D.B.
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Charlotte
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One of my closest friends is getting married next year. I am not in the wedding because (1) she is in San Fran and I am in Chicago, (2) I am hoping to get pregnant early next year, and (3) my friend is a bridezilla and I didn't want the pressure of having to fly out there for showers, etc.
In fact, I can't 'really afford to fly out there at all! I just started looking into planning our trip for her wedding. It's going to cost us $2500-3k for a long weekend (4 nights)!!!! There is just no way we can afford this. For starters we have to go to Ireland in July of next year to visit my in-laws. Our Ireland trip has been something we've been planning for two years (we try to visit the family every 3 years, and it takes us 3 years to save up the money to go!). Second, I am hoping to have a baby next year. I will be 40, so that expense can't be put off any longer either.
I honestly don't see how I can afford to go to my friend's wedding. I think $2500 will be on the cheap side too, requiring us to eat fast food only. My hubby and I don't travel because of the cost as it is, and this would be our first real holiday together in a good 8 years (ironically, last time it was San Fran too, --though, I got dirt cheap tickets and had a friend's house we could crash at, so a long weekend cost less than $500!)
What would you do in my situation? Do you tell your close friend (who missed your wedding, btw, because she was living in Ireland at the time and had no money) that you just can't do it, not with the Ireland trip and a baby.
There is one thing, my brother has a zillion airline miles (he commutes from Chicago to Cali for work bi-weekly). I could see if he'd get us tickets. That would save us $900. We'd still have to come up with $1500, though, and I just don't see how that it possible or reasonable. And this doesn't include buying a wedding gift!
Am I a terrible friend for just thinking we can't afford to attend this wedding? I told her we'd be there, but I didn't realize it would cost so bloody much! Like I said, we don't travel. We go see the In-laws every three years, so there isn't much left in the travel budget.
And my friend's "discount" hotel is $179 a night. How that is discounted is beyond me!
I called my friend and told her how much the tickets are. She was shocked. We had a long chat, she totally understands if we can't come, but she wants me to try. She did tell me I will be there in spirit no matter what happens.
I just really wanted to go. She knows me best out of everyone I know, save for hubby, She was with me the day I met my husband for the first time. We are sisters and beyond and will always be close. I just hate to disappoint her. I know she wants me there. I know she wanted me to be her MOH. The kid thing and in-laws in Ireland just make things hard.
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I have missed a couple of close friends' wedding because they were out of state, and we just couldn't afford the airfare not to mention we have a toddler.
They were completely understanding, in fact, they said up front that they figured lots of people wouldn't attend because it was out of state.
Just tell her you already made a committment to travel to see your in laws in Ireland and you didn't realize how expensive all this travelling would be, you've looked into it and you just can't afford to fly out to San Fran. You just don't have the money.
To be honest I wouldn't even mention the baby, that's in the future and is really more of a hypothetical at this point, so it may sound to her like you're sort of grasping for excuses. Citing the cost and your budget limitations is reason enough.
Good luck!
If you can't do it without going into debt, don't do it.
Send a card and a gift and your sincere congratulations.
It really sounds like you don't want to go to your "friend's" wedding. If you can't afford it - don't go. If you don't want to - don't go.
There is no need to make up excuses bow out gracefully so she or he can fill your unwanted seat with someone else who does want to be there.
It's not harsh or cruel just your reality. Her wedding isn't really a priority for you and that isn't a crime. A friend would understand.
I am sure your friend will understand. You have a lot on your plate.
As you stated she is a "close" friend not a best friend. You said she is bridezilla -- I wouldn't go becasue all you will get is heartburn and an empty wallet. You have your priorities which are the trip to Ireland and a baby. Work on those first.
No one is putting a gun to your head to go.
The other S.
PS Perhaps the discounted price of $179 is good for San Francisco but I have not planned a trip there. Some hotels like Las Vegas were over $300 a night before discounts or block room rates when I went to functions.
I don't think it would be horrible to miss if you can't afford to go. But you might be able to cut some of the costs. Like you said, maybe your brother can get the airline tickets for you. And you could stay in a much less expensive hotel, even if you stayed right outside the city and rented a car. Right now I see advertisements for $22/day for weekend days for car rental. So, if you really want to go, you could cut those costs. Bottom line, it is not rude not to travel if you can't afford it.
I would not worry about this unless you were asked to be in the wedding. It is next year and so much can happen. If it so happens that you are about to give birth then obviously you won't be going. What is your work schedule like? There are many reasons why you won't be able to attend. Also there is the cost like you said. There have been many weddings we haven't gone to because it was out of state.
She missed your wedding for the same reason. I would tell her you can't afford it. A friend understands.
My best friend missed my wedding...it wasn't a money issue but still...it was my best friend. I was disappointed but not upset. We are still best friends. Tell her what you told us. I'm sure she'll understand. Friends do!
God bless,
M.
It really doesn't seem she is your close friend, otherwise you would find a way to do it. My close friend had two jobs to be there for my special day. I wish all your baby dreams come true, but if you are not financially stable to afford the trip how in a world will you be able to afford a baby?
