Mom Seeking Advice

When my daughter starts acting this way I tell her to use her words. I will not answer to grunts or crying. If she is talking but whining I tell her I cannot understand her words and cannot help her until I can.
If she is really into pitching a fit and refuses to listen to reasoning I tell her she will need to go to a different room if she wants to act that way. If we are in public, I leave. I don't always want to. It is usually inconvenient, but I leave. It just isn't fair to ruin other peoples experience because my child is upset...and she is probably hungry or tired if she is out of control and if she is, well that would be my fault.

I have a 3 yr. old who likes to whine a lot. And I got eye level with him and had a talk with him and showed him how sad he looked. I showed him what he sounds like and told him that is no no. And I don't like it. Then I showed him how to cheerfully say, Mommy can I have it please? Then have him repeat it, Then when he says it cheerfully I just praise him and High 5 and tell him what a good boy he is. Then next time he starts whining for something I don't give it to him until I show him how to say it cheerfully and he does it cheerfully and again praise and hopefully it will help him to be aware of controling his mood.

I just spoke with a mom this past weekend who had a great idea. She said she told her daughter she couldn't talk to her when she was whining/crying. Her daughter at the age of 2 would scream while in the car. She got a pair of ear plugs for her and her husband, and would tell her daughter Oh I'm sorry I can't talk with you right now. That crying hurts my ears I need my ear plugs. They put the plugs in. Her daughter would scream louder and they would just pretend not to hear. Then when she had stopped the mom would comment, Oh look she stopped crying we can talk with her now. They would remove the earplugs and everything was good. If she started her a fit mom would say do I need to put in my ear plugs...daughter said no and problem was corrected. Bottom line, she is trying to control you, you are the parent don't let her. Love her and let her know you are there but you can't hear her when she acts like that.

My 2 year old does the same thing! We have started telling her that we can not understand what she wants unless she uses her words. When she gets really upset I just put her in her bed/room until she calms down. Generally, she comes out and can tell me what she wants. I will try and divert her attention when nothing else works. For instance I will say: "does your nose hurt, she says no, does your belly button hurt, she says no, does your toe hurt, she says no..."and so on. Generally we go on for a few minutes and then when she is distracted from whatever caused the problem (we still do not know yet it is that she wants or wanted), we ask her, are you hungry, are you thirsty, do you need to go to the bathroom, do you want a hug, and calmly go through things that she could possibly need. I know our little person does that when things are getting busy and are crazy around the house. She typically does it in the morning when we are rushing to get out, during dinner time when I am trying to cook, when we are at our older girls soccer games/practice. I have found that she needs attention. I tell her that her whinning is hurting mommy's ears and that it is making me sad. She says no mommy sad. I tell her that she needs to calm down to talk to me. If she can not, I walk away(if I can leave her safely) ~ or put her in a place where she is safe so I can leave. This is so hard, because they are still using their voices to loudly tell us what they want, but are learning to use their words and do not know exactly what to say to get what they want/need. We use baby sign and that helps A GREAT DEAL! My point...distraction works for us. BUT if the whinning is a means to get my attention and there is really no point behind it...it gets ignored! I am right there with you! It is so hard! good luck to us both!!! :o)

I used to teach 2 yr olds in preschool. When my kids would whine, I would simply tell them, "I'm sorry, I don't know what 'whaaaa' [insert the sound the child is making at the time] means; you need to use your words." Then I would walk away. It usually works.

Be patient and consistant. It may take a few weeks to break the habbit (the average is 6 weeks).

I do like the Wendy Whiner and Betty Bossy too.

P. <><

Ignore her when she starts the I want this/that and refuses the first offer. As long as she is not sick, fed, clean, out of harms way... you are okay.

Have you tried saying you can't hear her when she is whining, then acting like you rally can't hear? I think that's how my mom broke me of the wining thing. I always remember her saying "I can't hear whining voices, do you want to try and ask in another way?"

I agree with all the PP. When my DS whines he gets to the count of three. Thanks to: One, Two Three Magic (great book) and then he has to go to his room to calm down. Before I start counting though, I ask him if he would like to help me get what it is he wants. For example if he wants a drink I let him help hold the cup while I pour the milk, or we pour the milk together. I have found sometimes he just wants to be really independent and do things for himself.

I told my girls we don't speak, "Whinese" in our house, it's a language I don't know. That tends to stop it. Also, ignore it, even if she gets louder, explain to her, you'll listen when she speaks in a nice calm voice.

Ignore the whining and crying. We are going through that with my 2 year old too. I have found that when I ignore him he realizes ok mommy isn't giving in and he stops. I've tried reasoning with him and talking it out, doesn't work. I have too high spirited of a little boy to even do any reasoning. This age is so unpredictable is the best word I can think of to describe it. They are learning their boundries with every little thing, and discovering the big world around them. It's hard to not lose your patients with the whining and crying. (Which I do a lot of times, but it's a learning experience for me as well, and we just take it a day at a time)
Good Luck...I feel your pain on this one. I know it will get better eventually, just normal "growing pains" of children.

I dont have alot of adivice but I think the most important thing is do not give in to whining ever.Make it clear that whining gets her nothing not even attention.Tell her whining for something is not the way to get something and showw her to ask the right way.Also kids sometimes do things for attention even if it is negative.Tell her I cant understand you when you are talking like that so use your words or I cant hear you then dont talk to her till she stops whining.Also I dont know if you do time outs but if you do then put her in the chair or wherever and tell her she cant get up until she stops whinig then walk away and dont say another thing until she is ready to get up .Sorry if any of this sounds harsh these are just somethings that I did and the time out thing I got off of nanny 911.

When my little boy was at that age, we simply wouldn't listen to him. We would tell him that whining did not help him get our attention. We would say things like, "We have no idea what you are saying. When you can just talk to us, we'll listen." We would always point out to him that he was whining. It was funny sometimes to see him choke it back to get his composure to talk to us. I was shocked really to see that it worked at first. I wasn't sure if a 2 year old could really get it together and fix the problem, but he did. Just be consistent with not letting her get what she's after when she is whining. Even now, at four, if the sentence begins with a whine, the answer is no. We won't consider a request unless he can control how he asks. Begin now, while she's little, expecting her to control her requests and you'll be glad you did in the future. Don't be discouraged. Just keep it up.

Love and Logic!! I read briefly over the other responses and most had the same type of idea...This is a GREAT group of books/resources for all ages and the earlier you start these techniques the better. It's all common sense and helps you keep your sanity while teaching your little ones about the real world and responsibilities (even as young as 2!). I love the books and I truly am enjoying my sweet, crazy, funny 2 yr old even more now!! and he is definetly a "typical" 2yr old. You could check out the website www.loveandlogic.com Good Luck and enjoy...this is the most hilarious age!!

We just went/are going through this with my 2 year old. He asks for juice, you give him the juice, then he cries cause he doesn't want the juice anymore. I read somewhere that this is normal, and good for them because it means that they are trying to make their own decisions and choices about things. However, it's really frustrating for parents. My husband and I started using time out for whining. We tell our son in the no nonsense voice, you are whining, you need to stop. Tell mamma and daddy what you want. IF, you don't stop whining then you will have to go to time out. Something like that. If the whining continues, we put him in time out for his 2 minutes. Then we go over and talk about not whining, and instead tell mommy I want juice, or whatever he wanted.

We've tried to be really consistant with this, and it's worked pretty well. He still gets whiny close to meal times, and when he tired...but we're definitely making progress.

Just an idea.

You've gotten a lot of great advice! Here's my 2 cents:
You are watching your once little cuddly infant turn into "Miss Independence", or least try everything in her power to do so! She wants things to be HER idea, so you have to be creative with choices. Another poster said give 2 choices, and that's perfect. No more than 2. That goes for anything except safety rules, such as the car seat, etc. No negotiation there. I would ask my daughter if she wanted apple slices or oranges etc for snack. She felt like she was having a say-so, while still making a good choice. Just remember, you are the boss. Don't even grant the whining a response after the initial "I can't hear you while you're making that awful sound. I want to hear your pretty voice using the big words you know." You'll survive, Momma!

"Give me an army of 2-year-olds, and I can conquer the Earth."
---Bill Cosby

My now 13 yr old went through a very bossy and whining stage. We did this hen she would start...

Whining: Wendy whiner go away , come again another day..... She hated that. She would stop. EVERY time she whined, we would use that chant.

Bossing: Bossy Betty go away, come again another day.... Same effect.

To this day, if she comes across as whiny, we just say "Oh, Wendy is back" or "Betty is back" and she laughs then stops.

Tf

My daughter wanted to whine about everything when she was small. I broke her quickly by telling her that in our home, we spoke only English. I did not know what language she was speaking when she whined. So, I would only acknowledge what she wanted when she spoke plain English. She figured it out right away. I completely ignored her and walked away when the whining started. If that didn't work, she was placed in her room and told she could come out when she decided to speak our family's language. It worked like a charm. Good luck!

Well, you probably already know you cannot reason with a 2 year old. And, you really cannot make her stop whining. It's going to take awhile, but I would just tell her you cannot understand her when she whines. Tell her you'd be happy to help her get what she needs when she can tell you what that is without whining. Then, walk away and go about what you are doing until she can come to you and ask the right way.

Good Luck! :-)

My dd is almost 5 and we still have a problem with whining! Usually what we do is just tell her that we can't hear her when she whines. That stops the behavior. However, when she was younger we too, would go through a list of possible issues. She would usually get whiny when she was tired and it was more difficult for her to communicate what the issue was. AS far as her saying "no" to everything you offer her. Give her 2 choices. ie..you can wear the pink shirt or the purple shirt today. if she chooses something different tell her that's not a choice..these are your choices. If she starts to protest then tell her "if you won't choose then mommy will choose for you" that'll nip in the bud!