Live with In-laws Can't Have Friends Over

I understand the its thier house but I think they sound ridiculous ... my MIL would never care if my family or friends came to her house and I dont even live with her ..and the fact that they dont want someone to baby sit for you because they are "fat" thats mean and I wouldnt want my kids around people like that ... Im sorry I wouldnt want someone to discriminate against people in front of my daughter ... I know finacially it may be tough ...but I would start looking for a new place to live ...

well I think as long as you pay rent you should be able to havea life of your own...they dont own you and your children I can see if you paid nothing and loved there for free but c'mom this isnt 1940 anymore you cant shelter kids or yourself it is not good for any of you...tell ya what you need a friend I will be your frimed feel free to e mail me anytime ____@____.com

I'm sorry but I do think it is totally understandable for your inlaws to not want strangers in their house. If you are living with them for financial reasons and they pay the bills then you do need to abide by their rules. I wouldn't have people over when they aren't home if they have said no, that's just disrespectful. I am also a stay at home mom though and totally understand the need for playdates but you can always arrange to meet up at a local park or library. I think you should talk to your husband about it and set up a financial plan where you will eventually be able to buy your own home, maybe even in the same neighborhood so you can still see the grandparents every day. Good luck to you!

Morning L.,
I think I should start off by telling you that I've been in your shoes. I lived with my in laws for two years. It had it's benefits and downfalls, as in any situation. I guess my first question about the situation would have to be if you and your husband pay rent or any of the bills to be staying there? IF you guys are putting in your part of the finances you should have every right to bring people over to vist. If you were paying rent in another place you would have that luxury if you so wanted it...so why not there if you are in fact helping out in some way. I can totally understand you having them go before the inlaws arrive home, that is just being respectful and therefore shows you don't want to cause trouble, you just want some attachements to other people. That's completly normal for anyone to want. SO I guess what I would do at this point if we were pulling our weight, I would talk to the inlaws and just explain how important it is to you to be around others in your own setting as well as outside of the home, and that you will respect the fact they would prefer not to deal with others by not having anyone over while htey are home. But I honestly don't feel there is anything wrong with you having people come visit you, especially if they are not there to have to "deal" with it. Good luck. If you'd like to contact me personally feel free to do so. I'd love to see how this works out for you guys. D.

Unfortunately it's their house and their rules. This is not the normal rent situation and you really have no say in what goes on in their house. I lived with my in-laws for a couple of years and it had its down side and it's upside.
Did you say she was telling you who could babysit the kids? Now I'd draw the line there. That is definitely YOUR business.

You best bet is to get it together and move out. You deserve your own place so you can have a life of your own. Hopefully your husband will support that.

Have you tried talking to your husband about this? Maybe he should talk to his parents on your behalf.

I think you and your husband need to sit down and have a discussion with the in-laws about this. As far a a babysitter goes it is up to you to handle who does the sitting. Ask your husband if they were like this while he was growing up. When you sit down to talk to your inlaws calmly explain to them the children and you need friendships with others its vital to a childs developement. Suggest a compromise that you will only have friends over if they are not home and clean up will be solely your responsibility. If you can't come to some kind of an agreement its time to start saving the pennies and moving into your own place. Explain this to your inlaws as well if your paying rent and expenses then you need to feel like this is your families home too.
My adult children thier spouses and the grandbabies all live in my home and we had to make a compromise as well on one of my days off each week there is to be no visitors without first asking me. In a house of 14 I need down time too. And whatever mess is caused they have to take care of. Good Luck. let me know how it turns out.

Reguardless of how unfair it may be, you live in their house, and you have to play by there rules. It would be disrespectful to go behind their backs and invite people over when you know it was against their wishes. Do you know there reasons for not wanting other people there?? I wish you luck with this.

IN A WAY I CAN RELATE. MY HUSBANDS PARENTS HAVE A FULL APARTMENT IN THE BASEMENT OF THERE HOUSE. DO TO MONEY ISSUES WE MOVED IN AND ARE PAYING A GOOD AMOUNT OF RENT, AND ALL OF OUR OWN BILLS. WE HAVE SEPERATE DOORS AND KEYS AND EVERYTHING.I GUESS THATS THE ONLY WAY THIS IS DIFFERENT. WELL, LAST SUMMER I INVITED MY BROTHER AND SISTER OVER. MY SISTER SPENT THE NIGHT AND THEN WENT HOME IN THE MORNING. MY MOTHER IN LAW TOLD ME THE NEXT DAY SHE DOESNT WANT ME HAVING PEOPLE OVER. I SAID EXCUSE ME!? I PAY RENT TO LIVE HERE. I HAVE MY OWN APARTMENT. SHE SAID WELL I DONT WANT TO SEE PEOPLES CARS ON MY PROPERTY. I BASICALLY SAID YOU KNOW IM GOING HAVE FAMILY OVER AND FRIENDS FOR MY DAUGHTER.YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT BUT I CAN FIND ANOTHER APARTMENT IF YOU WISH. THIS IS SOMETHING SHE DOESNT WANT SO THE SUBJECT WAS NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN. I GUESS THE ONLY THING IS, YOU DO LIVE "WITH" HER. IF I WERE YOU I THINK I WOULD SIT DOWN AND ASK HER WHAT ARE GOOD TIMES FOR YOU TO HAVE SOME FRIENDS OVER. TIMES WHEN HER AND HER HUSBAND ARENT HOME IF SHE IS TOTALLY AGAINST IT MAYBE IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE.