the event and verbalizing it since they can't. you may need to repeat it over and over again. Also, the story has a happy ending- you are all safe- so making that part of the story may help.

In the end, recognizing his needs and helping him struggle through it will keep this from becoming a power struggle. I think you and he will both know when it is the right time to go back to a more traditional routine.

Hang in there. It sounds like all of you went through a rough time. Praise the Lord you came through it.

Hi J.! Boy, I hear you! We moved to Julian 8 years ago and have had to evacuate every year, due to the location of our house!! One year we had two evacuations. Sometimes due to big fires, sometimes due to small fires, but even a one night evacuation is scary for kids. My 8 year old has several friends who have lingering issues due to the fires. This is not a discipline issue, of course, or a reason to be firm or harsh. He needs comfort and security. I think this issue is important enough to consult a child therapist or psychologist. He is obviously traumatized - his world has been shaken and he no longer feels safe. It is a fear issue more than a sleep issue. Good luck!

Hi J., was he tramatized by the fires? could it be her is afraid that it might happene again? if so ease him back into a normal routine, put him in his own room, but let him leave the light on for now. but reasure him that you are prepared in case something like that happens again. If that's not the case, then you just have to be lovenly firm, with him, At least you are a SAHM so you don't have to get up erly and go to work. If he wants to sleep on the couch for now, unless you have a problem with that, then that should be OK. i have given many young moms this advice, NEVER let a child refuse to do wehat you want them to do, that gives them power they were never meant to have. It sounds likr the fires reallt affected him. years ago, I'm sure you remember The Dave Westerfiled trial, the one accused of kidnapping Daniel, my daughter now 19 but at the time they were searching for her, through finding her dead , and then the trial which i followed she was scared and she started sleeping in her room with the light on, we allowed her to sleep with her light as long as she needed to, and at age 19 everynow and then she still sleeps with her light on.I;ll pray for your little guy. J.

Hi J.:
I agree whole heartedly with Alicia. I think under normal circumstances,you could have been more persistant about him staying in his room,but I honestly believe he has been terribly frightened by the fire scare,and you having to be evacuated. You will need to be patient,and show him as much understanding and compassion as you can right now.It sounds like Hes feeling quite insecure and I would guess,that all his concerns aren't about himself. He probably fears something happening to you MORE.Give him a little time,and soon he will have forgotten the experience,and be back to normal. The very best to you and your darlin son.

The fact he is going back in his room during day time is GREAT by the way. It shows he is trying to deal with what he went threw and get over his fears.

Also for bedtime try this it worked like a charm with both of my kids after the fires. 7 pm no more tv or playing, but you both can talk and just hang out kinda like calm down time. 730 pm clean up make beds. 8 pm bath time, with lavender wash and shampoo walmart had some great ones we use. Then PJ's pick out a bed time story. Read story while they are in their bed if possible, then lights off but night light or small light on and door shut all the way again if possible. You can make times to what works for you but our kids are asleep by 9 pm we also shut off all lights in the house and go in our room with the door shut tell we know they are asleep. They wake up around 830 am - 9 am and no naps.

He does sound like he has PTSD. But good luck with psych. they turned away my 2 yr old who suddenly picked up a toy vacuum and hit her sister in the head. And anyone who knows a ADD or ADHD child would know my child is. But if they are not 5 and not BAD enough at 3, they tell you they cant help you so what you may want to try is stuff like this, but talk with his peds first. That who told me no one would help me tell probably age 5 which is stupid because they will be in school and I thinks its stupid to make children suffer due to their age. We been trying some at home stuff shes been the best I have ever seen her now only if peds would tell people the simple stuff I read on google!

Info on PTSD and in children

http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/04/09/ptsd-among-childr...

http://www.forests.com/ptsdchil1.html

http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/information/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_dis...

How to help him and know if it is PTSD

http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_recognize-deal-ptsd-...

I really hope this helps. My kids took a few months after the fires to adjust they were really on edge and frighted for about 2 1/2 months. We also evacuated because we got blocked in once and we have a special needs child and didn't need her to breathe in smoke because at the time she was due for 2 surgery's with in 2 weeks of the fires. So her peds said take her any where but where we lived which was just black and red outside.

So he could just out grow it and move on but since its been so long I don't think he can do it on his own, I am greatly sorry your boy has to suffer from it. I did as a child too its very scary and like a nightmare. Just try hard to be there for him and with him. You both will get threw this. :)

*Also maybe let him have lights on tell he feels more secure and by lights I mean like a small table lamp for his room so its not super bright. Or an ikea small lamp with a Christmas bulb. This helped with me as a child.

J.,
Have you tried talking to him about how he feels? It is my feeling that he might have picked up on the fear and anxiety of that time and now associates his room with those feelings. I know that as a single mom I was amazed at the age my son asked me where his father was. I think kids are aware a lot younger than we all realize. I think maybe he needs some reassurance about his safety in his room without you and your husband or maybe you could try sleeping with him in his room for a night or so to show him that it's okay.
J.

Hi J.

So sorry to hear you've had such an unsettling time. I read your message and had the idea of perhaps getting a monitor that works 2 way? You know, so you can put it in his bedroom with him and set it to hear you moving around the house, watching TV etc etc... just the reassuring noises of the household, y'know? It's very soothing, despite the noise!

Good luck
C. x

I really feel for your little guy. How hard it is for little ones' to handle things like this.

He is obviously having post traumatic stress.... is there any resources in your area, for children,( ie: counseling) to help him cope with this "trauma?" It is a unique situation... and since it has been affecting him since last fall... I would look into it. It has not gotten better...thus, this may be the "hint" that he needs extra help... to help him overcome this and wade through the emotions that he is going through, to cope with it.

By all means, don't push him to sleep by himself. Speaking for myself, I would let him sleep where he is comfortable...and feels "safe." I would say this is a "problem" per the trauma he went through with the fires and then ensuing manner in which his "life" was uprooted by it. This is Not just a "normal" sleep problem of toddlers. He is obviously still traumatized by it. For children, things like this seems like it just happened yesterday... they don't know that it happened "last fall" in a way that adults adjust to "timelines."

Seek out some counseling for him... I think he needs just that extra bit of help?

All the best, and take care,
~Susan

We were never under mandatory evacuation, but we did have our cars packed under voluntary evacuation. We left for a few hours to Valley Center to get some fresh air. The whole situation freaked my daughter out. She was 4 1/2 at the time and is still talking about the fires. She didn't want to sleep in her room for awhile either. We had to reassure her repeatedly. You might have to get a little firm with him too. Start off by spending more time in his room. Do his bedtime routine in there, read books lying on his bed etc. Try spending a night or two with him in his room. Let him know in advance that it's ONLY for a night or two. Best of luck...hopefully we won't have a repeat regarding the fires this year!

Hi J., Try "silent nights" by Lifewave. They are nontransdermal patches that work extremely well. Safe for children and adults. Made out of water, sugar, amino acids and oxygen. No drugs or chemicals. Once your child is sleeping, simply peel the patch off and save it for next time. An adult would leave the patch on all night. YOur child will wake up rested and happy! For more info go to Lifewave.com/kherihealth YOu may call me if you wish, ###-###-####. If you are not satisfied with the patches the company will give you your money back. All my customers have been quite pleased.

I know it is hard to get such conflicting advice, but in my non-professional opinion, why not put a bed in your room and let him sleep there? Since his not wanting to sleep alone is due to a tramatic experience, indulge him in this. I would mention to him maybe once a week that whenever he is ready to go back to his room, he can, but I wouldn't say anything like 'when you are ready to be a big boy...'. As adults, when we are frightened at night, we have the luxury of snuggling up with our spouse, but kids are told to sleep by themselves and get over it; this doesn't make sense to me. Good luck!

J.,
It sounds like he has really had a traumatic experience. I would suggest allowing him to sleep on a cot in your room until he stops waking up for reassurance. He should really be able to wake up and find you for reassurance for the time being. I would ask your pediatrician about using something to help him sleep (maybe a homeopathic sleep aide?) through the night and continue to enforce the 8/8:30 p.m. bedtime so it is a consistent event.

Although my little guys haven't had a traumatic experience I find it much more easy to have their bedtime routine with the bath,story, brushing teeth and then prayers/bed at around 8 p.m. They aren't as crabby during the day and are able to really enjoy their day more.

I believe that you really need to deal with the traumatic experience that he is continuing to react to at this time. I am sure your pediatrician will have some good resources for you.

I hope this helps. Take care and God Bless,
A.

I don't know if this will help but I started a ritual with my daughter wherein I tell her about the neighborhood every night. We have a policeman on the street and lots of dogs who bark when they hear something and a paramedic and then I finish it by asking her if she thinks mommy would every let her sleep somewhere unsafe...and she answers no then I tell her she has a really strong mommy that will "Kapow" anyone who comes around and I show her my arm muscle...she laughs but I think she feels protected. I leave a lite light in her room and then a stronger light in the hallway like she has requested. I then tell her to sleep tight and that she is safe. A special "protector" stuffed animal can help too.

I'm sure you're right - that it's connected to the fires. Sounds a bit like ptsd, post traumatic stress disorder. Please get a good therapist and listen to them.

Have you tried laying him in his bed until he falls asleep. We have to do that with my 3 yr old when wakes in the middle of the night. Also if he likes the lights on let him have lights on kinda dimmed in his room. Try to duplicate the living room enviroment in his room. I hope that will him feel safe. It sounds like he's just scared. It may take time. You may want to take him out all day so he is just so tired he falls asleep. Good luck and I'm sorry to hear about the fires affecting you. Jeannie

Hi J., Sorry to hear your litte one is troubled. I suspect some trauma is still being held in his body and thus the night time fear. A gentle session of reiki which can be done from a distance would give him some release. There are other hands on healing techniques that would also be of help but need to be done in person. I am trained in Reiki and would be willing to work with you and your child. You can read about Reiki at www.reiki.org It is a modality that is used in many hospitals. Also the Flower Essences work very well with children. Please contact me her for more information. All the best, C.

Here is a link to a book that I used with both my boys and my niece just used for her 2 year old. It's a lovely, compassionate system that works wonderfully. On top of that, he explains cycles, problems, and the importance of teaching your child to sleep on her own.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified...

Hello J.,
My heart goes out to you regarding the fires. But, I have to be perfectly blunt with you. You need to be stern when it comes to him sleeping in his bed. Yes, I understand that he was tramatized by the situation he went through, but, he needs to get over it and move on.
My sister went through a similar experience with her son not wanting to sleep in his own bed. It was a constant struggle for my siter and her husband.
One night, I called her when she was dealing with her son. She broke down and told me she just didn't know what to do anymore.
I remember watching Super Nanny, and she was dealing with the same situation. I told my sister to put him back in bed, and walk away. Keep putting him in his bed without talking and any eye contact. And don't ever back down no matter how hard it was. After she went through this with him she had called me back. She was mentally exausted and felt guilty. After an hour of putting him back in his bed while he screamed and hid in his closet, she FINALLY broke him and he cried himself to sleep in his own bed for the whole night. My sister said it was the hardest thing she has ever done in her life. At the same time, she thanked me for giving her the streghth to do the right thing and not give in. For the next few days, she went through a small amount of putting him back into bed, and within a week, he was in his bed entirely...with the occational problem.
My sister said you would have thought she was beating her son the way he was carrying on. She also said that it was meant to be that I had called her at that very moment. It felt good to help my sister, I just hope that I will be able to be so strong with my own 15 month daughter. It's now almost a year later and her son now stays in his bed from bedtime until 7:00 am. He hardly even wakes up in the middle of the night to go pee.
Oh did I mention that he used to also wake up like at 4:00 am and go into my sisters bed. He no longer does that either.
Good luck to you J., don't forget to never back down! They may hate you as you are doing it. But in actuallity, they will respect you more in the morning. Your the boss...always.
Take care.

It sounds like he might need to see a child psychologist to help him overcome his fear. If he was traumatized by a fire, it may take him a while to get over it. Check with your pediatrician to see if they can recommend someone to you. Good luck! I hope you all get some sleep soon.

To me it sounds as though the fires affected him, a little like a post tramatic stress situation. Try talking to him about what happened and see if you can get him to open up to you about his feelings on the actions you guys took. Just up and moving and then coming back affects children alot more than it does an adult, mostly because they have no control in what is happening.
And if you left in the middle of the night it might explain why he refuses to sleep in his own room.