So Last night I discovered why my son wouldnt wake up or get out of bed till I was angery and yelled at him to get out of bed because he was making everyone late. He said he did not hear me.After discussing it with him we decided I would count the wake ups. So this morning I counted the wake ups (this is the first time I am waking you ***edit this is when i gently rubbed his head and covered him up as he seemed cold. light on, few mins later this is the second wake up ****edit- this time i removed the cover gently rubbed his head and back to wake him and sweet talk and saw his smile. Ok its the fifth time to wake you, and YOU HAVE to wake up NOW (last wake up was stern but nothing like the frustration I was hating every morning)It was all sunshine and rainbows, bird singing, kind of morning (not really but seemed like it compared to the last few months! ) Then our son decided he would pass on the pants and put shorts on. Ok so I finally get our boy to get out of bed (he goes to sleep around 9 and wakes at 7) But how do I encourage him to get dressed. Who would have thought counting the wake ups would help him??? So what tricks, tips and suggestions do you have? For them both its an issue to actually leave the house get in the car. Once we are home its an issue to get out of the car and into the house.
Our son is 5 and our daughter is 3. Two completely different personalities. Our son is outgoing and our daughter is super shy. She gives me a little trouble but nothing like his stubborn donkey wont move style. I do like the idea of sending him tobed an hr earler...we picked 9 because he seemed to actually fall asleep it was8 since he was born but changed when he started laying there till 11 wide awake. 9 seemed to work for him actually falling asleep. Both our kids are weird in the way of sleep if they go to bed at 12 (VERY RARE) they still wake up the same time no matter what time we put them to bed. But it def wont hurt to try. I LOVE the idea of a reward chart. Keep em comming mommas! Also thrilled you all are being so kind!
We discussed the reward chart. I will am still working the details of what all needs to be completed. Its not just out of bed. Its out of the car, into the car, out of the house, into the shower, putting clothes on, picking up toys. Its like I have to constantly tell him how to put his clothes on (pay attention to what your doing/look at your shorts your putting them on backwards/ look at what your doing your foot wont go in because your not even putting them in your shorts). I say get in the shower about five times by then I am yelling and he gets a spanking.He is just standing there outside the tub all ready but wont budge. When my little girl does this I just pick her up but he is too big. They are two little turtles. The reward chart seems to help as they understand it. He will clean up his room if he has a major goal in mind. (so and so is coming or were going to X hurry up and get your room clean or we will have to cancel. He gets it done in a whip. But if there is not reward and he just needs to get it done there is no motivation and he whines and is completely unmotivated. My main goal is to raise two independent adults. They arent just my children...some day they will have to face the world on there own and I would like them to be able to function. I say they are in training to be outstanding people. I get they arent just my kids wanting them to always depend on momma. The reward chart is a great idea. When they get olderI would like them to just do things with out having a goal. Motivated just to take a shower so they are clean!
Say you have to leave at 8am...for every minute after that he is late, that's how many minutes he gets to go to bed early and/or has taken off when playing or watching TV.
I have two 4 year olds in pre-K and I have the same problem with one of them! I'm going to have to try counting the wake ups!
She also does not like to get out of the car in the afternoon. She has started wanting me to carry her everywhere as she is "too tired". I get out, get her sister out and leave the back door open. We go in the house. In a few minutes she joins us.
I'm going to have to go back and read the other suggestions for getting out the door in the am!
Thanks!
This is an issue in our house too. My 6-year old has suddenly taken to claiming he can't dress himself anymore - something he has been doing since he was 4 years old. More and more lately it seems like he is barely making the bus - and the bus stops right in front of our house!
This morning I did something I haven't done in a long time. When my son started whining that he couldn't dress himself, I said he better hurry up or I would be dressed before him - turning it into a competition. Wow, did that ever work - he was dressed in about a minute flat! And then he proceeded to make his bed so he could beat me at making mine. Hmmm, looks like we're going to start having races every morning for a while. ;)
How old is he?
To me, going to bed at 9:00, is too late.
If my kids (who are 6 and 10) go to bed at that time, they are TIRED and sleepy the next day.
My kids generally wake at about 6:30am. on their own.
They have been this way since they were a baby.
But also, since they are both in school, more time is needed in the morning to get ready besides, just getting dressed. They also need to eat breakfast, and get ready, get their school stuff, and getting in the car. All of which, takes time all combined. And "rushing" does not make it happen any faster. It just results in getting irked.
So, I give me and my kids, leeway. I get up and ready before them. While they are still sleeping, And then they wake. And because it is not down to the wire, they do not have to rush around to get ready. They can actually, hang out and play before we get in the car to go to school etc.
My son, who is 6, is sometimes resistant to waking. But talking at him or nagging him, does not work. It just makes things, stall more and then he gets irked. So, what I do is, at a certain time, I turn on 1 light, not IN his room glaring into his eyes, but I turn on, an adjacent room's lights which will shine into that room. So then, this gradually wakes him and "cues" him, that it is time to wake. And then I will hear him rustling around and get ready. And he is in a better mood that way.
Okay, my 6yr old goes to bed at 7:30 and wakes at 6:30 on his own naturally. I think going to bed at 9 is too late for him to be waking at 7. My son knows that going to bed and going to sleep can be two different things, he is in his bed covers on lights out but that does not mean h is asleep at 7:30. I can tell how long it took him to fall asleep by how close to 6:30 he wakes. He is typically asleep by 8.
Now that that is addressed my son loves to have his time in the morning to get ready - we are out the door at 8:10. My son has free time for an hour (for tv or games) at 7:30 he is handed his clothes (uniforms, no choices there) and breakfast. The order is his choice food or clothes, but both must be done by 8. Once he is fed and dressed he can turn the game/tv back on and finished. His boots/gloves/jacket/backpack all go on a 8:05. My phone has alarms that go off at 7:30 and 8:00 and 8:05 that say "Get Dressed & Eat Breakfast": "All Done?"; "Get Ready To Go" - I recorded them myself.
A friend plays the "Get Dressed Song" it's a kid's song I am sure you can find it on youtube or amazon or something like that loudly while they "scramble" to get dressed first. The family member that "wins" chooses breakfast.
Bottom line, I think the key is more time in the morning, thus an earlier bed time.
Reading another post inspired me to share how I wake my son if it's needed. If it's needed it typically means he is getting sick but here goes... I hug him, then I sing a silly song that makes no sense just "wing it" and when I see him starting to flutter and show signs of waking I tickle his little body. Basically I do what I can to make him wake up laughing and all giggles.
Ok so being the "old mom"on this board I can say no way would I wake my son 5 or 6 times each day. Get him an alarm clock. Set it. Have him lay clothes out the night before. He gets to choose from what you as the mother deem appropriate for the season and have left in his dresser/closet. No fits about outfits in the morning. No snuggle pats recovering with the blanket etc. It's morning get up. If he's to tired then he goes to bed earlier. However long out takes you to get him up is how much earlier he goes to bed that night. If you stick to that it will work.
Rewards are good. We always tied privileges in with responsibilities. It is your responsibility to get enough sleep, do chores, homework etc. Because you did those things you get the privileges of playing the video game, having friends over etc. Not following thru on responsibilities means loss of privileges. I'm sorry you refused to get up so you lose the privilege today of the tv etc. Good luck. Retraining them is not hard just be consistent.
Tell him if he is not able to get up and get going in the morning he will need an earlier bedtime, and then follow through.
Added: After seeing your son's age I would def. rec. an earlier bedtime--not as a punishment, but just as a way of life. I have a 10 yr old that needs sleep. Lights out at 8 and up by 7 on school days. Weekends are more relaxed but I can really see when he is extra tired.
My only saving grace is that we pick out outfits either the night before or if I'm really good, the Sunday before for the whole week. (this only happens if I have all the laundry done - haha)
This allows them to have a choice as to what to wear, but I or their dad has to approve it. (meaning it has to be season appropriate attire) We pick out shirts, pants/shorts, jackets, raincoats, socks & shoes. They are all laid out in their bedrooms and shoes, socks & jacket by the front door the night before. It takes a few months after school starts to get into the routine, but it works.
We pack the book bags the night before as well. All paperwork signed and put away before they go to bed. My rule is if you don't have it packed and ready to go at bedtime, it stays home. This includes homework or textbooks. They have to learn to be responsible and know that I will not always "save" them.
Lunches are made the night before by me with the exception of the sandwiches. I make those in the mornings so they don't get so soggy by their lunchtimes.
I put out their cereal bowls, spoons, cups and cereal choices on the kitchen table after they go to bed to help facilitate breakfast in the mornings.
I have found that doing all these things makes for a less stressful morning for them and ME!
As for a kid falling back asleep over and over, I like your counting method, but depending on their age, a fog horn would be hysterical. haha!
My mother in law apparently once resorted to using a bucket of ice water to get my then tween hubs out of bed. Never had to ask him to get up more than once again.
Good luck to you and yours.
F. B.
We have to be driving out of the garage by 7:10 every morning to make it to school on time (starts at 7:47), so I've started giving my son a sticker chart for the morning. If he gets all his stuff done and is ready to go by 7 am, he gets a sticker (a cool one, like an Avengers one). If he gets all 5 stickers each week he then earns a Scooby Doo temporary tattoo.
I started this about a month ago, and since doing so I haven't had a single day where we were even close to being late. Prior to that I had to drive like a crazy person to get him there on time.
I don't usually have to wake him in the morning, as he goes to bed by 7:30/8, and is usually in my room by 6 or 6:30 am. The days I have to actually wake him are after he stayed up past his bed time.
You might want to adjust your son's bed time 30 min earlier, since he seems to still be tired in the morning. That might help too.
ETA: On the rare day where I have to wake him, I simply rub his back, kiss his forehead, tell him it is time to get up, and then open his curtains and turn off his white noise. If he still doesn't get up I pull back his covers and tickle him awake, which usually makes him get RIGHT up so he doesn't pee ;-)
Not sure how old your son is, but my daughter is 3 and we were having the same issues, this is how we changed it:
* make sure to wake him early enough 10-15 minutes early to get moving (which it sounds like you start that pretty early w/ the countdown anyway)
* 3 options for outfits and let him pick
* reward system, poster board w/ days of the week, and he gets a sticker for every day that goes well, once he gets 5 stickers, gets a "big surprise" (ice cream, favorite candy, trip to the park, etc.)
* talk about the sticker and reward system w/ him day and night so he understands it and gets excited about it.
We use this approach w/ my daughter w/ whatever adverse behavior issues we're having at the moment and it seems to work the best for her (much better than the screaming, yelling, empty threats approach I've tried in the past;)
Hope this helps, what works for one child might not work for another, but I do know that my sweetie does wonderful with rewarding good behavior and I know I feel so much better about dropping her at school with everyone happy! Good luck:)
J.T.
I feel your pain! I really do. My youngest son is a bear to wake up in the morning...after a doctor's appoint on Wednesday, we are getting closer to getting some answers on things...
Does your son wake up during the night with a dry mouth?
Is he a restless sleeper?
If so - have him checked for sleep apnea, allergies and swollen or enlarged tonsils and adenoids.
If he does NOT get a restful night of sleep, he will be hard to wake up in the morning.
What do I do for my kids?
In Kindergarten, they started using their own alarm clocks and were responsible for turning it off in the morning. Put it ON THEM. Yes, it's young. However, they are in school and learning time management there. So why not at home?
Clothes are set out the night before. We call it a "bag drag" - EVERYTHING must be present:
Pants/Shorts
Socks
Shoes
Underwear
Top/Sweater
Backpacks are hung up in the SAME location. Homework is checked and goes into the appropriate folder and zipped up.
Lunches are made and put in the refrigerator.
Having all of this done the night before reduces problems in the morning. there are some people who, after dinner and dessert, will set the table for breakfast in the morning. We do not do this.
At some point, natural consequences has to happen. If he doesn't get up, he doesn't get breakfast. Yes, it's an important meal - but once he sees you are serious about him getting his cute little butt out of bed and moving, he will do it.
It's hard. I know. You don't want to start their day off bad or in a foul mood. However, you gotta wake up in the AM - period. You won't be there for college or when he gets a job. So he needs to learn to do it now...
GOOD LUCK!!!
Could you tell us what age your son is? That would help some of us provide an age-appropriate answer.
Around here, if anyone makes us late for school, they go to bed an hour early that night. My reasoning is that if you're too tired to get out of bed when your alarm goes off, or you're too tired to stay focused on getting ready for school, then CLEARLY you need more sleep. Going to bed an hour early is all the motivation my daughters seem to need to get ready quickly in the mornings!
It does also help to lay out the clothes the night before (all the way down to socks and shoes), and get the backpacks ready and put by the front door. That way they aren't running around trying to find something to wear, or trying to find homework folders etc.
tell him he has x amount of time to get tasks xyz complete and if he does not he goes to school AS IS. no time from breakfast then it is an apple in the car. Didn't pack a lunch? guess what no lunch for the day. sure he will be HUNGRY. it wont last forever he will get another meal. Still in PJ's he wears him to school. hair not brushed oh well. Take away privileges one by one. until he gets it. make him go to bed early. Lay it all out there before so he knows what the consequences for his actions are. If he does well don't forget to reward him. If there is extra time make a special breakfast. Buy him new hair gel. My girls do not have an issue but when they do extra good I have a bag of hershey kisses and will sneak 2 or 3 in their lunch as a special surprise. There are good consequences for good behavior and bad consequences for bad behavior. We also do not do any TV, computer, or playing in the morning before school. occasionally we will play a game if we have enough time and the girls did well.
I struggled with this for years when my kids were young. I would get crabby from repeatedly waking them.
The more organized and less decisions they have to make in the morning, the more efficient it seems to be. Have him pick out his clothes the night before, have his breakfast out when he comes down, backpack packed by the door with his shoes and jacket out.
I agree with some on the natural consequences, if he doesn't get up to get dressed he goes in his pjs (but it won't happen again) or he gets a granola bar in the car for breakfast. He wouldn't be the first child to show up without having his hair brushed. I think set clear expectations of the schedule. Wake him once with a 5/10 minute warning. Then go back in when his "wake up" time is done 5/10 minutes. Tell him (or set a timer) you have xx minutes to get dressed and come for breakfast.
Good luck! My kids are teens and my mornings are so much less stressful since they are old enough to set alarms and get themselves up. Occasionally, I still check to make sure they're out of bed. I love mornings with them now - its my favorite time of day
Check out some good answers on yesterday's questions on 5 yr olds.
I would like to commiserate and wish I could give you a definite answer, but I don't. We have the exact same struggle with our girl and we just keep changing the mix. She now picks her next day's outfit before she goes to bed. I wake her at 6:15 am because it takes her that long to wake up. Also we pick up a friend of hers on the way to school, and this is what has motivated her the best. They take turns bringing some sort of snack for each other. We have ups and downs days sometimes weeks, but things are better thank goodness because she's getting too big to get carried into the car :( Good luck.
I probably baby my 6 year old then. He's in kindergarten, he's my baby. He's on the same schedule as your son. I wake him up and usually carry him into the bathroom, turn on the water and put him in the tub. Wash his hair, body, then take him out and get him dressed. He's very tired in the morning. I don't think if I just went in and told him to wake up he would. I'm tired when I get up at 6:30, but I know I have to go to work and get ready, get him ready. So, I guess by doing more for him, I'm in control, then I can manage better. If I put more responsibility on him, I would just be stressed out. Now, my 15 year old will sleep forever it seems like, but he has to get himself ready and knows I'm going to give him grief why I'm late for work. He could get up sooner so I would get angry, but he wants to sleep unless something is going on at school that he wants to be early for. Which I don't make too much of a deal out of it, because I'm on time for work.
One thing that works for me is when I lay out his outfit the night before and have his book bag ready.
Earlier to bed and goes to school in pajamas!!!!
I sat down with my son (he was 5) and told him I was frustrated because I kept having to try and waken him and I wasn't getting done what I needed to because of his behavior and it put me into a bad mood. I asked him what his suggestions were, we wrote them all down as well as the few I had. We discussed each one - the merits of it and if I/he were willing to do it. We finally came up with him having an alarm clock of his own, a check list of what needed to be done by what time (yes he did know numbers enough to understand time) and if I was ready to leave before he was, he had to go regardless of whether he'd had breakfast, brushed his teeth or was dressed. He went to school 1 day in his jammies and it never happened again. Make the child responsible - he's old enough.
As far as getting out of the car when you return home - is there some reason he can't stay in the car? Is it out in the street, or at an apartment complex that he'd be unsafe? Or is it in the garage? Sounds like he wants attention. Make sure he gets one on one attention from you. I'd also, JUST ASK HIM!!!!!!! Make him part of the solution.
haven't read the other replies, but when my daughter was that age her Montessori teacher recommended a book that had this routine in it. (It worked and I used it on 2 more kids) Get a simple alarm clock that they can work. Talk about how much time they need to get dressed with them. Set alarm. Explain that getting up is now their job. Explain the consequences of what happens if you do not get ready. (If you do not have a consequence, nothing changes). Say "we are leaving the house at this time each day. _____ time. If you are not ready you will be put in the car at what ever stage you are in. We are packing this bag of clothes and you will have to get dressed and wear what is in this bag." There will be no warnings or reminders or you are back to all of the telling them a million times. That is terrible advice to tell them stuff over and over. They will rise to whatever demand you have a consequence for. My daughter only had to use the bag of clothes one time (bad angry crying scene) and from then on she heard the alarm and got herself ready. The thing is when the day comes that they do not hear the alarm and are laying there dead asleep you CANNOT go backwards and start doing all the warnings. They must experience the consequence or you have taught them nothing. So many parents do this stuff over and over and then their kids get to college and flunk out because they can not get themselves up and go to class. OUr job as parents is to teach responsibility and they can do it at 5 or when ever we decide to teach it. The picking up toys is a separate issue. When you are teaching things you need to break them down into small steps and not tackle too many behaviors all at once. Also when you are letting him learn independence put clothes within his reach that mix and match fairly well and then let go and do not worry about what he looks like. Inform his teacher that you are teaching him to get up and dress on his own and some days he is going to look different. When the other kids tell him his shirt is on backwards he will pay alot more attention then when you fix it over and over. I NEVER did reward charts. Too much work and then they want a reward for doing what they should just be doing anyway. Ruins intrinsic motivation. I did use situational rewards for cleaning their rooms, like when you get your room cleaned we will go to the park or ride bikes around the block or something, just not the whole chart thing. Good luck! Be strong!
I wake up and carry my 5 y/o to the living room, I turn the TV on, he wakes up very fast! I get his clothes warmed up in the dryer, I tell him to hurry before they get cold, his breakfast in front of him, that usually does the trick!
