My Kindergarnter son told me that he saw two of his friends, both boys, kissing on the bus. He said he saw them do it for a long time on four separate bus rides. I understand it's probably innocent exploration on the boys' part and not sexual, but I don't think it's appropriate for children so young, regardless of their gender.
I'm friends with the mom of one of these boys. Is this something I should bring up to her? If so, how???
I e-mailed my son's teacher and she made sure the school handled it internally. The boys involved had to sit by the bus driver so he could keep an eye on them for the remainder of the school year (a couple weeks).
I chose to not bring it up with the mom; I thought that would just make our relationship awkward. Since the problem was solved I didn't want to stir things up.
I made sure my son knows he did the right thing telling me about the situation. He admitted he thought it was funny, but knew it was wrong. I did NOT, however, tell him I told his teacher. Even though I feel like I made the right decision in letting the school know, I didn't want my son to feel responsible for the outcome or make him reluctant to confide in me in the future.
I am a K teacher and I think you should tell the teacher. Probably is completely innocent but I imagine the boys' parents would like to discuss it with them. Teacher can easily tell parents w/out involving other kids/parents.
"There's no kissing at school," is the rule I tell my students. (I teach preK at a public school, and used to teach kindergarten.) Put the fact that these are two boys out of your head completely, as that is irrelevant, and focus on the kissing, which is not appropriate school behavior. (However, it is probably totally innocent. These are five year olds!)
I would say something to that mom, very casually. "My son said he has seen your son kissing another child on the bus a few times, and I thought you might want to know." She can then talk to her child and find out more.
She can then have a talk with him about how kissing is not for school, it's for home. We can hug our friends, but we don't kiss them, we just kiss the people in our families. It's part of teaching kids about personal boundaries, which will help to keep them safe from predators.
I also would mention it to the mother since you know her. She may already be aware of it. My son is big into hugging and kissing (though not for long periods) and it is just an innocent expression or exploration. But I think it is good for parents to know so they can open up conversations with their kids as needed.
C.,
If I was the boy's mom, I would want to know. I would just bring it up in a non-judgemental "just thought you might want to know" sort of way and let the moms handle it.
Good luck,
S.
I agree that at this age (if they are Kindergarteners) it is likely innocent, but if you are not comfortable with your child seeing these children behave in this manner, I would take steps to address it. If you are not comfortable talking to the child's mother that you know, try talking to the bus driver (when you can do so discretely). This may nip the issue in the bud and you won't have to have an uncomfortable conversation with the mom. If you are comfortable talking to the mom, ask yourself if you would want someone to talk to you if it was your child doing this. Let that be your guide!
I would bring in up in a casual non-serious way. I agree with you that it is probably just exploration but as his mother she should know and so she can address it if she wants to. I would want to know if I was in her shoes and would appreciate it if I heard from a friend.
I remember lining up in kindergarten to go home and I would go bye when the teacher wasn't looking and kiss every boy in my class goodbye.
My daughter(7) tells me stories all the time of different kids at school kissing.
So I'd say it's a normal phase. I guess I would casually mention it to the mother because as a mom I would want to know.
Well my son is a kindergartner. His teacher has told me on LOTS of occasions that all of them are very affectionate and they all kiss and hug each other all the time. Apparently this is very normal and they try and teach them all year that they need boundaries and not to do such things.
Well at the beginning of the year I'd watch all the kindergartners hug and kiss each other goodbye. Now they don't anymore. They are just affectionate and need to know that this isn't appropriate in our culture.
On that note, I don't think I'd get involved. Might want to mention it to the teacher and she if she wishes to tell the parents or not. Like I was told by the kindergarten teachers every year they combat this and it's normal. I was mainly worried cause all I could think about was how when flu season came that year they would all be hugging and kissing their ways to constant illness!
Hi C.! If it were my child I would absolutely want to know. This is a good way to instill boundaries in our kids. I don't want my kid kissing other kids. It's cute when they are little but kissing (ESPECIALLY prolonged) is inappropriate for that age- I totally agree with you!
Not only that! But what a way to spread the flu, strep throat and whatever virus is going on! If we are telling our kids to wash their hands constantly then we certainly don't want them kissing!
I would just bite the bullet and tell the mom exactly what your child saw. She will not be offended that you told her.
If you think the mom will react in a level-headed manner--not fly off the handle, question if the kid is gay, etc.--then tell her. I agree with telling her in a casual way. Maybe take the p.o.v. of colds/flu--that seems like a safe bet.
If you think that she will freak out or act irrationally, then I wouldn't tell her. I would, however, mention it to the boy's teacher, so she could talk to him.
No, to tell the mom would be breaking a trust with your son and could freak out the mom a bit. Thing about that age is they don't understand the "boy / girl" part of it and could just be role playing of something they seen on a movie or at the mall. If there is any chance that they could being molested then yes, you should say something.
