Manipulative Neighbor, What to Do?

I don't see manipulation. The husband offered to pay and your husband declined his offer. Who cares what the wife said, your husband should have just took the money. Maybe the husband was going to take the money out of his fun time stash to save face. You guys declined you have no one to blame but yourselves.

I'm sure your husband and the neighbor husband see it much differently than the women do.
Neighbor husband will make it up to your husband one way or another during your neighborship. Men are more likely to barter than woman. It's sort of their code.
Your husband understands the karma, he did a nice thing, it will come back to him eventually.
I'm sure they are grateful for getting their lawn aerated, and it will be more pleasing to your eye as well. It was nice of you to help them out like that since they couldnt really afford it.
Ultimately the plan should have been made in stone before you rented the aerator if it was that big of a deal for them not to pay their half. Sounds like it was sort of last minute planning and lack of communication between the neighbor spouses for payment. Sounds like neighbor husband doesnt do the checkbook at his house and assumed it was all good till wife decided they didnt have it in the budget afterall.

For a one time issue, just let it go and since you now know they are hard up for money, don't make similar offers in the future.
It could be the wife and husband are not on the same page as to how bad their finances are and you and your husband got caught in the crossfire.
I seriously doubt they are sitting at their table next door plotting ways to wrangle free yard services from you and if they are, they've got bigger problems than alienating their neighbor.
Maybe they fooled you once.
It happens to everyone now and then.
Just don't fall for it a second time.
It's nothing to lose sleep over.

Your husband is a nice guy. There's nothing wrong with that.
He got caught in the middle of your neighbor's disagreement.
Live and learn. Don't let it happen again if it bothers you that much.
There's your boundary.
Your husband's may be different.

It doesn't sound like she intentionally manipulated you guys, but there was a serious communication gap between your neighbors as husband and wife. I'd absolutely tell her how you feel, preferably in her husband's presence, and let them know that you simply want to avoid confusion going forward.

Rest easy! We're all human; she made an obvious mistake. Next time, make sure the 4 of you are on the same page before proceeding.

I don't see manipulation here. The husband and wife are NOT on the same page as the husband offered to pay his fair share.

You and your husband went out and bought the aerator...no one held a gun to your head. If you couldn't have afforded it, you shouldn't have bought it either.

Your husband chose NOT to accept the money from him. That was HIS choice.

I think you are over thinking it and need to let it go. PERIOD. END OF STORY.

Chalk it up as a valuable lesson learned and let it go. Next time, only agree to go in if they pay up front and you are the one reimbursing.

Sounds to me like your husband chose to let them use it even though he knew they weren't going to split the cost of it, correct?

I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but it could be a few different things. One is that their finances could have changed for some reason you're not aware of between the time when she messaged you & when your husband made the purchase. Another might be that the wife handles all of their finances so when the husband came over with cash in hand he didn't know that the money was already spoken for within their budget. The third thing is that she may well be a lying sack.

In my mind you have a choice to make about whether you choose to grant second chances, but I would not advise that you go on a confrontational rant with her when you truly don't know quite what happened.

*ETA* Just read your edit & if you are indeed friends & you do nice things for each other, wouldn't the easiest/quickest/nicest solution be to decide that this was just a "nice thing" you did for them?

I totally understand wanting to tell her how she mistreated you and your husband, but you have to decide if it is worth it. Are they good neighbors? You are on FB together? Do you get together for social events, etc.? Do you often share tools and what-not?

Be prepared that if you tell her off, she will retaliate. If she is as manipulative as you think she is, she will try to smear your name everywhere....FB included. Is it worth the war? If yes, then go for it.

If it were me, I would not say anything. AND, I would not loan or split anything with them again. If she or the husband suggests it, simply say, "I don't think that is a good idea."

Who knows, they may send you a thank you card this week. (although it sounds like it happened a little while ago and you just found out about it)

I wonder if there is some miscommunication between the husband and the wife.

I would also remind you that the husband offered to pay. I think this is mostly about the wife. Maybe SHE decided that they shouldn't do it.

You admit that she is unpredictable, frugal, and tries to get something for free. So you knew this is the way she is.

Rather than start a fight, be smarter next time. Let THEM get the aerator, or whatever it is they are interested in sharing. That way they have to pay first, and then you pay your half.

You're hurt, but truly, you know your friend is like this. Don't expect her to be something she isn't. In order to keep her from manipulating you, you just have to manipulate her first! (Of course, the fair way.)

Dawn

Hmm, I don't think she intentionally mislead you all. I think something came up or she looked at her numbers again or something like that. Your husband should have talked to you before he bought it. And he should have accepted the offer from the husband for paying his share if that was the case. If you feel the need to say something to her, which I recommend you don't, I would NOT do it over FB. Talk to her, face to face. Let her know that there was a communication gap and it stinks that it landed all on you guys, but it is what it is now. I defintiely get why you are upset and see how it could look manipulative, but I think the husband and wife were not talking to each other.

My husband will gladly offer to pay for something or buy someone lunch, but I pay the bills and manage ALL of the $. He just has to get the mail (I lost my mail key years ago). So he knows to ask me before he spends anything. Maybe your neighbors don't have a financial system that works for them.

Not judging, because I get why you are so upset. But I'd take a few days and try to let it go. It's not worth causing the tension that will come if you message her.

I look at it like this: If she couldn't afford groceries to eat what would you do? Maybe they needed the money for groceries? I have to admit the way she went about it was shady but just let it go. I agree but don't agree with that statement in the Boundaries book. Yes boundaries should be set but I think it should have been set beforehand-if you try to step back and set them now its only going to cause hurt feelings or an arguement-you don't want that. You have to live by these people. Just shrug it off and let it be as a gift and know next time commuincation needs to be the key with this neighbor. Even if you have to say I don't know let me discuss the situation with the hubs first. That way everyone is on the same page. You can still set those boundaries though and need to but wait a little bit-but don't wait too long for the "next" situation to come about.....

It sounds like a situation of misscomunication. Too many chiefs and not enough indians. Your husbands should have delt with it face to face. When you have four people trying to figure out if something can be done while not all in the same conversation then it gets a bit tricky. It was wrong of them to use it and not pay for it. But as a Christian you have to forgive her and let it go. You need to handle situations like this much differently. Face to face with all the people present once the disission is made(husbands and both wifes) When her husband offered to pay for it then your husband should have taken the money. By not taking the money you all have to view it as a nice thing that you did for them. A gift. The entire situation was handled sloppy by all. In the grand scheme of things life can be much harder and the lesson has been learned learned. Get the money before the job is done.

hmm. I guess if you know someone else is not as ethical and financially responsible as you, it is a bad idea to share something with them. Go ahead and speak to her. But don't put your hubby down, you and he are different on this matter. It doesn't have to mean he has no backbone. I would be upset too if I were you...lesson learned I guess. Keep things separate.

LET IT GO. Lesson learned. You've already indicated that her behavior is unpredictable and she is your neighbor. Don't offer to help anymore. People can only overstep their boundaries if you let them. Move on and put it in the past.

I think its fine to tell your neighbors how you feel about what happened. State the facts first. Say something like "On Mon you asked if we were getting the aerator and I said yes. On Tue my husband calls to bring it over and you tell him you can't afford to split. So he brings it over, your husband uses it and and to pay his half..." You see where I'm going with this?

After you go through the facts, end w/something like "B/c we are on a tight budget ourselves (no matter if you really are or aren't) I just want to understand what happened so we both don't end up in the same position again for anything else (although I highly doubt you are going to go halfs on anything and hope you don't w/these people again).

That's letting her/them know what they did w/o actually accusing them of anything.

Your husband is another story. My husband knows not to be taken monetarily advantage of but if he does pull something like this I would tell him "if you feel you have x amount of dollars to spend on other people, then i feel like I am allowed to spend the same amount on myself". I understand his charitable nature and since it was already paid for he might have just wanted to get the most use out of it, but in my book, an aerator is hardly an necessity and their lawn is hardly a charitable cause.

Remember, you are losing sleep over this while they are probably sleeping fine. Give yourself one more day to lose sleep over this and then be done with it once you say something. When it is all said and done, they are most likely not going to change but you can at least have learned a lesson and be the wiser person b/c of it.

I think you should tell her that what she did was wrong and you feel they manipulated the situation. Don't do any favors or deals with them in the future-they have proven that they can't be trusted. Then let it go. Life is to short to worry about these things....GL

M

If i were you this would be either my verbal or written response.

I am very upset that you would manipulate my family into buying a product in which we discussed going in on half each. If you couldn't afford your half - then you should not have told me to go ahead and get it. I am not a coupon deal or freebie sale, I and my family are people, just like yours, who cannot afford everything we want either. Due to the situation you have created, I expect HALF of your half this month and half in January after the holiday season... or your complete half in full this month. Next time we consider doing something like this again, you and your family will be the one to buy the item and we will pay back our half.

I personally don't do messages or phone calls when wanting to sort something out. Just call her and go see her and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you understand they can't afford it right now but tell her what she owes you and when they can, they should reimburse you for their share. Don't let her off the hook. We have had issues like that throughout the years, of people not being able to afford something after the fact, and while my husband would rather not, I usually bring it up and offer a chance to be repaid.