Multiple Miscarriages - Cuyahoga Falls,OH

You should do some research on how many people suffer miscarriages. If you just looked some information up, you'd realize that having miscarriages is just as natural as getting pregnant. I have this INCREDIBLE friend who has miscarriages and also, sadly, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at full term last year who was stillborn. Of course, it really hurt when she heard the news. She had everything ready for her at home, BUT, what she did was start asking a lot of questions and read a lot of things about stillbirths and miscarriages. When I talked to her a week later, she was doing remarkably well, and when I told her how proud I was of her for coming out of it so well she said to me "Julie, if you knew how many times miscarriages and stillbirths happen, you'd be this way too." She went on to tell me that there are almost as many miscarriages and stillbirths as there are normal full term births. There are so many things that have to happen in the first trimester, that if one of those millions of things that happens goes wrong, it can cause a miscarriage. Try to look at it this way. Those pregancies that happen in the very beginning of pregnancies aren't even a baby yet. I have this other friend who just had two miscarriages in the last TWO months told me that her doctor said that before you can hear the heartbeat, it's a cluster of cells inside you. All of those cells have to do particular things to form together and begin to create life. I'm sure that it's so so frustrating. I know how frustrated she got. I think it's her fourth miscarriage altogether. That's why a lot of people don't announce it until after the first trimester. So many things can happen during that time. You can't allow yourself to be scared. Just think of that first trimester as a "trial" period, just like you're "trying" to get pregnant. The second friend I have mentioned had her doctor tell her that if you're prone to miscarriages, you have to look at the whole first 12 weeks as being a trial period, to see if those cells do what it takes to form life. Remember, it's not actually a "baby" yet, but rather a cluster of cells, so you're actually losing the cells it takes to form a baby. So, keep your chin up and keep trying. Those cells will do what they need to one of these times. In the meantime, have fun with your husband while trying! :)

Before anyone lashes out at me for saying that it's not a baby at first and rather just cells, I will say that even though I look at it like this, it in no way shape or form makes me insensitive to the beginning stages of life. It's just a way to look at it while you're dealing with the grief process.

S.,

I completely understand where you're at.
Let me tell you that miracles do happen and I have 2 to prove it and a 3rd on the way.
Check this out - after YEARS of ttc and 6 miscarriages... we gave up and miraculously got preggo.
We decided to try for a year, that's ALL I could bare for I wanted to focus on my dd.
Well, 3 months later I was preggo again.
My kids are 11 months appart, she's 20 months, he's 9.

Well, we decided that was it, if there was a possibility of a 3rd, we'd discuss it in a few yrs.

I got an IUD put in in Oct and bc of extreme nausea took a pregnancy test 2 days ago, I freaked, especially since there's a high risk for an ectopic and I already have 2 babies....
I have had an ectopic too, where I lost my left tube and ovary... this is why we figure it would NEVER happen, but what I thought was my "curse" became my GIFT.

So... yesterday a sono revealed I am 9 weeks along!!! They took teh IUD out...
Sounds unbelievable huh?

I saw my 8 year old nephew be born while I was taking shots, doing IUI's, my husbands cousin got pregnant at the exact time as I did one of those many times and her son is now 5, I don't have a 5 y/o.
My YOUNGER sister had a pregnancy - I was already pregnant and lost it, was preggo again after her daugher, and I don't have a 4 before her girl or a 3 y/o like her or after hers.

But I do have my 20 month old and my 9 month old now.

They came, at their own time... I can't explain it but trust me that my life seemed doomed, I thought of growing up with no children, no grand children to age with....
I had no excitement for the future .... I was very depressed and now, now I can't stop!!! Even with an IUD in place, and you're still young!
I had my first at 35, second at 36 and my 3rd will be born a few days after I am no longer 37.... 2006, 2007, 2008.

All I can tell you is take a deep breath, there is something in store for you... I NEVER believed it... but I am living proof.

Hi there
I am so sorry about all of your losses. I just got the May Issue of Parenting magazine and they have an article in there that it is unusual for a woman to miscarry often. I didn't pay a whole lot attention to the article b/c I never miscarried but it did say that there is testing to see if you have a disorder that would cause your body to miscarry. Apparently, there are several possibilities and several tests that can be done. It might be worth it for you to get a copy of the magazine and take it to your OB/GYN. The article did say that most OBs wait until after the third miscarriage to do any kind of testing and if your OB hasn't mentioned anything maybe he/she doesn't know? Anyway, it's worth a try. I hope it works out for you and I pray that you will be able to carry your next baby to term.

I can't empathize exactly with you because I never had 'proven' miscarriages. When my dh and I were ttc, I was several days late (9, I think which was VERY unusual for me) and then started bleeding much heavier than normal and had bad cramps. I can only assume it was a miscarriage, but I can't say for sure. It hurt so much, nonetheless. The thought that I was possibly carrying a baby and lost it tore me up inside. But, I did eventually get pregnant with my daughter (I think a few months later) and then again with my son (who is 2 months old now).

I don't know that it gets any 'better' per se, but I moved on from it. It's like dealing with any death. The wound is still there, but it's not so painful over time.

I would strongly suggest checking with your doctor or going to a specialist to see if there is anything that you can do in the future to help promote a healthy pregnancy/baby. I would also consider counseling with you and your husband. He may not need help 'dealing' with the miscarriages, but you need a third-party to help you explain things to him and vise versa. I think that would help greatly. I know that communication about these things can be very hard. My husband didn't really understand either. When I was on birth control and then later found out that it can actually cause early abortion, I went through a long period of depression (I am very much pro-life) thinking of how many babies I would have had but didn't because I killed them. Not everyone believes this way, and that's OK. My husband doesn't so didn't understand why I was so upset. But we are mothers the moment we see those two lines and need to be allowed to grieve the loss of our children even if we lose them before we ever get to know them.

Take rest in the Lord and know that He is the only one who truly knows why you have had these experiences. Ask Him to grant you peace that passes all understanding so that you may be healed from the hurt you are feeling right now. Then, who knows, you may end up with a house full of blessings. :)

God bless,
A.

S.,
Sorry for your losses. I, too, had 3 miscarriages before having my son last May. What I would suggest is having your OB or even a reproduction specialist run some tests, primarily bloodwork, to see if there are any problems that you might be able to prevent. In my case, I had an issue with something called MTHFR (complicated explanation) that led to clotting in my blood. With my fourth pregnancy, I took extra folic acid and a baby aspirin and carried the baby to term. You don't have to assume that there's nothing you can do to prevent a miscarriage, in some cases that's true, but not always. Best of luck to you.

I turned 30 last Sept. & had 6 m/c's, then my son, then my daughter, then 2 more m/c's. I don't think you ever really 'get over' them, its just that you learn to live with the new person you become. *HUG* its not easy, but if you can give yourself a chance & you have another baby, its so much worth it. I hug my kids both everyday & I know I appreciate them that much more since I had to go through so much to have them in my arms. If you ever want to talk, just holler *HUG*

Hi S....I am sooo sorry for your loss!! It has totally affected you understandably! You need to take care of yourself emotionally first, get some counseling with your husband to help him understand what you are going through. Then maybe in time you will be ready...maybe not immediately but you have all kinds of time, you're still very young...good luck, I hope you get the chance to be a mommy again...enjoy the little one you have too, they are precious!! :) D. R.

S., I SO identify with you. I had a miscarriage, a healthy son, two more miscarriages, then another healthy son. One miscarriage was at 20 wks, it was awful--I went to a regular appointment and there was no heartbeat; sonogram revealed baby had died and I had to go in and be induced to deliver him. My SIL was due nearly the same time I was with that one, and we are godparents to that niece. Much as I was happy for my SIL, and shared their joy about their family addition, it was a painful reminder of the son we had lost. I was depressed until about the 6th month of my subsequent healthy pregnancy. I suddenly found myself singing along with the radio and thought, "Oh yeah, THIS is what happy feels like, I'd forgotten."

Only the first mis. was ever explained, it was an empty sac. The others are mysteries.

I did two things that helped me a lot. I changed OB's after the 3rd mis, more for my psyche than for any medical reason. It was nice to see a doctor who didn't make me think of my losses so much. I also found a support group for those dealing with miscarriages and stillbirths that met at a local hospital. I wish my hubby had gone with me to that, but it wasn't something he needed so I went alone.

I guess what I mostly want you to know is that everything you are feeling is normal. It sucks, but there is no way around it but through it. Every day you get through is one day closer to coming out of it. Every time you cry is one time closer to the last cry. (which will probably be when you are 90, but they will get fewer and farther between.) Talk as much as you can to women who have experienced it; you'll be amazed how many will understand your pain, and will hold you and cry with you. And don't give up on another baby. Deal with the pain of your loss as much as you can first; I kept telling myself that those others were not the babies we were meant to have, ours was still waiting for us. And he was, and he is a joy.

I will say a prayer for you, and send a hug with this message.

I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I have two friends that had two miscarriages each after their first children. Both had successful pregnancies after the two miscarriages.

Has you doctor run tests to try to determine the causes of the miscarriages. One of my friends had to be put on special supplements for her next preganancy and did wonderfully. She did tell me that her husband was not sympathetic towards her after the miscarriages. I think that they just don't understand. One thing that comes to mind that my doctor told me (a male doctor) is that a man becomes a father the day the child is born. The woman becomes a mother much earlier than that. Unfortunately, men do not understand the instant bond that we begin to feel and develop as soon as we are pregnant. They don't feel the changes and can't see the changes in you at the beginning.

Do you have some women friends that have gone through this also that you can talk to so you can heal a little more before trying again?

I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers!