Mom, Are We Rich?

I would say "anyone who is lucky enough to have a stable roof over their heads, a loving caring family, food on the table, and access to a good education is rich.
More than what homeless people and people in 3rd world countries have, so in that sense, we are, and so are the majority of Americans."

To me wealth is more than cash value.

I would ask her, do we have a nice house, are we healthy, do we have people who love us, do we have food? Yep we are rich. I would not in any way tie it to money

This brings to mind a story my husband told me (similar to Patty K's below). In high school he said to his step-dad "We're rich aren't we!"

The response he got was "No, I'M rich. You have nothing."

We are rich because we are blessed with good health, a roof over our heads, and you (lovely kid). We are also blessed with financial smarts and money management skills have ample funds to meet our needs.

I would then turn around and be sure to know "why do you ask?" Might be more behind the question than meets the eye.

Best,
F. B.

I asked my dad this question when I was young. Unlike other mom's my mom didn't work and we had two or three cars (my dad loved to tinker on MGs and Spitfires)...and my dad's response was this: "we are rich in a way that money cannot touch. We are rich in love. We have been blessed in many ways."

So I would say "we are not rich by the traditional means, Daddy and I have worked hard and saved well for all the material things we have, but we are comfortable."

Depending upon how old your kids are - maybe now is a good time to start showing them how to handle money, the value of working hard and EARNING your way...there's much to teach!!

Good luck!

"we are not rich. Your father and I work hard for the money I have."
Or, to quote Bill Cosby,
"Let me get something straight, ok? Your mother and I are rich. You have NOTHING."

My son asked me the same thing (we are in a very similar situation as you). I didn't answer outright. Instead, turned it around and asked him what HE thinks "rich" means. That led to a very interesting discussion. Try that and see if it doesn't lead you down to your answer. :)

I like MamaDuck's answer of putting it back to them. Our son sometimes wonders about our financial situation (much like yours, we live well within our means, work to be thoughtful about money, etc.) and I ask him "well, what do you mean?" I try not to use words like "rich/poor" and instead will talk about how fortunate we are that his father has a good job, that we have a cozy warm house, that he has enough food, clothing, we can go to the doctors when we need to etc. That we are fortunate to live in this country where he can get a good education if he works hard at school. He is aware that others have less than we do and that some others have 'more' (materially), but our biggest message to him is that *who* we are and *how* we treat people matters far more than what we have.

My answer is always No. Because there is always someone that has more than us. And the last thing I need is for my kid to go to school bragging to his friends that "we're rich". True or not, we all know how gossip spreads, and that's never a perception I want from anyone.
My husband and I do very well, but neither of us is the type to flaunt it, show it off, or discuss it.

Or, you could always answer in the famous words of Bill Cosby. "Your father and I are rich. YOU are not." :)

I addressed this with my son last year after we attended a classmate's birthday party. They had a pool and a very nice house. My son was bummed that we don't live in a house with a pool. Our house is not awful, but this house was much more expensive than ours. I just explained that you have to be thankful for what you have. There will always be someone that has more than you and someone that has less than you. I explained that he attends a school in which 80% of the kids are on the free lunch program...meaning that 80% of the parents in the school cannot afford to buy lunch for their children. We are very lucky that his Dad and I have good jobs and make a decent income. I explained how we are able to provide him and his sister with everything that they need. They never go without food, shelter or clothing...they actually get a lot of their wants as well. So, no we are not rich...we work very hard for everything that we have...

I have three friends who live paycheck to paycheck and cannot spend an extra penny! I know somebody who continuously brags because they have 3 houses and no money.... But spends money like water.

Given the choice, I like hanging out with my 3 friends so, so much more. They are so much more appreciative !

With that being said, I lost a friend recently. It was my first friend to pass. It was horribly sad.

Being RICH is having health, family, friends, hobbies, helping others...and so on.

the temptation is to equivocate. we don't want our kids 'bragging' nor do we want to worry them.
i'd stick with something basically true and noncommittal. 'we work hard and manage our money well, honey. we're not millionaires but we're doing just fine.'
khairete
S.

Tell her you are very comfortable. She, on the other hand, has nothing. With an education and hard work tell her she can be rich one day.

I would say "We are fortunate that we have plenty--plenty to eat, plenty to but what we need, entry to pay for a nice place to live, plenty to do the things we want to do, plenty to help others who don't have enough. The reason we have plenty is because we work hard and because we've had good fortune."

I've answered this various times in various ways when my kids ask.

"Well, compared to most of the earth's population, yes, we are VERY VERY VERY rich. We live in a house, we drive a car, we have clothes and food and electricity. We travel around and do stuff in a fancy society. We are much much richer than most humans could ever dream of being. However, here in America, we are not rich at all. We have everything we need, and are very privileged, but we work hard, and we do not have nearly as much money as some people. We have to be careful how we spend our money, and there are many things we can't afford. We are what is called "working class or lower middle class" I guess. You kids will need to work hard to establish yourselves and earn whatever you want. We will not have money to hand you educations and houses and cars. But that's for the best anyway, your father and I both made our own way, and you can have and do whatever you want in this world if you work hard enough. We do have much more money than some of your school mates, and it's not nice to brag about money or talk about it to people outside of your own family."

If their father or I WERE rich from a high income or family money, I would tell them, "Yes, we are financially rich by society's standards."

We live near a very elite university where all the students ARE RICH!!!! And I have several friends who teach there. Would you believe that many of the students have been brain-wahsed by their parents to believe they "aren't rich"? It's the most condescending thing ever because they go around saying, "We're not rich, we had to work really hard, nothing was handed to us" VICARIOUSLY through their parents who may have been less rich when they went to college 30 years ago and who have recited that mantra to their kids....who at age 19 drive the newest Range Rovers and wear head-to-toe designer clothes while attending the $70,000/year college....and it makes them less empathetic to people who really aren't rich.

I would avoid the 'are we rich' answer all together. I would say you are so fortunate to have a safe home in a good neighborhood, dinner on the table every night, the ability to take vacations, etc. Because, really, it doesn't matter how much money is in the bank...money doesn't make you happy. Having a good family, your health, a good job, etc make you happy.

Ask her what she means? What does rich mean to her? It may open up some interesting dialogue about responsibility, budgeting, etc.

Even if I were rich, the quote from Julie H. -- "No I'm rich - YOU have nothing" -- totally sounds like something I would say. Love it.

"We're rich in love!"

We actually say this all the time.

Depending on how good the bonus year goes, we end up in the top 1-2%, so I guess we are technically rich. So, I do say we are when asked by the kids. Mainly because I want to stress that it was a combination of hard work and a lot of luck. That it doesn't make us better than anyone else and that we are very fortunate. I don't want the children to grow up in an entitled little bubble expecting everything handed to them. I want them to know how lucky they are to that they can help those that aren't and also not expect it when they come into adulthood.

My kids ask this all the time now! And technically I guess financially we are rich. But like you and some others, we live well below our means. I lie and say no. I say we are comfortable but that's bc we've worked hard and have saved. And we do have more than some but there's always someone with more and it's not good to worry about it too much. It's good to work hard so you're comfortable but money doesn't buy happiness. Yada yada yada. Turn it into a "lesson". I don't think it's good for any child to grow up thinking he/she is rich. Then they may think they don't have to work hard. Of course some people are so rich they can't hide it from their kids but for one, we're not THAT rich and we also as I said live below our means. But I do point out too that some people who look rich may have borrowed a lot of money and bring up the whole live conservatively thing. It's a common question for kids but my parents never told us anything and I plan the same. I want them to think if they want that fancy car someday, they have to earn it. We can't help them. Seems to be a balance between teaching that money isn't everything vs keeping them motivated to achieve bc I do think money makes things easier in some ways.

I would never say "yes" only because I wouldn't want my child running around telling folks "my mommy said we're rich!" I would say one of two things: either "I don't know about rich, but we're comfortable. We don't have to worry about paying the bills; there is plenty of money to do that." or "yes, we are rich in what counts - love, family and friends."

I tell my kids "We are comfortable, we have what we need, and that is what's important. We are fortunate and thankful for that." Even if we were rich I don't think I would ever tell my children that.

When my daughter asked me that because some kids on the school bus told her she was "rich." I told her that financially she was actually quite poor and that if she wanted to be financially well off someday she should work hard and live below her means.

My daughter has asked me this, and I told her rich is funny word, because it can mean "rich in money", or "rich in health" or "rich in love and family", many things.
Then I said some people would consider us rich in money, some people would not. It doesn't really matter because the other riches are much more important to being happy.

I know I will have to deal with that in years to come. My wife got very lucky with a high paying job out of college and we make certain sacrifices so we can have certain things. (We live in a condo in a very nice neighborhood rather than a house in a lesser one.)

I will probably say something along the lines of "We are very lucky, we have more money than other and less money than some, what is important is how we treat those with less."

Sometimes you have to find out what the child is really asking. I have discussed money with the kids in many small conversations and answered this question many times. Usually like Amy J suggested.

But, I also discovered that the answer does not always mean what you think it does to the child. One child never thinks about money except when we say no. The other child however was always listening and whenever my husband would make a comment about how we didn't have any money she was taking him very seriously and would worry about the mortgage and losing the house! It wasn't until I probed why she was asking that I found out how worried she was getting over his innocent complaints. Even though I thought we were open about money she was not hearing the entire message, she was focusing on the overheard conversations.