Listening - Sellersville,PA

I agree with Lisa T's advice about giving advance warning, (10 minutes, 5 minutes, 2 minutes, etc) especially if they seem to have trouble making transitions like that.

Just sounds like their age!! We have a 3 year old who is exactly the same way. Its probably not ADD, it's just typical behavior for this age unfortunately! especially with boys, it seems! We have found like PP said that a timer works wonders! He's gotten so receptive to the timer that he wants to set it himself! Where we found the most success was at bedtime. he SCREAMED when it was time for bed. but when we started setting the timer and it went off, he jumped right up and ran up to bed! things like timers and stickers have worked wonders at our house!

Hi There,

I thought I would reply to your problem..maybe the oldest one just needs reaasurrance that he is still just as much apart of your and your husbands lives, as the youngest one is...

I had to raise my youngest nephew and it was hard for him to beleive I loved him just as much as my own.

maybe if you and your husband could get some stickers and tell them every time they listen they will get a sticker and give a limit on how many they can get and tell them after you have collected so many, then they will get a special treat or get to do something they really want to do, or maybe they will get to go to a movie or just for ice cream.
I hope this helps you out

The five year old would probably benefit from a sticker chart. You could say that if he gets out the door without any difficulty, (explain in detail what behaviors you do not want), then he gets a sticker. You can reward two stickers to start, then make it four, then five that he must earn before the reward. Make the reward something he will really care about. When my son was 5, his reward was to go to Wendy's for dinner. Funny, huh? It just depends on what your son really likes!

When leaving a place, talk to both kids about "When Mommy says it is time to go, what is it?" Have them both repeat, "Time to go!" You can give some kind of reward for good behavior when you get in the car. If you repeat this mantra every time, they will get it for sure. I still do this with my 7 and 4 year olds! I used to keep lolipops or smarties in the car for them, then I phased it out as they got used to the routine. They now know that if they do not leave peacefully, they will not be going back any time soon.

Best of luck to you!

Good luck. They're boys.

I always think the term "listening" isn't really the meat of the matter for this problem. They hear you, but they are not "obeying". Break it down into each request you make and enforce each with discipline when they refuse to respond so they learn you mean what you say. Stay calm and enforce a consequence after just one or two warnings so they learn to respond before you've repeated yourself twenty times and are upset. Be consistent and firm every time. They will learn to follow directions, which is even better than listening!

Hi Theresa,

Do they have attention deficit disorder?

Check it out.

Good luck. D.

Have you tried doing a countdown? I tell my kids "10 minutes until we need to leave (or stop playing or put on our shoes and coats to leave, etc)", "5 minutes until X", "2 minutes until X", "time to go (or clean up or put on shoes, etc)". It seems that knowing what is coming makes the transition easier. My kids tend to comply better with this system.

A timer may also help. Tell the kids that it is set for a certain amount of time and when it goes off you expect "X" to be finished. For example, my kids (ages 4 and 5) have recently gotten lazy about after school chores - putting their shoes, coats and backpacks away and then washing their hands. Just today I started to set a timer. If they aren't done by the time tbe timer goes off (5 minutes) they lose 5 minutes of privilege time.

Hi Theresa,
Count downs are a good idea. Kids need a lot of warning. Be specific. "We are leaving in 10 minutes, what do you need to do to feel finished with this activity?" Maybe they want one more race with the cars, maybe the want to finish the picture.... Consequences. If they are not listening when you want them to clean, then they cannot move on to the next activity. When they have cleaned they can move on. If the will not go to bed because they want to watch one more show, then take away before bed tv time and start bed a little early and add books. Make the boys aware of the consequences so that they can make their own choice of how they want to handle the situation.

B. Davis

B. Davis
Child And Family Coaching
http://www.ChildAndFamilyCoaching.com
Because nothing is more important than family

I have the same problem. i have two girls, 5 1/2 and nearly 2. i do advanced warning, which works well with the 5 1/2 year old and her sister does whatever she does. when that doesn't work, i'm trying a tip from my daughter's kindergarten teacher who is very big on the love and logic system. when my daughter acted up in class (she wouldn't join the group) she asked her if she wanted help to join the group. my daughter said yes and the teacher helped her. my daughter didn't like being helped so now when she is resistant the teacher says you can come on your own or i can help you. my daughter joins the group on her own. i use it at home and she responds well!

I would talk to your children before they go to cousins,grandparents or play dates.Let them know that if they want to go hang out with their friends or family they need to be on their best behavior while they are there and when it is time to leave. You can tell them if they do not act right then next time they can stay home and not go on a play date. make sure to say it in a calm but firm voice. Yelling is not something they are going to listen to. Have your sons backpack ready for school the night before and have it by the door and his lunch ready too if he goes to school all day. I would also pick out his outfit the night before,including socks and underware and have it sitting out so he can get dressed when he gets up. A big part of it for school is having things ready ahead of time so there will be no insanity and trying to find things in the morning.