Lowhat Are Some Funny Things That Your Kids Say or Have Said?

When I was potty training my daughter, I suddenly had to go, too. As I finished, she said, "Mommy, I'm so proud of you!"

Recently, my 13-year-old son, upon being told by the pediatrician that he had to gargle twice a day with salt water, asked if we had to go to the ocean to get the salt water!

Kids are awesome and always say amazingly funny stuff. I just wanted to mention that "Kids Say the Darndest Things" is already a thing. It was a TV show starring Bill Cosby, and there's a book titled the same by Art Linkletter.

My dad is having major cancer surgery today and my five year olds BIGGEST concern is that grandpa has to take his clothes off.

I WISH that was our biggest concern today. At least it made me LAUGH!

My two year old is in the middle of potty training. We make a huge deal when she goes and say "Good job going poo poo on the toilet"!!!! We had also been making a big deal when we go, to help encourage her. We had company over and my husband came out of the bathroom, my daughter jumps up screaming "Yah!!! Good job daddy going poo poo on the toilet, good job"!!!! She was so excited for him and we almost pee'd our pants laughing.

Driving by an adult store called the "Love Shop"...my 9yo grandson said..."I bet there's alot of Valentine stuff in there"!

my favorites (emmy is 5)
emmy:mommy can yu make M. a baby
M.: emmy babies cost a lot of money
emmy: how much did you have to pay my dad to have him help make M.

another one (relayed from her dad)
emmy:dad can you save some of those seeds and put them in a cup (he was eating sunflower seeds)
her dad: why?
emmy: b/c mom said it takes a seed from a guy to make a baby and I'd really like a brother and sister
dad: hmmm you can call you mom but they arent sunflower seeds
another (again with wanting a baby sibling)
emmy: can i have a baby yet
M.: i told you they cost too much
emmy; well lots of poor people have more than one kid, why dont you ask them how they do it

when emmy was 2 she was obsessed with where babies come from and woud walk up to kids her age on the playground and ask if they knew and tell them labor anf pretend to do it (ughhh that curious kid)
she would also follow it up with a conversation about how michael jackson was wonderful

another favorite was
Emmy telling her grandma she better getty ready to meet god because she was getting old
oh and lately shes been very concerned with billy's (bullys)

also there are two kinds of but cracks apparently one being the kind where you can see the top and the other is when your whole pants fall down and wouldn't you believe it but she saw the first kind on a kid at school

My daughter is five. She's a never-ending source of entertainment.

Chloe: Mom I can't find my marble bag!
Me, suppressing laughter: Are you telling me you lost your marbles?
Her, indignantly: Yes! What's so funny?

Chloe was being so quiet. I was happy for about five minutes until I remembered that quiet kids are usually kids that are up to no good. I found my daughter in her bathroom with purple marker all over her face. I asked her what the heck she thought she was doing and she replied, "I'm making myself look like a tiger!" /sigh

Chloe ran into the room and said, "Hey! You know what I've got for you?" Then stuck out her tongue and raspberried her heart out before running out of the room, giggling her bum off.

An employee at the tire place let an expletive fly in front of Chloe and she piped up and loudly declared, "I heard a bad word!" This seemed to have shamed the guy into apologizing to her, even though I waved it off and told him she's heard worse and not to feel badly for letting one slip. He offered us a tour of the facility and Chloe was ecstatic. She got to see how everything was done, covered her ears when they removed a tire with the "loud gun" and got to see them raise the van up "sooooooo high" and got to yell at everyone to "get back to work" over the PA system, which cracked them all up. He even rolled out a huge tractor tire for her to get into, just to see how big it really was compared to our van tires. She was thrilled. Her favorite show in the world is "How it's Made" so this made her day.

Chloe was playing on my bedroom floor and randomly said, "I miss Derek."
Me: Do you even remember who he is?
Her: Yea. He's the guy with really nice hair who played swords with me and put a pretend band-aid on me when he pretend cut me with his sword. And he has a dog.
Me: What would you do if he came over today?
Her: I'd tell him to bring bad guys with his bad-guy-makin' power so we can play swords on the same team. But I get lightning power. Derek can have the 100 defeater power.

Chloe: "Mom! How long would a string be if it touched every planet? What if a pen could touch everything! How much ink is in this pen? What happens if Orbeez were planets? Could the man live on an Orbee planet? How do you spell Doggy? I spell it D-O-G-E. Is that right?"
Me: "Very long. Then it could touch everything. Just enough. The people would be verrrrry tiny. A very tiny man. Doggy. It sounds like it should be right but no, English is mean."

One morning Damon was pretending to be a zombie, walking stiltedly and crying, "BRAINS!" He bit me on the shoulder and I turned into a zombie and we both began to shuffle towards a giggling Chloe. I "bit" her and whispered, "Ok... now you're a zombie too. If you get bit by a zombie, you turn into a zombie. Zombies like brains." She looks up at us and asks very politely, "Can I have some brains please?" I said, "No! Zombies don't ask for brains nicely! They DEMAND their brains!" To which she responded, "I'm a lady zombie." And primly shuffled out of the room asking for brains Oliver style. (Please sir! Can I have more brains?)

Chloe was chatting away to me while I was fixing her lunch today. In the middle of our conversation I started responding to her with whistles, tweets, honks and hoots. She looked at me incredulously and asked, "Mom? Are you broken?"

Chloe's favorite song, sung while I clean out the litterbox, to the tune of "Are you sleeping?": I hate cat poop. I hate cat poop. Yes I do! Yes I do! Stinky stinky cat poop. Stinky stinky cat poop. Eww eww eww. Eww eww eww.

When Chloe was three, my husband was getting ready for work one morning and she pointed to her butt and said, "I have a little butt." She then pointed to his butt and said, "Papa has a big butt." He told me to cork it after I couldn't keep my giggles in any longer. She was very proud of her observation.

My 3 year old grandson is in the crack us up stage. The other day, his mom gave him a sandwich and he said "Thank you Elvis".

Daughter and Elijah were taking a walk. They pass a house where 2 girls were jumping on a trampoline. Elijah says "I want to do that!" Daughter says "We will have to get you one of those for our new house!" Elijah says "You're gonna get me a girl?!"

Elijah to his mom "Mom, can I have the scissors?.....say sure!"

My daughter throws some pretty funny stuff out there from time to time. We had a math tutor for her while she was in mid school and they were working on leangths and measurements:

Tutor: OK, so how many feet are in a yard?
DD: (with a COMPLETELY straight face) Well, that depends on how many people are standing in it...
Tutor: (grinning) I never thought of it like that before...
I died laughing!

When my BF's youngest son was 3, he'd point at you and say "spaceship" all serious any time you corrected him:
BF: Son, you're not supposed to draw on your sister in marker...
Son: (while pointing) Spaceship!
We still have no idea what he was thinking when he said it...

I've shared this one before, but it's still one of my favorites. When my daughter was 5, she looked at M. so seriously and said, "Mom, I'm never going to give in to peter pressure..." My response was "WHAT?!!!" "You know, peter pressure? When you do something bad J. because your friends want you to", she said. I laughed even harder when my husband said he'd be reminding her of that promise when she was 16!

My son, bless him, is very outspoken. we were in a department store, and the lady checking us out had short hair, and she had a name like Jennifier, or something equally girly. My son is used to me with long hair, so he asks her "Why do you have a womans name, when you look SO MUCH like a man"

Then at the splashpad he tells this kid with acne that he must have chickenpox, and he needs to go to the doctor.

Told a big black dude to pull his pants up because he can see his "crack" and "thats yucky"

Oh there are so many. Usually at the time they don't make me laugh!

At night my 5 year old will ask for a hug and a kiss and a purr.
I love it.

When my then 2 year old son ate his first cucumber, he made a face and said, "It's horrible good." We died laughing. :)

Great timing. This happened yesterday: It was beautiful outside. Got the kids bikes and gardening stuff out (in case they wanted to help me weed). Just started pulling weeds when my four-year old came up and said "I can't get a Lego out of my nose, it's stuck" Me "why is there a Lego in your nose" Hadrian shrugged his shoulders and said "because I put it there". I might be mean, but I thought it was rather funny. The doctor, nurse and I couldn't help but giggle when he was strapped in, looking like a mental patient struggling and saying "it's ok! I like legos!" still giggling.

My youngest calls her big sister "Sissy", so when I told her that we were going to "Cici's" pizza she just could not understand why we were going to "Sissy's" pizza and not her "pizza". Lol.

I have 3 year old twin boys: D and J. One morning Daddy walked into the room where J was. And J says, "My Daddy!" So Daddy asks J, "Who is D's Daddy?" and J says, "Mommy".

My 5 year old son (just turned 5 on the 6th) looked at me while we were out on a walk and asked me if I knew what "nuts" were....Yes, he was talking about those. Gotta love it when the older kids are at daycare during school breaks.

I had such a hard time keeping my laughter inside so as not to encourage him.

Well, my son LOVES the phrase "You've got to be kidding me!" he actually gives it the proper delivery that makes it PERFECT.

We discovered our daughter needed tubes for her ears. We were on our way into the medical building to meet the doctor that would be doing the procedure. I mentioned to our daughter that this Doctor was a man. (all of her doctors had always been female).

She looked at me and said. "Sometimes mans can be Doctors too!" I luighed and said, yea, sometimes..