my 13 year old son its a very good boy he has good grades and its real smart but since we moved to this new neighboor hood he want to be outside all the time the rule of going outside its that he needs to check in every hour or two recently he wakes up in the morning to go to summer school he dont make it to school or home till the next day and because I go look for him he never done that before now today i let him go outside for two hours told him if i could trust him that he will come back well its 3 in the morning and he is not back i went out earlier to look for him to find out that when he didint come home the first time he climbed tru the window of this 13 yr old girls house now the girl might be pregnant i also found out that he is outthere smoking weed and havin sex with girls i talk to my son all the time he knows whats right and whats wrong he has no need to spend the night anywhere nor have me with insomia this is the second time he does this right now im very worried i dont know where he is i need some help i had tried everything if some one out there have the answer to my problem or can help in anyway please do so
thanks for reading this and helping
T.
thanks to all of ya responses his father is around and we have enforced all kinds of rules and we do talk to him about sex and drugs he does this when his sent to summer school he just dont come back home and it only happend in two occasion right now he is home he denies of having sex with that girl and we pee test him he is clean no drugs of any kind im trying to get him to go to a juvenile center so he can see what happens there I care about my children and if it happens twice its not going to happen the third time he dont reallly need summer school cause he paSSED in the merit roll so his staying home with his family he dont go nowere unless is with me or with his dad his doing good. i let you guys know if anything changes but for now everything is the way its supposed to be.
It's time for military school.
Pack him up... ship him out.
New York Military Academy will shape that boy right up.
LBC
I agree with Marda.
Here are some more suggestions. This is going to take a lot of work on you and his fathers part. Your son needs to know you are really going to be "all over him" it will take a very long time for you to allow him ANY freedom again. But isn't he worth it?
Do you and or his father work outside of the home?
If not, I suggest you go with your son to summer school and sit outside the door. Then walk him back home. Keep him busy with chores. Do this EVERY DAY.
When he wants to see his friends, they can come over to your home, or you can walk him to their home, but only if their parents are there. Then when it is time for him to come home, you go and pick him up and bring him home. He must call you when he is ready to come home. Do this EVERYTIME.
If he leaves your home at night, or any time without your permission, he is grounded for a week. That means, he can go to school and come back home, but he cannot go out for a week. Make him follow this rules.
You may need to sleep in his room, or have your husband sleep in his room at night to prove to him you are serious.
Once regular school starts, do the same thing. Walk or take him to school and make sure he is in first period class and then at the end of the day, be outside his classroom door of his final class and take him home. You will need to explain this to the school and get their permission.
Speak with the school about ANY time your son is not in school, if you have not called them yourself, they are to inform you as soon as possible. If this happens, you may need to be prepared to spend a few days, all day long going to class with your son. Again, this is going to show him, you will do ANYTHING to make sure he is where he is supposed to be and doing what he is supposed to do and that he is so important you are willing to sacrifice your day to ensure it.
This is showing your son you are serious. It is showing his friends you are serious. It is showing the school you are serious.
you have to JERK him back... if he is this out of control there is no gradually fixing the problem. put him on house arrest...YOU (Or hubby) drive him anywhere he needs to be no friends or parents of friends. other than school he is at home under your supervision. If he still acts up, do what Marda says~ get him a court order. Even if he does wind up in trouble... its better for it to happen while he's still a minor instead of letting this behavior continue (and escalate) until he can be tried as an adult!
My ex-stepmom let her sons get this way... they were 16, 13, 7, and 4. She was so concerned with being their friend that she didn't enforce any boundaries. Well, the 16 year old committed suicide... the 13 year old is in Juvie after violating court-ordered house arrest... the 7 year old is not allowed to attend school in any of the districts in the area they live... and the 4 year old has been kicked out of 3 different preschools for violent behavior. (my dad divorced her before all this happened because she wouldn't allow any discipline...)
Whoops, it's too late for the more simple parenting skills. Once a kid has had the freedom that you're describing it's very difficult to reign them back in. I strongly urge you to immediately get professional help with a counselor trained and experienced in teen issues.
If you haven't talked with the girl's parents, do so now. It's important for the two sets of parents to work together to manage this situation. Keep in frequent contact with each other. I suggest that you allow them to be together but only when in your home with you monitoring. You don't have to be in the same room but the door to the room needs to be open and they have to be visible to you. They cannot be in the bedroom.
If the girl's parents are not concerned and ready to be more strict you insist that the two can only be together at your house and only when you've approved.
If she is pregnant then talk with your son about his responsibilities. I suggest that the best would be for her to have an abortion. But if she doesn't then your son is responsible for providing financial support. He's too young to work in most jobs but he can mow lawns and do odd jobs for neighbors. He most definitely needs to have responsibilities in his own home.
You need to make some definite rules and decide upon immediate consequences when they're broken. Grounding him is what I'd have expected that you'd done early on. Do it now. If he leaves the house take away his prized possessions, one at a time until he has nothing left. If he gets an allowance take it away. Stop buying him clothes and shoes. Take off his bedroom door so that you'll be aware of when he's inside or not.
Read the book entitled Parenting Teens With Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. Take a class or read up on ways to parent teens.
I also strongly suggest that you go to Juvenile Court and file a petition stating that your son is out of control. Being 13 and with a 13 yo girl who is pregnant is serious business. Not going to school and staying out overnight is serious business as is smoking weed. The courts will help you enforce reasonable rules by making the rules a part of a court order. If your son violates this order he will be put in detention. Yes, your son will be in trouble. He has to know that the consequences of his illegal actions have serious results.
What do you mean when you say he's a real good boy and is smart? I hope he does have some good parts to him but he's neither a good boy or smart when he's living this way, causing you to worry by being disobedient, causing pregnancy, smoking weed. You love him because he is your son not because he's a good boy.
"How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk" by Adele Faber.
It's easy to read, has LOTS of suggestions that thousands of families have used successfully. It doesn't hurt to try & you'll be surprised by the results. I have.
If he's going to be a father, his childhood is over. Of course a paternity test will be required - there's no telling if he's the only one the girl is having sex with. And there's no telling if she's the only girl he's been intimate with. I have no idea if you will be required to pay child support for your son's offspring until he is an adult and can pay it himself. Doing drugs, staying out all night, sex at 13, skipping school - you've got maybe 5 years to try to get him on a better path before he's an adult, and he might run away completely by the time he hits 15. Has he joined a gang? Military boarding school might be just what he needs.
First off where is his father? And where is the father of the possibly pregnant girlfriend? The men need to "straighten" him out. He shouldn't have contact with this girl UNLESS she is pregnant by him & even then that should be limited.
The next thing to do is set up an appt with a militiary school & juvenile detention. You & his father & your son need to go take a tour of these facilities & he needs to hear some of the reasons why boys are in these facilities.
Your son is obviously out of control & is doing bad things that is affecting his life greatly. I hope you get the tools to enforce authority into your son that he desperately needs.
If your child, who is just 13, we aren't even talking about a high school senior, this is still amiddle schooler, is out all night and you don't know where he is, you need to call the police. He needs intervention and you need to be able to control him. It is very serious to be doing drugs and having intercourse at 13 years old. You need to do what's necessary to keep your son safe, even if it means including the police, a counselor and/or boarding school. A "good boy" is not out til all hours smoking grass and impregnating girls at 13 years old, so you need to stop seeing him as this and take action for the boy that he is now, because he needs serious help.
stop trusting him!!!we all want to trust our kids, but when truancy, drugs and sex enter a 13 yo's life, it's time to stop trusting and get this boy some help. counseling for starters. court consequences if necessary. you may not be aware, but you are responsible financially for any damage he does. you also need to cut contact with the group of friends he's hanging out with. they may not BE the problem, but they are inflating it. one thing you can do immediately, which will give this kid the idea that you're serious, take him to summer school and STAY with him. most schools are agreeable to this. don't warn him ahead of time, just do it. this is a quick, relatively easy way to let him know that things have changed
