First have his hearing checked. I have a 16 year old daughter that is deaf and we didn't know it until she was 19 months old. Hearling loss is not like turning a radio on or off, it is more like not hearing some frequencies as well as others, which makes speech hard to understand or even hear.
Next, give him choices, choices, choices. This makes the child feel more in control.
Example: If the child asks for a drink...you say:
Would you like the green cup or the blue one?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like milk or juice?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or the dining room?
The key is to give 2 choices (either one you are happy with) with each question and then to ask as many "choices questions" as you can. This works with discipline too. If your child uses inappropriate actions or behavior..you say:
That behavior (or action) is not acceptable in our family, would you rather sit in your room for 5 minutes of time out or sit in the corner? If he refuses to choose, continue to ask the question, however, increase the time. He will eventually catch on that his time out becomes longer and longer the more he refuses to choose.
The hard part is sticking with the choice, however, they will quickly learn that you are going to stick with it and things really smoothed out with my daughter. She is now 16 and very well behaved, still very stubborn, but feels much more in control and therefore seems much more reasonable when discussing matters that we disagree on.
Good luck!