SO I am a very young married mother, and just recently moved to my husbands hometown away from all my family that i havent seen in a year. WELL my mother in law is extremely in our face about what kind of decisions we should be making. my family is a little off the edge but who's family isn't, lord knows my husbands family is wacko as well. most of my family is are involved in drugs prescribed and not prescribed. i haven't seen my family in a year, so when i got my tax return i got myself a ticket home for a week. well i leave in one week and my mother in law has called every night asking me if she can watch my 18 month old son while i go to boise. I THINK SHE HAS GONE CRAZY! she has been trying to convince my husband why i shouldnt go and that my family has no right to see the baby when they havent seen him in a year. It's making me extmreely frustrated because she has always been rude and always doubts me as a mother, and i have never done anything to her to make her think this way. my husband is easily influenced, so sometimes he listens to her. but i'm to the point where if she doesnt stop i dont want her around me and my son. i feel like she is unsupportive and out for my child. what would you do?!
I appreciate all of your advice ladies. I do respect my mother in law but the fact that she is in my business 24 seven is driving me crazy, i've always been worried about sticking up for myself and letting her know i am a damn good mother. in fact better than she ever was and i know that is childish to say, but i believe it to be true. my family is all over the world not just where i'm going and half the people i will see wont be the ones on drugs those visits are supervised at all times. whether i like it or not she is my mother in law and you all are right i need to stand firm and let her know i won't put up with her criticism or selfishness as my mother in law and a grandmother.
Sounds like you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. May have to have someone be the mediator but for the sake of the child everyone needs to try to get a long and wether she likes it or not you are the mom.
Be firm. Stand your ground.
Standing up to her might be the only way you can get her to back off.
But do it in a nice but firm way so she knows you mean business.
When it comes to the trip, tell her "Now why in the world would I have you watch my son when the main reason for this trip is for me to see my family and for my family to see the baby? You get to see your grandchild all the time so I am sure you can understand that. I am his mother and I know what is best for him. Thank you." She is a meddler and you don't need to put up with that. Like I said......say it nicely but firmly.
First of all, yes, you need to see your family too. Secondly, you need to talk with your husband. Remind him he married you not his mother. You understand he loves her too, but you and him are married and make decisions for your family, not his mother. Tell him, he needs to talk to his mother and tell her that you are going to see your family with your son. If he doesn't talk to his mother, then you should address the issue with her. Let her know you appreciate the offer but he needs to see his other grandma and grandpa too, as well as the other family members you will be seeing.
Just keep telling yourself only one more week left...
Your MIL doesn't think a baby should be around drug addicts? I don't think that would classify her as being crazy.
As others have said, you need to be firm about your plans. If you can get your husband to back you up it would be even better.
I think everyone can be pushed to the point of having doubts about being a mom. But some things you need to learn by doing and find your own style. One approach may be to just respond to her unwanted advice with "I'll take that into consideration." or a similar phrase. If you have doubts about something read a parenting book (try the library) or even look on this site for past questions on the same topic.
On the other hand, if you have relatives with drug issues you do need to be careful that you are the one supervising your toddler and not someone who may be under the influence of some drug, legal or not. If you want to parent differently then how you were raised it may take some effort and reflection on your part. Reading parenting books, taking a class or joining a group might all help with that.
You're taking your kid to see your drugged out family? Gee, can't imagine why your mom in law would take issue w/ that......
This sounds all to familiar to me. A great family friend is working through a divorce right now because of her mother-in-law's interference in her marriage. She was only married six, almost seven years and they have one son.
Try to see if your husband will listen to your heart, remembering that is HIS mother you are talking about.
Be very careful in how you treat her. Your son will learn from watching you and his father. He will learn how to treat you and how to treat his future mother in law. Try encouraging her to become active in other things of life and living. It may help her to have some more friends, hobbies, activities which take up her time.
She may just be lonely and controlling and set in her ways. Keep healthy boundaries for yourself but try to be understanding of her situation in the process. It is a process and will take some trial and error along the way.
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a.. stop at one child, dont have anymore.
b.. if your mother in law is batcrap, and your husband denies it and refuses to support you, then chances are good, he will be stepping onto the crazy train himself, sooner or later.( if everyone in the family is crazy, then they are not going to see the elephant in the room)
c.. dont take your child near someone who does drugs, drug dealers love keeping their local undertaker busy.
d.. if you truly feel like your mil is trying for your child, leave. you are that childs mother,it is your sworn duty to protect your child. you wont win any brownie points with the mom leaque if you quietly stand by and let your crazy mil take your child
K. h.
Be nice to your Mother in Law, stick to your plans that you know is right for you as the M. and kiss your hubby when you leave for the trip. Your side of the family has every right as much as hers to see your child (no matter how wise she thinks the idea is). Your husband knew your side's history when he got married to you, so just make sure your child isn't influenced by any drug while you visit.
Don't argue it, don't try to justify it, just make sure you and your husband are in agreement, and let MIL learn to respect your decisions. She will not be happy, but you will be. That does not say you should disrespect any other advice from your MIL, but you should feel confident that you are able to make a decision as a mother that's best for your family.
Don't worry, there are mothers older than you that their MIL or Mothers don't think they are capable to be a M., so you are not unique there.
Tell your MIL that since your son is coming with you, you do not need her to watch him. Let your hubby know that you really helps support you in this as you are going to visit family but will not have them around your son if they have drugs present.
Stop explaining yourself to her. I'm sure you and your husband are good parents. when she goes off, just look at her with no emotion and say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we've already made our decision." Please talk to your husband and agree on whatever you're going to do ahead of time. This way, when she comes at you, BOTH of you can repeat the above statement.
