What to Do About Excessive Whining

My daughter whines when she is tired. That would be when she's up too late or can't get enough sleep. We dialed her bedtime back to 7:30 when she started whining at school. She literally eats dinner and goes to bed.

We also told her, "I'm sorry I don't understand that tone. Can you say that in a way that I can understand you?" She knew what we meant and as soon as I would start the line, she'd stop me and ask correctly. Eventually, they way she would say, "Mommy," was a huge indicator of what was coming. Sometimes I would add, "Are you calling me? I couldn't understand that tone," and she would smile and start over.

Maybe he needs more sleep and not get what he wants when he whines. Direct correlations work well, in my opinion.
Stephanie

Hi,
Just tell him you can't hear him unless he uses his big boy voice - then ignore the whining and respond very positively to his appropriate talk.
good luck!

Provided you are already spending quality time with him (playing games, etc), be very vocal with him about when you will do things with him. "When I finish _____ I will play with you." (however don't always make him come in second because that will affect his sense of importance.) Change it up by saying "I will play with you for ___ minutes then I have to _____.

If you have an analog clock, you can show him where the big hand will be when time is up. This helps him start to develop a sense of time.

For me, once my daughters got used to this, life became a whole lot easier.

Hi S.!

All kids go through a time in their life that, for some reason, is VERY NEEDY! They just need more of you! For reassurance, or whatever.

You have to come up with a "name" for his whiny voice...like "woosy whiner", or something else silly. Everytime he whines, say "oops, that's Woosy Whiner's Voice! Where is my big boy voice so I can understand you?" This will change the mood, and at the same time tell him that you don't want to talk to that voice anymore. He'll eventually loose the voice. He'll probably pick up some other need, though :o)

Keep being patient....it won't last forever :o)

:o) N.

is he whining or is he tantrumming?

Tantrums: time outs to cook jets

whining: highly recommend the Child's book about whining by Joy Berry. it's cute, and if you read it right, kids relate. Our daughter stops whining immediately when we ask her if she thinks she's whining. http://www.amazon.com/Childrens-Book-About-Whining/dp/B00...

She's older than your son, but she started whining much later, so if he likes books, I'm sure there is one out there on the subject that can help you help him cope better. The one I mentioned has a cartoon girl who gets fed up with another child whining to her, so it's a good example setter.

Dear S.,
Whining is the worst. But your baby is little, and you are at the right time to make sure you don't end up with a 7 year old in Kentucky Fried Chicken whining the rafters off the roof because a piece of corn touched the mashed potatoes. I have witnessed that. And let me tell you, the more my kids witness it, the better they behave in public.
So, I guess whining can have it's place in this world.

Your baby is little, and I think that he is whining as a form of communication and doesn't necessarily compute just yet that it's whining. It's a noise he's figured out how to make. I would try singing to him when he starts that. Talk to him. Mommy's getting ready for work......Daddy's putting his tie on. Even if you aren't holding him, sing or talk with him. I used to sing things I said...just making stuff up and my kids loved it. I think your baby is too young to understand he's whining, so teach him to hum or la la la la....something other than whining sounds that engage you.

It works.
You'll be fine.

I don't know if this helps you, but it really helps me to think of whining as a substitute for language, which it is. They don't have language yet but really need to express themselves. I don't think punishment is appropriate for this. This phase will probably not last forever--hang in there! Is there any way to change up your routine so that you have a little more attention to give him--more dinner prep earlier, simpler meals, etc.? Just wondering.

My son went through a major whining phase at close to 2 years of age. We tried lots of approaches, but what worked for us was using tactics like, if he was whining at the playground telling him we would have to leave if he kept whining. Or if we were home, we would threaten to take something away he was enjoying if he didn't stop, or we'd give him a time out. When he didn't whine at times he normally would, I praised the heck out of him. And I tried explaning why we don't whine at times when he was receptive to talking. We also sometimes would all start whining (I don't know if you've seen the Wendy Whiner skit on Saturday Night Live) and that would usually get him laughing and change the mood. This combination of tactics worked in a matter of I'd say about 2 weeks. I can't remember what my son was like at 14 months and if those tactics would have worked at that age for him, but I thought them worth mentioning. If you can't use them now, you can save them in your arsenal for later.
N.

I disagree with ignoring him, the behavior will not necessarily get better. It is actually better to let him know that you hear him. Tell him that you understand that he's upset. Pick him up if only for a moment when you're getting ready in the morning and let him know you love him. Reassure him. Children develop more anxiety at his age and he's checking in with you to find out if you are there for him when he needs you.
You need to go to work and you need to make dinner, but if you stop for 3 minutes or 5 minutes to focus on him or let him know, "mommy is going to wash the potatoes and then play blocks with you for a few minutes," he may calm down. At his age it really important that you don't ignore his feelings, because it will interfere with his sense of security. You don't have to stop everything you need to do, just check in with him and if he's whining, "say, I can tell you are frustrated that mommy and daddy are getting ready for work...do you need a hug before mommy gets dressed?"
By checking in with him, you are recognizing him without stressing yourself out by becoming late. If he continues to whine, tell him you need to finish what your doing and then give him times in the day that he can look forward to spending more time with you.
Good luck,
-M. R.

For what it's worth, I TOTALLY agree with Gale O - whining is a cry for attention, and you have to give it to them on their terms. It's amazing to me ho many people think that kids will just raise themselves while they can just go about their business. I especially disagree with ignoring the behavior (I agree with ignoring tantrums, but not whining). Give him special time with you every day and when you have to get something done (whether it's getting ready for woork or making dinner or a phone call) make sure he's engaged in something before you start your task. Also, definitely acknowledge his needs, even if you can't get to him right away - it worked really well for my kids to say "I can't do that for you right now, I'm changing your sister, but I'll be there in a minute" Or simply "I hear you" And then follow through with coming to see him and giving him your full attention. He'll eventually get that he can trust you to meet his needs, but not always on his terms.

Hello S., You need to let him know (probably over and over again, you know how kids are) that whining will NOT get him what he wants. But you have to mean it. You can't give in, You have to be firm, because then he will know that eventually his whining will work. Try telling him when he starts to whine that you only understand big boy talk, and if he wants to whine, he can do it alone in his bedroom. Your son is at the age where kids become more clingy. They are doing more stuff for them selves and need the parents less and less. While at the same time the child is learning to be a "big kid" and is full of pride when they learn new things, it can also be a frighting time for them because they see the parents doing less for them. And just like any adult, children need to be reassured that you are still there for them.
You don't have to beat a child to get them to listen to you, and do what you want them to do. But you do have to let them know what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Whining is not acceptable behavior, and there are consequences he has to face if he behaves this way. Have you introduced time outs yet? No he is not to young for this. I hope I was of some help to you. Just remember not to give in; say what you mean, and mean what you say. Dont give him 10 warnings and do nothing, give him one warning, tell him what will happen if he does it again, then if he does, do what you told him you would do. Fallow through is very important at this age. Good luck
A.

S.,

Ignore the behavior and then minute he stops whining, pay attention to him and give lots of praise for whatever he is doing at the moment. Eventually he will understand that you can only "hear" the good and he won't get a response from you when he whines.

Molly

Sometimes transition time was hard for my older one, going from one thing to another, its just a thought but maybe for warning him in advance of what you will be doing and what you expect of him might help him to not whine. Like a count down. Also if you can give him something to be responsible for to "bring to the car" it might get his mind off of what your doing. " Ok in ten minutes we are going to leave to go to grandmas do you have that teddy bear you are supposed to bring?" "Ok in about five minutes we gotta go so make sure you guys are ready."

You're right about the spanking. whining is annoying but certainly not a spanking offense. Someone JUST asked the whining question, read her responses.

I think that this is just the beginning of a "needy" time in his life. Maybe you or your husband could put him in a sling and carry him around for part of the time? I have a 21 month old and if I lock him out of the kitchen while I am cooking dinner he CRIES and CRIES! I think it's just a stage, he's feeling left out and needy. Ahhh, the joys of parenthood eh? :) Any plans for a sibling?

You have to decide that you are not going to let it bother you. Just ignore him and he will stop when he doesn't get a reaction from you.

S.,

I have a 18 month old son and we were having the same problem. We have worked out a system in the morning where my husband and I trade off getting ready while the other works on breakfast and playing with our son. This seems to have helped our son stop whining. We found that he loves to play with pots and pans in the kitchen or sit in his highchair and watch what we are doing in the kitchen. I make an effort to also tell him what I am doing while making breakfast like "we need milk with our cereal" and "we need to get the milk out of the refridgerator". He is always wanting to just be a part of what we are doing and this makes him feel included without have to play with him. If he feels like you are noticing him the whining will probably subside.

Nighttime is more difficult. I have a drawer in the kitchen with play food and pretend cooking stuff. I try to pull a few things out and remind him it is there for him to help make the dinner. Also I usually bring a few of his books in the kitchen in the hopes he might be distracted by them as well.

If you are both working full time this might be his way of telling you that in the morning he knows you are going to leave or in the evening that he has been missing you all day and just wants your attention.

If you can't get dinner done easily you might also consider pre-cooking a few things on the weekend you can just heat up in the microwave. This might leave more time for fun and give you less headaches.

Good luck,
N.

I have a 16 month old daughter who is very independent but does tend to get whiny when I am getting ready for work, cooking dinner, cleaning, etc. I find that if I force myself to take five minutes to drop what I am doing and read her a book or have some one on one time, once we are done she will go back to playing by herself happily. Because I work I believe that she just wants a little one on one time to be reminded that she is important. What I have read in quite a few books is the more attention you give a baby, the more independent they become.

Hi there!
I feel for ya! The whining thing just grates on my nerves! My daughter started doing the same thing, and my husband and I first told her that people in our family aren't whiners. The next thing we did is tell her that we can't hear her when she whines, gave her an example of a non-whiny way to speak, and then ignored her until she used the right tone of voice. (I know, the escalated whining/crying can be BEYOND annoying, but stick with it! It won't take long!)
When she did speak without whining we praised her and made a big deal of how she was behaving like a big girl. We also would make a point of catching her at other points in the day when she wasn't whining and point out how much we liked her tone of voice. Seemed to work!

Good luck!

Oh the whining! You eventually sort of tune it out. However, on the bad days it will still bother you. This is definitely a way toddlers try to get attention. In our sons case, it centers aroung meal time because he have struggles with his finicky appetite. Meal times are a struggle for us just about daily. But, the rest of the time, if he whines it isn't the power struggle over food. So, I stop what I am doing and ask him what is wrong.

I get down to his level and ask him to talk to me, that whining isn't acceptable. He sees he has my attention and generally, it stops the whining. I will play with him for 5 - 10 minutes and usually he is satisfied. Have your son sit near you when you are doing things and give him a task so he feels like he is helping you. Eventually, he will get bored and walk away to do his own thing.

We ignored the whining completely and eventually our son learned to come up to us when he needed a hug or whatever instead of sitting on the floor whining. Kids figure out what is the most effective way of getting what they want with the least amount of effort - that's why potty training is so hard!

Telling him to stop whining made him whine louder, by the way.

I think you're right about him wanting attention so even if you did believe in spanking I don't think it would be appropriate in this situation.

I work from home and have a ten month old son. He plays by himself somewhat and I have a babysitter here to help me but he doesn't understand why mommy is not paying attention to him if I am right here so there are moments in the day where he gets very whiny and only wants to be picked up. I have found that I have to make the time to do this. Usually if I just sit down with him on the floor for a few minutes and start playing or eat cheerios or bang on a bucket with him, that is enough. But if I try to continue what I'm doing it will escalate to screaming and crying.

I have also found some fun distractions when daddy and I are trying to do things. We almost always have music on in our house. Our son loves to see us dance and then I also pick him up to dance. Maybe you just need to spice up these tasks so they are not so much like chores that require your full attention but are something that can be fun for everyone.

S., Try giving him attention before he whines: i.e. as soon as he gets up, give him on-on-one attention for 5 minutes: tell him that you'll play with him, read to him, and then when you are finished you want him to play by himself while you get breakfast ready for everyone. Do the same at dinner time, and two other times of the day.
When you are with him, be REALLY PRESENT for him. Give him eye contact often during this time, as well as during the entire day. Whining, annoying as it is, is his way of asking you to be connected with him. If you can think of it that way, some of your annoyance will melt away (which makes it easier for you).
That's not to say that you should accept whining; he needs to learn not to whine. Tell him that whining hurts your ears and "If you want my attention, say 'Mommy, I want to talk to you please.'" And that you will NOT respond when he whines. And then follow through with it. Make up a sign to use rather than using words to remind him if he is whining (cover your ears, or something similar, and go back to what you were doing). When he speaks to you without whining, drop what you are doing and listen with your FULL attention for a minute and go back to work. And you can ask him if he wants to join you in cooking, etc. and explain what you are doing as you do it--like you're running a cooking show! Children are so interested in learning about the world around them; it's difficult to watch everything happening yet not to be involved. If you remember that your child may be whining because he WANTS TO LEARN and be part of things, some of the annoyance to his whining can go away.
Scheduling more time to do all of your tasks is essential; that's the hardest part of parenting, to go at a slower pace so our children can be included. But it is our most important job: our children depend upon us to teach them about the world.
So, give him quality attention frequently throughout the day, include him in your tasks, and re-frame your thinking about his whining (that's to help YOU feel a little less annoyed). Hope this helps. G.

Well with the whining during dinner making time... get him involved. Give him something simple to do to help. This way he's getting attention, you're getting dinner done and he feels like he has helped with dinner.