Lost....

start slowly - mattress on the floor right next to the bed - and gradually move it towards the door, until it's in the hallway, then in her own room. Only change WHERE she is sleeping, not how you put her to sleep, at this point. After she is in her own room then start weaning you from her going to sleep need - again, you start by being next to her bed then gradually move farther away each night.
Remember you took 4 yrs to develop this habit, it won't go away overnight.

My 4 year old son, who also slept with me since infancy - and still does - is very outgoing and independent. I only say that because I don't want you to blame your co-sleeping with your daughter for her perhaps being introverted. All evidence suggests that children who co-sleep with their parents actually develop a better sense of security in the world, and the depth of the bond created by co-sleeping with your child is certainly a benefit to them.

That said, I also have to lay with my son until he falls asleep. And while I LOVE cuddling with him and having him with me, I endure all the elbows to the eyes, the little toes burrowing into my legs, etc. At any given point in time, I have any number of little toe-sized bruises on my legs, my hips, etc. LOL So, as much as I like him being there, I'll be honest, there are days when it gets old. My son does have his own bed in his own room, where he chose out his own bedding, etc. That certainly didn't do the trick. However, I was not adamant that he had to sleep in it, so that was undoubtedly the reason he usually chooses not to.

Something I did to try to make the situation a little better for both of us, was to place a twin bed right next to my bed, flush up against it. The twin, however, is about 3 or 4 inches lower than my bed, which keeps him from rolling into my bed. :) I will lay with him in "his" bed until he falls asleep, at which point, I will either get up and finish whatever I was doing, or simply move to my bed to sleep. There are nights when he will sleep in his bed until morning. There are also nights when he sits up and asks to lay with me, which I never refuse him. Although, sometimes, rather than have him come into my bed, I'll go into his, so that when he falls back asleep, (which is usually within minutes), he's still in his bed and I can slip back in my bed.

There are certainly those people out there who strongly oppose co-sleeping with your children, and they will tell you that you made a mistake from day one, and to be consistent, and get her in her own bed immediately.

Ultimately, it's up to you, and what works best for you and your family. If having her in your bed is causing you a great deal of grief, then by all means, help her get into her own bed. I have absolutely NO IDEA how to do that, so I have nothing to offer there. LOL But if you do choose to boot her to her own bed, just know that you have done a wonderful thing by allowing her to be with you, close to you to bond and develop a deep sense of security. That won't be lost by having her move to her own bed at this point.

I never slept with my parents, and don't feel as though I lost anything by always sleeping in my own room, so I don't know why I always felt so compelled to let my son sleep with me. Could be that he was such a poor sleeper initially, that I did it to maintain my sanity. LOL But whatever the case, and even though I sometimes wish I could send him to his room at 8 p.m., and not see him again til morning (JOKING - ok not really), I don't regret co-sleeping with him. :)

Just know that there isn't one RIGHT way. The RIGHT way is the way that works best for you, at this point in time. You just have to decide what that is, and develop a plan to execute it.

Best wishes.

*******ADDITION********
Looks like the poster after me has the plan for moving her to her own bed! Glad someone does, because I was at a loss on that one!! I will be thinking about her suggestions... :)

All three of my children slept with me until they were three. The last one was more than happy to sleep in her own bed as soon as we installed one of those barriers to keep her from falling out of bed. All three of my children are independent. I think co-sleeping actually made them less dependant. Its been shown to increase self-esteem, feelings of safety, and other benefits I can't remember right now. Its just your daughters personality, not co-sleeping. Good luck.

I also think that your daughter's personality is not dependent upon her cosleeping. She likely would've been the same regardless. I was a very dependent child and very introverted, but slept in my own bed. So, please do NOT blame yourself for your child's personality. It's not a bad thing either. A dependent child is usually one with strong feelings and they can grow to be very loving adults because they are so strongly attached to their own feelings and the feelings of others.

Okay, about the sleeping thing. It is natural to want your child in bed with you and for them to want the same. I have a feeling that this is as hard on you to change as it is for her. You're probably feeling like you're losing your baby by letting her be in her own bed. In caveman days, it was natural to sleep with your baby for their own safety! We're programmed to do this..keep them close to keep them safe.

I think you need to change it abruptly to avoid regression. I like the idea of making it sound like it's a good thing, not a dramatic bad change for her. Let her decorate her room...if money allows, maybe paint and buy new bedding and drapery of her choosing. Tell her how proud you are of her of making this big step of being a big girl. Assure her your just down the hall and she'll be safe and happy in her bed.

Make sure you have a great night time routine in place and then put her in her bed. She will likely cry, but just kiss her and tell her, good night. Let her cry. When she comes to your bed in the night, lead her back to her bed, and do the same thing. Kiss her forehead, tell her how proud you are of her and leave her again.

Consistency and repetition are going to be your keys to success!!! Be prepared for about a week of sleepless nights, but if you can stick with it, it's such a short sacrifice to achieve your goal.

Good luck!!!

Her not being independent is NOT because of.... co-sleeping.
BOTH my kids co-slept... and they are by no means dependent.
It is personality and the child's sense of security.

Perhaps, put a mattress on the FLOOR of your room, let her sleep there. And gradually... maybe she will then leave your room. Does she have her own room? If so, put her to naps there.

This is a hard habit to break. I was allowed to sleep with my mother as an infant. As I got older, I would start out in my own room in my own bed, but would end up in bed with my mother by morning. I was in college before the urge to get in my mother's bed ceased. My mother is always warning others about this habit and she doesn't suggest it. When I had my first child, I wanted him to sleep with me...she absolutely forbade it to happen.

Good luck with this one :)! I guess if you start early, it will be easier to break?

As an infant, learning how to sleep on your own is a great accomplishment & helps with self esteem. It is just a little dose, but encourages them to do more & more. Your daughter didn't get that opportunity then but it is great that she will get it now. Take baby steps to undo her routine. Put her down in her room & in her own bed 7 then get up & do what you do...when she wakes, allow her to come to your room but make it less comfortable than her room & bed & let her naturally choose to stay in her own bed. Let her know that she can come to your room, but will have to sleep on the floor beside your bed. No longer is she allowed in your bed. The only time I was allowed in my parents room at night was if i slept on floor beside their bed & there better be a storm or something like that going on. I remember being so thankful for that during storms, but I liked my bed better! Just be honest & tell her shes getting bigger and it just isn't working for you anymore. Then slowly reduce the time you spend with her while she falls asleep. If it takes you 20 minutes, then reduce to 15 for a week or two, then 10 for a few weeks, then 5 etc... until eventually she will have mastered how to put herself to sleep. My kids have known nothing but sleeping in their own rooms & mine will come & tell me they are ready. I walk them in & tuck them in say goodnight prayers, hugs & kisses, then lights out & I'm done. Less than 5-10 minutes for both my kids. It is wonderful!!!!!!!!!!! Best of luck & I hope this helps you. Oh & don't be surprised if she doesn't stop coming into your room until she has mastered falling asleep on her own, it is cuz when she wakes in the middle of the night, she doesn't know how to fall asleep without your presence & thus she goes to you & then goes back to sleep. Once she can do it on her own regularly, she won't need to go find you to do so & will stay put.

I have heard that this works from friends.... you can get a small air mattress or just a sleeping bag to put in your room and explain she can sleep in your room, but not in your bed. Then over time, she will prefer her room as it's more comfortable, but this allows a transition for her to be close, but not "in" your bed.

The other suggestion a friend of mine used (with all 3 kids) was to put them to bed in their room - even if at first she had to lie with them. Then just sit with them. Then sit next to the bed. Then by the door. Then just outside the door, then in the hall etc. Do each for about 1 week. If she gets up, calmly explain it's time for bed and tuck her in. After two times, just put her in bed, no words... Supernanny's technique...

Finally, some kids do outgrow wanting to sleep w/ parents around 5 or so.... she may do it on her own. I for one don't believe it hurts her at this age, but it's also fine to transition her out if that is what is right for you. Good luck.

Get your daughter a bed of her own. Take her to get bedding for it. Explain to her that she is a big girl now and will be sleeping in her own bed. period. and then each time she gets up and comes into yours put her back into her own. it won't last long and you will both sleep better. She will become more independent.

does she still take naps? I know it's easier to start with naps. You might also have to try sleeping in her bed at first, then moving back into your own.

I dont know if your daughter has her own bed already, but make her room very inviting, sheets that she likes, a favorite stuffed animal, a night light if she needs it, and be very consistent about putting her back in her bed if she comes into yours. She's at the age when you can talk to her, explain that she is a big girl and needs to sleep in her own bed like a big girl, and you still love her, and she can get you if she needs you, but she needs to sleep in her own bed.

My son is four. He has a twin bed next to mine. It was his friend's bed so getting it was exciting to him. "A big boy bed"

Sometimes, like last night, he wants to sleep in my bed, so I let him fall asleep there and move him. I figure he won't be doing that eventually. Soon enough our kids will be out of the kids and we'll just hope they call once in awhile!

I think that independence is related to personality and feeling secure. Perhaps explore that.

Read Ferber's sleep book - it has lots of advice about this topic. I know exactly how you feel. My daughter was great at sleeping until she was about 2 when she was fully autonomous and able to undo the safety latch on her door. It has been a real struggle to get her to sleep in her own bed. I got her her own big girl bed and a dora tent for over it but it is still hard. We have conversations about how each of us needs to sleep in our own bed. It sometimes works. good luck.