My 6 Y/o Cheerleader...

I found if they don't know how to do it, they look at you instead. When my daughter first started cheer 2 yrs ago she did the same thing. I used my phone to video the instructors doing the cheer, then we did it together at home. It worked awesome!

we did this last year. A lot of the other girls had done cheer before so they knew the cheers and moves. Mine didn't and was embarrassed. I learned the moves with her and we practiced together at home. It helped build her confidence and she did better at practices and games. We didn't do cheer this year- just wasn't her thing. BUT- we stuck it out for the whole season last year.

Six years old and she's not interested in it? And you're spending big bucks to do it? Stop the torture! I would definitely chalk it up to experience and stop it.

I'm guessing that she is both intimidated and scared, and probably too immature right now to take the lead from these instructors. I'd have a talk with her, away from the event, impose no pressure, see if she can verbalize how she really feels about it, and if "reframing" doesn't help her to move forward, take her out of it, no blame, no guilt, and tell her if she still wants to do this later on, say, at age 10 or when she is in school, maybe middle school...(you'll have to be gauging her level of maturity (be sure this is not your own secret longing rather than hers...and if it's truly coming from her own interest center, then after a few years' more maturity,) let her try it again. She may just be too young at this point, and she may have found out that it's not what she thought, that there's a lot of hard work and persistence to being a good cheerleader.

Our personal policy, is if you join a team, or begin a season, you're committed until the end of that season.

That being said, we've also learned from experience to try to give the kids as much information as possible before we make the commitment... "Now, you know you're going to have to practice your piano 30 minutes EVERY day, and you won't always get to play the songs YOU want to play." or "Soccer is very hard... It's a lot of running and sometimes you might get kicked or hurt." We explain that outdoor sports in Texas are going to be hot. And that even if a friend calls for a playdate on a practice night, you already have a commitment every Tuesday night for the season.

Make sure they're informed for future activities, because this will happen again. My oldest (10) has done soccer, karate, piano, and softball. Now she's talking about guitar (but she's also saying she'll buy the guitar with her birthday money).

For this season, if you choose to keep her in Cheer, really play up the fun parts of it. Have her show daddy how she learned to ____. Try setting up a playdate with one of her teammates. Invite a couple of the girls and moms to go for ice cream after practice one day. Try to get her involved.. right now she may just feel like she doesn't fit in, or that she doesn't know as much as the other kids.

Finally, lots of area rec centers (and some businesses) offer a "Sports Sampler" kind of program. If your daughter wants to try something else in the future, you might begin with a program like this, so she understands the basics of basketball, volleyball, soccer, baseball, etc. The program by us is something like 6 weeks (1 night a week), and they play a new sport every week. When she doesn't like a particular sport, find out why (was it the running? did she get hurt? ect) - it will help you to better choose future activities if you remind her about her likes and dislikes with past experiences.

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She's probably embarrassed too and isn't sure how to move her body, especially if all of the parents are standing right there watching. Practice with her at home in front of a mirror a couple of times a week so she feels comfortable, and send her back out there!

My daughter started cheering at 6 and now we are on our 3rd year and this is my 2nd year coaching. At 6 its just an adjustment, especially if she feels like she doesn't know as much as the other girls. It can be very overwhelming. Especially around here its so competitive. I would recommend giving it some time. Once she makes friends with the other girls and gets to know her coach better she might just come around and if at the end of the season she doesn't then you know this isn't the thing for her right now. Take a break and try again later if she still wants to. We just have to give our kids many options and just keep letting them try things till they find what there nitch. They might not be the best, but who cares, the key is having fun.

Also, one more thing to consider, if your daughter seems to like cheer but doesn't really connect, you might try a different coach. The coach sometimes can make all the difference. Or even a different organization. Also, as a cheer coach, unless your daughter is just absolutely unhappy I wouldn't let her quiet. Cheering is a team sport and loosing a team member can make things difficult for the rest of the team.

Good luck

Does your daughter still talk about cheerleading at home? Does she seem excited to be in the class, even if she's not participating? I ask because my daughter was thrilled to be in ballet class when she was 3, but while she talked about it at home and couldn't wait to get to ballet class every week, she just sat there and stared at the ballet teacher for the first month or so. I was so embarrassed. Thank goodness for a sweet dance teacher who was patient and kind (shout-out to Miss Amanda at AD Dance!). One day my daughter sort of wiggled her toes in class and then she just took off from there.

Maybe it's all a bit much for your daughter right now. She's wanted to do this for so long, it may be overwhelming for her, especially if some of the other kids do have experience and already know the moves. I know it's frustrating for you to spend the time and money when she won't even participate, but if she really likes the cheerleading, she'll let you know by talking about it at home and one day she'll be cheering her little heart out.

If it makes you feel better, my daughter plays soccer too, and her coach's kid won't even get on the field. He loves practice and he's really good, but when it's a real game, he just won't play. I'm hoping he'll participate this fall, because I know it must be driving his dad nuts to coach all the kids and not have his own get out there. They just need time to get comfortable, I guess. :)

My daughter had done the same with soccer and t-ball. I agree that you have to praise her when she tries. I would tell my daughter that she is letting her team (friends) down if she does not try. I would not let her quit becuase that does send the wrong message. I understand your frustrtation, you pay a lot of money for them to do the sports and then they dont' want to try. I even offered incentives if she tried...such as if she tried at practice she could choose what we cooked for dinner the next night.

My daughter started cheer at 6. I agree with you she needs to learn to start what you finish and she doesn't sound miserable so keep at it. You may want to ask the coaches how they feel about dropping her off for practice. I stayed for all the practices that year, but left her last year. They seem to do better when mom's not there. I would stay in the neighborhood and the coach's had my cell number. My daughter did listen to the coach's and learn the cheers, but she was too sensitive and whiny if she got it wrong when I was there. When I left she was great. It was a wonderful experience for us. When your daughter starts to cheer at games and really sees what the practices are for she will love it. Before the season started and all they were doing was practicing (when it was their first time) they seemed a little bored, but once they got the idea of "Oh, we are performing at the game!" They were really cooperative. We are in Prosper ISD and all the cheerleaders wear their uniforms on Friday. It's so cute and the girls LOVE feeling like they are supporting their teams. Have fun!

Don't sit where she can see you?

You've gotten a lot of good advice from the other mothers. Here's one more thought: Kids don't always like doing something as much as they think they will. Give her more time to warm up, and insist that she finish this season if that's what you decide. But then, don't sign her up in the future....or at least not until she's a little older.

An example from our household: My daughter wanted to play violin from the time she first saw one at her older brother's piano recital. She mentioned it frequently for a few years. There was finally an opening with a private teacher, so she started learning the violin. It's harder than it looks, and it takes hours of practice to master it. After two years of her saying she wanted to play the violin--but then never actually WANTING to play it--I pointed this out, and released her from the lessons. She tried it; it wasn't her thing.

Later, she became serious about art and some other hobbies. These are very different than the ones that I loved, but they are her niche.

It's great for kids to try a wide variety of activities to see what they will enjoy. Consider it an experiment and move on when they don't love it, and if there's not a compelling reason to continue (e.g. piano lessons for cognitive development in math and future music knowledge), then don't continue.

Trying different activities gives kids a better understanding of that particular thing, even if they never do it themselves in the future. Eventually, most will find their niche.

You might ask the coach about some 1 on 1 practice for her, or if you don't want to single her out, all the first year girls. And don't watch... I've taught dance for years and a mom watching is the best way to make them shy about doing anything. If she doesn't want you to leave her, just say your going to go read in the car, if there is a playground nearby- go swing, etc. so she knows you're not leaving compleatly, just not watching her. Then maybe she can show you what she's learned. Also, ask about video taping the routines and cheers, so she can practice at home. When she practices at home, don't tell her what she did wrong, tell what she does right. My DD took dance where I taught and when she'd show me her routines, I'd say that's great but it this step supposed to be this? and she'd tell me "no, Miss Shannon said it's this way", so I'd ask Miss Shannon and yes I knew what I was talking about but because I'm her mom, I don't know anything...and she's only 7(I dread the teenage years LOL). Hope you figure it out!

My daughter cheers and has only cheered for 2 yrs. non competitively at her school. She is on the upcoming squad for high school.

This can be intimidating for a new cheerleader because there are others who have participated in competitive cheer and are better.

High school cheer requires tumbling, etc. We went to private coaching to have her ready for tryouts and feeling comfortable. She made the squad and is pretty much on a equal basis with the girls now and loves it. She did, however, go through a short period of feeling like she was not good.

I also suggest if you want to observe, please do it out of your daughter's sight. Your presence can also intimidate her and hold her back.

On another note, does your daughter like cheer? I know when mine was younger she hated everything. I did not make her participate if I knew she hated it. We tried sesveral things and would stop if she was not interested.

Some people disagree with my option but it worked out for us. On a whim my daughter took a martial arts class and who would have thought it would be her thing.....She loved it, thrived in it and is a black belt. Violin was another thing. She took it because it was "required" but she loved it. She has a natural talent for music....she writes music, she can listen to a song on the radio and play it on her violin. She is in a 10th grade orchestra as a 9th grader. Again, who would have thought?

Be patient, she'll find what she loves to do. You are a good mom for exposing her to different things.

If this is the first organized sport that she has been involved with, it maybe a shock to her. My 17 yo daughter has helped coach at upward cheer and KYA for three years now. I helped as the adult leader but those girls were not interested in listening to me.....they LOVED Haley. She had them doing pyramids and every cheer was an adventure. I was amazed at her ability to captivate the girls. We also found that the girls listened best when the Moms did not hang out for practice. (Sorry...hope that doesn't hurt your feelings) They seemed to learn better and be excited to share later. Around here, there is SOOOO much placed on girls dancing or cheering and if they plan to do so for High School, then stay with it. Otherwise, try other sports....every year the number one wasted scholarship is Lady's Golf! Good Luck!

My daughter did the same thing with soccer and softball... just stick with it and when she becomes more comfortable, and gets praised she will get better. She will want to pay more attention for more praises.I think that it is just sometimes out of their comfort zone... It takes a while but they do get over it when they see how much fun everyone else has. Stick with it and teach her commitment early.

My daughter did that with swim lessons at 2.5 and we stuck with it. I know those cheerleading deals are expensive. I asked why and they even had to have the water bottle to match how rediculous. I think she needs to stay in and suffer. They beg and beg then what quit because they do not want to. I used to be a hairdresser and over the years I do not know how many people told me that their parents made them practice the piano and they were glad later they did. God Bless and good luck, I know it is hard putting up with kids who do this. My brother got his daughter into ice hockey once and she was afraid of the ice and stiff as a board but he was determined to keep her in because he did not want the message to her that it was an option to quit what you start. I took her skiing once and could not get her to even try going down the hill. Then a few years ago we all went tubing and she took her little girl and we had a blast. Good luck G. W