My son is an early 3 yrs old. His friend will be 4 in another month. "Joey" just came over for a play date and when he left with his mom, my son "V" gave him a hug and kiss goodbye. If my husband were here he'd flip out b/c of the two boys kissing. My MIL says at this age, it's normal, esp since V always kissses mom and dad and Gammie and Grandpa - ie. Why not kiss his friend who he also loves? Joey's mom said something like "Oh these kids so innocent." and it didn't bother her in the least. It did kind of bother me. I mean, boys shouldn't be kissing, right? At what age is it NOT okay?
(In the past, I've told my son who it's okay to kiss and who it's not okay to kiss. I didn't give him a 'reminder' today. Last play date they just hugged so I guess I had forgotten about it).
So what's normal. What's okay/not okay in your eyes? And please, don't call me a gay basher or anything like that. Please just tell me what you did with your son or what your experience with this is. THANKS. :)
I love the "save those kisses for your family" answer. I will try to phrase it differently. I have told him that family is okay (I named everyone, Nana, Papa, etc), and that others just need a hug, but I think he just loves his friend Joey too much to have remembered that today. And we plan to home school, so likely, a Kinder teacher won't be teaching him those 'rules'. But who knows, he may outgrow it in the next two years anyways.
Yes - it WAS on the lips. My son doesn't like to kiss anyone on the cheek. He kisses all of his kisses on lips even if we try to move our heads or if we tell him to kiss on the cheek only.
Thank you for reminding me that there is a lesson here in 'personal space' not necessarily about kissing. I really like that, as there are times when my son tells me he doesn't want me to touch him, so he can relate to that idea. THANKS MzKitty.
If he's still doing it when Kindergarten is going to start, then I would talk with him about it. And then only to spare him any teasing, not because there is anything wrong with it. Because, yes it is innocent.
There is no age when he "must" stop kissing same-sex friends. My daughter has always hugged and kissed her friends, male and female, hello and goodbye - sometimes on the cheek, sometimes a peck on the lips. It's a sign of affection, not lust.
Things like this is NO big deal.
The worse thing would be to give him a hang-up and 'macho' image to aspire to.
Ugh.
In MANY cultures, from childhood to full adult-hood, people buss (kiss) each other. On the cheeks etc. when greeting or leaving. It is, 'proper' manners in these cultures.
In Hawaii, due to our multi-cultural heritage, people hug and kiss each other upon greeting and leaving. It is proper manners, as well.
ALL people do this, kids and adults.
Normal.
Sure, you teach your kid about 'strangers' and inappropriateness.
But that is another subject.
My kids are 8 and 4. They kiss and hug their friends upon arrival and leaving. What's the big deal?
Again, the mis-step would be, to teaching a 'boy' to be like a macho cave-man and afraid of emotions or normal everyday greetings of affection.
At a certain age, kids get more un-affectionate, even with their parents.
Dear Gay Basher,
JUST KIDDING!!! I think it is perfectly normal for kids to do this. However, at some point it has to stop. Why not start talking to him in passing, saying, "you know, when boys get bigger they shake hands" or whatever you want your son to do when he says good bye to a boy. My SIL has her son "bump fists" if that is what you call it. I think it is kinda cute. He is 4. You don't have to do anything in a negative way, or he will catch the vibes. He will just follow suit if he thinks he is a big boy. My boys are bigger, but I don't ever remembering them kissing their friends. I do remember hugging though, but can't remember what age they stopped. Good luck!!
It isn't so much about boys kissing boys as that you need to start teaching him about personal space...both his and other peoples. We don't hug/kiss people that are not immediate family. My daughter is spec needs and she tries to kiss the guys that dry off our car at the car wash! So this is a good opportunity to start to explain this to him. Good luck!
We've taught our kids to "save their kisses" for family members. It's a simple, easy to follow rule.
My husband teases our kids that he'd better never hear about them kissing a boyfriend/girlfriend at school cuz those are HIS kisses! LOL
I think it's TOTALLY FINE to forbid things you don't want your kids doing as early as they can understand it. 3 is old enough. My 3 year old son asked me, "Mom, can we kiss on the lips like we're in love?" Of course previously he had asked why his dad and I kiss on the lips, and we said, because we're in love.
I stated matter of factly, "Nope, moms and boys don't kiss on the lips like they're in love. You only kiss on the cheek." If he was kissing a boy or girl friend at this age, I would say, "No kissing your friends". Sure, it could be cute if he kissed a girl to an extent, but who says the other parents would like it. And I wouldn't want him running around kissing people at daycare or something. Best to just not get in the habit imo.
Little girls are allowed to kiss and hug their little girlfriends hello and goodbye well into grade school in many families I've observed. It's simply not sexual at that age. Same for boys, as far as I'm concerned.
However, most little boys begin recognizing in a multitude of ways that kissing other boys is just not so cool by kindergarten age. My 5.5yo grandson will still occasionally kiss another boy in a fit of pure friendship, but then he sort of looks around to see whether anybody is laughing at him. I don't think he'll be doing that much longer.
It's cute and fine. He will stop kissing his friend on his own, certainly by the time he is six.
Enjoy the cuteness. If your husband flips out over it, he's wrong.
Edit: Read your What Happened -- okay, if it's on the lips, and he's still doing it by the time he's in kindergarten, it's time to tell him to kiss his friend on the cheek. But these things tend to work themselves out by themselves.
I'm with Mom on the Go...we tell our kids that they are only allowed to kiss people in their family.
No worries - it is entirely "normal for this age". I wouldn't discourage him from kissing his friend, just be the 1st to prompt their farewell by encouraging him to give his friend a hug. Don't stress over it, though, he would feel like he had done something wrong when you know it's clear this is just an innocent confusion that will clear itself up in time.
Once my son came to me and kissed me on the mouth for a loong 10 seconds or so... he was trying to figure out why Daddy could kiss Mommy like that, but his kisses were different. That revelation along with kissing boys vs. girls will all come with time. It's important that he have your support in his ignorance... they don't have to learn everything immediately.
One more thing, please don't be the Mom that allows the Dad to dictate how MANLY his son should be by refraining from kissing & hugging his parents as he grows! My 6'2" son still hugs and kisses me & I treasure it!
those darn sweet boys...i have one too. i guess better to have a sweet affectionate little boy than a tough macho "kissing is gross" kind of little boy! i would rather have this problem than wish my little boy would give me kisses and hugs :)
i have not had this problem but only because my son's preschool has enforced the "hugs only" rule. he hasn't really noticed or acknowledged the difference between kisses and hugs, or just hugs. i think when/if it comes up, i will tell him that kisses are for family only.
My oldest son is a lover too! Everyone has always said 'ah how sweet' whenever he hugs/kisses his playmates, but we've always had issues with personal space with him (especially now with his younger bro).
He's 3.5 now and since starting preschool we have slowly transitioned to giving high fives to our friends. Family he's all about the hugging and kissing, friends and such its either a wave or high five. He caught on real quickly and I didn't make too much of a big deal out of it! At first, I just said 'why don't you give xyz a high five', now I don't even have to mention it!!
In my eyes at your son's age its all innocent, but if you're not comfortable with it, a good bye gesture you're comfortable with should be pretty easy to transition too! GL
Re: lip kissing, I tell my girls that everyone has germs and kissing on the lips is a direct way of sharing germs! Only Mommy and Daddy are allowed to kiss on the lips. Yes, they go through a phase of wanting to kiss on the lips but we don't do kisses AT ALL until they learn to comply with the rule.
I don't think there's anything wrong with boys kissing, and in some cultures it's totally acceptable and typical. Just...probably not on the lips.
Id tell him its just too germy right now to kiss, especially on the lips, and show him the fist bump thats so popular now. Once he gets used to it, he will probably like it just fine. Kissing should be just family, and then not even some of them. I never forced my kids to kiss anyone,,even daddy, or grama. Its not something they need to do. But hugs are great. My grand daughter gives her M. and me kisses bye, but sometimes no one else and thats ok. I dont think shes ever kissed her friends goodbye. But she waves, and yells "seeya later crocodile".. (shes not much into rhyming yet,,lol)
I think its really ok at age 3 as long as the other child is ok with it and its on the cheek and not the lips. My only issue with lip kissing with friends is that it spreads germs. So I think at 3, its a good idea to gently remind him to kiss on the cheek. I don't tell my son (also 3) how to say goodbye to someone although I do remind him to do it and how he does it is ok with me as long as its gentle. We are very affectionate in our family and I kiss my son on the lips all the time. If I start noticing that other kids are wierded out by him I will make a rule that kissing is only for family. But until then, what's wrong with some more love in this world?
