Moms of Older Teens - Chore Question

Hi! I think it depends on what kind of chore it is. For example, if you want the dinner dishes to be washed, then you might want it done before she goes to bed. You are the one who can determine what is reasonable based on what kind of chore it is. Also, is she really practically supporting herself? At 17, is she paying full rent, utilities, water, garbage, food, gas, oil, etc?

Anyway, I really think that you get to take charge & when you ask for the chore to be done, give the deadline then. I hope this helps.

It depends on how much time you give them. If you tell them to take the trash cans to the corner so the trash men can empty them, and it is now Wednesday, but the trash men don't come until Friday morning, then they have until Friday morning. If you tell them you want the trash cans up to the street in the next 30 minutes, then they have 30 minutes.

With my kids, if I told them to do something and it wasn't done, the consequences fit the job. If they were told to wash the dishes and they didn't, I'd find the dirtiest plate, glass, and silverware and that was theirs to eat off of. That kind of thing only happened once. The others learned and gained wisdom.

You have to be specific as to the time frame and your expectations. You have to make sure they understand the requirements.

In our house, they went to college or paid rent. The other alternative is to give them jobs to do with the understanding that if they didn't do their jobs and obey the rules of the house, they could always go and live under a bridge. and make up their own rules.

Good luck to you and yours.

Renegotiate how the household runs as between adults. If you, your husband, and your kids were coming together as unrelated adults to rent a house together, what kind of contract would you write up? How would work, finances, etc. be distributed?

It might be an interesting exercise to have each person make up their own sample contract. Then get together and compare them. It might make this exercise more useful if contracts were not permitted to name individuals. That is, if the contract had to read something like "each member of the household shall...." rather than saying who does what.

Bring together your contracts, share them and see where the conversation goes from there.

Good luck. This is complicated.

The problem is your husband. And if he's never backed you up, it's kinda hard to make them step up now.

I have an almost 21 year old and an almost 17 year old. The oldest is living at home this summer due to his job. We realize he has had total freedom and his own schedule, but house rules apply. He's even home at a reasonable hour. 1) because he has to work and 2) knows I don't sleep well until he's in!
Both kids are aware that I will wash their clothes when I am doing laundry, IF they are in the laundry room for me to wash. I will NOT return them to their rooms. If they want them hung up, they bring me the hangers. Otherwise they get folded nicely and placed back in the basket for them to cart up the stairs.
I'm usually the one fixing dinner, for no particular reason. But both kids clear the table, rinse and load the dishwasher.
They trade mowing the lawn, I don't ask.
If the trash is full, empty it AND put in a new bag!

But the key to all this is, these were the rules and expectations all along. It doesn't matter how old they are and that they are working and making their own money. You do things because you are part of a family. So if you've never had support and the children have never really been expected to follow through, it's going to be hard now.

Good Luck

Mine are 14 and 16. It all depends on the chore. They have their standard chores that they are expected to do on a regular basis. However, if I ask them to do something, I'll usually give a general time limit, ie.. before you go to bed. I've found that asking them to do something and expecting it immediately doesn't work.

The consequence depends on the situation. If they want to go somewhere, they won't be allowed to go until the chore is finished. I've also taken away computers and ipods.

My 16 yo thinks that when she turns 18, she'll be an adult and none of the rules will apply. I keep reminding her my house, my rules. We are a family and we all work together.

"practically supporting herself" IMO there is no practically, you are or you're not...........so when you ask her to do something e.g. wash the dishes say I would like this chore done by 2:00, is that acceptable? write it down on the fridge & have her sign it & you sign it too, this way there's no excuse.....if chore is not completed to your satisfaction then a privledge is taken away; can't go out that evening, cell phone gone, car gone, computer gone, whatever she really likes & would make an impact on her......your the mom

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8kidsdad is my hero.

We told our son he had two choices, military or out. He chose the military.

I even found an apartment complex for a reasonable rent where he could live. I drove past it daily and said things like when you graduate you can live there, it was real low rent. And he would not have the use of our cars, he could ride his bike to work.

It's amazing what happens to the rest of them when you walk the whole family through a roach motel and say this is where C will live if he doesn't straighten up.