2 Year Old with the "Mommies"

You need to take control back. You should leave your boys with someone else EVERY day. Even if it's just 10 minutes, you need the boys to realize that you can come and go as you please, and they cannot control you. Each time you do it, it will become less of a big deal.

Just before bath time, announce to everyone "I'm going to the store, see you in a little bit" and walk out immediately. You husband will then give them their bath.

Just like any tantrum, never give in to a child's fit. If you are busy doing something, and they ask you for a snack, tell them that daddy will get it....no arguments, no fits, or they won't get it.

At first it will be chaos, but soon they will realize that you are not there every second (you need a peaceful shower for goodness sake) they will soon look to any trusted adult to get them what they need.

You need a few minutes away for your sanity. It's exhausting for you, and taking a walk around the block can clear your mind. Good luck and don't let them control you.

I hope that these resources might be helpful for you...

http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/db2.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/fb2.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050200.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050500.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp

I applaud your sensitive heart towards your son, and I encourage you to not numb those instincts. It sounds to me that what you have here is a high-need child, and from what I see in the above articles it seems that what high-need children need the most is the sensitive listening hearts and tender wisdom of their parents.

Best wishes,
J.

I have 5 boys and 2 of them went through this phase. Right now the 3 year old is just getting over it.
When I needed to leave the house I would get him involved with his brothers and the adult in charge. Then I would have to sneak out. He would have a fit when he realized I was gone, but either my husband or sitter knew this would happen and would have other distractions up their sleeve. Like popsicles or some kind of special treat. Something he could tell me all about when I got home.
Now, when I leave, I still sneak out. But, when I come home he runs up to me to tell me that he did not cry! So, things are getting better. Although, he still insists I give him baths and stuff. But I do not mind that.Plus, I am not sure how easy it will be for him to start preschool in sept...that I am worried about!
Good luck. Just remember, it is just a phase and it will pass...then there will be a new "phase" to deal with :)

I would be very gentle with this and use Daddy and MIL if possible to help. Understand that he is really young and wants you. I handled this by making myself "unavailable" for short periods of time so Daddy or grandma HAD to help at those bath,bed,dinner times. I would say I had to do something...then come back and be available again. During those crying times I would have whoever was with the child really reflect what he is saying and feeling. Say the same things he is saying back to him, tell him what you see he is feeling....really try to hear his feelings. It may not be easy, but he will get over it if you help. Leaving the house for a run to the store or library or something he can see the result of was the way I started so this was a "job" mommy needed to do while he was doing what he needed to do with Daddy or grandma. Get a book to read for bed and work up to an ice cream treat when he doesn't cry or something. Good luck!

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I believe that you are too soft hearted with your sons and for their own good you should try to modify your behavior. Your feelings will fight you on this, but as you begin to observe that they remain safe and happy, maybe even happier, even your feelings may fall in line. Let them cry before running to them. Do not jump to the conclusion that something terrible is or has happened to them. So many times I see mothers start to fret with little falls when they should be teaching their child to dust themselves off and not cry. Be honest about it, you love being their favorite. Your husband should be your beloved and you his, the relationship with children is different. Someday they go out into the world, let them experience those things that will grow them a thicker skin, like playing with kids who aren't always gentle, who are assertive, etc.

Hi M., I know it is so challenging as a parent.. Please do not ever sneak out on your son... The fear it will create will take forever to get through.. He is just learning about "time" and understanding it. I heard playing games like hide 'n seek can help.. Mommy goes away but always comes back.. I remember saying that sentence to mine. Another trick is to "write it down" I know he can't even read, but say you try making paper clock & write your return time on it & tell him Mommy will be back at "this time" & he can hold that clock & match it up to the real clock.. Numbers or clock hands, he won't care so long as he has something that he knows you and he are looking at together..Be 100% sure to be on time when you return. I used to tell them I will be home at 8:00 and I would write it down on a paper & they could hold it or leave it big & bold on the fridge. Communication tools liked this worked even at 2 1/2. I read somewhere all they want is to be acknowledged. When they were very young we went through some very lean years and like all kids they asked for things I could not afford. Just by writing it on a paper and posting it they knew, that I knew they wanted "it". All was well even if they didn't get "it".. Parenting can mean getting clever. Good luck!

Tough it out! Those two year olds can be VERY manipulative, lol. But if you give in, you are only setting yourself up for a lot of drama.

But I agree with the poster below - DO NOT 'sneak' out. You know that your son is safe and loved when he is with grandma, in his crib, etc. The only way HE will learn to be confident in that situation is to be IN it.

Try getting your mom or MIL to help. Have them 'sit' with your son and leave for five minutes at a time. When you leave, give him a kiss and say 'Goodbye. mama is going out for a little bit, but I will come right back and grandma is going to stay with you.' Don't let him hang on you and don't cajole him or make a big thing out of it. If he cries, see if grandma can hold him, but be kind and firm- Just GO.

Come back in five minutes, greet him happily and say "See? Mama told you she would come back and I did! Did you and grandma have fun?". Do this a few times.

Then go away for ten minutes at a time. Repeat, making the time frame a little longer, so it becomes more fun,like a game. Always praise him for being so GOOD for grandma and having fun and say " i told you I would come back and I did!" (this will take the whole afternoon)

Make sure your caregiver volunteer has a lot of FUN things to do- a favorite snack, a special cartoon, toy or book- whatever your child really likes and finds interesting right now. Make being with grandma JUST as much fun as being with mom!

He will eventually get the idea, it just might take a few afternoons of this. I know it is SO hard when they are crying for you. But just giving in all the time is not really going to do him a favor. Besides, as frustrating as the crying can be, grandma will love him anyway and has probably had to deal with this kind of thing before! She will keep him from getting hurt and that is the main thing. Sometimes you just have to wait it out- but this way you are still leaving, but also reassuring the baby AND teaching him.

In the end you will be glad - it will make preschool, running errands, maybe even a weekend away for you and daddy while the kids are with grandma?- SO much easier and happier for the 2 year old and everyone else involved! good luck!

M.
Thank you so much for posting this! I too, have an almost 26 month old little boy and the exact same thing just started happening in the last month or so. He goes crazy if I leave. Just starts to cry and ask for me. I'm not sure I agree with the other poster on here who sneaks out on her kids. I always read/thought you are not supposed to do that. The kids need to know you are leaving and saying goodbye helps them learn that you always return so you always say goodbye.
I never sneak out but it is rough when I do leave because the tears start. Even at a birthday party yesterday if I left him outside with my husband of all people and ran in to get something, he started whailing. I tell people the umbilical cord has re-attached for some reason to me. :)
Anyway - I hear it is just a phase and more common in boys. (Hence the phrase "Mama's Boy").
While I don't have any advice for you - I just wanted to let you know that there is another mommy experiencing the same thing as you and thank you for posting this!
Good luck!
M.