Ok, another question about moving. We currently rent our home and are moving to a new rental in a month with the option of purchasing it- which will happen within the next year (assuming all goes as planned). We have a 3.5 yo and I am about to have our 2nd any day now. My in-laws are retired and are in the process of purchasing land and building a home in Georgia. In the meantime, they have asked us if we would like to live together with them in this new rental property. It is PLENTY big enough and they would split the cost of everything- saving us a great deal of $ and allowing us to get ahead and be where we want to financially to purchase the home. I work very part time, allowing me to be home with my son (soon to be boys). My husband and i feel that its a great opportunity, because although we get by, we certainly aren't getting ahead doing what we are doing. Aside from the in-law option, we feel the only real way to get ahead is for me to go back to work- which we really feel strongly against and want me to be home with our kids. Sooo, what do you ladies think. I get along great with his family. His dad is very low-key and spends most of his time in his room watching tv or out and about (outside of the house). His mother is great and I think will be a HUGE help to me and having the 2 boys. She is very aware of how I run my home with schedules and what not and really don't for see living with them to be a problem. They are both very easy going. I obviously know there are MANY horror in-law stories out there, but I guess I am looking for the ones that end happily. It will only be for 1 year, which can go very fast. - not to mention that they will also be back and forth between here and GA as well. I am a little apprehensive about it for the simple fact of living with some one else. For as long as my DH and i have been together (10yrs) We have lived on our own, so I know this will be an adjustment and I'm kinda freaking out about it.
Just to be clear- we are more than capable of living on our own without me working- its just buying a home (sooner rather than later) is what we are after here.
Also, we have already talked about who pays what and rules and all that. Like I said, they know how I am- and my MIL likes the way I am with my son and praises me often for being such a great mother to him. I don't have to worry too much about the junk food or what not, as I think she is more strict than myself when it comes to that. Thanks so far for all the comments. I think we have covered most of the bases from the tips you have given so far. I guess only time will tell.
If you are all going into the deal with a positive outlook it sounds like it's going to be one of the more rare occasions that actually works for all involved :)
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It sounds like your decision is already made. If you get along that well with your in-laws go for it, but let me say this 2 women under the same roof is tough in itself so make sure you set the ground rules well in advance and think about the privacy thing in that you will have to be fully dressed when you walk about your home all the time. My mother-in-law and I got along wonderfully until we lived together for 8 LONG weeks during which time her true colors came out and our relationship went downhill from there. My mother-in-law and I had it out a number of years later and they never got to see their last 2 grandsons or the older 3 grow up. If you are that close with your in-laws they bravo to you, I wish I had had a better relationship with mine, they lost out on so much and hurt everyone in the family. Good luck with whatever you decide.
Coming from a person who has tried to live with family a few different times, it sounds like you have all your bases covered and have a lot of communication with them, which definitely helps a lot. My husband and I tried to live with my in-laws, but he didn't really get along with his dad at all and so of course it exploded in our faces and we no longer talk to them. But there is a long history behind that, basically with my husband and his dad never getting along, so living together in that situation was not a good idea for us.
Right now we are living with my parents, and we have been living here for a year. So far it is working out for us. It is an adjustment, but you guys have a clear idea of how long you'll be living together and pretty clear expectations of each other, and you seem very comfortable with them, so I don't see why you shouldn't do it. Good luck!
Hi There,
We had a similar situation 3 years ago. My husband and I were living in NY with our 2 and 1/2 year old and a 5 month old. We are both from MA, and knew we would move back eventually. My husband got a good job offer and we had to move back/sell our house in NY within a few months. We did not want to buy a house in MA before selling our house in NY. We sold our house in NY just before our moving date. So, we moved in with my parents for an indefinate amount of time so we could house hunt slowly/not jump into anything. We ended up living with them for almost 4 months. They also had plenty of room in their house and it worked out great. My parents both worked part time, but were also home a lot to enjoy their grandkids. They helped out a lot, but didn't try to change our schedules. We respected that it was their house, and didn't try to change much (except baby proof a bit more). Ofcourse, it was awkward at times. The key is to give each other space when necessary, share with the house work, cooking, and buying of groceries. It worked out great for us (we didn't have to rush into anything or live temporarily in a rental), and we bought a home when the time was right. Just make sure to respect each others habits and give each other space when needed. Also, they will probably love helping with the kids, but don't expect them to... if you get along with them now, and know how they live, you know what you are getting into. It sounds like it will work out fine.
I myself have not lived with inlaws. However I have a good friend who's kids are the same age as mine. She and her husband have shared a home with her parents the entire time they have been married. so for more than 25 years. they bought a big house and each married couple has a bedroom/bathroom of their own and the 2 kids have their own rooms. the only thing I can say to you though is to nail down "EXACTLY" who is paying for what and how much. and how will things like grocery's and things be shared. will you pay half the house payment? who will be in charge of outside chores? will you all do your own thing or will you be having to have M. and dad involved in everything. my girlfriend says the only problem she has ever had is that sometimes she and her husband would like to do stuff with just the two of them and their kids without the grandparents along. so nail things down.
Erin,
I would do whatever I could to get closer to my goals if it allowed me to stay home with my young children. If your in laws are respectful of your parenting style and know the boundaries, if you have a good relationship with them and open communication, and most of all, if its only for ONE YEAR, I would not hesitate.
We are planning a similar move for similar reasons and I can't wait! It means a lot more room for us too.
Good luck,
R.
It may get difficult, but as long as you have a definite date where you go your separate ways - and it sounds like you do - it should be doable. Try to figure out how you're going to handle splitting costs before you commit.
living with your in laws make about as much sense as asking dr mengle to be your childs peditrician. dont do it. in laws are best enjoyed from a distance, perferabily at least one state, if not two. just because your mil praises you now, doesnt mean the trend will continue should you move in with them
K. h.
Hmmm.
The one thing that stood out was that your mother in law will be a huge help to you with your boys and she is very aware of how you run your home with schedules, etc.
She may be aware of all that, but it won't be your home. You can't move in with someone else and expect them to follow your rules and your schedules.
If it truly is only for a year and you don't have any expectations of them changing everything to conform to you and your children, it might be okay.
Living with someone else so you don't have to work.....I don't know how I feel about that. I mean, staying home with your children is great if that's what you and your husband can financially afford, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.
Some families can make it work, but I just wonder if in 3 months, Grandpa being in his room watching TV all day will be something you decide you don't want your kids being around or Grandma thinks it's fine to let the kids have sweet tea against your wishes and it drives you crazy.
It's not a terrible idea as long as you have an exit plan and are willing to co-exist with other people in their own home.
Just my opinion.
Best wishes.
HER INLAWAS WOULD BE MOVING IN WITH THEM people but i live with my boyfriend parents until we get on our feet more and are able to afford a down payment on a house, for the most part it goes pretty well but i really worry about the times that my daughter is having a hard time going to sleep and just doesnt wanna lose the fight even though she is super super tired and disturbing them but thats about it they do help us out A LOT especially with our daughter but i also cant wait to get outa here and on our own and be alone
I am one with a horror story...actually multiple in law horror stories. I didn't know my in-laws that well when my husband and I married. And soon after we had a similar offer and took it. Now 6 years later, I can barely be around them on holidays and birthdays. My advice is like the others, If you get along with them make sure you have a who-pays-for-what outline set. And definietly have a deadline for when you want to be out...otherwise you never will follow through with it. Let them know ahead of time that you are the one raising the children and to not go behind you and baby them after you discipline them, etc. That was one of our problems and we still haven't been able to correct it yet.
Don't do it!!!!!! You get along with eachother until you live together!! You Will find out things you don't like and it will be horrible. It's better to live by yourself! You can do what you want, when you want,how you want and not worry if it's bothering the other person! Hope all goes well!
So you are going to move from NJ to GA?! You already have a job lined up for your spouse there?
I couldn't have moved in with my in-laws...my FIL will work til the day he dies and works the mid-shift - so he needs his sleep during the day...with two boys - urgh...wouldn't be quiet. And my MIL, God rest her soul, wasn't a "clean" housekeeper before she died...it would've driven me insane...
This will be HER home - NOT yours so just because you run your home and she likes it - doesn't mean it will work for her when you move in...
My Grandmother lives with my parents...I swear my M. should be given sainthood!! I love my Grandmother to death - but cannot picture living with her!! YIKES!!!
Any way - if there are firm rules set in the beginning - who is responsible for what, who pays for what and what not - I don't think it will be a problem...go in with your eyes wide open....everything out there - rules, money, etc....so there won't be any questions or qualms!
Good luck!
I know it sounds great now, but there are a lot of things to consider. The main thing is that there should be at least 2 kitchens. No, I'm not crazy. My MIL lives with us and it was kind of fun at first since we love each other, but now...It's not so great. It's not real bad or a horror story type of thing, but you really have to have a lot of tollerance. One thing is that everyone eats at the same time,but different meals so she's running around the kitchen the same time I am. We actually come pretty close to sincronized kitchen movement, which can be really annoying for both of us since there's only one of each appliance. We run for the fridge, the sink, the stove, the pantry...all at the same time. Sometimes she goes to the pantry and doesn't get anything, probably because I'm going there the same time which makes her forget what she wants. Then of course since we all eat the same time...You've guessed it...We all have to go potty the same time. Then there's the "whose going to take a shower first?" Why is it a problem? Because the last person gets the cold shower! Then there's the decorating. Keep in mind that since this will be your in-laws' house, you do not have much say in interior/exterio decorating. (If you're ok with that, then you don't have to worry about it.) As for helping out with the kids....As long as you have the same culture, there will be no problem. With us, it's a different story. I'm more lienant than MIL. She wants DS in bed by 9:30PM no matter what. I prefer DS goes to be at 9:00PM on school nights and can stay up as late as I do on non-school nights, but I compromise by allowing him to stay up only until 10:00PM on non-school nights. (Drives her nuts!) Then there's the supperstitions to deal with...."Don't drop at fork.".."Don't let DS wear a hoodie or his skull won't grow"...."Don't let DS have a fluffy pillow or he'll become hunch back"..."There's a fly in the room, so quick run and hide!"....Other than that, you should be fine.
When we lived with my in-laws for a short time it worked well, well mostly. She came in while I was at work and would straighten up. My drawers, my laundry, my toiletries, clean the bathroom, run the vacuum, etc...it is her house after all. I made a huge deal out of it and drove my hubby crazy. He sat down one night and started crying from the stress. It was horrible.
I finally realized what was important and what was not. It was NOT a big deal for her to do my laundry. It was NOT a big deal for her to run the vacuum, it was however a big deal to me that she straightened my personal drawers. Even if they were her chest of drawers. I have personal things in there and she needed to give me that space.
She and I talked and I let it go. We had been close before and were again afterwards. She died from cancer a few years later and I miss her every day. We both sewed, she taught me to use a serger, she taught me how to make T bonnets and other heirloom sewing items. I taught her stuff too. She said I could sew a perfect seam blindfolded. We shared many many special moments and I have a whole section of my memories that are just of her and me. All because I let something go because I felt infringed on.
My advice to you is to take whatever they deal out. Plan to spend as much time as possible in your private areas so they can have the time in their areas that are quiet and enjoyable for them. Try to be polite and flexible.They raised kids and did an okay job, you married their parenting results after all.
Let them spoil their grandkids if they want to. Let them be fun and loving and sneaky. Nothing bonds kids to grandparents better than sneaking a cookie that M. won't know about. Let them be fun together. Take tons of pictures and put them up on the walls/or in an album so they can share them with grandma and grandpa.
They will remember this time with them and when they are gone they will look back and realize what a gift you gave them.
I've never been in this type of situation, however, I do know people who are. It can be done as long as everything is outlined, who will pay for what, what areas of the home are private and which are shared, eating schedules, household chores, etc.
Since it will only be for a year, I would seriously consider it.
I have an answer to long to post here. Send me an email address and we can talk further ____@____.com
Talk soon, I.
If you are talking about the new house that YOU are renting, then you are not living with your inlaws. They would be living with you, in YOUR home. Living together, you will need to set clear boundaries and expectations on both sides. Are you sharing all common areas like a living room and kitchen? If you have a living room and family room, you might each like your own space. Will you share and eat all meals together? Who will cook these meals, and if not, how will you share kitchen time? Who will clean common areas like bathrooms and kitchen? Will they interfere in your parenting? How much do they expect to be asked to care for or help with the children, and does that match up with what you expect? Will the parents and grandparents have equal authority over the children, or will all rules be set by you and hubby and kids only ask permission from you? Much to consider before moving ahead. Good luck
I say, go for it! It will save you a ton of money, it's temporary, you get along with your in laws, you can still be home with the kids, and the grandparents can spend lots of time with the grandkids! Plus you said they will be moving to Georgia. This will be great since they won't see your boys much. Also, if you are splitting bills, your inlaws will save money too! I think it's a win win situation!!! Good luck!
