Kindergardener Communication

For now, don't make him order his own food. Even though he isn't shy and it seems like an easy thing to do, it might make him nervous. There might be better situations where he could practice the skills. Even being on a play date with a friend and responding to questions asked by the other parent is great practice.

When asking him about the drink, don't ask from across the room. Sit right next to him, look him in the face, and say "milk or water?" If he doesn't answer immediately, say "I'm counting to 10. If you don't answer by 10, you're getting milk." (or water, whichever you choose at that time).

It sounds more like he's having a hard time choosing, even though it seems like such a simple decision to make. I remember my son going through something similar about a year ago, where he would start crying over truly simple decisions because he just got overwhelmed (he was 4 then, he's in kindergarten now). It was just a phase and he got over it. I remember his teacher telling me it was because he was just so worried that if he chose one, he'd really regret not choosing the other, so it made it hard for him to choose anything.

Ask the teacher for some ideas, too. It can't be the first time she's seen this.

Maybe try telling him that, if you choose A this time, you can have B next time. That way, he won't feel like he's missing out.

My DD can be the same way, and then cries when she doesn't get a choice. Really? Really? So I'm working on her about the concept of "window of opportunity". She has a chance right now, or she gets no chance. I say, "DD, look at me. Do you want...." It seems to help.

I'll watch this thread for other tips.

There's too much going on in his brain for him to focus on boring things like milk or water. When you need him to make a decision, say his name loudly, make eye contact and use as few words as possible. So:

"ADAM!"
look him right in the eye
"MILK OR WATER?"

Once he's good with that, use more words and allow more distractions. When he can handle that at home, he'll be ready to order in a restaurant.

Have you ever considered that your child has a mild attention deficit issue? I say this because my child will sometimes do this - but it's when there is something else going on that is distracting him, and so his brain is trying to do two things at once. For example, if I ask him a question while he's playing on his DS, it will take 5 minutes for him to process the question and come up with an answer. Same if he's interested in a TV show and I ask him something. He can't focus on what I'm asking, because he's continually distracted by the DS/TV that is also going on at the time.

Your child may have a similar issue - except if he's really easily distracted (which is the same as saying he doesn't have a good attention span), it happens all the time. For him, while someone asks him a question, he notices the tree branches blowing out the window, or his classmate at school tapping their foot, or hey, listen to the sound my feet make when I walk...what did you say?

If you do some searches to look for behavioral approaches to ADD, you might find good resources (I'm NOT saying your son needs an ADD diagnosis, but what I'm saying is that tips and tricks that help ADD kids might also help an easily distracted (but within normal range) child).

One very simple tip is that when you ask your child a question, stop, kneel down on one knee, have your child look you in the eye, and then ask the question and wait for an answer. This minimizes the opportunity for distraction and if your best bet for getting an answer.

At 5 or 6, a child's vocabulary is usually way ahead of his/her maturity.

You know how, with 1-year-olds, everyone thinks their kids have a speech delay, because you can tell there are thoughts and ideas and opinions in there, but they're not coming out?

With 5-6-year-olds, it's sort of the opposite. They have these huge vocabularies. And often really big plans, involving intergalactic time travel and things like that. So why can't they clear their plates, and pee before bedtime, and finish the process of getting into their PJs without being prompted 72,000,000 times, and basic things like that?????

But they can't. Emotionally the maturity just isn't there. And their priorities are profoundly different from yours.

Which is why I spent this morning saying, over and over, "That's really interesting; put on your pants. Fascinating idea; put on your pants. That's an amazingly ambitious plan you've got there, guy; PLEASE PUT ON YOUR PANTS." (And when that was finally achieved, we rapidly segued into, "Great, fantastic, terrific, PLEASE tell me all these amazingly exciting things while you're sitting down and eating your cereal with a spoon instead of drifting randomly around the house.")

With things like water vs. milk, I would say, "Okay, let me know when you decide what to drink. Don't ask him about it, don't bring the subject up. If he tells you "I'm thirsty," say, very calmly and cheerfully, "Oh, okay, just let me know what you want."

So, that was long, sorry, and my suggestion was sort of anticlimactic. But I do think kids tend to be better about solving their own problems if we sort of downplay the the issue and make it less emotionally fraught.

It may be a sign of a mixed expressive language disorder. It could be fueled by central auditory processing disorder. It is common in boys, low tone, allergies/ear infections, lead poisoning, second hand cigarette smoke, and may be associate or confused with ADHD, or other neurological problems.

Was the hearing screening normal at school? I have enclosed the link form top expert in the country in his field. There are only about 1000 communication disorder specialists in the country that have dual degrees in speech and audiology. Audiologists need to have credentials in neuroscience to evaluate and treat central auditory processing disorder. Ask if they have "best practices" for CAPD services. However, many audiolgists confuse the speech pattern of a child with CAPD as an articulation disorder during an audiology exam to rule out CAPD. Children may have issues with the auditory perception of short vowels and brief consonants. This is misdiagnosed as an articulation issue, along with cluster reductions, substitutions, "R" and L" articulation issues. You can ask the evaluator or read up on the "primary effect." in CAPD. It may be very subtle and the child seems to have no speech issues but still has an auditory processing issue. Speech therapists may use a speech test to rule out a risk for CAPD. There are also screening checklists that may be done. The test to check for a CAPD risk in speech is called TAPS. (Test of auditory processing symptoms ?correct name) There others called TOLD, LAC (LindamoodBell Auditory Conceptualization-?) You can research tests Online for neuro-psycholgy exams and word encoding and decoding etc.Test of Problem Solving may be another test. OWLS testing and mixed expressive language disorder tests are important. IF your child is have difficulty in learning to read, it may be a sign of CAPD.
http://www.jackkatzphd.com/hearing-library/what-is-a-cent...
http://otoling.com/Welcome_To_OtoLing.html
http://precisionacoustics.org/en/shop/showProduct/3~11

The last link describes the Phonemeic Synthesis Kit that Dr. Katz developed. There is also a kit for younger children. If CAPD can not be diagnosed due to age. Speech therapy still can be used only if the therapist is qualified for CAPD and/or uses LIPS form LindamoodBell. The goal should be to not hire any therapist that uses conventional speech therapy for CAPD.
The phonemic synthesis kit has to be used with a trained speech therapist for auditory rehabilitation. It can be done in 15 lessons and is a secret weapon to re-mediate auditory processing issues. Dr. Katz may be able to help you or an audiologist with experience in your area. Dr. Hooks was trained by Dr. Katz and uses the Phonemic Synthesis Kit with additional text and organization help. Dr Hooks has the credentials and experience of the following:elementary teacher, a PHd in neuro-sciënce. audiolgist, speech therapist, reading specialist, Lev Vytogsky methodolgy usage, Communication Disorder University professor, Response To Intervention. He can help all children and can intervene when children are non-verbal. Dr. Hooks trains parents in sessions and is 100% honest and truly cares for the children he rescues from being disabled. However, a parent has to be willing to follow exactly what Dr. Hooks recommends to do. From what I read, Dr. Katz is also the top expert and is also very honest and ethical. He has won high honors award form AHSA and is a pioneer in his field of work. Try and find someone that uses DR. Katz Buffalo model in youtr state.

Remember, early intervention is the key for improving audiology and speech issues. If you do not intervene, your child may end up with language based learning disabilities in reading, writing, spelling, math etc. If you have your child tested, and all is normal, be certain the information you receive is correct. Do not trust your school to tell you the truth. If your child is deemed without any issues in speech and audiolgy. You may want to verify this through a competent neuropsychology evaluation. I have enclosed the link of a neuropsycholgist that explains language issues related to reading. He has written a recent ground breaking neuropsycholgy book to help you understand that it is important to investigate this problem now. His testing is very thorough. Be wise, do not hire any neuro-psycholgist that has a working relationship with a school or is hooked up with a speech clinic. Do not trust a school psychologist and get the test protocols if a school test is done. Or ask to watch the test and be involved in knowing what is being done.
The link enclosed is form the Fisher's Auditory Processing Checklist survey which is an easy screening tool to use. You will see the similar description of the problem your child may be having as a risk for CAPD listed on this link. A therapist, audiologist, or neuro-psycholgist may use this toll as part of an evaluation. There are other checklists and easy guides that Jack Katz has listed on other websites that you may investigate.
http://addspouse.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=comorbid&a...
http://www.leonardkoziol.com/

I hope this information was of use to you.(IT was written quickly) Good Luck! If you have to travel to have your child tested, it may be worth it. Another thing is children sometimes need help with the understanding the inflection of speech related to a question. This means the child doesn't understand that a question is being asked, and doesn't answer. This may be helped by teaching the child to ask a question using appropriate inflection of speech. A sppech therapist may address this issue, ask about it.

Your state may have speech therapists that have credentials for CAPD. Considering misinformation may do much harm to a child and a proper diagnosis may help find a proper therapist. Do your research and ask questions. LindamoodBell has scientific peer research programs but it costs a fortune. Our state does not have any LindamoodBell school support programs. Without a school to use LindamoodBell, their program won't work. It will bankrupt you. A twelve week session cost twenty grand. Your child spends serial summers in drill-to-bill services and suffers because public schools do not have scientific research programs as federal law requires.
From someone who knows from stacks of bills and loss of precious time from therapists and audiologists that take advantage of the population they serve. Stacks of useless IEPS full of lies. ASHA should mandate accountability of their members in clinics and schools. Til then, parent beware of inept and unethical professionals in health care and education services that tax payers, insurance companies, and private family funds blindly support without requiring accountability. The only one that will be accountable to your child is you and the very few professionals that are credible in care of children.

Good Day and Good Luck.

I say, I'm counting to I've and then I get to decide....or, like last night, she was unable to pick a sucker at the restaurant, and I say, " you have 5 seconds or you don't get one."

This has helped us a lot.

From your description it sounds like he's paying attention and taking time to think. It seems to me that making a choice is difficult for him. Perhaps it'll work better if you give him fewer choices. Just give him one or the other without saying anything.

As to his dawdling on his way to the bathroom. Again, you're asking him questions. Be brief. Be calm. Just repeat "go to the bathroom, now." Getting him to respond more quickly will come with time and consistent reminders. It's normal for kids this age to dawdle. They need reminders. When you ask questions that only slows him down more because he stops to think about what you've asked.

When you respond out of irritation, that also slows him down. In his mind he may be saying, "why is she so upset?" Again, he's thinking.

I suggest that once you take this out of the realm of the emotional and become direct you'll eventually see improvement. However, recognize that many kids are dawdlers. Maturation changes that somewhat but some kids are dawdlers for a very long time. It's just their nature. Yes, expect a faster response. Train in that direction, but train by using direct, assertive words in a calm voice. "Go to the bathroom now." If he doesn't move in a reasonable period of time, take his hand and lead him in that direction.

Reduce the number of choices you give him. He may object at first. But you're the mom. "Here's your milk" and ignore his protests. He may be overloaded with choices and your frustration now. Make transactions clean and quick. Do not make comments about him being slow. Expect that he will respond in a timely manner or take action. He now has the "jacket" of being a slow to respond kid and he's living up to it.

He's not ready (able) to order at a restaurant. Be kind to the waitress and don't have him order. Before the waitress gets there you and he decide what he's to have. Again, if he can't make up his mind, you decide before the waitress gets there.

*stop getting him his drinks
*have him circle what he wants (or if it's not a menu you can mark on then bring stickers for him to place by his selections) or just tell him he has lost the right to order
*stop asking him stuff and doing stuff for him, ether tell him what he gets and that's that or make him do it himself

OR
it's a long shot and can't tell by what you described but some kids that do this are really having mini petite mal seizures and they ARE "out of it". This would depend on what he does during these times. Petite mals are very calm and just lots of the times look like the kid is staring into space or blinking a lot.

My daughter is in kindergarten and I think a lot of what you are seeing could be very normal. DD dawdles and gets distracted easily, because everything is way more interesting than whatever it is I need her to do. Her focus is just elsewhere and I have to do a lot of repeating to get her back to where she needs to be. For example, every morning, when it's time to get dressed for school, I have to tell her to go to the bathroom first (because she never has to go right when she wakes up) and she'll just go in her bedroom and wait for me to come in there to start helping her - and I have to tell her AGAIN to go potty first. I also have to remind her to wipe herself, and to flush, and she needs a clean pair on underpants on. Then she has to tell me about some really cool thing, which keeps her from actually picking out what she's wearing that day. It's enough to drive me mad.

She will ask for stuff for breakfast that we don't have in the house and when I tell her what we do have, she still says she wishes she could have something else. So then I have to just remind her what her choices really are and let her know when she's actually ready to tell me what she wants, to let me know (this is after whining 2 or 3 times that she is SO HUNGRY). If I ask her if she wants something and I want an answer in a reasonable amount of time, I just ask her, "Would you like a glass of milk, yes please or no thank you?" Sometimes I think even just make a simple decision seems overwhelming but she's getting better.

There are some conversations that just happen over and over again, even though I give her the same answer and they end the same way every time. She really wants to have her babysitter come over to watch her soon, when is that going to happen? She really doesn't want to go to dance tonight, she wants to eat at such-and-such restaurant, when are we going to do that again? Lately I have been getting less patient and more firm with her over this, letting her know my answers don't change so she doesn't have to ask me again and again. But sometimes I wonder if it's just how their brains process stuff, and if she really doesn't realize how often she's asked me already, or she's just trying to get me to change my mind.

I would just keep reminding him, LOOK AT ME, or Look at so-and-so, they are asking you a question. I can understand how annoying it can be, but I also think his teacher should have some more patience and understanding if she knows that sometimes this is how kindergarteners are. DD's teacher gets it, and she's told me they are pretty much all like that.

Maybe he is not processing the verbal language. Has he ever been evaluated for speech therapy (this can also be done in the school)? You could also try using simple pictures for choices. It takes out the language and gives them just the visual. So if you have a milk or water pic and he chooses water but then changes his mind, stick with by saying, "you chose water". Hopefully he will start to make the connection.

However, if this is impacting him in school, talk to his teacher about getting him a speech evaluation.

It may be an auditory processing issue. Im a speech therapist. Ask your school SLP if you can talk with her about your concerns. His issue may be totally unrelated but she may have some helpful tips for you.

i didnt read the other answers but if you type love and logic into google you get some really good ideas basically you give the option milk or juice then say you have 10 seconds to decide or i will he will start making choices faster the love and logic will explain better and try not to give more than two choices so its not so hard to decide

my 7 year old, 1st grader - to this day has issues deciding. I tell him, go put on your clothes for school, 10 minutes later I find him standing in his closet deciding what to wear or just making circles in the air with his finger. He gave me the hardest times as a toddler..which thankfully I dont remember much of..but there were few things about him that I needed to remember and make rules around it. 1) he was Very stubborn..not so much anymore but still..its there
2) When he Did not like somethign at all...there was usually a good reason in his head that he would not be able to say...so I had to always pay attention and then ask specific questions and then explain to him a good solution very very calmly ...he needed PLENTY of time for things to be explained and discussed...(somethign you dont have in the morning so you just let him be him way in the morning and explain to him when he comes back from school).
for example: he would not, for the life of him, wear a polo shirt. Now im thinking he doesnt like to wear a collared shirt...which becomes a problem when we have to go somewhere when we need to be dressed up. what I found out after talking to him about it , is that the collar was not the problem...its the buttons...because there are only 2 buttons (as oppose to a button down shirt which is full of buttons) he forgets to unbutton them and his head gets stuck ...and that is why he would not wear a polo..so I had to explain to him that he just has to Remember to unbutton the buttons..or ask me for help...and even if he gets his stuck ..its not such a big deal..bring it down and unbutton it and then pull it off...
we have Just figured this out...he used to throw huge tantrums if I tell him that for picture day or whatever he needs to wear a polo shirt. I mostly have been givng away his nice polos almost untouched.
for getting things done quickly...I count. "goto the bathroom, I want to see you on the toilet in 10-9-8-...." because at 8:00 pm ..you are just too tired to do anything...
sorry about this long post, I went off a tangent, but I think your son needs a lot of explaining also...sitting down , talking about it, and also talk about how when you need him to do sometnign quick, you will count..and he has to do it ...otherwise there might be some (tiny) consequence.

I would discus it with the pediatrician.

Ask your teacher/school for a speech evaluation to rule out any language issues. A speech evaluation isn't just whether he can say things properly. They also examine comprehension and concepts. They might be able to see other issues during the evaluation. Or, they might be able to rule out speech issues and suggest other avenues to pursue. Don't let anyone dissmiss it as "developmental" until they have actual data to back it up. It is in his best interest if you can sort it out early so he can be successful in school!

For the cups at dinner, just place both in front of him. A small cup of milk and a same size or larger cup of water.

When eating out, have him circle his choices on the kids menu, and hand it to you or the waitress.

For his bedroom/bathroom, my kid does this too. Just tell him, we don't pee in our beds, so where do you need to be?