Long Distance...Sad Mama Right Now

With all the posts on this site from people who hate their in-laws or feel oppressed by their own parents, your situation is actually like a breath of fresh air!

Of course, you would like them to stay. And you don't know that they won't. They may be enjoying life where they are, but a job is a job. You know this, of course. If your dad gets this job, you'll want to rejoice with your parents and make yourself available to help them as much as you can.

And actually, those very actions will help your feelings. It can sometimes be harder to think about what *might* happen than when the event takes place. Try not to play the what-iffies.

My older son was jobless for quite a while, not many years ago. The job he finally found had good pay and good benefits, but it entailed a lot of traveling. In fact, he's become so good at the job that the traveling has increased. It's hard on him and it's hard on my DIL (as well as the children), but they have risen to the occasion and do what they need to do to make it work AND keep the family happy. I'm quite proud of them.

One thing you can do, if your parents move, is to start planning a trip there. And technology has advantages. If your folks are far away, you can still communicate sort of as if you lived next door. If you get Skype, your children can see their grandparents every day.

My parents live 25 miles and about 45 minutes from us. We moved here to be close to them when we had kids and they are awesome grandparents to our two boys. At the time we moved (8 years ago) - they were both working. Now my mom is retired and my dad is semi-retired. They leave each May on their boat and travel until November. During that time, we don't see them - but we do talk on the phone and skype with them. It sucks - but I want them to travel while they can. They are 66 now and need to enjoy their good health while they can.

Don't worry about them moving, if they need to move, then they need to move and you will survive. Nine hours isn't that far - you can still do a 3 day weekend.

C.

I'm kinda in the same boat as Purple Mom...I was close to my parents as well but they are both gone now. What i wouldn't do to have them only 9hrs away?
It will be hard but it will be OK if he gets the job. Atleast you'll still be able to talk on the phone and / or send emails daily. Maybe you could plan trips to meet somewhere in the middle every other month or so.

skype, facebook, that app that smartphones have! technology has wrecked us in a lot of ways, but in others it's invaluable, and this is one of 'em.
is it the same as having loving family just a quick drive away? no. but it sure does help shrink the miles.
i must say, it's so nice to see a post from someone who loves her family this much. we don't see enough of that here.
good luck!
khairete
S.

UGH, tell me about it. I've never lived more than 20 minutes away from my parents (since I've been a parent myself anyways) and now they are retired and leaving for san francisco for a MONTH. And in the future they keep hinting they are going to stay there for entire winters!

I feel so sad, but secretly, because what kind of a daughter would I be if I was to be a hinderance to them enjoying their well-deserved retirement?! I am bitter towards my sisters who moved to San Fran though (and then had kids), its THEIR fault. SOB.

I will be interested to read your responses, maybe it will help me...

Bitter? Party of one? Bitter? ;)

I am the Grandma that has had to learn to deal with two of my daughters moving far away....we live in Kansas...one has moved to Florida and one to South Carolina. We talk on the phone daily...Skype as often as possible and plan trips to see each other. We have had to adjust to holidays not being the entire family getting together like we have always been used to...it was really hard this Christmas as it was just my Husband and myself on Christmas day.
You just have to tell yourself that it is useless to battle things that can't be helps and you need to give yourself permission to come up with new ways of doing things. You can choose to make yourself miserable by concentrating on what you don't like about the changes...or you can take those lemons and make lemonade!!! You are going to be able to have all new experiences as you visit your family in their new home. The time you have together will be even MORE precious than before because it will be planned out and really packed with things to do. Just because they are moving doesn't mean they aren't going to be involved in your lives...and vice versa...it will just be at a different level.
Think of it along the same lines as your children growing and changing...you don't waste a lot of time lamenting the things that your children are growing out of...you LOVE the life that you are living with them right NOW!!! Be positive...not only for yourself but for the sake of your children and your parents.
And tell yourself how lucky you are to have parents that are so wonderfully supportive and fun to be around. I know a lot of families that would be THRILLED if their inlaws were moving far far away....lol.

Ok, I have tears in my eyes right now!!! I was very close to my parents - plus, I loved the special bond they had with my kids - and because of my husband's job we moved at first an hour away, then he got laid off and the only job was two hours away so I can totally relate!!! (They're both gone now (within 18 months of each other) but I still miss them every single day!!) Then my husband gets laid off AGAIN and is now four hours away from US!!!! It's been a nightmare!!!!

My question: did your Dad exhaust EVERY possible job search available? There are several reputable companies on the internet.

But to answer your question - you never "get over it" - you make a new life but keep in touch by phone and mail and visit when you can. You search for the best long-distance plan on your cell/home phone!! Maybe even get the web cams and skype. My kids would constantly draw pictures and everyone would write letters just to keep the relationship going. Everyone remained as close as possible. I feel for you:(

Good luck and my prayers are with you!!

I feel your pain.
All my family is on Mexico and I have being here for more then 10 years!
They come to visit me once or twice at year, we do video calls on Sky often (is free), and send pictures and e-mails.
Is not the same, my mom doesn't get to hug my kids, and that is very sad to me. But it is what it is, and we try to make the best out of it.
I often talk to my kids about our family in Mexico, our traditions, etc.
Is nothing we can do as for more that I would love to bring my mom with us she doesn't want to stay here =*(
We lately have looking at what we need to do to bring my sister with a student VISA to live with us, and is very probably it will happen!
But it would only be for a year since is very expensive, but for me is so worth it for so many reasons.
Is your father's work 9 hours driving or flying?
Perhaps you could meet half way once a month?
I know is probably not what you want to hear, but I would LOVE to be able to see my family at least once every 2 months.
My mom haven't hug my toddler for 2 years =*( but they are coming this vacations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be strong moma, I know it hurts but you guys can make this work, you sound like a beatiful and close family and how wonderful your husband loves your family, 9 hours is a lot more then what you are use to but is no to far, specially with all the love you have.
Make good use of Sky, e-mails, facebook, cellphone text and pictures send by your phone, this is something I can't do with my mom.
Make a routine where perhaps they can call your kids good night every night or letter, I LOVE letters more then e-mails, and is so fun to get them!
I hope your dad gets another option tho.

Glad to hear about a close loving family! You'll adjust with time. Just like with anything else. You'll find a new routine and rhythm for your family. Of course you'll still miss them, but you'll get used to it. Our family likes to Skype. Even though all of our extended family lives 2000 miles away, my children are very close with their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. When we visit, they just pick up where they left off, even if it's been 6 months. And we make our extended family part of our daily life. We pray for them, we have their pictures on the wall. If the boys see a toy a cousin likes at the store, they mention it. When it's someone's birthday, we send a video message of the kids singing happy birthday. It's not the same of course, but it all helps. And knowing that you can still have those close relationships despite the distance is comforting.

Awe, I'm sorry. I'm close with my parents too and would be devastated if we moved apart. I don't have much advice except take one day at a time....9 hours isn't TERRIBLE. It could be worse, right?

In the meantime, make sure you set up a way to skype them. Then maybe you have scheduled skype sessions with them. I know when my dad goes out of town to China we talk to him almost daily on skype...until he gets back.

Best wishes!

I understand how you feel. I'm extremely close to my parents, but I've lived, quite literally, on the other side of the world from them since I left for college in 1988. They live in Japan, I live in PA. When we do see each other (a couple of times a year), we make every second count. Luckily, my mom is in a position to come visit us for weeks at a time, so when we see each other, it's for a nice long visit. But every time they leave the US or we leave Japan after visiting, it's heartbreaking for me and for my kids (who are also very close to their grandparents). It's one of those things that you just have to suck it up and deal with it because there's no other way. In my dream life, my parents live 5 minutes away from me. In reality, that'll NEVER happen and I came to terms with that a long time ago.

Oh yeah, and Skype. We Skype a LOT, almost everyday, at least 4-5 times a week. I virtually "see" my parents more than I physically see my sister, who lives 15 minutes away! I'll set up the laptop at one end of the table, they'll be eating their dinner and my kids will be eating breakfast, so it becomes a family meal. We also use Facebook and Facetime on our iPhones. There are so many ways to get in touch it's ridiculous. In fact, I don't think I've spoken to them on an actual phone in years! So, sure, they can't drop by for a cup of coffee, but I can certainly sit at my table with MY cup of coffee and Skype with my mom while she sits at HER table with her cup of coffee. It's like she's sitting right across from me.

Your head is telling you that getting this job is the best thing for your dad, but it comes at a great expense, doesn't it? Unfortunately, those are the curveballs that life sometimes throws us. It's hard, I'm not taking that away from you, it may be the hardest adjustment you'll have to make as an adult, but you'll handle it when the time comes because that's what grown-ups do.

My parents ALWAYS lived within minutes of me....I couldn't imagine it being any other way. I'm kinda hoping he doesn't get the job. For you sake, your children and them.

You invest in a car that gets great gas mileage and learn the quickest route to Iowa, or wherever they go.

It will be hard for the first year but you wll get used to it.

My son and I lived with my mom and dad for 4 years. Then I got married to my current husband. We moved 2 hours away. For the first 6 months I brought my son "home" to Grandma's every weekend. After 4 years we started moving, first to NC, then CA, VA , back to NC, and back to VA. We're military.
We make the most out of the visits we do have, about twice a year now.
Get Skype on the computer so Grandma can see the kids grow.

It will be hard to see them go but try to be happy for your dad. Make a trip out when they are moving so you can help them get settled.

I never lived near family. We moved so many times while growing up and we (parents me and brother) were the four Amigos! When I left for college I decided to move back to Texas. We had been in Ohio for several years. During that sememster, my mom called and said they were moving to Louisiana. Yay, they were going to be 2 hours away. Unfortunately, that moved fell through and they moved to CT instead!!! BOOOOOO!!!

Since then, my parents have moved 4 additional times! When my dad retired, they sold everything and bought a 5th Wheel and truck and lived on the road for several years. A while back, they decided to buy a house here in Texas and move back part of the year.

I enjoyed visiting them in their new locations. My kids have seen Niagra Falls, Canada, Grand Canyon, Vegas, Southern Texas and Mexico.

Technology is so much better now than when we were raising our kids. All we had was the phone. My daughter and my mom were super close. Mom would come and get DD and she would spend two or three weeks with my parents.

I will also say that it made my husband and I stronger as a family unit. We had to take care of all the problems ourselves. Sick kids, we had no help. Just us! That part was wonderful. We lived in Kentucky for several years and we had no family around us. Our friends became our family.

Treat this as an adventure. Don't let your parents see how devastated you are. That will only make it worse for them. This is hard enough as it is, I'm sure they don't want to move either!