I recently found out that hubby and I are are expecting our second child. I'm probably about 4 weeks along but we do not want to annouce my pregnancy after 12 weeks. So here is what happened, we were all at a kid's birthday party and one of my SIL's friend asked me when am I planning to have our second baby. I was in the middle of eating and just kind of nod my head, indicating that I do not know when. appartenly, she took that answer as is I'm already expecting but did not want to annouce yet because she went and asked my SIL after the party when I was not around.
My SIL then asked my hubby the next day if I was pregnant. My hubby just said why did you ask and she said because her friend asked her and my SIL said that she noticed I was eating a lot more. My husband didn't said yes or no and walked away. But he kind of gave the answer away. I am more upset that she then approached my 6 1/2 year daughter and told my daughter that she will be having a brother or sister soon. My daughter still have no clue that we are expecting but she's been telling us that she would be thrill to have a brother or sister.
I know my SIL pretty well and know that she will call my MIL and tell her the news. How should I response if SIL ask me if I was pregnant? Should I say something or wait until we are ready to annouce? Hubby does not want me to flat out say No. I think I am just upset that she approached my daughter because hubby and I want to be the one telling our daughter. Would you then annouce the pregnancy a lot sooner then planned because you do not want SIL to be telling everyone.
Thanks
If she asks I would tell her flat out we were wanting to wait the appropriate length of time before we said anything to anyone. And if it was me I would be a little snippy. And tell her you would appreciate if she didn't tell anyone else!!!!
You need to call her. Now.
Tell her that you are pregnant, but you don't want to announce it yet. Ask her to be "in" on the secret. She might have some sweet ideas for the announcement. It's not her fault that she guessed, so don't be too upset. Now just try to get a handle on the gossip before it gets out of hand.
Why can't you just tell sil not to tell. Also tell her you are disappointed that she would ask/tell your daughter.
I would just say "We want to tell people in our own way when we are expecting our next baby. And how about you? Do you think you will have another?"
I would call SIL since she is already asking questions and is approaching people. Tell her that you acknowledged to her friend that you were planning to have a 2nd child but didn't tell her one way or the other about pregnancy. If she point blank asks, I would say "we are not ready to announce yet so we'd appreciate it if you would keep it to yourself for now" and point blank specifically tell her to not say a word to your daughter again (with this or any other pregnancy) until you tell her.
When hubby and I found out, we didn't tell anyone until after we told my son. For 15 years he was my only child (he was 14 when I found out but 15 by the time she was born) so I definitely didn't want someone else spouting off.
be a grown up and use your words actually your dh should have and just said we aren't ready to share right now.
I hate it when people ask a question and expect an answer when I am eating and my mouth is full of food. Wow did they formally work as a hostess in a restaurant? It's just rude.
So next time just put up your index finger to mean wait, after you have finished chewing say something like 'why do you ask -- why do you need to know'.
I agree with the poster who said talk to SIL privately and tell her: "Yes I am preggers but we wanted to keep to ourselves for a few more weeks. Please do not say anything to any one including M.." I would also remind her that this is YOUR news to share not hers.
She should have kept her mouth shut assuming you would tell when you were ready. I guess if she asked me, I would either not say anything at all, or would tell the truth. I wouldn't lie. That would cause more problems than I'm sure you'd care to have.
I would also give her an earful about talking to your daughter about it. That was totally OUT OF LINE!
Wow, how very rude of your SIL. I think I'd smile and tell anyone who said something, "oh, that's just random gossip! When we have something to announce, we'll announce it!" That neither confirms not denies anything. That would also be my answer to my SIL's question, too... "when there's something to announce, we will announce it and you'll be among the first to know." You get to make the announcement on YOUR timeline, and it makes a ton of sense to wait a bit. Just tell your daughter that you hope to have a baby, but you have to wait until God decides it is time. That doesn't squash her dreams or make her think a baby is coming next week. Your SIL was way out of line to say anything to your daughter. I think I'd preempt your SIL calling your MIL and give your MIL a call and tell her that right now you have heard some rumors are going around about you but that you have nothing to announce and don't want her to be disappointed by the rumors. When there is something to tell, MIL will be among the first to know and will not have to learn about it 2nd hand.
Speculating on whether someone is with child is just plain rude, as is telling someone else's news.
That's just rude. Don't even answer her.
Tell her it was rude of her to tell your daughter something that she wasn't even sure of, then have the audacity to ask you for verification AFTER SHE TOLD EVERYONE. Ask her how she would have liked it if you had done that to her? It's not telling her no, but not telling her yes. Hubby also needs to go tell SIL off for talking to your daughter without proof.
Personally, I'd have slapped my sister for it, not that she would ever spoil my surprise(she had the opportunity, but told me it was my job, even when I gave her permission to tell friends).
BTW, I eat like I'm preggers every Winter, My wonky metabolism at work. I constantly have to tell folks, "No, I'm still NOT DATING, which means I am NOT with anyone, which means, I CANNOT GET PREGNANT!" I eat far less in the Summer.
So eating more does NOT equal pregnant.
Just my 2cp.
She was rude, but now the cats out of the bag, I would just go ahead and announce to those close to you.
I didnt think it was horrible for her to ask, but for her to tell your daughter!!!! How rude and pushy is that? Since the secret is out, call your MIL real quick! Tell her your big news, and how you wanted to make a big announcement soon! and sweetly mention how shocked you were that SIL told your daughter and robbed you of that wonderful moment.
Talk to your SIL and tell her that you're early enough along that you haven't even seen the doctor yet to confirm the pregnancy and would appreciate some discretion in allowing you and your husband to be the ones to announce the news publicly. Tell her that four weeks along is too early to be 100% certain since your doctor won't confirm the pregnancy until you're 8-10 weeks along, and you might not get in to see the doctor until at least then.
If she still opens her mouth, and you get a call from your MIL or anyone else, you can simply say, "I don't know why she would say that. How odd." Then change the subject.
Well, by the time your SIL actually calls you, she would have probably told the whole town, not only your MIL.
Then you may have not only your SIL calling to ask you, but your MIL too... and who knows who else.
She is a BIG mouth and a nosy woman isn't she?
And even TELLING YOUR 6.5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER? I would be SO irked about that.
Someone, namely your HUSBAND, should have, "scolded" her on that.
It is NOT her place, at all.
Well your SIL seems to like being the center of attention and has a super big mouth on top of it all, and her friend, is also so nosy and big mouthed.
I would tell SIL that it is NOT her place, that she had no place telling anyone nor your daughter. And that, it is your and your Husband's matter. It is private, between you and your Husband. Only.
Then, the other problem is: your SIL's friend... is probably going around opening her big mouth and telling everyone too.
Your HUSBAND SHOULD BE, the one to deal with your SIL, and to tell her, she has no place, in the private matters of he and his Wife.
He needs to put her in her place.
SIL seems to have no boundaries.
And... the thing is: even if you tell her honestly and not to tell anyone... she probably will. Anyway. She probably will then, go around telling MORE people.
What's your relationship like with her? I ask because she is not looking good in my eyes--asking everyone around you about YOUR news and just plain running her mouth too much. Why hasn't she asked you yet? Because she knows that she's dipping where she doesn't belong, maybe? If you really believe that she would run and tell your MIL, then you should tell her no in a way that would also communicate, "Mind your business." Then, weeks from now, when you guys are ready, make your announcement in the way that you want. Tell your husband that that is the only way to take control of this situation and shut it down. It's just so tacky to run off at the mouth about somebody else's news. Shame on her.
ETA: I don't usually advocate lying. I just think that under these circumstances, that's the only way to take back your special moment. Once she robs you of it, you can't get it back. If you feel bad about the lying when it comes out, then you can just tell them why, that you wanted to hold on to your moment until you were ready to share. Just being silent would force you to address it in their (her) time and not your own.
I would have your husband talk straight with his sister, telling her that you want to wait to tell others and ask her to not talk about it with anyone. I would also tell her that you're upset that she talked with your daughter. Be glad that your daughter still has no clue. I suggest the fact that your daughter isn't any the wiser could lessen your irritation.
Often people just keep talking about it because it's fun to be on the inside. They don't stop and think about how it affects you. So, be honest with her and ask her to stop. At the same time remember that you love this person and let that love shine thru.
Kind of a bummer it didnt go as planned, but it's no biggie-- just do the announcement now that it's rumor'd anyway. Congrats :)
Tell her you are pregnant but you want to keep it quiet, so to please keep her big mouth shut!! (But you be nicer about it.)
She has some nerve to go around telling people.... especially your daughter!! I can't even believe that! Wow.
I'm guessing she's just H. and excited about it, but, geez, mind your own business, SIL.
I agree with your answers about your SIL so far, and also about having to lie in this situation. Hubby needs to understand there's no other choice when it comes to being pregnant and not wanting to announce it yet or have someone take away that special moment.
Also when you nodded when SIL's friend asked you about it I think you should've been more clear yourself. Maybe you don't like to lie either and your nod came across as more of a confirmation than a 'I don't know'.
It's just hard to picture in my head her taking your nod as a yes unless you sort of came across that way. You should've gave a firm answer, so should've hubby, and then if anyone made you feel bad about lying when the secret came out, you just explain it was to avoid this exact situation.
This was your husband and your suprise to tell. Not hers. I would be upset she ruined it. Cats out of the bag now. Tell MIL yourself and let her know you did want to keep it quiet until the 12th week.
Well, sounds like the damage is done. However, you could just let everyone else ask you if you are pregnant or not. That's what I did.. I kept people guessing... I just didn't feel like talking about it.. Eventually, there was one nosey person at work who thought it was her job to blab to people and confront me... You could also call your SIL and stop her in her tracks. Say, something to the effect of.... we aren't telling people because we first wanted to see how the pregnancy goes.. Now, if she blabs after that point.. then clearly she is a nitwit that needs another talking to...
