Hello everyone! Thank you in advance for your information and advice. My mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will be having surgery very soon. She wants my sis and i to be there with her which I am grateful and I will be there no matter what. But, my 4.5 year old son is very very very attached to me. If I go to the gas station and don't take him he goes into a major tantrum. Well, this will be 2-3 days in a different state. My husband is perfectly capable of taking care of him and our 6 month old. But, how do I make this departure go a little more smoothly than they have in the past. He has no idea how badly it hurts me to leave him. But, I just would rather not take him this time. My mom who loves him dearly, wouldn't appreciate it this time. I want to be able to give her my 100% and not have to worry about what he wants to do. Any advice would be great! Thank you so much!
The less of a big deal made about a good-bye the better, from my experience. I would probably leave while he was sleeping, but that could be my tendency to "avoid" coming through.
I understand that you want and need to focus on your mom right now. And you should! I agree with keeping it matter-of-fact.
He'll be fine.
Tell him grandma's sick and she needs you there to care for her and she needs quiet and rest and although you both love him very much, grandma needs quiet rest and some help. Then when grammy is feeling better, you'll all have a special visit.
Good luck!
Be honest with your son that you are leaving and that he is going to be just fine with Daddy. I wouldn't sneak off to avoid conflict. It may cause your son to feel more insecure because he'll never know when a bad surprise like that will happen again without warning.
Have your husband plan some specific activites for their time together, even if he has to get a sitter for the 6 month old. This is a great opportunity for your son to become attached to his dad.
This is an emotional time for you but try to keep you emotions in check as you discuss your trip with your son. Otherwise he'll see that you are upset and just react.
Explain to him what to expect while you are gone, when you will call and when you will return, so he will get some sense of control. He will probably throw a tantrum when you leave, if that is his pattern, so prepare for it and plan a calm response and quick departure if that happens.
I have been in a very similar position. My son is now 6 but is still attached to my hip. It is better than it was when he was your son's age though (just so you know, maturity helps them with this attachment). I had left him and the tantrum was insane and unbelievable. I was gone for about 3 days as well. One thing I have learned is not to prepare him for it in advance. It only creates more anxiety. Wait until the morning you leave and sit down and talk to him. Tell him you are going to help grandma and you will be back in no time. He's not going to get it, he's not going to understand it and he's not going to want you to leave. Don't sneak out though. The tantrum will happen and it will pass. It will be hard on your because this is the last way you saw him and it will hurt. Just remember that he will adjust and it will be SO good for he and daddy to spend the time. It will be a great learning experience for him to be away from you and won't be as painful as when you actually left the house. Until this day, my son is my shadow and not very nice to my husband sometimes. However, when he's forced to be with daddy, they have an ongoing bond for at least a couple of days after the together time ends. Just call your son often and remind him that you will be home soon.
Tell your son that you have to leave for just a few days to go help take care of grandma because she is sick. Explain that daddy is going to be home with him and that you'll call to check in. You could have daddy take a picture of you and your son together and leave it for him to look at while you are gone. Also, what about getting one of those recordable books? I want to say Hallmark makes some, but I'm not sure. You could do one of those so he could read/listen to the book as often as he wants when he is missing you. You could also do a video of you reading a few of his favorite books and daddy could let him watch it at bedtime. If you sing any bedtime songs you could also sing those on the video. You could get him a special little stuffed animal and tell him to hug it tight whenever he is missing you. Does he have any favorite foods that you could make ahead of time for daddy to serve to him while you're gone?
Good luck. I know you'll miss each other, but everything will work out.
Before you leave give him a job of taking care of something of yours. Explain to him that you are taking care of your mom/his grandma because she is not feeling well but that you will be back. Then make the goodbye quick or at this point insert the but could you take care of this for mommy. Make sure younger sibling or daddy don't get a hold of it. It will make him feel special but also give him something of yours to hold onto until you get back
Do you use Skype? That would be a great way to keep in touch with your boys so that they can see you and talk to you. I use that sometimes when I go out of town. I hope all goes well with your mom's surgery.
Wow, these moms are so sharp! I have nothing to add except to say I know how you feel, have been there...and it really will all work out just fine. (especially with all the great tips these moms have shared!) In fact, it will be a very good thing for all! Best of luck to your mom!
That is a tough one. Will you be flying? For me, I do not fly without my kids, so I wouldn't do it if I had to fly. Your son is going to be devastated w/o you. I would either bring him with me or not go. Then again, I am not close with my mother so I guess I am the wrong person to be giving advice. Good luck with whatever you decide.
You owe it your mom and yourself to go with out him. Explain why, tell him when you'll be back and bring home a special suprise. It works with our 4year old.
I didn't read all of the other posts so I apologize if I am repeating something. I agree with GG not to tell him in advance at his age. Have a little surprise from Mommy each day that your husband can "just happen to come across" after dinner or a set time (his cranky time). In each box, you can put a picture of you or the two of you, with a fun craft to do and a note saying that he should make something and then hide it so you have to look for it when you come back.
Sorry to hear about your mom. How nice you and your sister can be there for your mom.
When my son went to kindergarten he had a very hard time being away from me. I found a special stone that he kept in his pocket that, every morning, i held it in front of him and put tons of my love into the stone. I told him that if he needed any lovin' from me while I was away to just hold, kiss, whatever he wanted, the stone. It helped a TON. You could also get one from him that he puts all his love in so he won't worry about you missing him so much. This could be done w/ any object really, even a stuffed animal, or something special of yours.
And, know in your heart, that he is going to be fine!
Good luck to your mom!
If you know when you're leaving and when you'll be back, mark it on the calendar and have him mark it off every day until your return. If you don't know exactly when you'll be home - SCRAP that idea!!!!! :)
He's old enough to understand some one else needs you right now more than he does. He may not like it, but that's life. There are lots of great ideas you've been given - you've got to go no matter how big his tantrum is - it's your MOM!!!!
