My 2 Year Old Keeps Throwing Herself down on the Floor

been there i have 2 girls who are 14 months apart. you have to keep the baby as far away from here as possible and ignore the behavior. act like you don't see her doing it, but do notice and make known when she does something good. Because she just wants attention from you wether it is good or bad attention. If you reward and pay attention to the good the bad should evetually go away.

We had the same thing with our 4 year old. She even started having trouble in school because of this behavior. We took her to a psychologist and they said praise praise praise. We were only giving her attention for the negative behaviors (sending her to her room, telling her no, whatever it may be). Instead, we changed our focus and went out of our way to notice when she was doing something positive. Simple things like if she was sitting quietly watching a movie. We'd tell her she's sitting very well, very nice and quiet. Or if she was playing good with her sister, we'd tell her how nice they were playing together (It feels very weird to do). But it was a miracle for us. And instead of sending her to her room, we'd find a chair or a corner - find a spot where she would go if she needs to change her behavior. We would put her there where there is nothing to play with, no stimulation for her to be distracted. She would scream, hit the wall, whatever to get our attention. We were told to ignore her until she was ready to behave well. Once she quieted down we would then pay attention to her and ask her if she's ready to behave and then she could come out (this time doesn't have to be that long). Our child was almost ready to get kicked out of her 2nd daycare - that is how bad it got for us - and this helped more than anything we ever tried. She does great at school now. Hang in there, it can get better. We still have our moments, but she has come so far.. it will happen. Good luck to you!!

Wow, sounds like you have your hands full-lol! I just had a baby and have noticed some minor changes in my son. i think you should ignore the behavior, if you show the attention when she is doing it she is going to continue! hope this works

my guess is she's needing attention from you and she's getting plenty of it by throwing the fits. Try to carve out time each day that you and she can spend time just the two of you. Let her know this is her special time and that later you'll need to do ... Have you talked with her when she's not upset and told her that throwing the fits is not appropriate and tell her what you want her to do instead. She will not get this at first but when she throws the fit remind her what you said and tell her to use her words or whatever you've asked her to do. You'll have to stick with it to get results. It may not work for awhile until she knows she's going to have time with you and that you aren't going to talk with her when she throws the fits.

We often tell kids what not to do but don't always let them know what to do instead.

also, I would try just walking away or removing yourself rather than having her move. Even by telling her to go to her room you are engaging her and giving her attention even if its negative.

J.,
From your description it appears that your two year old is having a hard time adjusting to sharing her mom and dad. Some kids adjust better than others to this transition. It seems that you already know what sets her off to throw herself backwards, so my best advice is to avoid putting her in those situations. That doesn't mean she shouldn't have to hear the word "no" from time to time, but you can avoid her throwing herself by putting her on your lap and cuddling with her before you have to tell her no. I would also caution you to get her attention by touching her in a loving way. I know that it is difficult when transitions come and the parents are also feeling the strain of change as well. It is worth taking time to slow down and spend the time with your oldest that she needs to bring everyone along in this transition. Working on this will take time for everyone. Once a pattern of behavior gets started it takes time for everyone to get "retrained".

Last but not least, pray daily for yourself and your children, asking God for the strength and love that you may not feel yourself some days.

Let me know when you find out. My son just turned 3 and I am having the same trouble. I try to ignore him unless he is hurt. It don't work.

Dear J.:
You sound very conscientious and obviously truely want what is best for your children.
As parents we are the primary educators of our children. In the role of an educator sometimes we must be a doctor, sometime a gardener, sometimes a mentor. Doctors must first diagnose the disease in order to find the correct remedy.
Children misbehave for many reasons. If however, the parents and guardians of the child predetermine that the misbehavior is because of "nothing" they will not find the reason and therefore never find an effective solution. Also, at the beginning of things it is always important to look to the end. This helps us determine what will truely be effective action both in short and LONG term. If we desire our children to be able to handle difficulties without resorting to violence--"a little thump" probably isn't the best bet. Discipline is necessary but often what we have learned and define as discipline, even if it may seem mild in comparison to what we went through does not encourage true self discipline in our children. Have you ever hear of the book, "The Family Virtues Guide: Simple Ways to Bring Out the Best in Our Children and Ourselves" by Linda Kavelin Popov with Dan Popov, Ph.D and John Kavelin? It is Fantastic! It is part of the Virtues Project and is published by Plume publishing (I think Plume is a section of Penguin.) Anyway, it is a wonderful practicle assistant that can be used throughout child raising and better yet, its techniques have been proven effective in extremely diverse situations.

A huge key to effectively raising children is to first see their true reality. Even when a child is misbehaving, that child is first and foremost a spiritual being. Our job is to assist the child to train her to allow her physical and emotional aspects to serve her spiritual side. While letting a child know that certain behavior is unacceptable is important, it only goes part way; we must help her know not what is acceptable. The more we speak the language of virtues, the more a child is able to determine what virtues are helpful to them under what conditions. What would happen if the next time your daughter threw herself on the floor you sincerely said, "Your ability to through yourself on the floor when you choose shows a great deal of discipline and control over your body. But I am concerned for you because it is a hurtful thing to do so I am wondering if you are feeling more hurt by something else?" If you have already discussed her hurts, then perhaps after pointing out her strengths of discipline and control you could point out that patience would be helpful in this situation and tell her what patience looks like and how confident you are that she can practice it. Later you can even give her two virtues and ask her which one she thinks would be most helpful in the situation. Whatever the virtue that is most needed at the time, you can point to it. I am sure you get the idea. Whether it is patience or another virtue, the process can be applied. Of course a key component is the acknowledgement whenever you see even a little bit of that virtue being practiced. The virtues in children are as in the state of seeds, the more they are encouraged to grow, the more they will. And they must be encouraged and allowed to develope under different conditions. As mentors, we must remember, that the more children see us conveying love(not indulgence, but real love)and joy and patience and honesty, etc. to and around them, the more they will reflect these qualities because that is their reality and they truely strive to model themselves after their parents. Of course, if they sense impatience and frustration on the part of their parent and they then receive a hurt from the parent, they will reflect this behavior as well. (The impatience and hurt etc. may be directed toward herself and/or directd to others)
Another thing that is helpful is a good understanding of what is appropriate at different stages of growth. For example, in order to grow in a healthy manner a child of two must assert a different level of independence than an infant. If a child is prevented from doing this children become dependant, insecure, unable to set appropriate boundaries and easily manipulated later in life. Instead of wishing your daughter could go back to being like she was before, it may be a more healthy approach to desire that she can fulfill all her potentiality! When we keep in mind that God's creation is good and that He created a process of development and stages of growth, we can look to find the good and the opportunity for growth in every event. This allows us to be much less anxious, less concerned with what we think others might think and truely focused on Divine Reality. When we see the "image of God" (spiritual reality) in our children, our children become more joyful and so do we we. Also, in viewing their spiritual reality our life experience can then assist them to develope in positive ways rather than negative. Much Love, Light, and Joy, J. H.

I was in a similar situation. At the time my 2 1/2 year old would bang his head or drop his body on the floor if he didn't get his way. I had a 6 month old at the time as well. I would ignore the tantrum and when my son was done make an observation that "I" was not hurt. I had kept my daughter in her playpen/crib/exersaucer. It worked. 2 years later my daughter started doing the same thing. Me and hubby did the same tactic. Even my son looked at his sister, shook his head and said, "That musta hurt you Sadie!" Couldn't have said it better myself.

My 18 month old is doing the same thing. I have noticed that if I walk off and leave her there, she gets up and behaves after she realizes that Im not going to acknowledge her behavior. You can try it to see if it helps.
--S.

My son, who is now 11 threw himself down and hit his head against the wall at 2-3 years old. The Dr told me to ignore him and that he wouldn't do anything to hurt himself. I know that is hard to do...but it does work. Also, it sounds like she is looking for your attention with a new baby around. My same son, had a difficult time when he was 6 and I had another baby. He is still jealous of his brother. Give her the time she needs so this is not a life-long problem. This may also help with the crying and fit-throwing. Also, she doesn't really understand that you won't tolerate her behavior, just that you are giving her attention, even if it's negative attention.
Good Luck!! Parenting is tough, but well-worth it!!

J., I feel for you! I have been there. I have two kids right now, soon to be three and went through the exact same thing when both kids were at the age of two. With my daughter, it was at the same time as you, a few months after I had brought her brother home from the hospital and she realized he was staying. The good news is, eventually it stopped. Personally, I think it is a cry for attention. The more I talk to other moms; it is very common to have some sort of lashing out behavior when another child is born. Kids react in different ways, but it seems they are adjusting to this major change in their life. One thing to look at is the one-on-one time you have with your daughter. I have always noticed my kids do better when I give them some special time with just them. I realize, this is hard as you have to have a husband who is willing to help, or hire a babysitter, but in the end, I have always noticed a difference. It really does not matter what you do together, just as long as you are interested in them and talk with them. Maybe even a special bedtime story if you are unable to leave the house?
As far as the fits and tantrums go, I would just walk away, ignore it. Yes, walk away, leave the room and not give the behavior any attention. If it was a dangerous area, I would ask my child if she wanted to walk or I would carry her (her back facing my front) up to her room and let her finish her fit there. Usually I would say something like, “when you have clamed down, you may come out of your room.” And yes, there were times when she would come out and I would have to put her right back into her room. This would go on for a LONG time. Eventually the behavior would change after a few weeks of constant and calm reaction. I realize this is hard when the tantrum is in the middle of Target. In that case, I would leave the store. Yes, it really stinks, you have things to get done, but that is how I handled it. We just up and left the store. I think I only had to do this twice. At the car, I would either put her in the car, (in her seat) and I would stay outside, letting her throw her fit and calming down myself. Another option is to find a safe area, outside, where she can throw her fit and you can sit inside the car with the baby. Considering it is winter, this is really not possible right now. I can still remember it would drive her nuts when I would lean out the window, in a calm voice, ask her if she was done with her fit and then let her know that I have all the time in the world, I would wait until she was done. I hope this helps. I am not an expert; this is just what has worked for my two kids. Good Luck!

It sounds like your 2-yo little one is trying to show her resentment of her new sibling. You mention that ever since her baby sister arrived, she has been doing this. She may just be trying to tell you that she misses and needs the attention from you that she used to get before lil sis arrived. Have you tried making a routine of spending some individual time with her everyday so that she doesn't feel forgotten? For example, when it's time for the baby's morning nap, you and she can spend that time everyday together reading a book, painting, drawing, or singing and playing together. And when the baby is awake, try to ask and allow your older one to help out more with the baby so that she feels included in what you are doing with the baby. Hope this helps.

Ok, she's getting your attention when she does this....don't give her ANY. I know that it sounds good removing her to her room and "talking" to her, but you're giving her attention. She's lapping it up!

Here is what I would do.....remove the baby from the situation, and just walk away. Don't say a WORD to your daughter throwing a temper tantrum. Leave the room, don't look back until she's done. When she is done, put her in her bed and tell her she has to sit there for five minutes and then, if she has decided to be nice again, she can come out.

If she looks like she will hurt herself in her flailing, pick her up and put her in her bed and walk away, again, without saying a WORD. I'm all for positive reinforcement, but the same goes for negative. If she's getting the attention she craves when she's being naughty, you're just reinforcing that it's an ok behavior. Talk to her about her bad behavior when she's in a good mood. And try to see if certain things are triggering her behavior, like when you're playing with the baby and not her. She is going to have to get used to the fact that her sister is here to stay. You might want to try spending some one on one time with her and leave the baby at home with daddy once in a while. Take her to DQ for ice cream, or McDs for a burger all by yourselves. Treat her like a big girl, and tell her how big girls should act. Ask her if she sees you throwing yourself on the floor when you don't get your way. :)

It works. Trust me. I've had three kids, and the first could throw a great tantrum, he'd even hold his breath til he passed out. Of course, once he'd passed out he'd breath again, and I didn't panic, so he didn't get the reinforcement. :)

Good luck to you! It will get better!
S.

She probably feels that the baby is getting all the attention she used to get. I would just ignore her (unless she hurts herself) because all she wants is you attention and she will get it anyway possible. Even if it is negative attention. But when she does something good. Then praise is the best thing. Anything small. Picking up her toys, maybe playing with her little sister well, or just being quiet and letting you get stuff done. It's the postitive stuff that should be acknowledged. Well I hope this helped even just a little. Good luck.

I have an 8 yr old girl & a 7 month old boy. Have you sat down with your daughter & talked to her about the baby explaining that her sister can't do anything for herself yet & that it is up to the family to take care of her? Have her help you change her she can be in charge of holding the diaper & either handing it to you or help you put it under the baby she can also be responsible for handing you the wipes but make sure they are ready for her to hand them over or you will get frustrated at the time it takes her to get them. After you get the water ready for the bottle she can help put the formula in (unless you breastfeed) then she can be the special helper BIG sister & carry it to the baby. Teach her games she can play such as peek a boo or you can dance around with them together. Good Luck. J.

My daughter did the same thing! I honestly didn't know what to do either. I just ignored it. She did it one day while on the hard wood and it hurt her head. I told her she would not have hurt her head if she hadn't thrown herself backwards. I am not sure if she understood but she did understand that I wasn't comforting her for it. After a while, I was going to go crazy. So, I just started putting her in a sort of time out. I told her she needed to "sit down until she could calm down". When she was ready to calm down she could rejoin us. That worked better than anything I tried. I ignored her while in her time out. Now, when she starts to throw a fit (she is almost three and it really is terrible two's to treaturous three's) I just ask her if she needs to sit down and she usually calms down instantly. Hope that helps! Good luck!