MIL Issues - Cleveland,OH

I was always told if someone is talking about someone else with you, they are taking about you with others. Are you sort of doing that right now, don't take this the wrong way, but you are venting about her talking. It's bothering you, it bothered her about her son. She's just venting, we all do it if you think about it. I'd let it go, or just accept that all people do it. Maybe after venting about it, she can accept it later. My grandma wanted me to tie my tubes after I had two children out of wedlock, well, 9 years later I had my 3rd, with their father, just finally married. Did she ever say anything to me? No, but I heard about it, upset me a little at first, but I see where she was coming from.
You say you get along with this woman most of the time, don't let this bother you, I don't think it's worth it.

Well that's easy. If she can talk about one son behind his back, she can certainly talk about another. What are you going to do about it?

you're telling a whole lot of strangers your opinion on the way she behaves right now arent you?

pot calling kettle black?

i think im on my own but i dont think its such a big deal. shes not starting any drama J. telling you her opinion. so what if she tells others her opinions on you...

The next time she does it, why don't you call her on it? If she is talking about your BIL, simply say "Goodness, I wonder what you say about us when we are not around!" OR...simply say what you said in this post - "I hope that if you ever have concerns about something we are doing that you would talk directly to us..." and maybe she will get the hint

Maybe she doesn't even realize she is doing it - or to the extent that she does it.

When someone does that, I jokingly say, "I hope you don't talk about me/us that way when we're not here!"

I had to say it once to my MIL. Her response? "Of course I do!"

Okay, thanks Ma. Good to know. I do know it's out of love and concern rather than malice, and I also know that my SIL's and BIL's will not join in with her, but will defend as needed. We do the same for them.

It isn't paranoid to think people are talking about you, because they are. Of course your MIL talks about you. So does your own mother, if you have one. If you've ever talked about another person with your friends, you can be certain that your friends also talk about you to others.

Right now, you're talking about your MIL right now, behind her back. To strangers even. People don't live in bubbles. Our actions and choices matter to people around us.

Are you sure that what she was saying, she hadn't already said to his face?

I always wonder the same thing when I hear my mother gossping - what is she saying about me when I'm not here? I really didn't have to wonder very much because she obviously told my sister everything I said, including my vents about my daughter. Next thing you know, my sister e-mails my daughter and told her everything that was said. Now, mind you she didn't do it in a nice, you should know what's being said attitude. She was mean and rude and the things she said really hurt my daughter and caused a HUGE problem between the two of us!

Nothing good comes from gossiping.

btw, I have only spoken to my mother a couple of times since then. I don't have anything to say to her. I don't want to tell her ANYTHING, good, bad or otherwise because now I KNOW that everything gets repeated and she's not particular who she repeats it to!

I get why this could be upsetting to you. And yes, I'm sure she talks about you. But I think even if you like or love someone overall, there are always things to vent about to others. Unless she is saying really harmful or mean things, I think it's just human nature. I know my mom talks to me about my brother and sisters and their spouses, and I can only assume she talks about me to them. Nothing really harmful, just 'wish they hadn't done this or that' kind of talk. If you get along great with her, I would just rest assured that there is nothing sinister behind that.

It won't leave your head because you finally uncovered that she's a judgmental gossip behind peoples backs.

It would be one thing if she were just "a judgmental gossip behind her son and DIL's back".

But we all know that it is truly the rare person that only commits these acts against one.

So what now?

Who cares what she says? She's been gossiping about you since the day the engagement was announced. And the sun has still risen, you're still married and life will move on.

Just ignore her antics, or tell her you prefer to get their reproductive news from them directly - so don' t ruin the surprise. :)

In-laws, aren't they great?!?! They say when you marry your spouse, you marry their family. . . . I got along withe my FIL since the day we met (about 18 years ago), until recently. I had plans with my aunt for a couple hours one morning in early November. Our youngest was sick ~ nothing terrible (still eating, playing etc.). My hubby & I talked & he was fine with me sticking to plans with my aunt. He called a little later & said he called the dr. & was taking her in to get checked. I came home as soon as he called & to my surprise, my FIL was in my front yard raking leaves. When I told him what was going on, he began to cry & literally scream at me ~ "Your daughter is sick & you're out galivanting with your aunt. How could you leave her?" then proceeded to yell that my hubby "does everything around here & he still loves you anyway!"

Really?!?! What just happened?!?! He acts fine towards me now but has never apologized. I make nice in front of my hubby & kids but try to avoid him at all costs.

He came to our older daughter's b-day party in Dec. but didn't for our youngests over the weekend (the one he was screaming about). We had it early so he didn't have to drive in the dark, the weather was great, & he feels good. NO excuse as to why he didn't come.

She probably does have opinions about you & your household. But if it was REALLY important to her or she was really upset about something, she should bring the issue to you. If she doesn't, do you really care? Just like our kids don't make us happy 100% of the time, we don't make our parents (no matter our age) happy 100% of the time.
Let it go - I am sure there are more important things to worry about

So now you know how you MIL operates. Some people vent more than others. Other people are more careful about what they say in public. Share your personal information with your MIL accordingly.

Remember what they say about opinions, everybody has them. I wouldn't take anything personally. Everyone needs to sometimes talk no matter what it's about. As long as it isn't hurtful and demeaning so what?

Start smoking or start wearing slutty clothes in front of her. That should really give her something to talk about!

I would be very careful what personal information I gave her and be aware that she likely comments on things she doesn't agree with. I would ignore it unless I heard about it directly.

If you feel she is out of line during a discussion you are a part of, you can leave or say something like, "Their decision is none of my business and I do not want to discuss it behind their backs."

I think it would be smart of you to say to her next time "You know, mom, that's really not something that Joe and Susan would like for you to talk about with other people, and I'm not comfortable with you saying it about them to me either. How about if we don't discuss this."

Of course she talks about you. Telling her that you don't want to hear this will help her to realize that it's not an appropriate subject.

If I were you, I wouldn't tell your MIL everything.

Dawn

Are you sure she's talking behind her son's back. I suggest it's quite possible she's also expressed the same thing to them.

Sometimes when someone wants to vent about a mutual friend/acquaintance I just tell them I don't want to hear it. I say it in a calm somewhat friendly way and change the subject.

I've learned to not take such talk personally. So what if they vent about me. Whoever is listening is still able to draw their own conclusions and if they're a friend and concerned they'll ask me about it. I've found that my friends and relatives have minds of their own and are not swayed by someone else's thoughts and feelings.

OH, yes, she probably does.......those that gossip, gossip. At least in my experineces.

Put her on the spot. Why does she have a problem with a new grandchild? If she's not supporting them (financially, with babysitting, etc), then why is she so concerned. Ask her. Maybe she'll change how she feels once she realizes it's really not her decision:)