how do i get them to stop? how do i calm the chaos in my house without yelling?
Follow through with "Your Rules", don't break. If they see you do that, then they will keeping doing it. And at times, seperate them and tell them that they can't play with each other until they can play nice with each other. Just reinforce your rules!
Well I am sure that you aren't "allowing" this to happen. So my advice would be to punish them each time. Be consistent. If it is just a little problem then try to direct them on a way to work it out themselves. Try to catch it when it is little so that you can teach them problem solving skills, now if it is out of control they need to be separated. Hope it helps. Good Luck.
Sounds like you just need to teach them that you are the authority figure and they are expected to listen to you. Make a stand and let them know "I expect my children to behave". Make a list of rules if needed. Basically lay the law down, you don't have to yell to do it... just don't tolerate it. Make them separate. Do they have separate rooms? Make them sit in separate chairs until they can tell you what they did wrong and can apologize to each other. Just be sure to take care of it immediately so they know what they are being punished for.
I have 4 children that do the same thing! It may seem strange, but I find them something they can do thats fun together and include myself. We play twister, or a board game.. but you have to be right there with them. I think that alot of times someone wants to be the "boss", so this also teachs them to take turns. If they still want to fight, its to there bedrooms. No T.v., nothing. Then they have to hug, and make up. I've even made them tell each other 3 things they like about the other person.. I hope this helps!
First I've never been a big fan of time outs as it didn't effect my kids at all when they were little. They'd come out and do the same thing that they had got in trouble for. But just this past week I've been having some problems with my 11 year old daughter's attitude. I was at wits end. Finally I told her to go stand in the corner. Nose in the corner. She absolutely hated it. It has not totally solved the problem, but has been a good deterent.
I agree what they are doing is very stressful for you, but it is very common. So don't feel alone. After you all get settled down from an episode you need to all sit down and discuss what happened and why it happened. Think of what things can be done to keep it from resulting in a wrestling match next time. Keep in mind that it takes 2 to fight and no matter who starts it that both should receive punishment. 2 wrongs don't make a right.
Teach them to respect not only you, but each other. They know it doesn't feel good to be hit or tormented, and they need to be taught that the other person doesn't feel good when they are hit or tormented either. Personal boundaries and sharing are probably things that spark the fights, so teach them about respecting each other's space and body. "How would you feel if your brother did that to you?" might be a question that would make them understand it's not nice to hit.
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