Maiden Name and School-aged Kids

Here in the Deep South we completely avoid the issue of last names and call everyone "Honey". :P

No really, we commonly use Miss First Name and Mr. First Name for minors addressing adults. Regardless of whether they are married, single, divorced, widowed, etc.

I think children and adults will call you whatever you ask them to call you as long as you do it politely. People basically want to please each other, so it will be fine.

I kept my maiden name and use Dr (last name). If a child refers to me as Mrs (my last name) I let it go. About 1/2 of my son's friends' moms have kept their maiden names, are remarried, never married, are lesbian couples or another combination that results in two different last names. The kids are rarely confused by it. When I meet someone (in a child related situation) I introduce myself as D. (my last name), (child's name)'s mom. It was however a bit easier when the kids would run up to me and say 'hello, (child's name) mommy.' I really wish 'Ms' had caught on - it is the easiest and honestly - why should it matter to anyone but DH and myself whether I am married?

Go by your kids last name unless you want to make a mess of people uncomfortable.

Judging from the reaction I would get when someone accidentally used my married name after I divorced I would say some people are pretty hostile on this subject. Don't be that person.

Kids, and the school, are going to call you Mrs. child's last name. They don't mean anything by it. Be nice to them. :)

Sue, what I mean is if someone makes a mistake apparently they are ripped a new one. Go by whatever you like but be relaxed when people make a mistake. That was all I meant. I think it was pretty sad when one of my kids friends was trying to ask me for something and called me Mrs ex's last name and looked like he was ducking for cover. No child should have to memorize what every adult woman wants to be called or fear for their lives.

It's not rude to say, "Actually, it's Ms. Maiden Name". Many women keep different names for professional or personal reasons. My mom didn't have the same name as my sister and I after her divorce and it didn't matter. If someone called her Mrs. Our Name she'd just correct them. It's all in the way you correct them, not the correcting, IMO. I would much rather know that you are Ms. Last Name than think your name is something else. You'd correct your first name, right?

They'll get it. And people will figure out which kids call you Mom. :)

I agree with Rebecca because it depends how much you care. I didn't change my last name until we had our first child. Having worked in schools forever, from the school side, it can get really confusing which name belongs to whom and what to call them. Sometimes there are as many as 4-5 different last names in one family and then trying to sort out which parents belong to which children and what the relationship is... Schools don't want to offend people either so if it matters to you, it's good to politely let them know what you'd like to be called. I've been called far worse every so often thus the wrong last name doesn't bug me so much. ;)

If you go by your maiden name and want to be known as your maiden name then just gently correct people when they call you by your son/ husbands last name.

I get called by my maiden name to those who knew me by that.. but don't know my married name.

I get called by my exes last name/ 3 of my boys last name... by those that knew me as that.

I also get called by my married last name to those that know it.

I don't throw a huge fuss about any of it... because technically I have been all three of those names at one point or another through my life. I usually correct them ( but not always, depends on how much contact I will have with them in the future) and give them the correct last name with a smile on my face... now if someone calls me by my exes wife's first name.. that is always a correction and usually not with a smile :)

At our daughters schools there were tons of moms with differnt last names from their children.

Just correct them in the beginning. They will learn it.

In the PTA directories, we always had a cross reference, so we could find the child's parents names.

This is very common. Do not worry about it.

A good friend uses Mrs Husband's Name all the time so I didn't even know her legal last name was never changed. At school, on emails etc, it's all her husband's last name which makes things much easier for people... I know other people too who kept their maiden name for professional use but use the married last name socially and for school. I have to say it's so much easier on people. I can't stand addressing envelopes to Mr X and Mrs Y. So much writing! Of course you can use only your maiden name but I'd at least consider using your married for nonlegal things.

I'm divorced but kept my "married" last name so that it is the same as my daughter's. However, schools should be very used to this by now. A fairly large number of parents have different last names than their children. I am friends with two "blended" families who each have three different last names in their household.

Divorced women are no longer "Mrs. husband's name". Women who haven't taken their husband's name are not "Mrs." at all. "Ms." solves many of these problems. I'm just "S." to everyone, that avoids most problems.

You can use any name you choose for everything other than legal documents - driver's license, marriage licenses, taxes, wills, mortgages, etc., - as long as you aren't using an alias to commit fraud. When I worked as an HR Manager I was surprised how many people went by a name other than the legal one, that I saw on the documents they needed to supply me to verify their employability.

Added: Really? Being asked to be addressed as "Ms. Myown Name" would make "a mess of people uncomfortable? Not in my city. Here, no one would presume "Mrs." anything. Among all the families I know, those households with only one last name are a minority. My daughter's school would not have an issue at all with anyone's last name. And, "X's mom" is always an appropriate alternative ! :-)

Our school (public) has a parent directory in addition to a contact information sheet (broken down by class) and every family is listed by last name. If a parent's name is different from the child's name then it is cross referenced. Example: Smith, Melanie see "Taylor"
Does your school do this? I know it was very helpful for us!

I think it is appropriate to be Mrs. Husbands Last Name socially, because you aren't married to your father. All official papers would have to be in your maiden name, but you can have the teachers and the children call you Mrs. Husband Last Name, assuming that is also your childs surname. I know many professional women who are Dr. Smith professionally, but Mrs. Jones socially.

My son goes to school and I kept my maiden name. My son's friend's parents know what my last name is but the kid's call me "Mrs. Husband's last name" as do the teachers and people at school. It really has not been much of an issue for me.

I'm from Canada and we don't change name after marriage. At school they called me by my name and they know that my kids have my husband’s last name. Some of my neighbors called me with my husband’s last name and I just let it go...if the occasion is there I will tell them that me and my husband don’t have the same last name.

It is your name, you need to introduce yourself in the manner you wish to be addressed. I am engaged to my son's father, they share the same last name, I let it go once I became engaged. I made the choice to correct people before the engagement, it did get tiresome, I think that is part of why I let it go now.

My stepmother is STILL Mrs. Former last name to her children's friends from school and my step siblings are 20+ years old. She and my father have been married 15+ years. She hasn't been Mrs. Former last name longer than she was. People understand ?.. But no need to constantly correct and be rude ... Unless it really bothers you. Best wishes ...

Even though your legal name has not changed, you are still "Mrs. Husband", but you are also "Ms. Maiden". Ms. Husband or Mrs. Maiden would be inaccurate and incorrect. To take it even further, if (changed name) Maggie Smith is married to John Smith, she is not Mrs. Maggie Smith. She is Mrs. John Smith. And Ms. Maggie Smith, since she changed her name. And Miss Maggie.

I would probably correct them because it's my personality. I use all four of my names, so people sometimes call me Ms./Mrs. Maiden-Husband (hyphenated), and I correct them. That is NOT my name.

Maybe you can take special care to identify yourself as "ABC, mother of XYZ". They'll start to associate the names if you put them together.

why give it so much thought? i wouldn't correct people, if you run into them enough why not say call M. A--whatever your first name is? if its J. in passing, why is it worth the thought or added comversation?

I don't use my maiden name but my son't last name is not the same as mine. Most people realize I have remarried but those people that don't, may actually call me by my son't last name. They are trying to be respectful (typically his friends that haven't met me before) so I typically answer without correcting them. I did have someone interview me for the newspaper once and because our names were different he assumed I was the step-mom (not realizing that typically, not always, the stepmom and bio-dad would share the same last name while mom and stepdad would have the different name).

In your case, although your legal name may be your maiden name, you are technically Mrs. "whatever your husband's last name is". If your last name is Jones and his is Smith...you are Ms. Jones (not Miss since you are married, and not Mrs. since that would imply that your husband's last name was Jones) and/or Mrs. Smith.

You can always introduce yourself as "I'm Suzy Smith's mom, Jane Jones". They will know your child and your name but then they will also assume you and hubby are not married or that his last name is Jones. Eitherway, you will need to correct people on something.

A lady I worked with, never changed her name (because she misplaced her marriage license). When she calls the school she says her name as if it is hyphenated (even though it isn't legally) but she goes by her maiden name for all things official.

I use my maiden name as well. It has never been a problem at my son’s school. Teachers, School Administrators refer to me as Mrs. (Husband’s Last Name). I leave them alone I do not correct them because truth is that is one of my names. When I volunteer up at my son’s school, the kids refer to me as either X’s Mom or Ms. my first name. When I sign field trip slips, notes, etc… I sign my maiden name. No one has ever been con fused or have I received any questions regarding the last names. Everyone seems to know exactly who my son is no problem.

I think with so many single-moms and blended families in today’s world no one focuses the way they use to on the differences between last names any more.

When you introduce yourself just say "I'm Ms. -maiden name- X's mom ". The kids will remember the second part (but it doesn't matter what they call you), and the parents/teachers will remember the first part.

Why do you care what other people think? Use your name how you want it, and why do you need a title in your name? Hi, my name is Alice Stoli, that's it.

If an adult would call me my exhusbands name, I would correct them. If a younger child would say it, I would probably let it go. Especially if I didn't see the kids that often. It wasn't that hard for me to actually change names. People caught on quickly.