Ok my ex boyfriend and I are finally back to being friends (he left us then came back. He asked to come back 6 months later, and I let him come back on a trial bases and has now proven himself to have changed and is a better guy). He has now brought up the idea of letting O (20 months) sleep over for a night here and there. He lives with his parents still (like me, ugh!) and they are great caregivers, he is ok.
I wouldn't mind letting O stay the night so I could go out with gal friends, which I haven't had a night to myself nearly 2 years. I trust him and his family, it's just that step of letting O go. O isn't the best sleeper and Brian is a very heavy sleeper so I'm worried that he would sleep through his cries. O is also a HUGE mama's boy. We are talking on the few nights I have gone to a movie or something, when O wakes up (usually around 10) he will stay awake till I get home, or at least a very light uneasy sleep. I know this could be good for him, and me. But when Brian brought it up, i had a complete melt-down. Bawling at the though of not having O there, ect.
So I need advice to help myself get through this. We haven't set a night to do this, but I know it's coming soon :( HEEEELLLLPPP!!!!!
Eeeek. Not sure I want his dad teaching him to be a man. He's still majorly learning himself!!! One of the reasons I would love to find my future husband, but that will happen when it happens.
Just do it. :) Rip off the band-aid. Everyone will be fine, including you. You might be surprised at how you won't miss him like crazy if it's only one night.
Grandparents will be there to fuss and hover over your son and his Daddy.
It will be fine.
But I remember how it felt the first my time my son went to sleep at his Dad's - Gulp. But, we all survived. LOL Mine is now 15 and is now taking week long trips with his Dad!!!
Your son will be able to bond with his Dad.
You will get much needed girl time.
It will be good for everyone.
God Bless
Just do it! Keep reminding yourself that he will be with Daddy and his Grandparents, people who love him dearly and remember that he will be well taken care of. If it makes you feel better tell Brian and his parents to feel free to call you if they need you for anything and reassure them that you would be there in minutes...if needed, just in case!
Also remind yourself that lil' O will LOVE spending time with his Grandparents and his Daddy!!! He will probably be spoiled rotten, in a good way :)
~And all us Mommys need a break...so take it when it is offered to you silly woman!!!
If you are worried about it, maybe it is too soon for him to leave for a whole night.
Transition slowly. A few hours here and there until he feels more comfortable. Then you can build up to an overnight stay. :)
I say trust your mother's intuition. If you are a nervous wreck then your son will sense that and be nervous as well. You wouldn't be nervous if you thought your son was ready for it--you might be sad because you would miss him, but you wouldn't be nervous. If you don't think he will be fully and well cared for (ie no one there to soothe him if he wakes) then don't do it yet. Wait until he is sleeping better or until you feel more secure about his father giving him care. He can still spend an evening with Dad--he doesn't have to spend the night. You can always tell Dad that you are saving him from being up all night since "O" isn't a good sleeper. Then it sounds like you are watching out for Dad and he won't take it so personally. Just some thoughts.
J.
When my first was 16 months my BFF got married several states away. I had to leave him for 4 days, yikes!!! But he did awesome :D I had different people trading off different days, it was grandparents and a really close friend. It was good to go and be able to really be focused on my friend and not be in mom mode. It is really good to get away and as a single mama you don't get it much! It will be Ok and it will get easier with time and it will be great for your kiddo to bond with Dad. Even those of us with Dad at home have to loosen up the apron strings and get out and let Daddy take over. I go out once a week and when I come home I ask nothing! I am just greatful to get out and it gives our kids alone time with their Dad, no harm in that!! He may be a mama's boy now, but it is his Dad that will teach him how to be a man, so it would be good for them to forge a great bond now. I am glad your Ex is open to this. Wish you the best, you will make it!!
Transition him a little at a time if you think he is a momma's boy. You don't want to traumatize him. Let him go over there for a few hours here and there and progress longer and longer and then closer and closer to the evening. If you are all friendly, chill over there and let O fall asleep over there just so he can sense it's safe to sleep there kind of thing. Let him become VERY familiar with their house. (not sure how much of this your doing already anyways lol). Either way I think you have to have a goodbye routine with it and transition. Make sure he can tell you things in the case something happens (not saying they will at all). It is hard. I have a hard time doing it. It seems more like transitioning myself (is that the right word, transition?, if not then lack of better words lol) then for my daughter.
Does O stay at his dad's during the day at all? Does he nap there? If so, it might not be too big a jump. But if not, you definitely need to take baby steps. 20 months is when separation anxiety and stranger anxiety are the greatest, and since O is already somewhat reluctant to let you go, I wouldn't do huge changes all at once.
Another big question: is there a place just for O when he does get to the point where you're both okay with him sleeping there? Sleeping in dad's bed isn't a good idea (all things considered), and the couch is less than ideal. A hide-a-bed would be better, but a bed of his own would be the best option, especially if there is going to be any regularity at all to him spending a night with dad. And toys, enough diapers (dad should be willing to buy some to have on hand) and all the other things a kid needs. Check into all of these details before you let him spend a night there.
Dad need to have O over for extended days before he takes him overnight. That way he can have his parents awake and available during nap time and other transition times that little ones often don't do well.
That way when O finally does spend the night he can feel safe with dad and his grandparents.
At 20 months O is old enough to be without mom overnight. It will just take time for him to learn to trust and feel like it's home.
