Hello ladies - I need your help. My friend is having problems with her 1-1/2 year old little girl. She is the second child, in case that matters. Anyway, she is throwing temper tantrums. If she is told no, she picks up anything around her and throws it. She hits the dog and actually yesterday at the doctor, she even hit the doctor. My friend is wondering how you can put a 1-1/2 year old in time out and get her to stay there. She is also looking for other suggestions other than timeout. Please help.
Thank you,
M. T
Tell her to watch Supernanny. So many parents love to blame their unruley child, when in reality, it is the parents lack of parenting skills. This show will teach the parents what they are doing wrong and how to discipline their children the right way.
Some of these responses are luducrious! Putting a 1 year old in a pack n play for an hour is absurd - telling the mom to put her "big girl panties on and be the disciplinarian) is ridiculous! How would she feel when she asks for advice - if someone told her they hope she chokes on the panties???? -When people ask for advice on the subject it is because they may have tried certain things and they just haven't worked, or the problem just started so they would like advice on things that worked for other moms. Temper tantrums, hitting, etc are all NORMAL behaviors of a 1 year old and reasoning with them is just near impossible - the ideas of time out are an awesome start, reading books, watching supper nanny ( but maybe she doesn't have time for this) these are all great suggestions - what I am saying is...... when someone asks a question - try not to criticize but just offer advice - isn't that what this website is for???? For those who answer with honest open hearts - that is what will help this mom!
Tell her to try ignoring the tantrum so that she will realize that she will not get what she wants by throwing things across the room. I saw a similar question about this posted yesterday or a couple of days ago that has some really good info. The most important thing is that she is able to 'have her feelings' without hurting herself or others. Let her cry, Let her scream. One thing I just thought of is maybe sticking her in a playpen or corral with only stuffed animals & foam blocks & such so she can chuck to her heart's content. Every time a toy is tossed outside of the barrier, it is taken away until she is done. She is then removed & the toys are back in the 'time out area' for next time. My nieces had a thing where they would toss their matchbox cars over the baby gate in the kitchen while their mom was making dinner & she'd let them throw until they ran out of cars & tried to get them back which they never did. The rule in that house is 'leave it out/mistreat it/throw it & it will be taken away. Do it a second time & it will be "thrown away" (put in storage/given to charity)'. That's worked so far. I hope it works out. Try checking out earlier posts about this & you'll get lots of great ideas. Good luck
Time out are an effective tool, when used properly. I too made the mistake of using time outs but would still engage in the the behavior that I was trying to curb.
Walk her to the time out area and say what she did wrong and walk away, if she walks away, get her and put her back in timeout without speaking a word, keep doing this. It may take her awhile to finally stay, her time 1 min 30 seconds will start when she stays, at her age if she cries no biggie. When she gets older her time shouldn't start till the crying stops.
After her time is up get her from time out and let her play.
Some say you should try to discuss what she did wrong, I personally don't.
She may even do the same behavior again, it's her testing and you do the same thing back to time out.
If she throws a toy, remove her toys and say We don't throw toys. If she goes into a full blown tantrum use the timeout.
For the most part, I agree with the previous responses (I would never put my kids in a crib for one hour with no toys, but that's just me). Just make sure your friend knows this is normal. Some kids do it, some don't - it has nothing to do with good kids v. naughty kids or good parents v. bad parents. It's just the tempermant of some kids. And, with mine, I've found that it's a roller coaster - we'll go a few weeks where he's SO good that I think he's "cured" of tantrums (ha), but then we'll have a few days where he's in the corner three or four times and I think I've lost control of him forever - it's just cyclical. However, like the other moms have said - the two keys are 1) CONSISTENCY - never threaten time out or the corner and don't do it or it's useless and 2) NO ATTENTION - the entire point of the tantrum is attention, if you get all worked up in dealing it, they have succeeded. Just tell them what they did wrong - sit them down and ignore them. Don't make it a giant ordeal because that's what they're after.
Just tell your friend this is part of parenting and she's not alone :)
My husband always says, "Well, we didn't really want to raise a bunch of meek, mild wallflowers," so our kids have some strong opinions! All you can do is look on the bright side. ha.
If time outs work, they can be a good thing. My little one who is now 21 months has been learn this too. They understand more then you might think, especially if they have an older sibling that gets up in time out occationally. However, when tantrums are involved, you usually can't get the child to sit in the same place for very long if they have the freedom to get up. I always put my girls in there cribs at this age when they started this kind of behavior. The playpen was a good idea too but it needs to be someplace where they cannot see you. Tantrums are attention getters and the sooner they learn that throwing a fit does not get attention, the sooner the tantrums will stop. Tell you friend that as soon as her daughter starts, just pick her up and put her in the crib and walk out. I usually tell my girls as I am walking out of the room that when they are finished throwing a fit and calm down, I will come back and talk to them. It is much harder to deal with this when you are in a public place but I have found that when the ground rules are set at home, they generally follow them in public too.
My 21 month old son started this about a month or so ago. When he doesn't get his way, he hits, throws, etc. I do have to say, he is a wonderful child, so this was a surprise to us. Anyway, we have started time outs by sitting him in the corner and explaining why he is there. Sometimes we have to sit near him to keep him there. We don't let him get up until he has stopped crying. I realize not everyone has that kind of time. We have a baby due in Dec. so that might change for us too! Anyway, I think consistency and tenacity are going to be the keys, as I know he has not learned just from what we have done so far.
I wish you the best and please know, this is normal!!
We never used the pack and play for sleep...instead I had to use mine for tantrum time out! My son would do similar behavior when told NO. I calmly put him in the PNP and told him that when he calmed down, he could come out and play. Then I went about my business (always close by, tho.) I found that he wanted to just be close to me, and that if I kept my cool and didn't yell, he really chilled out quickly. I also used this for the two times he bit me, and the one time he hit me to "see what I would do". Using calm, consistent words like "uh oh, you forgot how to be nice" or "uh oh, you forgot your good listening behavior" really worked. Now he is 3 1/2 and is overall, very well behaved.
It appears that you have gotten many similar ideas, but I thought I would throw my 2 cents in. I also have a23 month old son who became a big fan of throwing fits a few months ago. Because he was to young to understand that a time out meant you had to stay sitting I started using several technics. If he had a toy and threw it I would give him one verbal warning. I would always make sure I got down on his level and looked at him as I explained if he choose to throw his toy again it would be taken away. If he threw it back down I would take it away and let him know I had taken it because he made the decision to throw it down and we don't treat our toys that way. I would then walk away. He usually layed on the floor and cried for a minute, but when he settled down I would go and get the toy back and let him know why mommy took it away and make him apologize.
I guess it depends on the developmental stage of the child. My son has always been very aware and has been deemed advanced in his speech and cognative development. However, the toddler attitude still comes out. If it is something more extreme such as hitting, we would give him time out in his crib. I would simply pick him up set him in his crib and say "You are going in time out for 2 minutes for hitting mommy." I would turn off his light and close the door. Whne I went back to get him I would again tell him why he was in a time out and make him apologize.
After a few months of this consistent method he is very self sufficiant with his emotions. We now are to the point that if he is obviously feeling upset or frustrated we can just ask him to please use his words and he can let us know what he is upset about.
I guess the point of this long-winded post is that it is imperitive that you choose a method and never vary from it...consistance is the BIG key to successfully training your children!
Hi M.,
It is difficult raising children in this day and age.
Especially teenagers!!! I commend you on doing it by
yourself! God Bless You!!!
About your friend with a temper tantrum throwing toddler.
This is another area of difficulty. If she is throwing things then the things must disappear. She cannot have toys if she is going to chose to throw them. Also, when my
son was throwing the tantrums I learned early on from an outside source, you have to ignore this behavoir or it will continue. Don't reward bad behavoir with attention. Tell your friend I said hang there and my best to her. The strange thing is my son actually threw the tantrums when he was going through his hormonal changes as a teenager. That was a new one on me. But there again, ignore bad behavoir. I also, had to go through the whole thing about the changes going on in him and that we were not against him and that we loved him. The teen years are not easy for anyone. The child or the parent. My best to you as well!!
K.
Reasoning, punishment, and even time outs are not developmentally appropriate for an 18 month old baby. She is not old enough to understand the connection between the behavior and the punishment. Throwing tantrums at this age is NORMAL, and due to the fact that she's having big feelings without the words or the coping skills to handle them. She gets mad and throws a toy. Mom needs to teach her that it's not okay to throw, but this is what you can do when you're mad instead. Don't accept the behavior...stop it every single time and tell her it's not okay, then give her something to do instead (sometimes a 'high five' works if she's hitting people to get attention). Often, these behaviors are attention-seeking, and if Mom offers lots of positive attention, she will be less likely to act out to get attention (even if it's negative). I would highly suggest that she read Love and Logic and Positive Discipline. Both books have great, developmentally-appropriate ideas for teaching toddlers the right behaviors, which is always the ultimate goal!
I also agree completely with Carrie B. that finding the reason or intention behind the behavior is KEY! If she's throwing because she's tired, no amount of punishment or even creative discipline will help! Tell her that hitting is not okay, hug her, and put her down for a nap! Discover the reason, then figure out the appropriate solution.
Well, I would say a firm NO accompanied with a small swat on the diaper or hand wouldn't hurt and remove her or the toy, but I am in a state that allows parents to discipline their children. You can't reason with a 1.5yo. So, either removal and distraction will postpone the issue until you can talk to her about how it hurts the toy or others by throwing toys. Or say NO, small swat, and remove to distract.
They say the sooner a baby shows defiance, the smarter they are. So, teaching the child sooner is usually better than later. Time outs wouldnt' teach her much, I don't believe, but I am not a fan of them until the child is old enough to understand why he is in one.
You do have to nip these in the bud, as they just get bigger and throw bigger toys. Believe me, I know. :)
Have her put her in a playpen for 1 hour and NO toys .she might scream and Holler but it will pay off,once she understands no toys until she quits the tantrums.
I recommend the Love and Logic parenting method for dealing with this sort of thing. It is awesome, and it works!
My children no better than to throw temper tantrums because they know when I count to three, if they let me get to three they will get a spankin. If they are very bad, they will get a timeout. Timeouts are more tragic for them and I actually haven't had to do that in a long long time... maybe my son last had a timeout when he was like 1 1/2. They are now turning 3 and 2 in dec and another on the way due in december. I also explain what they are in trouble for when I discipline and we talk it out and come up with a solution together to whatever the problem was. It is okay for children to get upset but they have to learn that tantrums are not the right way to handle their emotions. Tell the child you understand they are upset because of _______ (fill in whatever the reason was for the tantrum) then tell the child how he or she should better handle the situation.
