Mom Suffering from Depression. Need Advice.

Hello. You are very busy and no wonder you are stressed out. I can completly understand what you are going through. My advice is to look at what your husband is going through. It seems that he is probably stressed about alot of the same things you are and not wanting to verbalize them. My husband behaves the same way alot of days, he is better with the children when they get older or are little babies; toddlers are not his thing. I think you should talk to your husband and tell him how it is so hard on you. When I get very upset with my husband I have to write him a letter so I can get it all out. You might want to look into a mom's group or night out in your area. Alot of churches do a mom's night out with babysitting available. I wish you lots of luck and you have my sincere sympathy.
Also, I have found it easier to talk to my husband after bouncing things off of one of my friend's that is male. He helps me phrase things that my husband can relate to. I noticed that there is a stay at home husband on this cite, I believe is name is Ron, he might be able to help u phrase things that your husband can relate to. I hope things get better.

Wow! You are a busy woman. Congrats on your new baby. My heart really goes out to you b/c I used to have to raise my 2 girls without any help. I totally understand what you're going through. I hope you talk to your husband and really find out what is going on with him and your relationship. More stress is the last thing you need right now. I don't have any good advice, but what I can offer you is friendship. You can never have too many friends. Good Luck with your situation and contact me anytime.

Hello C., It sounds like you need to sit your husban down and tell him how you feel. You didn't say how old your husban was. After my husban and myself had are 3rd son my husban went thru a really wierd point in his life. It almost ended in the big D.We sat down and taked about each of are troubles and worked it out. Now we are the best of freinds and its all been good since. I think your husban need to get his car fixed you shouldn't be stuck at home with 2 baby and one on the way with now car. I wish you the best of luck with your two kids and the one on the way. you can email me any time. i am new to defiance ohio. ____@____.com luck.

Hi C.:
I can't imagine what life is like for you with two little ones and a baby on the way. I have a lot of respect for you...I just have one and I feel like life is a whirlwind. My advice to you is to pick yourself up, put the kids to bed and pamper yourself a bit. Take an hour when you can find it and take a bubble bath with a great book, shave, paint your nails (since you probably can't reach your toes) and experiment with some new hairstyles, skin products or make up. Play dress up. Feel confident and wonderful. A little vanity goes a long way, especially when life seems particularly unglamorous and you're knee deep in diapers.
And as far as your husband goes...you could talk to him until you're blue in the face, but sometimes guys have a habit of tuning us out, you know? My husband would sometimes write me off as hormonal, which would make me even more depressed because he didn't understand. Guys aren't always wired to understand. But that's no excuse. But maybe try some different tactics if he's just not hearing you. Write him a note. Talk to him quietly in bed. Get out of the house for coffee or dinner together and discuss. Ask him what's bothering him and get him to open up. You've gotten some great advice from everyone here...hope it helps!

C.,
I know how you feel, I have been there too. Hang in there. It is soooo hard to do everything yourself and unbelievable when your husband is being so selfish. Have you sat him down and explained to him how you are feeling and what you are going through? You need time to yourself. You just have to put your foot down! Set aside a day once a week that allows you 5-6 hours of freedom, to do what ever you want. And he has to honor this for you. If he does not, take away a few of his priveledges as well. It has to be fair. Keep pounding it in his head.
If all else fails, just remember this - you have been given three amazing gifts from God, your children and you are doing an awesome job raising them. Take satisfaction and pride in that, despite your lack of help.
G.

C.,

Well, no wonder you are depressed! Your children are VERY close together and your body hasn't even had a chance to recover from baby #1 yet, and here you are growing #3. Feeling trapped at home only makes it worse.

I won't give you the standard advice of "try to find an hour to yourself every day" because that just never happens. Who are these great advice-givers who think it's a good idea to tell us things like that?

What I will tell you is that you have my utmost sympathy and understanding. I am sure you are doing a great job as a Mother! Try to find a quiet second or two each day and recount to yourself all the positive things you can think of--and write them down so you can read them later.

Where do you live, maybe we could get together--my boys are 5 and 3 (and play well with other kids), and I am NOT pregnant, so I have less stress.

Also, listen to happy music. It is OK to cry--it helps your body vent stress chemicals. And of course you are getting really big--that's OK; it is a temporary state.

Be well, and write again.

Best wishes,
K.

I'm also 5 moths I'm due in July.....Maybe we can plan an outing or something so you can get some adult time...I know how hard it is.....your hormones are raging and it's just too much. I wish I knew what else to say but my email is ____@____.com if you maybe want to plan a get together or something. i have 2 daughters 8 and 4...they are older than yours but they love to play with kids od any age...

Hi C., my name is L.. I also have two children (5yrs, and 16 months) and am 7 months pregnant. I have been feeling the same as you. I don't know if it is just the hormones or what, but I feel like my husband could care less about this pregnancy (we didn't plan this one at all!). When I read your post, I felt like I was reading my story. My husbands truck is broke down right now and he has been taking my van to work! We live in Wadsworth, Ohio - so all this snow is not helping my mood, or to get the kids out of the house. I wish I had some good advice to give you, but all I can offer is some company in misery. Do you know what gender baby you are having? Both of my children are also boys, and we are having a girl this time. Do you live near Wadsworth? I do go out once a week on Tuesday nights to do some pottery painting and have started a small Moms group for a Moms night out. Some Moms come painting on Tuesdays, and others come to different events that I hear about in the community. Let me know if you are close and I'd love to keep you updated on what we are doing!

Hang in there sweetie. These babies will be out of us soon and then a whole new crop of problems will hit us! haha!! Sleep .... what's sleep??

xoxo,
L.

I think you have already heard this but I am a SAHM of four and my husband works a swing shift with overtime so most of the time I am effectively a single mom but I know my husband is working hard for our family and so I can stay home with our kids and it is defintely hard I actually take medication for depression which helps alot but that may not be an option being pregnant. You have alot on your plate and it is easy to get discouraged but just try looking at all the positive atributes your husband has it is much easier to see the negative in the mean time try to take some time for yourself, get a babysitter even if it is just for you to go shopping by yourself. I too would love a girls night out but I think we live to far apart for that to be an option, try checking out the area for a mom's group that would be a great source of support for you. Hope any of this helped.

WOw and I thought I was in over my head when my kids were small, but my closest are 16 months apart, I also have two boys and then I got my little girl, and I have two step children now just months apart in age from my two youngest, so I can sympathize. I know it's hard and even the littlest thigns right now trigger a much bigger responce from you I hated to hear it when I was pregnant but it really is just hormones, if it continues or gets worse you can be put on some different depression medications later in your pregnancy. has this happened before? if there is a history of depression or post partum depression I would recommend it, I went through it after all 3 of mine to varying degrees and I hated taking medication but I was so much better for my kids happy, than so depressed I didn't want to get out of bed in the morning. Above all though you need to talk to your husband and let him know you need some help and support from him or talk to a family member or good friend, even just having some adult interaction at home with the kids can be a big stress realiver. I know it's hard but ask for help there is no shame in that. Don't let thigns get bad enough that you are missing out on your kids because you are afraid to ask for help, it isn't worth it, your kids are only young once and there is nothign worse than looking back and thinking you missed it all, trust me on that, I live with it every day, you have a lot of support here and there are a lot of great mom's on this site but for the most part we can't be anywhere but right here for you and it sounds like you could use a hand for the next few months and if it can't be your husband then find someone else, the kindness of stragners is a wonderful thing, find a local mommy group, or get involved in a church if you aren't already, or jsut talk to a friend or family membersee if you can't get a cheap sitter for an hour even if it's just to sit in bed and sleep or read a book and relax, the best way you can take care of all three of those babies is to take care of yourself, remember that, good luck, and if you need anythign i'm at ____@____.com

Wow, bless your heart! If you don't put your foot down now, it will only get worse! It definitely should be his job to get the kids out of the car!
You also should have a vehicle because if one of those kids needs attention like right now, do you wait for him to get home? That's not that big of a deal I guess but I sure would feel trapped especially without someone over 4' to talk to once in a while.
Enjoy your little ones, you'll be looking back when they are teenagers longing for them to be little again:) Mom of 4 boys

Hi C.! I am not sure that I can offer much feedback as I am only a mom of one but I can offer friendship. You can bounce things off of me and it could give you someone to talk to. My only advice to you is to try talking to your husband and see if there is some way you guys could work out once a week or every other week that you could get out an do something for yourself. It doesn't have to be extravagant, walk the mall, go to the bookstore. Just get out and have you time. Good luck!

HI C.,

First of all start praying. The Lord will send the comforter to help you through what your going through. I am a woman who has suffered with depression for many years. It's hard and I understand just what your going through. But beleive me prayer helps. I find peace and joy in reading and listening to music. It soothes the soul. Start doing things that make you smile and laugh. You have to find yourself and know in your heart what makes you happy. You have two children that deoend on you and blessed with another on the way. Don't give up. Lift yourself up. If you ever want to talk just drop me a line and I will be there for you.

Blessings to you!

If you have not talked to your husband about how you are feeling, you need to let him know. You cannot assume he is aware, because men are not as perceptive as women are about these things.

Tell him specifically how you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, tired, etc. Tell him you NEED his help, you NEED him to participate and work together as a team. They are his kids, too. That means he can learn how to change a diaper and take care of them since they are his responsibility, too.

Crying all the time is a major sign of depression. You need to talk to your doctor about this and perhaps get some medical intervention. At least tell your OB at your next visit.

Do you have any outside support from other family members? Is there someone you can trust to take the kids off your hands for a long afternoon once a week or so? You need some "ME" time where you can just take a nap or go to the library or something at least once a week.

What do you mean he only ALLOWS you to leave the house for 30 minutes? Don't LET him take advantage of you. I obviously don't know you or your husband and what kind of dynamic your relationship is like. However, he doesn't own you. You are your own woman, stand up for yourself and respect yourself. Don't let him control you for one more minute. That just pisses me off that he thinks he can call the shots and expect you to do everything around the house.

Sorry to be so long with this response. Please get some help for yourself even if your husband won't change. You deserve it for your own health and well being.

HELLO,
I'M SORRY TO HEAR YOUR GOING THROUGH SUCH A HARD TIME. ITS HARD ENOUGH HAVING LITTLE ONES LET ALONE BEING PREGNANT.

I DON'T LIVE CLOSE TO YOU BUT TRY THIS WEB SITE WWW.MEETUP.COM
IT IS A GROUP FOR STAY AT HOME MOMS. YOU JUST ENTER IN YOUR ZIP CODE AND IT WILL TELL YOU ABOUT GROUPS IN YOUR AREA IF THERE IS ANY. JUST ABOUT ALL THE ACTIVITIES ARE FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS AND THEY HAVE MOMS NIGHTS OUT TO. I RECENTLY JOINED A GROUP HERE IN MY AREA AND I LOVE IT.

GOOD LUCK AND LOTS OF PRAYERS GO OUT TO YOU.

HOPE

Honey, you NEED a mom's night out! I would have already lost it if I were you.

This is a tough situation...men can be so stubborn and cold hearted...did I mention uncompromising and unwilling to leave their 100% comfort zone...they don't want to be inconvenienced or pulled away from their very important couch time. So keeping this in mind...are you at all able to talk to your husband and help him to understand where you're coming from. Was it a mutual decision to have three children so close together? Is he at all able to comprehend that it's a very healthy, neccessary thing for you to get a break...it will make you a better wife and mother. If all else fails, you can use the "if you really love me..." line.

Good Luck!!

How old is your husband? You need to tell him you need help. You didn't make these babies on your own so why are you raising them on your own. My goodness I thought I was stressed I truley feel for you. One thing you need to remember is the hormaones are going to go crazy and you are going to cry. When I was preganat I thought I wouldn't stop crying. I cried at everything but after I did I actually felt better. I don't know it didn't make sense to me. You are pregnant with your child and what you feel so does that baby. When you get stressed put the kids in a playpin or have them sit and eat a snack or have them sit and color do something to get there attention to give yourself a 1 or 2 minute break.(I know easier said then done my youngest are 20 months apart)and go into the other room and sit down and take some long deep breathes. Relax for a moment, get your thoughts together and start over. I had a journal and when I was pregnant I wrote in it lots especially when I was really flustrated. But it helped. I would also say that your husband doesn't own you and you should be allowed more time to yourself. Is there any family members that can help you, friends someone that can come over and give you a longer break 30 minutes or something. I would also say you are not sleeping or sleeping well and that will also cause you to be more emotional as well. As far as you are getting big,girl you have been through this twice already so you know what to expect you will get small again. I would also say that after this one you should take extra precautions not to get pregnant again for a while. Your hormones are all messed up and haven't had time to come back to normal let alone your body hasn't had time to heal and that could be causeing some of the out of wack emotions. Where do you live I would like to do the mom's night out if we are close. Feel free to write anytime if anything to vent you will feel better after you get it all out. I hope that you get to feeling better I know all the women support you and feel for you and are here for you. Good luck and enjoy your pregnacy and your children you are doing a great job being mom and dad. Keep it up!!!

hey i know what you mean about being a mom to 3 and not having any help!! you sound like me but the only difference is your kids are alot closer together in age, well thats a huge difference! its gotta be hard on you!! if you ever wanna chat drop me an email.. and maybe we could meet up and i could help you out a little i know how it is to need help, i just had a baby 5 weeks ago and was on bedrest for 4 months.. just let me know even if you just wanna chat :) ____@____.com

My husband started acting like that and he would leave the only vehicle we had on empty. Iwould go out and leave my phone at home, he's a big boy and he could take care of his child for once with out me. Of course, he would be mad when I got home but I just kept doing it until he asked why I keep leaving my phone at home. I told him that even though I was a mother I was still a woman and still needed some me time and time with my friends every once in a while. We would go get coffee, to the mall, or I would get my nails done or what ever.