Mom Always Brings Sick Child to Events . . Don't Want My Kids Sick .. .

Whoever is in charge of the group - one should reiterate the rules of being sick. Or talk with that friend honestly and nicely and sweetly - about the 24 hour rule.

And bring a can of Lysol to spray after the sick kid if mom doesn't get the hint. :)

I'm dealing with a sick kid now who I will need to bring to the doctor's tomorrow. All because my family brought their sick kid to our holiday party. Friends are one thing - but family is tougher to chew out...ugh!

Good luck! Remember, your family's health is your priority! Teach your kids also about others who are sick and how to prevent the germies!!

I surely feel bad for that little boy. First of all children should not be out other than to go to the doctor when they are sick. Any upper respiratory illness is contagious. Sometimes you have to stay home with a sick child even if you yourself want to sociallize. I see mothers taking sick children shopping and to restuarants. That to me is selfish and rude.

This would bother me too. I have become very intolerant of germs and people who don't stay home or keep their kids home when they are sick. Its not fair to the kids and everyone else around them. I work full time and am always dealing with very sick co-workers and my son is in part time daycare and I see kids there so sick all the time. I understand life doesn't stop when we are sick, but I think the acceptance of going out when really sick has got to change. Then me and/or my child get sick and its HORRIBLE. I just had my son home for TWO WEEKS b/c of sickness (it was very difficult with work - I had all family members helping and I had to even fill out FMLA papers to use my own sick time to take care of him b/c I used up all my vacation time throughout the year for other sicknesses for him), he was the sickest yet (he's only 20 months) You can't prevent sickness all the time obviously - but under that circumstance though, I'd probably cut the plans short and respectfully say something like - oh I feel bad for your son, lets just do this another time, we don't mind and I'd probably say something like we just got over sickness and its not a good idea to hang out if your son is sick...and then RUN HOME AND WASH everyones hands and faces immediatley! ; )

This really bothers me too. Last year a child in my son's preschool class who had a confirmed case of the the flu - (not just a cold but the real thing)- & he came to school! In a few days all 3 of my kids were flat on the couch very sick. My youngest who was 1 at the time was so so so sick. He refused & vomited up the tamiflu and his fever got so high he had febrille seizures. They all had their flu shots but this one kid got the strain the CDC missed for the shot. Man, that was bad.

My youngest (when he was 2 months) was also infected with pertussis, aka whooping cough, and spent 3 days in ICU because of an infected parent &/or child didn't stay home! He could have died.

It is not fair when parents do this. You are absolutely right to be upset about it. I am not sure you really need a nice way to tell this person that she should keep her child home. Be blunt and honest. My best to you.
A.

My friends and I always confirm the night before or that morning that everyone is fever and vomit free for 24 hours. It is standard in the schools and day care. My playgroup also has the same rules. Coughing and sneezing are tough during the winter because everyone catches little colds and we would be stuck alone all winter. We usually mention by phone or email if the kid is runny, sneezy or whatever and leave it up to everyone else if that child can attend. Fevers and vomiting are ABSOLUTE stay away status. You could simply touch base with her before hand and ask how her kids are doing and "fish around" for the condition of their health and make the call if you should get together. That way it will eliminate the "hi there" in person and "by the way my kid has a fever" and you ready to walk out. Friends and playdates are great but sick kids arent!

Dear A.,

You are 100% right. I own a daycare center and moms brings their kids in everyday sick because they cannot miss work. I understand their situation, however every other child they are exposing illness to also has a working mom so it is a vicious cycle. This is probably the most difficult part of my job is when I have to enforce our sick policy. Children will tell us mommy gave us medicine in the car and by noon time boom fever. Or they will say I threw up at home. I feel the same way you do this not only infects all of the other children but all of my staff. The worst part for me is a simple cold for one child can become so serious for another. For instance a child with asthma catching a cold can be so much more serious. It is just inconsiderate. I understand how difficult it is to miss work, but my job is to keep everyone healthy. When my kids were sick we did not leave the house until they were well, 24 hours symptom free. I have seen children in stores with chicken pox etc. Staying home with sick kids is part of parenting, if you work use your vacation days, and sick days but keep them home. These poor kids are dragged into school sick and cranky and just want to be home on the couch resting, it is not fair to them. I agree with Hannah you should just get your kids and leave. It is unfortunate that your kids will have to suffer for such inconsideration but it is better then them getting sick. Have a great holiday season!!

What worries me is why her son is always sick.

ask others from the party what they thought.. they probably aren't happy about it either. I would talk with others .. see what they say.. if they feel the same way.. then when you send an invite out.. tell her pls. come.. but if the kids are sick.. please leave them at home. and when your at a party with her sick kids.. tell your kids to stay away from them... she'll get the message if everyone tells their kids don't go near them.. or better yet.. wash things off in front of her.. like th stuff her kids touch... hopefully she'll get the hint.. and if not.. tell her hay we all like you .. but if the kids are sick.. please don't come.. we don't want our kids sick too.

I have a huge problem with mom's like this! I'd try the subtle route. When the opportunity presents itself mention that your kids seem a;way get sick whenever they are near another child with a fever or cold. If she does not get the hint, and continues to subject your kids to her sick kids, then cut her out of your life. She is selfish and thinks of only her needs to get put and not the needs of her own kids or other kids. Better off without her!

My daughter's preschool policy is that the kids have to stay home for 24-hours AFTER they have recovered from a fever of 100+ or 24-hours after they have STOPPED vomiting/diarrhea. You could try to instill this policy nicely with your friends by saying in advance of the next get together that your kids have had a rough winter and you really don't want them around any kids that have any of the above symptoms. Head colds are more difficult, because everyone seems to have them in the winter, but at least this way you can limit exposure to the more serious flu-like symptoms.

It would bother me too! I am pretty easy going about my son, but it's so thoughtless to expose other kids to your child's germs! Unfortunately, I don't think you can change this woman's behavior. All you can do is decide what's best for you (and your kids).

I would probably gently and respectfully take my kids and go, in that situation. And then mention to the host, at another time, that I was sorry to leave- but was worried about my kids getting sick. I don't know about you, but I've never met a mom who can't empathize with lost sleep during a cold! :)

Also, if you host a playdate at your house, mention that you'd like moms to consider keeping kids with colds at home. It's easy to make a funny little reference to it, if you're the one hosting!

I agree with your feelings. The woman is both inconsiderate and thoughtless to her own child, as well as to yours, and the other children. The nice friendly way to express your honest concern to this woman, is just the same way how you did it now with your 2 very legitimate reasons. If she remains obstinate, then yes, simple leave. I would.

A.,
I totally understand where you are coming from, but from experience I can tell you that that little boy was more contagious before he showed symptoms. A fever is one thing, but coughing and sneezing could just be allergies. When my son was a toddler I had a mother at nursery school complain to the director that my son always had a runny nose, sneezing, and coughing. It was winter and his nose always ran, he wasn't sick though, just allergies or as I called it "winteritis." I had to get a note from my pediatrician to keep him in school, luckily for me her daughter went to the same school so she wrote it right then and their. My best suggestion would be to talk to this woman or better yet talk to the other parents, maybe they know something you don't. Before you get really mad get all the facts then you can get mad. One other thing, if it was a baby I would say teething could cause a fever, my kids all did, but this is not a baby, I just wanted to mention that.
Hugs,
T.

Hey A.,
No, this isn't a weird topic, especially during flu season. It is incredibly thoughtless and inconsiderate of this woman to bring her sick child on an outing with other children. I wouldn't come across rude as that might alienate other mothers and her, but I would come across concerned for my child and her's and say something. I do not get too overly-protective over my kids when there around others who could possibly be sick. There are sick people who go to the supermarket cough and sneeze all over the food and sonehow we come out healthy. There are sick people everywhere and I have no intention of putting my kids or myself in a bubble and depriving them of living life because they might get sick. If your kids are healthy and eat right the chances that they will get sick from a simple exposure is slim, so don't worry too much. Good Luck and Happy Holidays to you.

I tend to agree with the other moms. It is one thing if you bring your child out with a cold...if we all didn't do that we would be inside most of the year I think!! But it is totally another thing to bring them out when they have a fever!! I don't think I would say something directly to the mom, but dropping hints or talking to your mutual friend might be a way to deal with the situation. Good luck!!

I am sure that no matter how nice you say it she will think yu are being ruse - it's a defensive mechanism. But - You need to stand your ground. Tell her very clearly that she is not to bring her child around if he is not well. Make sure she knows that it is rude and very thoughtless to bring a sick kid around others to leave them open to whatever virus he has.

If I were you - no matter how hard it would be on your own kids - if she brings him around and he is sick - just pick the kids up and leave - telling everyone plainly that you will not allow your children around this sick child to be infected.

I dealt with this 2 yrs ago when a family member brought her daughter to the big family xmas (even though she had been throwing up ALL day long) Within the next 2 days over half of our entire family was throwing up - I have NO tolerance for people who don't care about the welfare of others.

I wonder if it's really try that others don't have a problem with it, or if everyone else is just as upset as you and don't want to say anything either. My guess is the latter, because it is definitely rude to bring a sick child to a playdate. Since she is a friend of a friend, it's probably not appropriate to have a heart to heart about it with her, but the next time it happens, I would make sure she knows that you've made her uncomfortable and worried about your children. You don't necessary have to say anything to her, but perhaps make it clear that you're trying to keep your kids away from hers because he's sick (somthing like "no sweetie, don't touch him - he's sick and you could get sick too" or "no, don't touch that toy - he's sick so it has bad germs on it now"). She should get the hint !!!! And if the playdate is at your place, I think you have every right to ask her to leave for the sake of the other guests. I'm sure the other guests would welcome you putting your foot down.

How terrible! I hate it when moms do this. Try keeping your child on your lap and saying, "don't go near XXX, he's sick!" Put your arms out in a circle around your child if the sick child approaches. It feels weird at first but countless nights tking care of my son when he was sick got me over it.

Hopefully the mom will get the message. If not, don't worry, moms who do this are often weeded out and not invited to playgroups over time.

I haven't got a clue way Mom's don't keep their children home when they are sick to care for them properly, but I see a lot of that happening and I simply remove myself from the situation....

I could be wrong but I tend to think if you say something to this women, she'll only get defendsive and cause up roar....the other women might even take sides. I tend to think if she doesn't have the good sense to keep her sick child home to rest and mend then she doesn't have the good sense to take in constructive criticism.

If you decide to remove yourself from the events when her child is sick be sure to mention your reasons to her friend quietly who might then talk to her about this... It might be easier for her to hear it from a close friend.

A.,

So, you have a five year old. Is he in school yet? I might say to the mom something like this...wow, I'm surprised you are bringing your child out sick, did you know that they won't allow children with fevers to be at school until the fever has been gone without the aide of medication for at least 24 hours. That is to prevent the other children from getting sick, as well as to be sure your child is getting adequate rest.

Ok, so that is a pretty direct route, and I'm not even sure I would have the nerve to say it, but depending on the situation...does this mom work, put the child in preschool, etc., you might find an opening to take that approach.

I think you are perfectly within acceptable bounds to address this issue. And then of course, if she continues to bring a sick child to gatherings, you can always not go.

Take care.

D.
35 year old mother to 5 with one more on the way

It drives me CRAZY when parents do this! If someone has a fever they need to be home for 24 hours. That is what my pediatrician and school nurse has always told me. I always follow that at home as well. You're in a tough spot--you don't want to offend this person yet you don't want your kids sick... If the child is in pre-K or school with your child you could mention to the nurse or teachers that the parents expose the sick kid to others frequently. That way if he seems "off" in school maybe they'll check his temp or say something to the mom. Otherwise, if you're planning a playdate or event just ask if anyone is sick...you could say that your child's defenses are low and he/she just got over something...just can't get sick again. Maybe that would help w/o offending.