Mom Is Losing Her Patience!

I did myself and my daughter a favor when I read the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. You can get it at any bookstore. This author gives you insight into how their brains work, and how to communicate with them in a way that makes them feel comfort...immediately. It really works, as soon my daughter starts to throw a fit now, I can diffuse it in seconds by responding the right way. Also "The Happiest Baby on the Block" is great for newborns, so you might want to get that one for the baby on the way. She was my first, and that one taught me how to get her to sleep or stop her crying within minutes when she was an infant. The books were recommended to me by my pediatrician. Hope this helps! It did for me!

Hi K. my name is L. and I have a 23 month old and I have to tell you I went through the same issues that you went through. I was wondering if this has just started or if it has been going on for a month or two. The reason for my asking is because I had went to the doctor about it because I couldn't do anymore and here to find out he had severe ear infections in both ears and he was in pain that he didn't know what else to do. Not saying that that is it I am just wondering. Also I have always had that issue I still do and its hard to deal with. When my son gets that way I put him in time out. I put him in his room and I don't let him come out until he has calmed down. I have to tell you that since I have made it a routin everytime he acts up he goes in time out we have had a better relationship. I feel that the more upset we get the more upset they become. Their have been times were he would get so bad that I would have to put him in his crib and go in my car and breath until I was ready to go back in. It worked. They are so attached to us they want us 24/7 no matter how tired we are. And I feel that they think the more they cry and make a fit they will get what they want but I have learned that by giving them a time out wherever you feel is best has really worked for myself and my husband. I hope that this helped for you.

I find that my son can sense when I am uptight and frustrated which makes him act out. Now I try to relax and show balance and patience through my words and actions. It has helped.

Hi K.!

It's normal to feel the frustration that you do and also for Brayden to feel that way too! Since he's not really all that verbal yet, try giving him words to describe how he's feeling... I know for my daughter, half the problem was that she didn't know what to call what she felt... once she did, then she felt better. Read him stories about his feelings and let him know that you understand. Another thing... give him another way to express his frustration. My daughter wanted to hit everything, so I let her hit a big, stuffed frog chair in her room, but nothing else (or she got time out). When she would attempt to hit, I'd say, "What is acceptable to hit?" and she'd say (eventually) "Froggy." This way, she knew what was okay and what was not. Also, suggest stomping feet or playing outdoors with your husband when you first get home, so that you can get a break for even 20 minutes before dinnertime. I'm a single mom by choice and have no support day to day. I do absolutely everything from changing diapers, to every dish, to laundry to meals to baths, to sick nights, etc. I have no extra hands ever... so I understand frustration and exhaustion, as I work a full 40+ hour pressure-packed work week. It's NORMAL to get frustrated, but you're right... yelling at him is simply telling him that his way is justified... you have to lead by example... even when we LEAST feel like being that example.

Good luck, please write to me more if you need to!

K.

My son will be 2 in December. We are going through the toddler tantrums now. With the help of his daycare we have started the baby sign language. Even though he can talk a little he will still sign what he knows. If you could teach yours now this might help when the tantrums start. We are working on emotions next. The libraries have a good amount of baby sign language books, that where I got mine from, and have fun with it too. This will give you bonding time which could help too.
If you do teach your son he could end up trying to teach his little brother too.
Good luck.

you need a way to relieve stress. i breath and do yoga. of course you have no time and don't want to do it because you are pregnant and working and running a household but something of the sorts will really make you feel better from the inside out. we also do sign language with our daughter it makes life a lot easier for us.
good luck and remember we all loose it. we are just human.

Hi there!
I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with my son and had a daughter who was in daycare and was also working FT. I think alot of it also has to do with the fact that you pregnant and tired so it doesn't help matters! But you wanted ways to alleviate stress right? So here's my thoughts:

1. Can you shorten your work day, or work from home half a day while the baby stays in daycare? That might give you a litlte peace and quiet and time to sort of prepare for picking up your baby!

2. How about Baby Einstein? does your baby watch that? I don't know what it was about those DVD's but everytime it had my kids totally mesmerized! Maybe that would help him? Do you have a DVD in the car? Or have you tried playing some kiddie tunes that you adjust the speakers so for the most part it plays in the back of the car?

3. How about a baby Jumperoo or Car that you can sit your little guy in to mill around the house? Would he be happy if he were preoccupied with one of those things?

I had a son who cried about 20 hours a day no matter what I did..he ALWAYS wanted me! So...I invested in a baby carrier, and then when he got bigger, the Hip Hammock. Sure, I was carrying him around all the time, and I know that its especially hard when you're pregnant....but just holding him made him happy...and well...it was better than listening to him cry!

Also.....is he teething? Someone told me to give my son teething tablets, which I had never heard of before and they worked like a total charm!

Also...have you ruled out all illnesses? Even allergies. Turns out my son was so miserable and screamed and yelled, and we finally figured out he was allergic to milk and that was making him so uncomfortable that all he did was scream and yell....fixed the allergies, and we fixed the problem!

I hope some of these Ideas work for you! Like I said...I dealt with this with my son for about 15 months until we got him straightened out! If you care to chat about it some more, please feel free to email me!

Genia
____@____.com

It is too young for tough love like time outs i think. I taught my daughter a few signs for Hungry, drink, sleepy, then threw in a few others for Rain, light, maybe some others. That helped us so much !!!!!
leaving him in a room for a few mintues while you get a time out is wonderful too, Just when you had enough and need to recoup yourself. Then say ok, im ready. I used to even lock my bedroom door and have her screaming on the other side. You need it once in a while. They will absolutely love you to pieces the next day, he wont remember these episodes. YOu might want to get in his face (well not right in) and say stop yelling very firmly. Dont give in if it is public. Like if he wants a toy or candy. If he misbehaves, leave. I have taken my daughter out of restaurant becuase she was diffictul and sat outside while she had her fit. Then 10 minutes later she was a totaly new person. They can turn it on or off like a switch. you might want to make him laugh. I pretend i pick something up and almost drop it, like juggle, but make it seem liek a mistake, that will always get her laughing. Do something to make you hcange the mood.

Behavior is communication. Instead of focusing on how he's a bad kid or trying to ruin your day why not try to figure out what he's trying to tell you? He spends all day in daycare, with no stability and goodness knows what going on and then you come and take him from that. If he's been in daycare since he was 6 weeks DAYCARE IS HOME not your house. (I know now all the working moms are mad but let's deal with reality not the myth of the working mom.) The reality is that where your child spends most of his waking time and who he spends it with are where he's most comfortable. If it's a good daycare there is likely a strict schedule which you are not using. Some children are extremely dependant on schedules.

So, accept that your child is not comfortable at home or with you. EVEN IF that makes you mad or upset with me. Then try to figure out why. I had a friend that had a similar problem and in the end it was her perfume that was upsetting her child. It took a LONG time to figure out that the perfume was the issue but once it was gone her daughter stopped screaming. As someone else said, it could be diet related although if he only does it when you have him then I'd be less inclined to blame diet. He would be screaming in daycare too.

Also instead of assuming he's not screaming for other people, you might check to be absolutely sure that he isn't. He might be screaming in daycare and they aren't telling you that he is. Is the screaming worse in the morning? Is it at it's fever pitch after picking him up? Maybe he's trying to tell you he doesn't like it there.

With all behavior from non-verbal beings, you have to be more clue hunter than reactionary. I know that's easier said than done. Screaming is unpleasant but it's unpleasant for him too. He's clearly very upset by something and you will have to figure what. And although it's frustrating for you, it's important to remember that he's not trying to get your goat he's trying to tell you something. Sometimes a little compassion goes a long way to help you get control over yourself in a bad situation.

In the meantime try to get some rest. You are working full time and being a mother the rest of your day. Despite the feminist mantra that we can have it all, we still only have 24 hours in a day. We can't have it all and be happy too. You sound very tired. Do you have a grandparent he can stay with one night and see if he still does this? Or one night you can get some rest? That might give you some clues to what he's trying to tell you and if you are better rested you may be easier able to deal with him without losing your temper.

One final word about behavior and punishment. Humans love to punish. He is screaming and you scream back and for a moment he's quiet. You feel better. But you've startled him into silence. You are creating a fear connotation with you. He knows that you will sometimes blow up and scream at him. This scares him. He will begin to create a fear response when he sees you, which will make him anxious and more likely to scream. And thus the pattern continues. You must do whatever you can to avoid screaming back. Different things work for different people...but do not do that anymore. It's degrading your relationship but it's also likely feeding the behavior and making it stronger.

Good luck, this is hard stuff to figure out and fix especially when you are tired.

I just read the other responses and I didn't see anyone mention this route. Though it is far fetched , you never know. I had a very similar situation with our son screaming, rolling around, screaming in the car seat, crying in the morning etc. I know your frustration. When our son turned 15 months we finally kept telling his pediatrician about his crabby personality and he had him tested for food allergies. Turns out he was allergic to many foods. Of course, Ryan had ecezma and we thought it was just the uncomfortable feelings of the itchy skin but I knew it had to be more. Sometimes, they have stomach aches and at that age they will be crabby and cry and scream a lot. This is probably not the case for your son but thought I should at least suggest it. Especially based on the fact that he seems to be very irritable a lot which is what we experience. Good Luck and Take Lots of Deep Breaths.

My first child (now 9) was a frustrated toddler because he was a late talker so he would just get really mad when he wanted to communicate something and couldn't. I know several people already said this, but it's true that teaching him a few signs will help. It made my son a different person when he could let me know what he needed. Now, I'm on my 3rd child and the whole family uses signs with him. What I did, though, is decided on a few important ones and googled them to learn how to do them. I saw a little girl today (18 months old) whose mom said she knows all of the signs from several sign language videos-- she could do signs like "frog".... Well, that's very nice, but it's not for me. I just taught my son the basics to communicate (and when one sign looks too much like another one, instead of teaching it as is, I made up my own-- the idea is for him to communicate with you).... I taught my son more, all done, milk, help, and we are working on a sign for his blankie so I will know when he's just tired and wants down time.

In the meantime, know it's OK for you to feel frustrated with his screaming, but losing it will only make you feel worse and won't help him. I explained to my 8 and 9 year old that we all have a monster inside us-- you can feel when that monster wants to come out, and it's up to you to control it and keep it in because once it comes out it's really hard to get it back in. When they see me start to raise my voice or get frustrated, they remind me that I am letting my monster come out, and it really helps me to calm down so I don't explode at them in anger. I do walk away and breathe when I need to.

Your best bet to stay calm is be pro-active. Step outside the situation whenever you can and try to figure out what is causing his screaming, and try to get to the problem before it can begin. For exmaple, my son wants milk when he first wakes up, but I want to change his diaper first. So I get his milk ready before I enter his room and the second his diaper is changed he gets the milk before he can start screaming for it. We have a DVD player as well as CD's he loves in the van, so the second he is snapped into his car seat, I either play a DVD or CD to keep him busy and happy before he can start to freak out and get bored.

You and he need to figure out some routines that you can stick to once the new baby comes because so many other things will be changing in his little world to make him frustrated, and with lack of sleep from caring for a newborn, you will have a shorter temper than you have now.

Remember he is little and he is doing what he knows.
There is always going to be something or someone to get mad at. It is up to you on how you handle the situation. It is tough being little and he feels like no one understands him. Also remember you are his favorite person in the whole world. He might be mad at times but he loves you more than you can imagine.

Are you getting married or did you just get married to your finance? I read that you had a finance in another posting that you put. That might be his reason why he is acting out. He feels like he is losing his mommy. Re-assure him that he is your little man.

Everyday NO MATTER WHAT give him a great big hug and several kisses and say I LOVE YOU LITTLE BUDDY.

The hardest job in the world is being a mother and I know this. I am a mother of 3.

No hitting – just hugs.
No screaming – just kisses.

__________________________________________

This was sent to me yesterday and I would like you to read this.

TO MY CHILD

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.. !
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.
I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day..............

Hi. I am a 29 year old father. Me and my wife have had a wonderful life together. God blessed us with a child too. Our daughter's name is Rachel, and she is 10 years old. Not long ago did the doctors detect brain cancer in her little body.

I will pray for you every night for a week and I pray that the Good Lord will help you and your son with your anger.

Remember and don’t forget that the baby in your belly can hear all of the screaming and that might scare the baby.

God gave you those two children and you need to work real hard to do your best. It will be hard; God knows that you can handle it in the right way.

From one mother to another.
10-24-07

Let me tell you something, you have it easier in my opinion than I do. I have been a stay at home Mom and my son is now a little over 2 years old. And what has made it very hard for me is having 2 demanding dogs that also need my attention and a cat. So let me tell you, you have it easy. I do envy mothers that have gone back to work at least part time to get away from it all. I think I'd enjoy it. However, I wouldn't trade the time I've had with my son given all the pressure and stress with the animals. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Yes I don't have patience, but I used to have a lot of it. As far as the screaming thing, I can't help you out with that. Perhaps he/she feels she is demanding your attention. I really don't know. My child has been a great child for the most part. Good luck.

First off, say to yourself that it's ok to lose it sometimes. It's tough raising a 13 month old and to top it off, you're carrying another little guy or girl. I too hate picking up a grumpy toddler from daycare. It seems like he's good for everyone else but saves his screaming and crying for me. I read once that it's because he loves me and feels comfortable enough to let himself lose it around me... haha. Reading that does not help the situation at all.

Lately when my little guy starts crying or screaming, I'll say to him, "You're mad/angry/frustrated and that's fine. But you still can't have a doughnut." Which is what we went through tonight. Then, I walk away. It helps me to acknowledge that he has a right to feel frustrated and it's ok. Usually he'll follow me around crying, but as long as I stay firm everytime and never give in, it doesn't last too long and he'll start to do other things.

Screaming in the morning especially sucks. You can try putting some toys in his crib while he's sleeping just before you go to bed. It might distract him when he wakes up. (but don't get your hopes up, it doesn't always work for me) Or you can put a sippy cup with water or juice for him to find in the morning.

Try keeping a basket or bag of interesting toys in the car with you. When he gets restless, just start passing one back at a time.

In the end, none of these things might work, but you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. If it gets to be too much, find someone who can take over for a couple hours. Just because you work doesn't mean you don't deserve some downtime at home. Once, I was so upset and angry and at the end of my rope, I put my son in his crib (he was maybe 6 months old) and sat in my car for 10 minutes. Sometimes you just need to remove yourself from the situation.

Good luck. And don't forget that they won't be babies forever(although it may feel like it)

Hi K.,

Once you've medically cleared your baby (colic or illness) and fed and changed him, it's time to let him know who's in charge. Put him in his room, crib or where ever, out of sight and behind a door that's ajar and let him cry. After about 15 minutes he should stop crying. Don't scream, but give yourself permission to put him away from you. Now, boil some water, grab your favorite tea bag and make yourself a hot cup of tea and grab a Snickers...chocolate always makes me feel better too! Heck, get your husband to give you a well deserved foot message while you're at it. You're baby is winning the battle for attention.

lol- I am cracking up over one of the responses that someone has it so tough with 1 child and pets!!!!! I have an almost 3 yr old and 4 month old twins and am a sahm by choice. There are tough days and times for all of us! 13 months is a tough age and they are trying to communicate but not always sure how yet. However, it is also about the time back teeth and molars start coming in which can be very painful for them. You didn't mention how long this has been going on, so I'm not sure if it's teeth or not. If it continues, you may need to check with the ped to make sure there is no underlying issues (ear infection, food allergies, etc) that is causing him to be so cranky. The other thing to remember is that you re pregnant and have a lot of extra stress on your body and an excess of hormones right now which makes it tougher to deal with the tantrums. Try to find a little time for yourself each day (even taking a 10 minute break shortly before you leave work to clear your mind and prepare yourself for the pick up). You'd be amazed at how much our kids pick up on our stress levels and act accordingly! Good luck with #2 :)

Hi K., I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old. When I was pregnant with my 2nd my 1st did the same thing. I wish I could tell you something that would help, but unfortunately I can't. I did get some help from family members which did help a little. My theory was that my hormones were such a wreck, plus any of the other daily stressors in my life just set me off. I really think that my oldest picked up on all of those things. I always felt like she purposley was pushing my buttons. I know that was not the case she was 18 months old when I got pg and 26 months when I had the baby, so I know it was not personal. I can only suggest excepting any help that is offered and asking for help when you can. I know that is difficult, it was for me. But for my sanity and my childs welfare I had to do something. I was constantly screaming at her. Try to take a break when you can. Easier said than done I know. I wish I could have been more help, but wanted you to know you were not alone.

K. L.

Is it attention he is seeking? he knows something is up. side track the behavior, give him something else to occupy him, whether it be the two of you singing songs and praise him when he is quiet, positive reinforcement. when he is silent praise him for being so good then sing a song or something to keep him happy and let him know you are paying attention to him, he's at that wonderful age of seperation anxiety, also mom take a five minute break, a few deep breaths and just basically block him out. once he figures out that the screaming won't affect you he will stop. believe it or not my 3 yr old is and was the same way and i still occasionally lose it but mostly i send her to her room then go outside and sit on the front step for maybe 5 minutes then im ready to tackle her again. it is difficult but he should outgrow it soon

K.
It sounds to me like your son is missing you and is frustrated. Try teaching him sign language to help with communication and if at all possible, less time in daycare. Yelling at him is definitely not going to help at all! Don't model behavior that you don't want him to do.

It sounds like you need a life change. I would suggest looking for a less demanding way to make money, especially since you will soon have two young children. Explore all your options - think outside the box. Are there expenses you can get rid of - anything? Really do some soul searching - talk to someone supportive. Your son is not the problem.

Best of Luck!

As a grandma I recommend you ask for help from your family members if they are local. Get you mom or dad to pick him up from daycare once or twice a week to give you a break. My quess is by the time you pick him up from daycare he is hungry. I know this is the case with my grandson and he would scream all the way home because he was hungry. So when I picked him up I would bring him a snack and we would always have a quiet ride home, and don't forget something to drink. They get snacks at daycare but by the time you pick them up are hungry again.

For the screaming my grandson lives with me and he went through this period of screaming because he wanted his way. We were very persistent in discipline and when he would go thru one of his break downs we would pick him up and hold him until he stopped, he would fight us and scream and kick. If he had done something wrong we would put him in time out for the time of his age, and sometimes it got hard but persistence is the key. Soon you little one will stop this screaming and realize it doesn't get him anywhere.

I really recommend getting some family members or a close friend to help you if you are stressed. My daughter went thru this earlier this year and is going thru a divorce I know it is stressful but hang in there and get the help of those around you. It doesn't make you a bad mommy if you ask for help when you need it. You will find that those around you and those who love you are happy to help out. Also you may need to talk to your dr. about this and he may give you something to help you or some recommendations.

I feel your pain. I am pregnant with my third daughter and I think almost every mom has felt like you at one time or another, even if they don't admit it. I'm not sure what originally provoked your sons behavior, but I can assure you that your mood and vibe is now feeding it!!!! When he screams as difficult as it sounds, ignore him. Put him in his room, close the door and show him that his screaming will not warrant any type of reaction from you. It is ok for him to scream for bouts of 15 minutes before a different course of action should take place, it will not hurt him. If you allow him to scream his head off for 15 min a few times a day, it won't take long for him to realize it's not getting him anywhere. When he becomes quite and calm, then immeadiately go and attend to him, this will show him the desired behavior you are looking for in order for him to get attention. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but if you get through about a week of this without giving in, he will change his behavior. It's better to get it under control now or you will really go insane when that other baby gets here. Good luck!!!!

Hey....I guess I don't really have advice because I am going through this with my 17 month old right now too and I can totally understand what you're going through. I think it's totally normal for you to be feeling this frustration and for your baby to be going through this...it's just one of those things I guess. All I can say is keep on trudging forward mama....this too shall pass.

I absolutly understand and here is what I have to offer:

Make car time fun using toys or a cd he really likes. (suggestions: the wiggles, playhouse disney, my favorites are Louis the Lion, Philly Joe Giraffe plays the drums, the last two are books that come with a jazz cd. It's both fun for you and great for the kids. Jazz is calming.. except the drum one is pretty upbeat.

In the morning: He screams.. my kids whine (they are two and three) they whine for chocolate milk. It's the most annoying thing ever and although I shouldn't sometimes I yell too. Just try not to. I repremanded myself this morinng on that one because I was so tired, which makes it an issue about me and my feelings/needs not the fact that they are hungry.

So, wake up before him and give him juice or milk or something that he likes. Put cereal out for him or have his eggs ready the minute he arises. He may be hungry (my kids are.) Getting them to eat right away is tricky, but they get used to it if you take them, change them, and put them at the breakfast table.

Routine (although I never believed it before) is the key to EVERYTHING with babies. That way they know what to expect and grow patience because they know food is on its way or play time.. ect..

It sounds that you have too much stress on you. If you can cut back hours at work, or allow someone (i.e. a husband or boyfriend) to care for you both emotionally or monetarily, it sounds like you need it. Can your mom or a friend or just someone pick him up from daycare?

We all need help and there is no shame for asking for it. That is why we can't really judge that woman who years ago drowned all five of her children. Although it was wrong and sad, we have no idea what she was going through or if she had absolutely no support. We don't know if her husband was being a jerk and expected too much or if she felt she coudln't talk to anyone or if her responsibilities were too overwhelming and she couldn't/didn't have help. Stress makes you lose your mind. Being pregnant doesn't help. Everyone who doesn't have children seems to think raising kids is easy and it's quite the opposite as we've learned.

In my discussion last night with my husband, who is very impatient and irritated with our children's constant need for attention right now, I explained that the more QUALITY time I spend with them, the less they "bother me" throughout the day. Meaning instead of whining they point, ask, or show me what they need/want. But I have to pay attention or I miss what they are saying and ignore them for too long which leads to meltdowns and me getting angry. In the end it was my fault for not attending to them when I should of becuase I was too busy doing what I needed/wanted to be doing.

When I take the time instead of getting mad or straight out asking with frustration "what do you want" I, and you too, will see a huge difference. Since your son probably can't say much yet, ask him very CALMLY to point, or take his hand and say show me.. walk around the house with him.

The minute he senses tension is the second he will get frustrated and not be able to communicate with you. He knows he can't say what he wants to and overall 13 months is a difficult stage because they know the words in their head but can't get it out of their mouths.

Perhaps also when you pick him up from day care it is because he does not like his daycare or has bad experiences throughout the day.

Maybe it stresses him out. Crying is the only way for them to express stressful situations. Look into other facilities and see if changing it helps.

Look into having someone be at home with him throughout the day, I know lots of women do it for reasonable costs. I did it for a while for two airline pilots whose schedules often overlapped.

Take him to a park or for snow cones after daycare if you can so he can have a mellow "mommy and me" time as something to look forward to when you pick him up. Do nothing but pay attention to him when you do that.

Dinner can wait (if he's not too hungry).

One final thought on the car ride:
Although no one but me would reccomend this, if you can turn your passanger side airbag off and put him upfront with you, try that. Perhaps seeing your face all the way home will make him happy. Again, I'm the only one who would suggest it, but he obviously misses you and wants to be able to hold your hand or connect with you in someway after daycare.

All of these are things that worked for me. My children will be two and three next month. They are a year and five days apart. Trust me, I've been there!

Love Always,
J.

Hi K.,

Every response I've read in this request has has good advice. Just know that this is normal. However, add each of the bits of advice, such as breathing (for you) and the sign lanquage for him and after about a week or so, his behavior should change. There will be times that he does this, so don't take the tantrums as your fault. Our now 9 year old couldn't talk at 3 years old and when he started speech therapy at that age, the therapist gave me "modified" sign language for hearing children. They were mostly one-handed signs, like "I want", "juice" and such. Do be consistant in whatever you decide to do.
Good luck!

Hi there,

This is hard... I have 14-month-old and understand how hard. But there's always a reason for it. Is he happy until he gets in the car? He may associate the carseat with general stress if you let him cry in it. You may want to just cuddle and reconnect with him first, before driving away. Is he bored in the car? Try handing him small toys and see what he does. Is he teething? I try Hyland's teething tabs first to see if there's an immediate calm-down (they work instantly). Does he have any communication yet? I have seen that using baby signs reduces frustration tremendously. This link shows a lot of them:

http://www.mybabycantalk.com/content/dictionary/dictionar...

I learned milk, water, mama, dada and diaper first. I just showed my babe these signs every time I said them. At this point she knows more than 50 words - and has very few tantrums! But it took time to get there.

It's hard to be the detective when you really just want to tear your hair out, but they'll take the cue from you. If you take a sec to reorganize yourself, they'll be more likely to settle down too. Good luck!

Hi K....
I have a couple questions and suggestions to those questions.
Is he teething?
If he is teething this could be the reason for the screaming when he first wakes up in the morning. Give a little Tylenol before he goes to bed and maybe that might help with him first thing in the morning. If it isn't maybe he is hungry or thirsty right when he wakes up and maybe have something ready for him when he first wakes up.
Have you just recently went back to work or have you been working since he was an infant?
If you have recently gone back to work he could be having seperation anxiety. This is also common for his age in general.
When you pick him up from Daycare do you have something for him to do or maybe a snack for him to eat on the way home?
Giving him a snack or something to do will distract him from screaming.
Mostly all I can really say is hang in there. I have twin boys and they are at times the best and worst children, they have had their screaming moments and most recently (with the help of my husband and mother) I have realized I am not a bad mother some days are just more frustrating than others. I have also realized that, like you said, screaming back at them doesn't work and unless he did something bad you can't punish him or put him in time out for screaming. Hopefully my suggestions are ones you haven't tried yet and maybe they will help. Good Luck! C.

K.,
Have you tried Baby Einstein Dvd's on sign language? This really helps little ones learn how to communicate without screaming. They are also very educational and very calming. It's not always a medical issue. Everyone always wants to put everyone on medication. I don't believe this is always the answer. My granddaughter uses sign language for what she needs. Maybe some discipline as well. Children need boundaries even though society thinks they don't. My children were only 1yr 24days apart. I had very well behaved kids because they were disciplined, not beat! Their is a difference. Children need a parent not a friend. I had many compliments on my children. As my kids got older the discipline techniques changed and my daughter actually asked me to slap her one time (she was sixteen), I did, I slapped her and she said "thankyou, I now know that you care! I was shocked by her request and statement. Every child should be handled differently when it comes to discipline. This is with a very sincere heart "children really do need boundaries".
I pray that you and your son will find a happy medium to help you both cope with the frustrations of not being able to communicate yet. We all go through it with our little ones just hang in there mom, you will be okay!!
Very sincerely,
L. Jacobs

yep, it is a phase. my son went through this around 14-15 months old. Here is what I noticed...
He immediately sensed that I was tired, stressed and short fused. He responded likewise. Most of it is just the age and there really won't be much you can do about it. Swapping out the toys in the car is a good idea, but when my son is in a tizzy, nothing matters or makes is better! We would then get home and I would drag him to change his diaper and maybe his clothes and he would keep screaming. Then I would get all annoyed and short with him because he wasn't letting me cook dinner. Weeks go by and I finally sat back with beer (after he went to bed) and thought about it. I'm the mom, I need to do better. He is in daycare all day and then when he is trying to vent his frustrations, he is getting horrible reactions back from me, the mom that left him in daycare all day. I then thought of my childhood (or course I know I can't remember when I was 13 months old, but I do have 3 year old memories). I had a wonderful childhood. My mom was always there for me and i always came first. I was determined to change. I decided I would make my son top priority always, but especially during these phases. So, I would pick him and when we got home, I would do what he wanted. Usually, we went for a walk and then came back and played together in his play area. I spent as long as I could totally devoted to him and had my hubby bring home take out or pop a pizza in the oven for something fast. This helped tremendously and I thank "supper nanny" for it. I was watching and episode where she said that when you first come home, if you spend this one on one time with them first, they will let you do more later. It worked great for us! If I came home and tried to get everything else done first, it was a tantrum nightmare! As he got older, he became interested in TV and I could then cook dinner again.
Just step back and think about the fact the THIS is HIS CHILDHOOD! This may sound like "duh", but it actually took me awhile to think about it that way. We get so wrapped up in "me" sometimes when we are tired and stressed. I had to think about looking through things in my eyes when I was 3 years old and what kind of reaction i would want from my mom. It is the opposite of what I was giving! This changed me forever. My son is now 30 months old and we still go through rough times, but I really try to calm myself down and take it as it comes.
I know this may sound like fluff, but it is my take. When I spend 30-60 minutes with my son outside or playing trains, he is fine when I leave him to go cook dinner or do laundry after that.
I know how you are feeling! When my son turned two people were saying "uh oh, the terrible two's!". I thought, wow, they are nothing compared to how he was at 15 months old! I think 2-3 is easier!
I can't change the fact that I have to work, but I can help change what our evenings are like. Changing diaper and clothes, cooking and cleaning just need to come second right now.

Hi K.,

Oh, how easy it is to lose our patience. I feel your pain, lol! You're a busy mom and going through a pregnancy. Both of these things make changes in your life that will effect not only you but Brayden. He's away from you all day and he needs to reinforce that bond with you when you pick him up. Before you put him in the car seat, take some time to visit with him. Turn the radio off and sing to him. This isn't just for him, this is for you. I'm an older mom and have learned NOT to rush through their first few years. Help him help you enjoy this time.

If there is added stimulus in the home, try to do away with it. Turn off the TV or at least wean away from it. It's amazing how my girls changed when my husband demanded we get rid of it. (I was torked at first, but have come to love the fact that we talk instead of stare) Losing your patience is sooooo normal. It's really a matter of stopping to smell the roses!

I'll be praying!

M.

You're not alone. I think all mothers feel that way from time to time. My 4 1/2 year old likes to throw fits when she doesn't get her way or something isn't the way it should be in her opinion, and sometimes I do get frustrated and raise my voice. The problem is the only thing that does is make me feel better, sorta. It doesn't help the situation and only makes it worse. So, what do you do? The best you can to stay calm in that situation. If he's trying to get your attention, calmly remind him not to scream. Try soothing music. Try distracting him. Whatever you do try to stay calm and when you feel you're loosing it, walk away from the situation so you can calm down. Get to the core of what he is screaming about. Its possible he may see you or your husband doing it and feels thats how he can get your attention or what he needs/wants. My daughter was easier to take care of when she was that age. Its now that she wants a say so in everything and screams when she doesn't get it. But if I stay calm, the situation doesn't escalate. It's only when I loose it that it does.

Good luck. I hope something I said at least makes you feel a little better.

J.

This won't help your patience, and it isn't a quick fix, but have you tried teaching him sign language to help with his communication? It really helped with my daughter. The dvd's that we use are Signing Times, available through Amazon.
Good luck to you in the meantime, I know it can be very stressful.

K.,

I know what it's like to feel like you are going to lose it. I am a single mother raising my daughter with little help from anyone and bringing her to work with me full time. I do not know what it is like to be pregnant (I was not good at the whole pregnancy thing cried over everything) and have to do this but I can only imagine.
What I would do when she would cry or throw a temper tantrum was to make sure she was in a safe place ie.. play pack, superyard or wherever you can put him so he can't get hurt and walk outside (if you can try to go somewhere outside where you can still see him) and give yourself a few minutes to breath deep and get yourself together even if you cry it's OK till you feel you are able to go back in and give him attention without feeling like your going to blow any minute. He can sense that you are stressed and this probably might make him scream more. Also some magazine suggested that when your child screams, cries or throws a fit make a sound that they have never heard before and they will stop to look at you. I do this with my little girl when she looks like she is going to throw a tantrum and she ends up laughing because I am being goofy and then she gets up and goes to play.
I have a friend whos son screams but he just screams like once or twice so I don't know if you mean your son screams all the time (like that is his form of crying?)
It's not looked negative upon you if you ask someone to help you. If you have a boyfriend/husband see if he can watch your son for even 10-15 minutes get in the car and ride to a park to just get away from it and you will feel better when you get back. Just remember breath deep and count to 10.

Good luck and I hope we all have helped you in someway!!

R. J.

I would first and foremost ask your pediatrician to check him out. Maybe he has stomach issues, digestive issues that is making him so fussy. Have you talked with the daycare to see if he's like that the whole time he's at school?
I say this because my middle child (daughter) was the same way.
She's almost 13 now and we've always had the running joke she's just high maintenance. She had issues with milk and dairy products. And still to this day doesn't like milk.

She screamed blood curdling screams a lot. So I would check with your doctor first, it's just his way of telling you something is wrong.
Also, little one's are very sensitive to their mothers feelings and emotional state. He could be picking up on the fact that you are upset and tired and so he's acting the same way. He doesn't understand that acting that way isn't a good thing.

I would suggest that you get hubby to take and pick him up from school it can be dad time. Or at least pick him up from school. Or maybe a friend or family member.

And most importantly, you have to take time for you. Even if it's an hour or two 1 time a week. Go to the book store and chill it's always quite there. Or have your husband take him to the park and you take a nice bath with a small glass of wine and a nap. You have to take care of you too especially while you are pregnant, because no body else will.
You are important and need time to recoup too.
Take care and if you live in the Vista Lakes area let me know I'd be glad to help once in a while if you don't have family around to do so.
Hang in there,
T.

My son is 2 1/2 and I remember him going through a screaming period around 12 months that was quite awful. He would literally and walk around and whine or scream most of the time. And yes, screaming back might help release the frustration but it doesn't help, in fact it only teaches them that screaming is OK.

He's at the age where he needs stimulation and doesn't communicate well, so what do they do? Scream....Have you tried different toys in the car? I used to have toys he specifically could only play with in the car and cycled them so they would hold his attention longer. My son really liked pushing buttons, so we cylced through a baby cell phone and things like the leapfrog Tad in the car which usually kept him happy for about 15 min. Any trips longer than that, (and some moms may disagree) I pulled out a DVD player. I got a cheap one with a case that I could hang between the two seats. It was a life saver when I had to drive 3 hours to see my parents.
I'm not a proponent of having kids that young watch TV, but in a car where safety is key and the driver's attention and sanity is a part of that--I really think it is more of a help than a problem, and since they are strapped in and don't have much of a choice themselves, why not put something educational on that they can enjoy and then you can concentrate on driving.

As far as the screaming everywhere else--just try and keep him occupied--swap out his toys regularly so he it seems to him he's getting something new instead of keeping everything out for him. And don't him positive reinforcement when he does whine or scream for anything in particular--like if you leave the room or do something he doesn't like--otherwise he will continue to keep doing it.

My son stopped the whole whining/screaming thing all the time in a couple of months doing all of this--so I hope this helps you too. Just do your best to keep your cool and patience and take as many opportunities as you can to recharge....

Just wanted to add, that it was around 12 months that I did start teaching my son baby signs. He wasn't talking at all and I was a late talker so I thought it was a good idea. And it has been wonderful! Though he talks a lot more now (and earlier than I did) he still uses some signs. I think it really helped bridge that gap while he learned to talk. Even just the basics like "more" "eat" "milk" etc will make things so much easier for you to figure out what he's trying to say and make it less frustrating for both of you...and at this age they pick it up pretty fast...

Good luck, it can't be easy with being pregnant!

I'm sorry to hear about the screaming and frustration. I can understand. I have 3 little girls ages 4, 2 and 16 months. Mine too go through screaming and fussing periods. When my first started I knew that she was trying to communicate with me and the only tool she had was crying. We started teaching her sign language for her basic needs like eating or drinking. It took a while for her to make the connection between what we were doing with our hands and what we were saying but she caught on and I promise you it cut down on A LOT of the screaming. Now we've taught them sings for just about everything and the older two teach the baby.

We started early with our other two and man does it make a difference. Once they can express what they need or want they have fewer reasons to cry. It doesn't so much help in the car when I can't do anything about it, but it gives me a sense of relief to know what the problem is.

There is a book called Baby Signs that we started with and its great. Baby Einstein has a movie, Discovery Toys has a movie and books and there is a company called We Sign that also has movies and books. This is not an overnight solution but is definitely worth the effort. Since Brayden is a little older, he will catch on quicker. He'll also have fun later teaching his new little brother.

In the meantime, just remind yourself that it is a phase and it will go away. It is only temporary. It won't hurt him to put him in a safe place like his crib and take two minutes by yourself to calm down.

Also talk to your OB/ Midwife or your pediatrician.

Good luck. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow while I listen to my 16 month old scream. We took her pacifier away yesterday and she refuses to nap without it. So she walks around all afternoon crying and doing her sign that she made up for her "paci."